Would this make you angry?

thrld

My mom told me the same thing
actually she told me to stop worrying so much and stop dieting cuz I look great and guys like a girl with curves
I told her I was 5'3" and 174 lbs I was clinically obese and not happy with the way I look or feel
and she won't listen cuz she's accepted the fact that she's chubby....and thinks we all should

Ha! My mom just told me that working out won't help me get smaller because "You have big bones."

Did she mean that the exact way she said it? Probably not. I think sometimes our friends & family want to reassure us that our past choices/lifestyle wasn't so bad, that we don't have to change. Maybe they are afraid that we are moving away from our lifestyle completely, when we are just trying to make changes to improve our health. And on your side of it, these reassurances might seem like ways to tie to your unhealthy lifestyle -- frustrating when you are trying to break free of those habits/actions.

I know that often the people who should support you, or feel happy for you have trouble doing so, because they can only see you moving away from them. It's not that I was miserable before, it's just that I can do a little more, be a little more, live a little more. Eventually, they'll figure it out, that you are the same person, just one who is taking better care of their health -- I can feel it in my big bones.

LinzCurlyQ

Thanks everyone for the posts and for reinforcing what a great mother I have. I know I have a great mother (I really wouldn't trade her for anything), but sometimes we just don't agree on everything (mostly food or exercise).

That being said, all the replies to my OP made me think, "why did I post this topic?" At the time, I was upset. I guess I shouldn't have said angry because I use that word a little lighter than some I suppose. Someone sent me a private message that really made the light bulb go off. Her message was as follows:

" I didn't want to post this publicly as everyone seemed to be so positive about how your mother wanted good things for you.

Of course, that may be true. But it might be that on some level you experience her as frequently invalidating you, or not acknowledging your competance and ability to make good decisions for yourself. You may have wanted her to see your exericse and current diet as good things, that you were generally making good choices toward making your life better. And it might have seemed just a bit threatening when she seemed to imply it wasn't good for you, that eating a couple of brownies was a better choice.

It didn't sound to me as though she was actually being supportive, and might even be inclined to be an enabler or to be someone who can, consciously or not, jeopardize your diet. I don't know if that's true, of course. I don't know your mother at all, or you either.

But I have known people who've had similar reactions in such circumstances, and that's often the reason. If that's the case, you might want to mostly share your information, even innocuous seeming remarks about your slip-ups, with people you've found to be properly supportive in the past, perhaps on this site or perhaps friends of yours. I've found a lot of people don't sincerely support the weight-loss efforts of others, for their own reasons, and they can sometimes make it quite difficult, especially if we're vulnerable.

Anyway, I wish you success. It sounds as though you've worked out a good program for yourself. And, next time, perhaps you might want to stop after the first brownie, if you can."