When people unfriend you, for being human!!
Replies
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I've also had to be strong and delete anyone that doesn't 'fit' into my own goals. That could be seen as very harsh by some, but after a couple of months of my newsfeed filling up with people netting 500 calories a day, taking diet pills or crying over being 10 calories over goal... I have to do it for my own sanity! I'm here for me, nobody else. Sure, I'll support and encourage people along the way, but if those people start doing my head in they're gone! I don't need the negativity when I am trying to stay in a positive frame of mind myself.
This is a very valid reason for deleting someone.
This above is the only instance where I HAVE deleted people....there was one who was always posting looking for advice on her "48 hour fast" for the second time that week and those aren't the people I need (or want) on my list..
But the people who don't come and post for a long time...I won't delete...it doesn't bother me either way if they're here daily or not...in the end, when we don't come for our support or log, we are hurting only ourself in the long run...0 -
We all need support so if someone isn't logging in then they're not being very supportive either. However, I have a few friends that haven't logged on in a while but I keep them around. I delete people who DO log in daily and NEVER offer any type of support pr encouragement.
this^^0 -
:bigsmile: Right on girl !! Usually when I don't see people log on for a while I send little messages to try to encourage them I don't delete them..I thought that was the point why we are here is to help one another not some popularity contest...Life is too short and I find it is better to be kind and who knows maybe I just might have helped someone who needed it so cheers to you :flowerforyou:
And how many messages do you send before you move on? I plan to be here long term... at least another year. Am I supposed to spend the next year begging people to come back?0 -
I think it is pretty stupid to delete someone if they have a slump. That should be the time when you are pushing them harder and being a major motivator. Deleted them is just gonna bring some people down and that is not a good thing. Hang in there girlfriend.0
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I have to say, you know when people are real. I fell into a slump for about two months, but still checking into MFP here and there, I noticed I lost a few "friends" and that is fine. But here is my thing, real support is when people stick around in the bad not just when your doing good. And who made anyone the chief of perfection, just because someone doesn't log in or has some set backs I do not delete them, you don't know what anyone's personal struggles are. People trip me out with this, "If you don't log in daily I will delete you" Seriously, is your weight loss based on if someone else logs in or not, I am here whether you log in or not. Be humble, my goodness were not celebrity's.
Well this all depends see.
You see it from your side of the fence, I see it from the other. If I am friends with somebody on MFP and they make absolutely no effort to comment - EVER, not on mine or any of their other friends' profiles, what is the point? Why friend me in the first place?
We all want support not just those that basically cannot be bothered. Well if they cannot be bothered, I cannot be bothered to have them on my buddy list, it works both ways.
I don't mind giving, but I refuse to give all the time and get absolutely no return whatsoever, not even a kiss my *kitten*!0 -
I am a victim of this. Not that I am perfect and not that I don't care...but this is about MY journey and what's best for me. I want friends that's on the same level as me...meaning that they take this journey seriously. I am not going to stalk you and see if you log in your diary everyday, or if you send me a special note or a shout out...but I am concerned about the QUALITY of friends I have on my list and not so much the quantity. I want to be impacted, and I want to impact my friends....if you never log in...neither one of us can reap that benefit, IMO.0
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I have logged for the last 500 days everyday. I want friends that are not trying but doing this. When I see someone not logging for 3 days, I delete them. If it makes me a snob ...then so be it. I have amazing friends.
It seems to me you only want friends who are going to support you, not friends that need your support. Being friends is a two way path. If someone if having a hard time, they probably need your encouragement. I don't think it makes you a snob but I do think it makes you something else...0 -
:bigsmile: Right on girl !! Usually when I don't see people log on for a while I send little messages to try to encourage them I don't delete them..I thought that was the point why we are here is to help one another not some popularity contest...Life is too short and I find it is better to be kind and who knows maybe I just might have helped someone who needed it so cheers to you :flowerforyou:
And how many messages do you send before you move on? I plan to be here long term... at least another year. Am I supposed to spend the next year begging people to come back?
