When people unfriend you, for being human!!
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Please accept my condolences for having been deleted from a stranger's list of people that they really don't know either on a website somewhere. I pray that God grants you the strength to get through this rough patch. :flowerforyou:0
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I have logged for the last 500 days everyday. I want friends that are not trying but doing this. When I see someone not logging for 3 days, I delete them. If it makes me a snob ...then so be it. I have amazing friends.
Same here. I delete after 7 days. There's been times I hit the limit on number of friends on here. Why should I decline the friend request of someone who's actively using the site because someone who isn't using site is taking up space on my list?
I'm here, primarily, for me. I have some amazing, inspirational friends, and some amazing friends who are somehow inspired by me. But really, I'm just here to do my thing, and if someone wants to follow along... yay! It's not my responsibility to be anyone's cheerleader or support system.
Friendship is a two way street. If you're not logging into the site and supporting your friends, why should they do the same for you?0 -
No one may like this.... but
I too, am one of those people who delete others that have "disappeared". For every alert MFP sends me on a MIA friend, I'll send, "Hey girl? Where are you, come back!" or "Hang in there!" or "Don't lose hope!".
If these messages to bring people back to MFP does nothing to motivate them, then nothing will. Support on this site is a 2 way street. If you expect support but give nothing in return, it's a drain for me. I take the time to read my friends blogs, status updates and encourage them anyway I can.
If you disappear off the face of MFP, then naturally I will delete you.
THIS!!!!
Your friends are supposed to be more committed to you, than you are to MFP?
hmmm.....
This right here. People have lives. How are we supposed to know what is going on with you if you don't check in? How are we supposed to offer you support if you don't show up?0 -
going to be honest here dont pull my head off, but to me if you dont log in it looks like you cant be arsed! if someone's on holiday or going to be away then thats a different story altogether
Agreed! I defriend when I see in red writing "so and so has not logged in for 2 months". To me that says you can't be bothered to even pop on to lurk. If you are logging in to just look around then it won't show you as "not logged in" and in my book you would not be defriended.
I'm not here to "collect" friends and have the largest friends list. I'm here to succeed and want as many people with me to help inspire me and keep me motivated and hopefully, I keep them motivated as well.
I am sorry that you were "de-friended" even though you were technically still logging in to see what was going on and that your feelings were hurt.
Good luck on your journey and I wish you TONS of success!!!0 -
I am here for health and motivation. I do not kick friends out per habit but have in the past if it becomes a habit. To keep the number manageable, if they do not log in for 10 days, then log in for 1 day, then do not log in for 20 days, so on and so forth, I get no contribution from them anyway so out they go.
He said it perfectly. This is about my weight loss. If you happen to get help from me while I'm in the process of trying to lose weight, that's cool. But I'm putting myself first. Call me selfish, I guess.
Edit: I do shoot them a comment though being like, "Where are you?" and I really only delete people who have been gone for about a month or so.
^^^ Both of these!0 -
If a friend did not log for awhile, then why wouldn't you message them and see what's up???? That's what a friend should do.
I do this, and if I still get no response, then I often delete people unless I had at some point had a pretty good MFP friendship with them. Most people I delete are people I just really haven't had any interaction with during the time we were "friends." Oh...and I delete people who post stuff I just don't want to read...0 -
I felt horrible deleting people, but they didn't respond to my "Come back" messages. And I only deleted when they haven't logged on in 6 months or more. (I myself was on a 6 month hiatus, and am now relosing previoulsy lost weight).
Other than my 6 months thing, I will delete if EVERY status update is a downer. Stating how they Binged, don't want to exercise, just couldn't say no to the cookie tray put out at work, etc., etc. I try to motivate, but when they just flat our refuse to help themselves, there's nothing I can do. It gets exhausting seeing the negativity all the time from one person....0 -
I had a very small number of friends on here (less than 10). I deleted most of them one day when I came to the realization I was the only one in the mix providing support and encouragement. I want to have MFP friends who will acknowledge, encourage, support and comment on my achievements (because that's what friends do) so while it may seem "mean" it's kind of an expectation of mine. :ohwell:
I feel the same way.
I have no problem accepting a friend request from anyone (in another thread people had some weird criteria for who they friended).
However, if you're habitually going dormant I will assume that you're not really motivated and quite possibly the 'friend collector'. Miss a day or two? Hey, no problem. Miss for a week at a time? Why bother?0 -
My mama always said, "Mary, you're not going to like everybody you meet. And they're not all going to like you. It's life."0
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I've lost a ton of friends when I've had slumps...and if I didn't log in every single day they all of a sudden thought that I didn't care any more...which was not the case at all...just because I didn't log in to MFP didn't mean I wasn't TRYING...I resent the implication made by a previous post on here that said not logging in meant not trying...that's not true as all...what about all those people who log in every day but still post a ton of crap for their food choices?? Do they get deleted too...or are they kept around just because they have high numbers for their log-ins? I do agree with the people on here who have said it doesn't really matter because you don't know them in real life anyway...that's true...it doesn't hurt me or anything like that if someone deletes me...I just had to post this because I disagreed immensely with the accusation that not logging means not trying...who exactly made them the dictator of MFP? This weight loss struggle works differently for all of us...MFP is supposed to be a place for support, but it's turning out just like the real world...full of judgement0
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My mama always said, "Mary, you're not going to like everybody you meet. And they're not all going to like you. It's life."
