How do you handle hurtful comments????

Options
1235

Replies

  • cindy4mica
    cindy4mica Posts: 777 Member
    Options
    A big "GFY" usually works for me. Immature, but makes me feel better, too. :bigsmile:
  • cindy4mica
    cindy4mica Posts: 777 Member
    Options
    And next time you cut a SMALL piece of cake place it on a napkin for them, grab the rest of the cake on the cake pan and leave with it :drinker: Peace out Grams

    LOL!
  • hopefulfuturexox
    hopefulfuturexox Posts: 12
    Options
    My best friend has a family like that, she basically just tries her best to ignore people who makes hurtful comments.x
  • youngmum
    youngmum Posts: 114
    Options
    They sound horrible! Hmm... I think they sound just awful and I agree with the comments that you should limit your time with them.. Or perhaps not so much avoid them but focus instead on spending more time with the people you come across who are supportive, so by trying to spend more time with nice people what happens is you have less time for the mean people, just as something that naturally occurs rather than trying to avoid them purposely. Also try not to let it get to you. It's easy to say that, but hard to do in practice, however you know that you've lost weight and you are getting better at looking after yourself. You know that you are not a pig or anything like that. You know it, and it's true. Keep doing what you're doing, and eventually they'll notice too, and maybe you'll be able to suggest healthy fun things for them to do with you or you'll be the one bring the healthy option along with you for the pot luck or whatever and they'll start realizing that actually you know what you're doing and you're healthy and maybe they'll start respecting you and asking for your advice with their diets or exercise programs.. who knows? Just don't become negative back, it's soul destroying & a waste of your time & energy - energy that needs to be invested into doing good things for yourself and those you want to do good things for, not on being upset or angry.
  • Fairy_Farts
    Fairy_Farts Posts: 166 Member
    Options
    At this point in my life I've learned there is no room in my home/life/heart for toxicity. Be you friend, family, whatever. Support me or find the door. Life is too short, time is too precious and there are plenty of people who will cherish me. Might be cold but I've wasted far too much of myself on people who don't deserve me. :)

    I SOOOOO ditto this!!! ^^^^^^^

    I'm not a doormat anymore, and I have no problem making that clear.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,619 Member
    Options
    I am grateful that you're worried about me, but your approach to helping me isn't working, it's causing me to feel worse about my situation.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • RoboLikes
    RoboLikes Posts: 519 Member
    Options
    Negative people, family or not, I cut out of my life.
  • buzzcogs
    buzzcogs Posts: 296 Member
    Options
    Tell them weight can be lost but MEAN seems to stick! (Wow! they must have issues to be so mean!) Some people are such jerks they can't help themselves.
  • minnesota_deere
    minnesota_deere Posts: 232 Member
    Options
    I've gone from a size 15 to a size 11. I am still working on it. I was 180lbs and am now 157lbs. I have 2 family members who say very hurtful things. One makes pig noises if I touch something not super healthy. I strive to eat great but there are OCCASIONS where I may have a can of soda or a SMALL piece of cake. He says it will make me fat or if I miss a day at the gym makes me feel like a failure. He makes me feel gross and like I'm a huge cow. My Gma just said to me yesterday "I don't understand how you're still so big after chasing your kids all day". Also she brought me a pair of pants several sizes larger then what I wear since she can see that I've put on weight. This all is like a huge stab at me and my hard work. How do you handle things like this? How do you not let it affect you?
  • minnesota_deere
    minnesota_deere Posts: 232 Member
    Options
    I don't want to be hateful or rude back. That's not me. I don't want to hurt them in return. I'm just not sure how to approach it.

    well it looks like your going to be getting hurt until you get strong, start crying your eyes out and show the real emotion that you are truely feeling and go on about I just want a piece of cake, can i please have one? than get on your knees and beg to them. that should make them feel like crap.
  • minnesota_deere
    minnesota_deere Posts: 232 Member
    Options
    This is why we get to pick our friends.

    Seriously, I cut off most of my "family" year ago due to abuse. I will not tolerate it any longer. I don't care who dishes it out, I am worth more than that, and I've let them know it. I'm not their doormat.

    absolutely agree , my brother and i have not spoke in 7 years, he is a true SOB, I will not visit my mother ever, she can come here and visit the grandkids, however if she starts to get negative, I simply state its time to go we have things to do and i grab there coats and shove them out the door. my sister well her husband is very jealous of my family and he finds little things to pick on me about, when he starts in, i take one look at him and say, you have great family, you did great as a dad, i am really impressed. i hope my kids are half of what yours turned out to be. good job. ( my 3 nephews really are great guys).
  • Nadineshirleydelange
    Nadineshirleydelange Posts: 6
    Options
    ]
  • Nadineshirleydelange
    Nadineshirleydelange Posts: 6
    Options
    I am really sorry to hear that you have family members who are so negative towards you. I find that the best defense is an offence so when you see them just say something before they do like " lost more this week but of course I know that this isnt good enough for your standards, just thought I'd mention it, before you get nasty" you will say it only once I promise. Hope it gets better soon, stay well.
  • avafrisbee
    avafrisbee Posts: 234 Member
    Options
    I rant to my husband about toxic family members. Makes me feel better.

    Also, I moved to a different continent. Not an option for everyone, but I had a lucky opportunity :happy:
  • Dunkirk
    Dunkirk Posts: 465 Member
    Options
    How about a humorous approach, e.g. yelling out loud "Auntie Jo, Uncle Bob's being rude again!"
    or a big wink with "Right back at ya" comment, with a smile.
  • avafrisbee
    avafrisbee Posts: 234 Member
    Options
    Smile, nod, say "You're right" and "ok" and "yup" and go about doing your own thing. This kind of treatment is reserved for family only.

    When somebody who's not family, go with "Go F*** yourself".

    ^^^^ This and a gift of large pants you just say "thanks, I'll try them on right now!" Then go do it and come out and show her that they don't fit. Make a joke out if it "Oh my gosh I can get both my kids in here with me! I'll save them for the next time I'm pregnant" She may offer to take them back and get something more appropriate.
  • valenief
    valenief Posts: 134 Member
    Options
    My hubby is rude to me sometimes too not the noises but he will say "You'll sure lose weight eating that!" or "Yeah that's really a part of your diet!" I just tell him flat out "I'm the one losing weight if you don't have anything nice to say to me don't talk to me!"
  • HBBrown78
    HBBrown78 Posts: 55 Member
    Options
    Ahh, family the other "F" word.

    Honestly? I'd limit my time with them, they sound toxic. I'd maybe say something like "I'm really proud that I've taken control of my health and had so much success with it. Is there something bothering you? I just ask because you really do like to put me down, and that's concerning to me."

    You have to put your foot down with people like that. You can't please all the people all of the time, nor should you. There is always going to be someone to tell you what not to do. You do for you, no one else.

    Congratulations! :flowerforyou:
    I like this approach
  • margeauxhunt
    margeauxhunt Posts: 77
    Options
    Smile, nod, say "You're right" and "ok" and "yup" and go about doing your own thing. This kind of treatment is reserved for family only.

    When somebody who's not family, go with "Go F*** yourself".

    Just because you're related to someone, it does not give them the ok to be verbally abusive.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    Options
    Family are the worst. Ignore them. Though I haven't had anyone say the same kind of things, most of what I've dealt with is the skinny people in my family talking about how fat they are in front of me. When I would confront them and say that it upsets me because I was actually overweight they would say things like, "Oh you look fine." or "You carry the weight well." Thanks guys...how about offering to help instead of lying to my face!

Categories