women doing the "work" while men stand around?

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  • Merc71
    Merc71 Posts: 412 Member
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    I support you 100%. In fact, I insist that my wife do all the heavy lifting and manual labor. Sometimes she grumbles a bit, but, after I forward your post to her, I'm sure she'll see that this is just an expression of my love for her and thank me tonight, after she gets the lawn mowed.

    Master, you honor me with your presence.

    Signed, Grasshopper.
  • Talazws
    Talazws Posts: 101 Member
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    Last spring, my boyfriend fell off a ladder at work and cracked a ribbed. He was swollen and had an ENORMOUS bruise all over his back. For about a week he couldn't even get himself up out of bed. Needless to say, I had to help him out a lot for a few weeks.

    One day, we had to get a new dresser. When we took it out of the car, I was the one who carried it down the block and up to our third floor apartment-- and we got quite a few odd looks along the way! My boyfriend is 6'2" and I am 5'4", he is casually walking next to me while I struggle to carry a dresser almost as big as me...

    My boyfriend is a great guy, but he is oblivious to the fact that I am much smaller than he is. He really pushes me to lift heavy things/ carry them up three flights of stairs, reach things that are waaaay above me head! It is annoying at times, but I also appreciate that he doesn't treat me like a fragile, helpless little girl :)
  • Dragonwolf
    Dragonwolf Posts: 5,600 Member
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    There's a difference between peacocking and trying to be polite. It's one thing to ask "would you like some help with that?" (which, assuming neutral tone, conveys acknowledgement that the person might be, or appears to be, struggling and may appreciate some assistance). It's another to say "let me get that for you" (which can more likely convey that the person being addressed is not capable of doing the task). Additionally, it's generally peacocking when they try to toss something around as if it's not heavy, only to find out the hard way that yes, it is, in fact, heavy, and does require effort on their part (thus deflating the "look how strong I am!" ruse). It's not always bad for someone to get knocked down a peg or two (in my opinion, at least).

    I don't know in what world someone would get upset if someone else says "let me get that for you." If the person can help, there is nothing wrong with it.

    I understand everyone wants to be independent, but there is nothing wrong with letting someone help you out.

    As I've said, there's a difference between "(you appear to be struggling) would you like some help?" and "(you're a woman, so you can't do that, though it is cute to see you try) let me get that for you." The first is being polite and offering help, the second is patronizing and even peacocking ("look at me, I'm a big, strong, man, lifting this 50lb bag of gravel for this little lady!").

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