Well said girl!!0 -
I have logged for the last 500 days everyday. I want friends that are not trying but doing this. When I see someone not logging for 3 days, I delete them. If it makes me a snob ...then so be it. I have amazing friends.
I'm a snob, too. My friends list gets crazy out of control and I like to be able to support my friends and really get to know them as best as I can. For those I feel I've made no connection with, chances are I'll delete, whether the person logged in or not.0 -
I never delete anyone. How can someone who isn't being active "clog" up your friend's list? It's not like they are posting anything. *shrugs*
This.
Additionally...if I can contribute or inspire someone in any way...by doing nothing more than 'allowing' someone (that someone else would have deleted apparently) to remain on my friends list...well, why not? I've never deleted anyone...and I've been deleted by others (at least one or two I know of...never with an explanation...just, bye!). I don't really care, although the ones I do know removed me, I was very surprised, and still am curious. Other than that...how much did it affect me not having them on my list? I had ione young lady friend that never posted, and missed lots of days...very often I saw the 'xxx hasn't logged on for three days, maybe they need some....' message...and rarely did I see her log on for even five days straight. Then a day came along...I was in a bad mood, fighting my ex in court over an 800 mile distance for custody of our kids, and I posted something about it. Next thing I know, I got a PM in my inbox from her of all people...telling me how wonderful she thought I was, and that my fitness path and story was part of what kept her coming back to MFP and trying. It was EXACTLY what I needed to hear to keep ME motivated in my life, and I was incredibly happy that just by the simple act of NOT removing her as so many here would, I was in some way helping her to keep coming back and trying...at any level of effort.
The point is, what on earth does it hurt anyone to have many friends, even if they all aren't all contributing? Are you paying for the 'friend' spaces they're taking up? Does it somehow inconvenience you that they are there? They aren't sheep, they don't need herded or managed in any way.
/shrug...to each their own.0 -
I think when you chose friends on here its because they are supposed to be your "fitness pal".It works both ways, if you rarely log in your not doing your part in the "friendship" and support and they can not support you when your never on. At the same time I do understand people fall off,and get stuck in a rutt. I normally send a message , once or twice but if you are OFF of the site more than you are ON...I tend to let you go. I want to motivate you, just as much as I would like to be motivated. I want people that are on this journey WITH me....if we never interact that's not helpful.
About 2 weeks ago I cut my friends list down to 77 and thought that was more manageable - easier for me to comment and interact with everyone and get to know everyone better. BUT then practically in a 2 weeks I ended up getting 100 more invites! I accept them... but the reality is that larger the list the more "statuses" I have to keep up with and its tricky! SO YES, I got through my friends list periodically and try to weed out the people I don't ever interact with or never log in. I like having all the new friends and don't mind the invites, but I am only keeping those that are truly dedicated to this!!!
*** In the same way that I cut back on my list periodically, I totally understand if someone deletes me. This journey is a personal one I am picky with my friends in real life AND online. And I totally respect peoples choice to delete me if I am not being a good enough support system for them. Its their decision, and they need to do what makes them happy.0 -
Please accept my condolences for having been deleted from a stranger's list of people that they really don't know either on a website somewhere. I pray that God grants you the strength to get through this rough patch. :flowerforyou:
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
I'm trying to figure out how half of you have the time to troll your friends list to see who is logging in and who isn't... I can barely keep up with the few I have, so those of you who have 100's.. do you REALLY actually Good Job, WTG, Happy 30th,50th,90th check in to EVERY ONE of those HUNDREDS of friends you have? .. answer everyone's questions, participate on everyones thread, everyday??!!?? Do you have jobs? Do you have lives? Are you real people?0
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I admire people who would stick with you through thick or thin (no pun intended). That's why I don't accept friend requests. It has nothing to do with personally rejecting someone. It has to do with the fact I'm not very good at supporting others, and when others give me praise, it distracts my focus. So, I don't want to just have a long list of friends, just for the sake of having friends. I have seen some very supportive and generous people here, so I'm sure you will weed out the ones that don't help you and have a good support group. That's the beauty of MFP. There is something for everyone. Good luck! :flowerforyou:0
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I haven't been here for long, but so far, I send a message on 3 days. If they haven't come back on ten, I'm contemplating deleting them. I probably will at a certain point because I'd like my friends list to be filled with people who are similar to me.
I don't want to have starvation friends and I don't want to have always-fall-off-the-wagon friends, because the habits of those you surround yourself with often become your own habits. I want honest people who sometimes suck, but don't always talk about "tomorrow's a new day" because that nonsense is contagious! I want friends who believe physical activity is a lifetime love, not a something you do to lose weight and I want friends who sometimes struggle with their love to eat as well.
I have the right to choose who I want to fill up my friends list and I choose people like me! People like me log in.. or at least email back after a while.
I'm new too and I am noticing the "tomorrow is a new day" (which is happening way too often) people and the "why am I not losing people" (eating fried food and cookies everyday) and unfortunately, I can't thrive around that. I'm trying to be encouraging but at some point, the delete button may come into play.
PS. I LOVE YOU FUNBUN! :bigsmile:0 -
I'm trying to figure out how half of you have the time to troll your friends list to see who is logging in and who isn't... I can barely keep up with the few I have, so those of you who have 100's.. do you REALLY actually Good Job, WTG, Happy 30th,50th,90th check in to EVERY ONE of those HUNDREDS of friends you have? .. answer everyone's questions, participate on everyones thread, everyday??!!?? Do you have jobs? Do you have lives? Are you real people?
No. We're totally fake people. Just a figment of your imagination.
:flowerforyou: 0 -
Banana definitely this ^^^Please accept my condolences for having been deleted from a stranger's list of people that they really don't know either on a website somewhere. I pray that God grants you the strength to get through this rough patch. :flowerforyou:0 -
in all honesty I think people say if you haven't logged in daily etc what I say to that is that is so immature:) we have daily lives to lead also. we can't log in 24/7. I personally won't delete someone unless they make me uncomfortable or say degatory things. heres another one if you eat under a specfic amount of calories you do it all the time I will delete you. i've had those kinds too0
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Most of the friends I have on my list let everyone know if they are going on holiday, or if they may not be around for a bit. And hey...it's cool. But....if you don't give me a warning and do not sign in for a week straight...you are getting deleted. I sign in everyday, no excuses...I want people on my friends list who do the same.0
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No one may like this.... but
I too, am one of those people who delete others that have "disappeared". For every alert MFP sends me on a MIA friend, I'll send, "Hey girl? Where are you, come back!" or "Hang in there!" or "Don't lose hope!".
If these messages to bring people back to MFP does nothing to motivate them, then nothing will. Support on this site is a 2 way street. If you expect support but give nothing in return, it's a drain for me. I take the time to read my friends blogs, status updates and encourage them anyway I can.
If you disappear off the face of MFP, then naturally I will delete you.
THIS!!!!
Your friends are supposed to be more committed to you, than you are to MFP?
hmmm.....
ding ding ding!
also... I feel it is only fair to tell you, and I mean this as nicely as possible- but losing weight and getting in shape and healthy is, at the end of every day, a solitary journey. Its just you. No one can take you and no one can tag along. Its just you. Its always going to be just you. Having encouragement is nice- but evn then- its YOU that stands up and DOES.
You are no one's puppet.
You are focusing on the wrong things.0 -
I hear ya! It doesn't seem really supportive!0
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I can totally relate to this! Alot of people have unfriended me for being human!:laugh: There loss!
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I'm with you both on this. If they've NEVER said a word to me and I'm constantly making an attempt to be friends and encourage than I'm not going to waste my time anymore. Right now I have a whole list of wonderful supportive friends.
I understand vacations and family issues but if they have never bothered to say anything than I'm not keeping them around.
This isn't even necessarily for people who don't log in, I've deleted people who log in everyday.
***I don't know what I did wrong to make this part below in quotes, and I can't fix it.***
This is me too. I'm not here to collect friends. I am looking for support. If someone never comments then why be friends? They don't have to comment on every one of my posts or even most. Once in a while is fine by me. But if they never comment on anyone's posts they aren't the type of support I'm looking for. Deleting these types helps keep my friends list manageable for me. I have a great list of friends.0 -
Sorry. I'm one of those who delete those who don't log in... And I delete those who DO log it --- But never interact with me and provide encouragement. That is all. I do the same for pretty much majority of them on my list... And I refuse to continue to take the time out to support people and they never return the favor. I also state in my profile I am nice and I like to interact. So if a person knows in advance that they don't interact or ever stay on MFP then they should not even send me a request. I've been a very long ACTIVE MFP member so I still take my support and encouragement to others seriously. 0
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I'm trying to figure out how half of you have the time to troll your friends list to see who is logging in and who isn't... I can barely keep up with the few I have, so those of you who have 100's.. do you REALLY actually Good Job, WTG, Happy 30th,50th,90th check in to EVERY ONE of those HUNDREDS of friends you have? .. answer everyone's questions, participate on everyones thread, everyday??!!?? Do you have jobs? Do you have lives? Are you real people?
Good questions!
I don't have friends, but no I don't have a job or life, and sometimes I wonder if I'm a figment of my own imagination.0 -
Deleted repeated post.0
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I have logged for the last 500 days everyday. I want friends that are not trying but doing this. When I see someone not logging for 3 days, I delete them. If it makes me a snob ...then so be it. I have amazing friends.
This, minus the 500 days part. I tend to dispense with negative influences in all aspects of my life fairly quickly.
Ditto.
If I don't share anything with you after friending you, or if there is a lot of negativity, or if you simply drop off the face of the earth...this sounds harsh, but what's the point of keeping you on my friends list? I like to surround myself with like minded individuals so that when I start to fall down, they can help bring me back to my feet and they inspire me to keep pushing.
And, yes, I do this in real life and on facebook.0
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