I just send one now and them I don't obsess over it ~ but I dont' delete them, what's the big deal? If I reach out to someone great and if I don't oh well no loss for me either way.0 -
If a friend did not log for awhile, then why wouldn't you message them and see what's up???? That's what a friend should do.
excellent post!0 -
I have to say, you know when people are real. I fell into a slump for about two months, but still checking into MFP here and there, I noticed I lost a few "friends" and that is fine. But here is my thing, real support is when people stick around in the bad not just when your doing good. And who made anyone the chief of perfection, just because someone doesn't log in or has some set backs I do not delete them, you don't know what anyone's personal struggles are. People trip me out with this, "If you don't log in daily I will delete you" Seriously, is your weight loss based on if someone else logs in or not, I am here whether you log in or not. Be humble, my goodness were not celebrity's.
Thanks for this post..I was wondering this same thing. I guess when I go on vacation, a lot of my friends will be dumping me.:laugh:
Not if you stick a little note on your own wall saying "away on vacation, not logging in during that time, see you all when I get back" - how long does that take?
If they see you haven't logged on and visit your profile, they will see your note and realize.0 -
I don't delete people either. If I notice that someone has not logged in, I will send them an email to encourage them to come back.0
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I don't really get it lol. I think it's funny going to people's profiles and it says things like "I wont accept your friendship if:" and they have a list of requirements LOL. I guess some people are just REALLY super cool on this website that they have to have friendship requirements.
Don't get it. Oh well.0 -
you know what, its slightly different when you get thirty requests a day and need to cut out the dead weight and make room for the new. Just like Im doing to my body.0
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I completely agree with you. A friend is there for you no matter what. When a friend doesn't post for a few days it helps to let that person know they are loved and missed. God bless you - He continues to love us no matter what.I have to say, you know when people are real. I fell into a slump for about two months, but still checking into MFP here and there, I noticed I lost a few "friends" and that is fine. But here is my thing, real support is when people stick around in the bad not just when your doing good. And who made anyone the chief of perfection, just because someone doesn't log in or has some set backs I do not delete them, you don't know what anyone's personal struggles are. People trip me out with this, "If you don't log in daily I will delete you" Seriously, is your weight loss based on if someone else logs in or not, I am here whether you log in or not. Be humble, my goodness were not celebrity's.0 -
I have to say, you know when people are real. I fell into a slump for about two months, but still checking into MFP here and there, I noticed I lost a few "friends" and that is fine. But here is my thing, real support is when people stick around in the bad not just when your doing good. And who made anyone the chief of perfection, just because someone doesn't log in or has some set backs I do not delete them, you don't know what anyone's personal struggles are. People trip me out with this, "If you don't log in daily I will delete you" Seriously, is your weight loss based on if someone else logs in or not, I am here whether you log in or not. Be humble, my goodness were not celebrity's.
Honestly, your attitude kinda baffles me.
I love my MFP friends. They are awesome. However, they are also just random people I met over the interweb. With the exception of my sisters, I've never met a single one in person. I do not expect them to behave like real-world friends. I do not expect them to stick with me through thick and thin. I do not expect them to hold my hand and go out of their way to make me feel "loved" and "special".
It's the internet.
My MFP friends are real people... but they really don't have any reason to invest in a 'relationship' with me beyond the: hey! let's diet together and chat on a facebook-like profile and play on the forums and stuff.
Anyhow.... I delete people if they're gone too long. If they come back and are serious again, all they have to do is ask and I'll add them back.0 -
I have logged for the last 500 days everyday. I want friends that are not trying but doing this. When I see someone not logging for 3 days, I delete them. If it makes me a snob ...then so be it. I have amazing friends.
I never said it makes you a snob. I just realize that my life isn't just about this site and deleting people for not meeting my standards.0 -
Some thoughts:
1. I have better things to do with my time than to see if a friend is logging in every day.
2. If you are not committed, that is not my problem. When you are here, I will support you. When you are not here, you have to support yourself.
3. I don't need a motivation pep talk. When I submit my diary at the end of the day, I have only to look at the weight I will be at in 5 weeks if I keep doing what I am doing to keep me motivated. If that doesn't work, I just look at the amount of weight that I have already lost.
4. I don't get emotional when someone drops me as a friend. I used to, but don't any longer.
I once had a person that I called a friend get pissed at me and dump me because I hadn't contacted her in three or four days. Little did she know that my best friend and his family had just suffered a horrendous house fire and lost everything and another friend died in a car accident. All on the same weekend. So number 5 is an important point to me.....
