CHEESY JOKES THREAD
Replies
-
Knock-knock!
Who's there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
DWAYNE THE BAFFTUB!!! I'M DWOWNING!!! :laugh:0 -
Bump 'til I am drunk enough to come up with one...0
-
One of my patient's told me "2" jokes this week.
1. Question: How do you make "Holy" water?
Answer: You "BOIL the HELL out of it:)
2. Question: Why did GOD make Boobs?
Answer: So "man" could concentrate on "2 things at once" LOL
He also asked if the "help" button the his room was for the patient or the Doctor....I told him it depended on the patient:):laugh:0 -
A nurse is walking in a hospital corridor with a thermometer behind her ear. A doctor stops her and asks her what's behind her ear. The nurse retrieves the thermometer and exclaims, "Some A**hole has my pencil"!0
-
KNOCK KNOCK
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow
Inter--
MOOOOO!0 -
String walks into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here."
The string leaves, musses up it's hair and comes back in.
The bartender says "I thought I told you we don't serve your kind here."
String says "I'm not a string."
Bartender says "No?"
String says "Nope. I'm a frayed knot."0 -
When is a door NOT a door?
When it's ajar0 -
How many Chinese does it take to change a light bulb?
Thousands. Many hands make light work
How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?
One. She just holds it up and the world revolves around her.
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A fish
How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark
How many Real Women does it take to change a light bulb?
Zero. She'll get a Real Man to do it for her0 -
Two rival tribes decided to settle their feuds by marrying their chiefs' respective son and daughter. They agreed to meet at the river separating their two villages. The chief of the tribe having the daughter arrived at the appointed meeting place only to find the groom's father and dowry on the wrong side of the river. In disgust he muttered to himself, "That fool doesn't know which side his bride is bartered on."0
-
Caveman Og was sitting in his cave tending the coals when Mrs. Og came running in: "Help! Help! A sabre tooth tiger is in Mother's cave!" Og doesn't so much as flinch. Mrs. Og, hysterical, yells "Well aren't you going to DO something?" Og looks up from the fire and says, "Who the hell cares what happens to a sabre tooth tiger?"0
-
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cargo
Cargo who?
Cargo beep beep
Knock Knock
Who's there
Amos
Amos who?
Amos-quito bit me.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Andy
Andy who?
Andy bit me again!0 -
Fun to play with kids:
Pete and Repete were sitting on a fence. Pete fell off. Who was left?0 -
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Cause it was dead!
You have to follow that up with why did the baby fall out of the tree?
Because it was stapled to the monkey!
I am going to hell. :sick:0 -
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer
And a mop
Nice!!0 -
2 cows in a field. 1 said 'moo'.
The other said ' i was gonna f*****g say that!!0 -
Q. What's the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.0 -
A duck walks into a hardware store and says to the clerk "Got any grapes?"
The clerk says, patiently, "No, this is a hardware store, we don't have any grapes, try a grocery."
The duck leaves.
The next day the same duck walks into to the same hardware store and says to the clerk (who is, coincidentally, the same clerk) "Got any grapes?"
The clerk says, a little less patiently, "No! Like I told you yesterday, this is a hardware store, we don't sell grapes here."
The duck leaves.
The next day the duck walks into the store again and says to the clerk, "Got any grapes?"
By this time the clerk is thoroughly pissed off with the duck and says "No! We don't have any ****ing grapes! This is a hardware store! If you come in here and ask me again I'm going to nail your ****ing feet to the floor!"
The duck leaves.
The next day the duck walks into the hardware store and says to the clerk, "Got any nails?"
The clerk, relieved, says, "Finally! A sensable question! But no, I'm sorry, we're all out of nails, I just sold the last package."
And then the duck says, "Good. In that case ... got any grapes?"0 -
Did you hear about the seal who walked into a club?
A termite walks into a bar and asks "Where is the bar tender?"0 -
The baby didn't die because it was Light Beer. :huh:
bahahahahhaha I MUST remember that0 -
Q: What is brown and rhymes with Snoop?
A: Dr. Dre
lmao0 -
bump0
-
Did you hear about the seal who walked into a club?
A termite walks into a bar and asks "Where is the bar tender?"
I died laughing at the termite joke but I actually had to explain it to my wife three times!0 -
I'm from WV and I've heard just about every WV joke people can make but my favorite of all time was when one of my bosses asked me "If a West Virginia couple gets divorced, are they still legally brother and sister?"0
-
This really happened and the subject of this story just happened to be blonde so I'm not just making blonde jokes! That said, here's the story:
We were taking a health exam, and it's quiet. One of the students, Lisa, raises her hand and asks the teacher "How do you spell 'intravenously'?"
The teacher looked up and said "Just use, I.V., Lisa."
As God as my witness that girl actually said "Well, how do you spell I.V?!'"0 -
What does a tornado and a Tennessee divorce have in common? With either one, somebody is going to lose a trailer.0
-
How can you find Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
He's the one with the sesame seed buns!0 -
This one MUST be said out loud.
What do you call cheese that does not belong to you?
NACHO cheese...heh.... Hey you asked for...cheesy. OH I just can't stop!0 -
What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?
An ambulance due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.0 -
What do clouds wear under their clothes?
Thunderwear.
What do you call a woman behind the wheel of a car?
A liability.
What does a pastor do after thanksgiving dinner?
Holy *kitten*.
What do you call a deaf gorilla?
Anything you like - he can't hear you
What do you the homeless man with no pants that hangs out by the bus stop?
I don't know what you call him but I call him daddy.0 -
2 cows in a field. 1 said 'moo'.
The other said ' i was gonna f*****g say that!!
Not that was funny!!! lol0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 426 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions