Why is this not enough?

SusanMcAvoy

I can't understand why he would be so cruel. I wouldn't accept that from my husband at all. First of all my husband would NEVER say anything like that to me. I have had 3 kids, my breasts are saggy and I am 54 years old. I'm not a skinny rail but my husband still thinks I am hot and loves when play around. I am so shocked that your husband would say such horrible things. I would be so hurt and would never forgive or forget that he said that.

smarionette

Divorce: The safest, fastest weight loss ever.

rmwinters

Keep watching "Snapped" or "Women who Kill" hahahahaha!

He might realize what he has someday, but by then it will be to late, cuz you'll be long over his *kitten*.
I really feel for you and best wishes.

leverelanell

Unfortunately, it sounds like your husband is being like many men and not thinking about how what they say affects their wives. Yes, you done so much to lose weight and to be more attractive. I think that it's wonderful that you've had multiple pregnancies and nursed several children.You've worked on you own body to make it healthy. Let me guess, your husband liked the fact that contributed to your pregnancies, but slept through the midnight feedings and the wear and tear of parenthood. Mine did. I look at him and think...what's so hot about you. This journey is about you and not your husband. Be the best you can be and blow off his insensitivity.

jplucheck

my husband told me that my body is unattractive to him (mainly my breasts, but he's also told me before that the loose skin/stretch marks on my stomach is unattractive). I know that my breasts aren't as perky as when I was younger/before children. I know that I have stretch marks and loose skin from the pregnancies. But do I really have to look as though I've never had children in order to be attractive? Do I seriously need a boob job and tummy tuck and liposuction and then photoshop on top of that to be considered beautiful? Why can't just taking care of myself be enough?

I can't believe someone who says they love you would make you feel not good enough because of physical reason. You gave him the best miracle anyone could ask for, giving life and you have done it more than once. In my opinion, every single stretch mark should be considered beautiful because of what it represents, he is definitely the one with a problem and I would be offended.

jplord

I see a lot of "He's a jerk" replies. Yet my wife told me the same thing. "I am not attracted to you physically any more. If you want sex, lose the weight." Is she a jerk too?

I was offended and almost went on an eating binge "just to spite her."

Six years of marital therapy and and fighting have led me to the conclusion that it is easier t olose the weight and get healthy. To do this to please me and keep me healthy, rather than to please her. I might as well maintain me and get attractive for her as an after thought, rather than doing whatever to be attractive to her.

In your case surgery is not really necessary to be healthy, right? Don't maim yourself to please him. Just keep working out and being your best. He's going to age too, ya know. You can tell him the same thing about his "relaxing" muscular appearence....and wait for him to see the beautiful PERSON that's been in front of him all along.

lilyvale68

I could physically feel my heart drop when I read your opening post. Women have in our very design a need to feel attractive and desireable. When men show desire for us it validates our feminity and gives us a sense of worth. I have known the ache of not being wanted by a husband and it hurts me to know that someone else is experiencing that.

I couldn't even begin to advise you in this. This is a man you have built a life with. Suggesting divorce is irresponsible to all the lives involved. But, perhaps you should tell him how deeply this has hurt you. Tell him that this more than just surface to you...more than skin. Your body, soul and spirit all long to be viewed as beautiful and desireable.

I would also like to recommend a book to you. It's called "Captivating" and it's by John Eldridge. I think every single woman on the planet should read this book. It played a huge part in my healing after my divorce in 2008.

Best wishes to you.

prism6

As it also happened to me..all I can say is it is not you, it is him and he is probably at that oh poor wittle me stage when he thinks he 'deserves 'soooooo much more. You are doing what you can for you...don't do it all for him..youprobabl couldn' make him happy if you had surgery and looked like Christy Brinkley. I was there and I won't share my tale, but suffice to say, I wish I had worried more about me than I did about him...... Good luck and remember those kids and those stretch marks are badges of honor....we can have children....they can't

AndiJoy812

I am so very sorry that you are going through this...I know how badly that must have hurt. I have a friend who I consider a sister that went through a similar situation. She is a tiny girl, and her son was over 10 lbs - needed a c-section and her body was never the same. He stopped touching her - removed all physical intimacy from their marriage and told her that he thought her body was disgusting. My heart broke for her, and she was shattered. Long story short, she ended up having an affair with the first guy that demonstrated to her that she was beautiful - and her marriage ended. Which just adds to the heartbreak.

Sometimes we don't realize that our words have such power. I would suggest talking to him in a non-confrontational way - and let him know how deeply you are hurting. You have no control over saggy boobs and stretch marks - it happens when we have our babies. He should be proud of that...and honor you - not tear you down. And don't you dare have any kind of cosmetic surgery for him...if it is something that you want - by all means, do it. But not for someone else. What happens if something goes wrong with the surgery? There are no guarantees that a surgery will go well...how would he feel then?

Regardless of how you handle this - I would really suggest that you find someone to talk to. I have a feeling if he said something like this about your body, he is probably saying other things that have undermined your self-confidence for years. Just my intuition kicking in. You deserve better, and he needs to fix this. Give him the opportunity to do so, but start standing up for yourself. Don't let him get away with that type of comment again without saying something. Best wishes to you...

