Eating Disorder Recovery (A Different Sort of Success Story)

Inebriated

This is so inspiring, I teared up a little when reading this. It really hit home for me. Good luck with the rest of your recovery, you deserve it.

FitMama2013

Thank you so much for sharing, and thank you for loving yourself enough to get help. I hope there are people who read this story and get the courage to get help too - you are amazing and beautiful!!!

keeems

I'm so happy for you. Keep fighting!

YummyTpn

I'm a therapist and I specialise in working with eating disorders, so I want to congratulate you on your recovery and wish you continued success. I know it's an ongoing struggle, and probably one of the hardest challenges you'll ever face.

And by the way, you have an extraordinarily beautiful smile...especially because it look so darn genuine!

Squidgeypaws007

See this photo? It’s me.

No, I'm not a model. I'm not terribly skinny, but I'm not terribly fat. I'm not extraordinarily beautiful, and my hair doesn't always lay flat. In fact, in terms of looks, I'm pretty darn average. This is the first photo I've ever shared publicly in association with my eating disorder, and I'm posting it for a very specific reason: I want you all to see my smile. Why? Because this is the first photo in months, maybe even a year, that honestly captured a genuine smile.

Want to know why? I'm now over two months into recovery for my eating disorder, and I am honestly so genuinely happy that I wanted to share.

Looking at this photo, you wouldn't know that just a few months ago I was eating too few calories per day to function. My hair was falling out, my body couldn't heal itself, I was failing my classes, and I hated everyone, most of all myself. Every morning was a struggle to shower without passing out, and every night was a fight to stay awake long enough to do even a tiny bit of homework. I was miserable, and despite the fact that my disorder was born of an obsession with control, I had zero control over my own life.

I won't lie: the past two months haven't been easy. In fact, they've been downright challenging. I've cried myself to sleep, spent hours alone staring at food, and sworn I'd give up on recovery a thousand times over. The number of bagels I've eaten is astonishing, if not terrifying, and I've eaten more almonds in two months than most people will in their entire life. I've been grouchy, bloated, and so moody you'd've thought I was pregnant.

But you know what else I've been? Myself. I'm slowly rediscovering the person I was before I let this manipulative, mean, lying voice in my head take over my entire life. This girl loves Nutella, and baking, and cuddling without worrying if her stomach has a roll. She likes back rubs and bikinis and bacon, strapless dresses and sundaes and sleeping naked. So she doesn't wear a 00 or have a BMI below 20 - that's okay! There's so much more to life than counting calories or staring at numbers on a scale, and she's starting to understand that.

Is she perfect? Hell no, and she never will be... and that's okay. There are good days and there are bad days, but the grass truly is greener over here. Recovery is hard, but it's so, so worth it. You only get out of it what you put into it, and I can honestly say I've given it 110% of my effort. You know what else can be said? The grass is greener where you water it. Sure, putting enough food in my mouth each day is half the battle, but the more challenging battle is against myself and this liar who's taken up residence in my head. I'm having to rewrite the script of my daily thoughts, and undoing years of negative self-talk is no easy task. That said, I am already a hundred times happier than I was two months ago. Two months certainly isn't far into the recovery process, and I know I have a great ways left to go. That being said, taking that first step towards recovery is the best decision I've ever made, and I can only wish the same for everyone else, whether you struggle with an eating disorder or are simply trying to get a handle on loving yourself and moving in the right direction with your health habits.

I wish for each of you that you may learn to love yourself and have the courage to seek help with whatever you need. Rest assured in the fact that you are stronger than you realize. Do not be too proud to ask for help, and know that you are loved.

Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need.
-Khalil Gibran

Firstly: Well done, amazing work - you're so strong, keep it up Big big congratulations on your success so far, I can't imagine how hard it is for you.

Secondly: None of the "i'm not lovely" stuff from the beginning. You're lovely looking, and you have a great smile!

Keep up the good work lady, we're routing for you!

giddyred

I'm so happy for you. It really takes a lot of courage to be open about an eating disorder. I'm really proud of you, and I'm glad that you have begun to like you for YOU. You are beautiful

sunshine__angel

You are gorgeous! Recovery from an eating disorder is not an easy thing and you are very brave for sharing your story. Thank you for showing everyone that recovery is possible; happiness is possible, and you can be in control of your life. I wish you all the best in the future and am glad you are on the right path. You really do look genuinely happy in that picture and it just goes to show how strong we really can be. Thank you again for posting! This is very nice to see.

estitom

Wow, you're amazing! This is inspiring to read, I'm glad this was the first thing I read today, it motivated me You're truly beautiful! Thank you for sharing

bridgie101

For a start, you are lovely to look at, and your smile is wonderful.

Thanks for a clear, intelligent and eye-opening essay for us. I am very happy that you've come back the land of the living - we're a motley lot but mostly warm of heart and the best thing about people is how short our memories are.

I learned long ago that while I was at home dying of shame for what I'd done at the party last night - so was everybody else. They didn't remember me, they were dying over what they had done. I think that was a life-changing moment really.

good luck for your studies and the future.

gogojodee

Thanks so much for posting this. I'm trying to overcome anxiety and I've never had a problem with ED but my emotions and this really hit home for me. I've been having a rough time lately keeping myself in check and have wanted to give up so much, but just came back after a week of not diary-ing. This is just what I need for my recovery. You're gorgeous and happy. I hope you have many happy and love filled years. I only hope I can be where you are at someday. :flowerforyou:

TisMee76

I admire you.

I convince myself I'm over my disorder....but I know it's not true.

Doesn't matter how far to the back of my mind I push it, it's always right there to remind me.

Hats off to you babe...

Imajicat

Testify, Sister! You are fabulous!

Striving4Fit_MrsOrtiz

Absolutely beautiful post!!

boogiewoman1

I think you're beautiful! What a great post. Overcoming an eating disorder is very difficult and probably a life long struggle. I, too, have had an eating disorder that still plagues me occasionally. I have had counseling and still go intermittently for "tune ups". My counselor suggested this site to help me through my affliction. Keep up the good attitude.

sc1572

You're amazing! :flowerforyou:

ST99000722

never forget how brave and strong you are - congratulations & all the best for the future

Smuterella

Aside from you being beautiful and strong - this is very well written. You have a talent there. Thank you for sharing.

honu18

I agree wtih the above poster. This was written so eloquently that your words hit me so hard. You are beautiful. And thank you for posting this. Honestly, it's just what I needed. Day after day I beat myself up looking at my imperfections with my body, instead of just being happy with it. If I treat it right, it will treat me right. Why beat it into submission? This helped me realize that, hopefully for the long term. You are proof that loving yourself, aside from all the external societal pressures, is possible. Thank you for being brave and posting this to help all of us.

Best wishes with long term recovery and health & happiness

Sarahbara76

With every word I read in this post I had a feeling of understanding and strength, I hope all my friends currently fighting ED's read this . It has been 15 years for me with only one or two minor relapses. Your proof like I am that you can get past that ugly horrible voice in your head telling you your not good enough. Your beauty is shining throughout your story and visible through your smile.

Thank you for sharing this story it has to be my favorite post I have ever seen on MFP! You should write a book your talented and positive. Thank you a million times over!

rmrosen83

Congrats on your recovery...you look great!