CHEESY JOKES THREAD

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Replies

  • jenbridges
    jenbridges Posts: 213 Member
    What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

    Most kids won't eat broccoli!
  • fuhrmeister
    fuhrmeister Posts: 1,796 Member
    why do seagulls live by the sea?

    if the lived by the bay they would be bagels!
  • What special team did the Police put together to combat insects?



    The SWAT team!
  • MaritaD
    MaritaD Posts: 178 Member
    What do you call a pig that knows Karate?

    A pork chop!
  • MaritaD
    MaritaD Posts: 178 Member
    Why do fish live in salt water?

    Because pepper makes them sneeze!
  • What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?



    About halfway! hehe
  • nicescent
    nicescent Posts: 44
    Just received this from a friend. enjoy. not really jokes but good anyway.

    When a chemist dies, they barium.

    Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

    I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. However, he says he can stop any
    time.

    How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

    This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met
    herbivore.

    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity and I just can't put it down.

    I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

    They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

    PMS jokes aren't funny ¬ period.

    Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

    I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

    Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she
    couldn't control her pupils?

    When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

    Broken pencils are pointless.

    I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

    What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

    England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

    I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

    I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

    All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. The police
    have nothing to go on.

    I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

    Velcro is a rip off!

    A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

    Venison for dinner again? Oh, deer!

    The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.

    Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
  • NoleGirl0918
    NoleGirl0918 Posts: 213 Member
    Courtesy of my 5 y/o:

    Child: Why did the chicken sit on the nest? Adult: i don't know why? Child: Because he didn't have a chair!!!! (followed by hilarious laughing).

    :bigsmile:
  • kariebo
    kariebo Posts: 101
    What do you cal a brunette and three blondes on a street corner? Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.

    That one is kinda dated...think pizza hut.

    lol... i remember that.....
  • What do you say if you see a blind dinosaur

    Doyouthinkhesaurus
  • Moyzilla
    Moyzilla Posts: 106 Member
    What's the difference between roast pork and pea soup??

    -Anyone can roast a pork...
  • NWCyclingBeast
    NWCyclingBeast Posts: 157 Member
    What do you call a blind deer? No eye deer!
  • utahgirl247
    utahgirl247 Posts: 370 Member
    did you hear about the constipated mathmatician? he worked it out with a pencil.

    hee, hee, hee!!
  • tabulator32
    tabulator32 Posts: 701 Member
    A duck walks into a drug store and asks if they have Chapstick. When the cashier reaches for a tube of it, the duck says "Put it on my bill."
  • Sox90716
    Sox90716 Posts: 976 Member
    What do you get when you mix a pen!s and a potato? A dic-tator.
  • _SpeshK_
    _SpeshK_ Posts: 496 Member
    How do you get a tissue to dance?

    Put a little boogey in it!
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
    What's brown and sounds like a bell?
    ... Dung.

    What's red and goes up and down?
    ...A cranberry in an elevator.

    How to you catch a rabbit?
    ... Hide behind a tree and make a noise like a carrot.
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
    I recall that one about the nuns doing push-ups in the cucumber patch.....it was terrible :noway:

    That was just over the top.
    I am thankful it was removed.
  • shanae727
    shanae727 Posts: 546 Member
    ah, i can't forget my all-time favorite (thank you laffy taffy wrapper)!

    what is the best time to go to the dentist?
    tooth-hurty.

    had to steal that one. HILARIOUS!!!!
  • phtbtmgrl
    phtbtmgrl Posts: 29
    Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?

    A: Fshhh


    Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

    A: Because he felt crumby


    A buddhist walks up to a hot dog vender and says, "Make me one with everything."
  • 1960HikerDude
    1960HikerDude Posts: 215 Member
    A horse walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says "Hey! Why the long face?"
  • 1960HikerDude
    1960HikerDude Posts: 215 Member
    What's the difference between a job and a wife? Ten years later the job still sucks.
  • 1960HikerDude
    1960HikerDude Posts: 215 Member
    How do you make a hormone? Don't pay her.
  • skybird455
    skybird455 Posts: 172 Member
    how many men does it take to spread a drive way?

    only one if you spread him real thin.

    :0)
  • TexanThom
    TexanThom Posts: 778
    Whats the difference between a woman in a bathtub and a woman in church?





    The woman in church has a soul full of hope.
  • 1960HikerDude
    1960HikerDude Posts: 215 Member
    What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer? The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
    Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
    ... To get to the bottom!
  • Alexstrasza
    Alexstrasza Posts: 619 Member
    My favorite joke as a child:

    Me: What are you eating under there?
    Victim: Under Where?
    Me: Ewww you were eating underwear!?!?
  • jennaworksout
    jennaworksout Posts: 1,739 Member
    what do you call fake spagetti?


    an Impasta!
  • muadeeb
    muadeeb Posts: 91
    Did you know that sex is considered a misdemeanor........the more I miss da meaner I get!!