5. I don't know the struggles that my friends are going through. If I dump you as a friend, I will no longer be there to support you when you may really need me, such as if a family member dies, you need to put your pet to sleep, etc.
Number 6 is also important to me.....
6. Friendship is not conditional. You don't get to say, "Hey, log in every day or I will dump you." That isn't friendship. If you think it is, please don't friend me.
Last thought is this....
Inside each of us resides a little bit of everyone else. None of us are perfect. We all have the potential to be like Sister Teresa or Mahatma Gandhi. We also have the potential to be like Charles Manson or Jeffrey Dahmer. Because I realize that I am not perfect, I do not expect that from my friends. Yeah, if you go out and kill someone, I won't support what you did. I might visit you in prison, maybe even bring you a book, magazine, or pack of cigs, but I won't support what you did. I love people for being just that - people. I separate the person from the action, realizing that we all have feelings and one of the strongest feelings is to belong.0 -
Some thoughts:
1. I have better things to do with my time than to see if a friend is logging in every day.
2. If you are not committed, that is not my problem. When you are here, I will support you. When you are not here, you have to support yourself.
3. I don't need a motivation pep talk. When I submit my diary at the end of the day, I have only to look at the weight I will be at in 5 weeks if I keep doing what I am doing to keep me motivated. If that doesn't work, I just look at the amount of weight that I have already lost.
4. I don't get emotional when someone drops me as a friend. I used to, but don't any longer.
I once had a person that I called a friend get pissed at me and dump me because I hadn't contacted her in three or four days. Little did she know that my best friend and his family had just suffered a horrendous house fire and lost everything and another friend died in a car accident. All on the same weekend. So number 5 is an important point to me.....
5. I don't know the struggles that my friends are going through. If I dump you as a friend, I will no longer be there to support you when you may really need me, such as if a family member dies, you need to put your pet to sleep, etc.
Number 6 is also important to me.....
6. Friendship is not conditional. You don't get to say, "Hey, log in every day or I will dump you." That isn't friendship. If you think it is, please don't friend me.
Last thought is this....
Inside each of us resides a little bit of everyone else. None of us are perfect. We all have the potential to be like Sister Teresa or Mahatma Gandhi. We also have the potential to be like Charles Manson or Jeffrey Dahmer. Because I realize that I am not perfect, I do not expect that from my friends. Yeah, if you go out and kill someone, I won't support what you did. I might visit you in prison, maybe even bring you a book, magazine, or pack of cigs, but I won't support what you did. I love people for being just that - people. I separate the person from the action, realizing that we all have feelings and one of the strongest feelings is to belong.
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0 -
Here is my reality---- As selfish as it is--- My well being and personal weight loss goals were and still are my only reason for having joined MFP. While, I do actually appreciate the wealth of knowledge and information provided, I think that allowing myself to worry too much about others opinion of me, or what I am doing/not doing will only distract me from doing what I need to do.0
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Please accept my condolences for having been deleted from a stranger's list of people that they really don't know either on a website somewhere. I pray that God grants you the strength to get through this rough patch. :flowerforyou:
Lol thanks so much for the kind words0 -
It very quickly becomes evident which friends are here for mutual support and motivation, and which ones are here simply to lurk around and snoop on everyone else. I tend to keep the former and delete the latter...because they quite simply are not my "friends".
If that makes me a snob or a pompous *kitten* in your eyes, then I'll accept your opinion of me too...doesn't bother me in the least!0 -
you know what, its slightly different when you get thirty requests a day and need to cut out the dead weight and make room for the new. Just like Im doing to my body.
I can agree with this as well in a way. The 'attractive female' aspect of these sites is a burden all its own. I get a lot of friend requests (most of my friends I didn't invite...by a large margin), but I know it's almost nothing compared to just your typical female on this site. 30 a day would be less than I expected to be honest.
Again, to each their own...I only posted initially to explain my reasons for NOT deleting people. I'm sure various of you have your own wonderfully valid reasons for deleting whomever you choose...some I even agree with. How often they log in for the most part just wasn't one of them, unless your friends list is full.0 -
I have logged for the last 500 days everyday. I want friends that are not trying but doing this. When I see someone not logging for 3 days, I delete them. If it makes me a snob ...then so be it. I have amazing friends.