Mina133842

I have stretch marks from BEFORE my kids, and had 2 C-sections - those are my "flames" and scars are just reminders of what we've been through - good or bad. He definitely needs to be more considerate of your feelings, as I said before and AndiJoy said too - sometimes it can result in a person seeking love and affection from the first place they can get it, as they're starved for it at home.

Elizabeth_C34

Your husband sounds like a jerk. You gave him many beautiful children and put your body through all that stress of childbirth, nursing, and the stress of being a mother, and this is his opinion of you?

I'm sure he looks like The Rock right?

LorinaLynn

This is something I just don't get. I mean.. I know men are supposed to be more visual creatures than women and all, but... isn't the sensation of sex, both physically and emotionally, the BEST part? Maybe it's because I'm coming from a woman's point of view. A very nearsighted woman who usually has the boom-boom when I've already taken my contacts out for the night, and once my glasses are off, I can't see anything more than three inches from my face. PLUS... it's not as though men's genitals are really all that attractive anyway. The most tired breasts are still prettier than a *kitten*. Just sayin'.

Nopedotjpeg

The most tired breasts are still prettier than a *kitten*. Just sayin'.

I get weekly botox injections down there so they're as smooth as eggs.

peybro

First of all, if he really loves you he wouldn't say those things. I can't help but wonder if he's beating you down mentally to keep you from wondering off. I say you blow off what he's saying and whatever you decide to do down the road is for YOU not him!

chatipati1

First of all, out of respect for you, I cannot say what I REALLY THINK of him. Does he realize most women out there..either their breasts are those of Victoria secret's material...or cosmetic...only a few are real...and many women I know who think they have big ones...have big wads of fat there. Let's face it, when you lose weight, it comes from there too. If my husband uttered those words to me...I would tell him...don't ever sleep with both eyes closed. I know for a fact that you are fine and your husband needs some big time attitude adjustment. i would focus on how to adjust that....would it be a big withdrawal from the bank and shopping spree (cause those Victoria Secret bra's aren't cheap:) ), no dinner and whatever else you want to withhold , or a night or two of going out and never explaining where you been.... idk what your answer is, only you do. I know what I would do...I think you know that he is disrespectful. Don't settle for his BS

MizCJ84

I felt like crying while reading your post. After all your body has been through, that is one of the most awful things you can hear from the one person who should find you attractive no matter what. I met my boyfriend almost 5 years ago, and I already had 2 kids. I have stretch marks, and I gained at least 50 pounds during the course of our relationship. When I told him a couple of months ago how bad I wanted to lose weight, he told me I was crazy because I was the sexiest woman he's ever laid eyes on. Keep in mind this man is not even the father of my children, so he has no reason to appreciate my stretch marks or weight gain, but he does for whatever reason. Even when I feel gross and unattractive, he thinks I'm perfect.

I know you love your husband, but what he has said to you is a form of mental and emotional abuse. I watched my father say the same horrible things to my mother for many years. My mother felt like the ugliest, fattest woman on the planet when in reality she's a beautiful woman. In my opinion, you should put your foot down on this and tell him how terrible this made you feel and if he can't understand that then what is the point in staying in a relationship that brings you down and makes you feel so bad?

I wish you all the best, and I hope you find your inner strength and realize just how beautiful you are. And by the way, great weight loss so far!

chatipati1

I forgot this....I was at a party once...this woman's hubby came over and was an ignorant sob...says to her...YOu are so fat.....in front of a group of us and I was a stranger to them...she answers....well I can do something about it...you're ugly and there's not a damn thing you can do about it...he walked away.

Nopedotjpeg

I forgot this....I was at a party once...this woman's hubby came over and was an ignorant sob...says to her...YOu are so fat.....in front of a group of us and I was a stranger to them...she answers....well I can do something about it...you're ugly and there's not a damn thing you can do about it...he walked away.

Sounds like a healthy and loving marriage.

moonspells

I can't see your pic but it doesn't matter. Regardless of what we look like, we ALL deserve someone who loves us and truly finds us beautiful just the way we are. Maybe you should start by taking a look inside yourself to see why you don't feel good enough to deserve that. And if your husband is not someone who appreciates all of you, maybe he doesn't deserve to have ANY of you.

Sorry to seem harsh, but I wasted a lot of my life this way and it makes me sad and angry to see the same happen to anyone else.
Good luck.

chatipati1

I see a lot of "He's a jerk" replies. Yet my wife told me the same thing. "I am not attracted to you physically any more. If you want sex, lose the weight." Is she a jerk too?

I was offended and almost went on an eating binge "just to spite her."

Six years of marital therapy and and fighting have led me to the conclusion that it is easier t olose the weight and get healthy. To do this to please me and keep me healthy, rather than to please her. I might as well maintain me and get attractive for her as an after thought, rather than doing whatever to be attractive to her.

In your case surgery is not really necessary to be healthy, right? Don't maim yourself to please him. Just keep working out and being your best. He's going to age too, ya know. You can tell him the same thing about his "relaxing" muscular appearence....and wait for him to see the beautiful PERSON that's been in front of him all along.