CHEESY JOKES THREAD

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  • jfa002
    jfa002 Posts: 54 Member
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    What's the definition of a fart?

    A turd honking for the right of way.

    So that must mean that I'm full of S#!+ :bigsmile:
  • trijoe
    trijoe Posts: 729 Member
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    Knock knock...
    {Who's there?}
    Flosser
    {Flosser who?}
    Flosser? I hardly even know 'er!

    We used to tell this to our kids every night at tooth brush time.
  • sunnyside1213
    sunnyside1213 Posts: 1,205 Member
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    bump
  • zrmac804
    zrmac804 Posts: 369 Member
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    When you're swimming in the creek,
    And an eel bites your cheek,
    That's a moray!

    How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but it has to WANT to change.

    How many country musicians does it take to change a light bulb? One to change the bulb and four to sing about how they miss the old one.

    How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb? Two: One to assure us that everything possible is being done, and one to screw the bulb into a water tap.
  • terryjo623
    terryjo623 Posts: 101 Member
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    Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
    Cause it was dead!
  • zrmac804
    zrmac804 Posts: 369 Member
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    What's the difference between a neurotic and a psychotic?

    Neurotics build castles in the air. Psychotics live in them. Psychiatrists collect the rent.
  • joriha92
    joriha92 Posts: 22 Member
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    A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer
    And a mop
  • jfa002
    jfa002 Posts: 54 Member
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    True story. Just recently a woman purchased a keg of beer and the worker brought it out to the car for her. She opened the hatchback of her car and he over-threw it in there going over the back seat and it fell on her baby in the carseat. :noway:
  • jfa002
    jfa002 Posts: 54 Member
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    The baby didn't die because it was Light Beer. :huh:
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    How much does a hipster weigh?

    An Instagram
  • jfa002
    jfa002 Posts: 54 Member
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    Knock-knock!

    Who's there?

    Dwayne.

    Dwayne who?

    DWAYNE THE BAFFTUB!!! I'M DWOWNING!!! :laugh:
  • elenathegreat
    elenathegreat Posts: 3,988 Member
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    Bump 'til I am drunk enough to come up with one...
  • tlnurse
    tlnurse Posts: 229 Member
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    One of my patient's told me "2" jokes this week.

    1. Question: How do you make "Holy" water?
    Answer: You "BOIL the HELL out of it:)

    2. Question: Why did GOD make Boobs?
    Answer: So "man" could concentrate on "2 things at once" LOL

    He also asked if the "help" button the his room was for the patient or the Doctor....I told him it depended on the patient:):laugh:
  • 1960HikerDude
    1960HikerDude Posts: 215 Member
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    A nurse is walking in a hospital corridor with a thermometer behind her ear. A doctor stops her and asks her what's behind her ear. The nurse retrieves the thermometer and exclaims, "Some A**hole has my pencil"!
  • d0gma
    d0gma Posts: 3,966 Member
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    KNOCK KNOCK

    Who's there?

    Interrupting Cow

    Inter--

    MOOOOO!
  • d0gma
    d0gma Posts: 3,966 Member
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    String walks into a bar.

    The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here."

    The string leaves, musses up it's hair and comes back in.

    The bartender says "I thought I told you we don't serve your kind here."

    String says "I'm not a string."

    Bartender says "No?"

    String says "Nope. I'm a frayed knot."
  • dpwellman
    dpwellman Posts: 3,271 Member
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    When is a door NOT a door?

    When it's ajar
  • dpwellman
    dpwellman Posts: 3,271 Member
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    How many Chinese does it take to change a light bulb?
    Thousands. Many hands make light work

    How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?
    One. She just holds it up and the world revolves around her.

    How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A fish

    How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?
    None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark

    How many Real Women does it take to change a light bulb?
    Zero. She'll get a Real Man to do it for her
  • dpwellman
    dpwellman Posts: 3,271 Member
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    Two rival tribes decided to settle their feuds by marrying their chiefs' respective son and daughter. They agreed to meet at the river separating their two villages. The chief of the tribe having the daughter arrived at the appointed meeting place only to find the groom's father and dowry on the wrong side of the river. In disgust he muttered to himself, "That fool doesn't know which side his bride is bartered on."
  • dpwellman
    dpwellman Posts: 3,271 Member
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    Caveman Og was sitting in his cave tending the coals when Mrs. Og came running in: "Help! Help! A sabre tooth tiger is in Mother's cave!" Og doesn't so much as flinch. Mrs. Og, hysterical, yells "Well aren't you going to DO something?" Og looks up from the fire and says, "Who the hell cares what happens to a sabre tooth tiger?"

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