It seems to me you only want friends who are going to support you, not friends that need your support. Being friends is a two way path. If someone if having a hard time, they probably need your encouragement. I don't think it makes you a snob but I do think it makes you something else...
How does wanting friends who are just as motivated and committed as you are a bad thing?! Why is is her or my or anyone else's responsibility to encourage and motivate someone who, for all we can tell, stopped using the site?!
Someone who's having a hard time will get encouragement and support if they say, "I'm having a hard time right now." But to expect others to hunt them down and beg them to come back when they stop using the site... that's just kinda crazy and totally self-absorbed. That's not being a friend. That's being a sponge.0 -
I have to say, you know when people are real. I fell into a slump for about two months, but still checking into MFP here and there, I noticed I lost a few "friends" and that is fine. But here is my thing, real support is when people stick around in the bad not just when your doing good. And who made anyone the chief of perfection, just because someone doesn't log in or has some set backs I do not delete them, you don't know what anyone's personal struggles are. People trip me out with this, "If you don't log in daily I will delete you" Seriously, is your weight loss based on if someone else logs in or not, I am here whether you log in or not. Be humble, my goodness were not celebrity's.
I'm not sure why you care so much what random e-people do and don't do, whether they e-friend you or not. Half the e-people are fake anyways so who cares. Try not to get your e-feelings hurt or cause e-drama, avoid posting on e-websites, showing your e-face or your e-habits. Click on the little red X in the top right hand corner of your screen which is the the magical button delivering revenge to all your e-enemies on the e-forums, it shoots e-lasers into their e-profiles and makes them look like e-fools. I'm serious, these e-lasers are transported by e-trucks via tubes on the interwebs. Sometimes these tubes get clogged by e-trucks carrying e-butthurts from other e-people, in that case e-mail your congressman your e-complaints about those e-meanies and they will throw the e-offenders in e-jail and burn down the tubes of the interwebs with e-fire and you can laugh for days because you showed those e-idiots who's the e-boss.0 -
I unfriend people because I dont like them. Perhaps that was the real reason?0
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If one of my friends has not logged on for a while and I know they were truly commited to the cause I will send them a private message to make sure everything is OK. We all have life happen sometimes. If they were only partially committed, kept a crappy diary and have not responded to my private messages I will delete. I will sometimes, depending on the person tell them I am deleting and if they decide to come back I will be glad to offer support. I only want friends on my list that are here for the right reasons.0
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absolutely agree with you....lest not forget whom we are....and on that note....who wants to friend me? lol...0
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I have to say, you know when people are real. I fell into a slump for about two months, but still checking into MFP here and there, I noticed I lost a few "friends" and that is fine. But here is my thing, real support is when people stick around in the bad not just when your doing good. And who made anyone the chief of perfection, just because someone doesn't log in or has some set backs I do not delete them, you don't know what anyone's personal struggles are. People trip me out with this, "If you don't log in daily I will delete you" Seriously, is your weight loss based on if someone else logs in or not, I am here whether you log in or not. Be humble, my goodness were not celebrity's.
Honestly, your attitude kinda baffles me.
I love my MFP friends. They are awesome. However, they are also just random people I met over the interweb. With the exception of my sisters, I've never met a single one in person. I do not expect them to behave like real-world friends. I do not expect them to stick with me through thick and thin. I do not expect them to hold my hand and go out of their way to make me feel "loved" and "special".
It's the internet.
My MFP friends are real people... but they really don't have any reason to invest in a 'relationship' with me beyond the: hey! let's diet together and chat on a facebook-like profile and play on the forums and stuff.
Anyhow.... I delete people if they're gone too long. If they come back and are serious again, all they have to do is ask and I'll add them back.
Hey! You've met me!! *pout*0 -
I've deleted people and i am sure i have been deleted too. who cares. just like in real life, friends come and go...dont think it should be taken personally.0
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I hate when I find out that my friends are really human. I mean, come on people, I only want friends that are ALIENS! Is that too much to ask for?!0
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