How do you handle hurtful comments????

TheRoadDog

Either I am in denial or I am developing memory loss, because I can't remember any hurtful comments.

My family and friends all treat me well. Strangers are always polite. Everybody must be ragging on me behind my back.

ShaSimone

I've gone from a size 15 to a size 11. I am still working on it. I was 180lbs and am now 157lbs. I have 2 family members who say very hurtful things. One makes pig noises if I touch something not super healthy. I strive to eat great but there are OCCASIONS where I may have a can of soda or a SMALL piece of cake. He says it will make me fat or if I miss a day at the gym makes me feel like a failure. He makes me feel gross and like I'm a huge cow. My Gma just said to me yesterday "I don't understand how you're still so big after chasing your kids all day". Also she brought me a pair of pants several sizes larger then what I wear since she can see that I've put on weight. This all is like a huge stab at me and my hard work. How do you handle things like this? How do you not let it affect you?

This makes me sad and I am so sorry that your family is treating you this way. My response is very low on this thread and OP might not even get back to reading it. Just wanted to say that.

Flippiefloppies

You would be surprised at how honestly actually can get the best results. The next time either of them say anything, stop, look at them dead in the eye and say " Listen, I have worked really hard to get to where I am. Your negative comments are not helping me in the least. If you want to support me, find a better way to do it. If you don't like the way I look, then don't look at me. I am trying my best here. Please find another hobby, your verbal ridicule of me is only amusing one person, and it is not me."


That should shut them up. If not, then they are not worth your time to bother with.

felice03

I find that slipping laxatives in their coffee usually give me the most satisfaction.

:drinker:

Flippiefloppies

I find that slipping laxatives in their coffee usually give me the most satisfaction.

:drinker:

ooooorrrr you could go this route, which is always fun!

jackpotclown

I find that slipping laxatives in their coffee usually give me the most satisfaction.

:drinker:

This^^^

TheReese1206

I'm still reading all of these. Thank you. It's hurtful. Especially coming from the male. My Gma is easier to brush off.

I've gone from a size 15 to a size 11. I am still working on it. I was 180lbs and am now 157lbs. I have 2 family members who say very hurtful things. One makes pig noises if I touch something not super healthy. I strive to eat great but there are OCCASIONS where I may have a can of soda or a SMALL piece of cake. He says it will make me fat or if I miss a day at the gym makes me feel like a failure. He makes me feel gross and like I'm a huge cow. My Gma just said to me yesterday "I don't understand how you're still so big after chasing your kids all day". Also she brought me a pair of pants several sizes larger then what I wear since she can see that I've put on weight. This all is like a huge stab at me and my hard work. How do you handle things like this? How do you not let it affect you?

This makes me sad and I am so sorry that your family is treating you this way. My response is very low on this thread and OP might not even get back to reading it. Just wanted to say that.

spade117

It's hurtful. Especially coming from the male. My Gma is easier to brush off.

Figure out why the comments coming from the male seem to hurt. Why can't you brush those off as well like the ones from grandma?

If that is the case, obviously you are capable of not letting them bother you.

coconutbuNZ

I really REALLY hate that when family members observe and comment on what you're about to eat. Honestly, who wants to even dine with such people?! I understand how it feels, it really does hurt. We can't control what people say but we can control what we think. Don't buy into their rubbish. Don't believe their words for a second. By the way, from looking at your pic I see you are a very beautiful lady.

motherbetty

After kicking a 30 year smoking habit, my father in law said "good for you for quitting smoking - even though it caused you to gain weight"

Nice, huh?

TheReese1206

Because the Males opinion means a lot more.

It's hurtful. Especially coming from the male. My Gma is easier to brush off.

Figure out why the comments coming from the male seem to hurt. Why can't you brush those off as well like the ones from grandma?

If that is the case, obviously you are capable of not letting them bother you.

CannibalisticVegetarian

I go through the exact same thing with some of my family members, so I can definitely relate. Where as I'd love to resort to lashing out violently, I'm a bit too passive for that. Most I'd agree on is maybe you should just turn a blind eye and keep away from them, lest they get under your skin even more. It's quite depressing when people you love dearly at the ones who make you feel the worst. Just the other day as I was brushing my teeth, my father enters the bathroom, points and even slightly touches a little underarm saggage (that I am working on) and goes on to tell me that I should definitely be working on that. If I miss a day or two at the gym, he goes on this big rant about how I'm back sliding and not doing anything with myself. He constantly points out all of my flaws and just.. ugh. My brother's the same, though his comments have come to a end.. I think.

There's not much that can be done really except to ignore them and just not come around. Talking to them COULD work, that is unless the people you speak with feel in their heart of hearts that the hurtful comments are actually their innocently helping you see where you need improvement.. And alas... you cant bludgeon them with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a crime these days. kiddng! I hope you find the answer though. Good luck and God speed!

Monti_e_lmt

I have had to deal with that crap since early childhood. My Grammy was the worst. She even made me eat in front of a mirror once, she was trying to "help" me but all she did was scar me until my mom had enough and went off on her. Now they are opposites. Mom is the one to make hurtful comments and Grammy tells me I look like I have lost weight and my boobs are bigger than my stomach. A few weeks ago Mom called me Dairy Queen not long ago and at first I didn't get it but she called me it the next day and said the fat on my back looks like an ice cream cone. She said she was just joking but I have always been sensitive about my weight bc I was tormented by my own family as well as school mates. I have been called fat @ss many times and lard butt and bull moose. But it hurts most when it comes from family. I didn't get positive comments until I was in high school but the damage was done and every once in a while it happens again. It hurts. But I did let mom know that it really did hurt me and I wanted to cry and she said I need to be less sensitive BUT she quit making comments and started encouraging me So in my experience, confronting them with your true feelings helps, they may try to put it off that it is your problem that it bothers you so much but deep down they listen. Tell them you are trying hard to better yourself and their hurtful comments are hindering that and if they love you to not make those comments. Tell them that you are allowed a spike day once a week to give your body a shock so you don't hit a plateau and that you have already lost so much so you know what you are doing. If you keep your mouth shut they will keep doing it and it will end in one of two ways; either you stress eat and your stay in that hurtful cycle of comments about your weight; OR you lose all your weight and they think that they did you good by making those comments and take credit for it. So I think you should tell them. They may get mad but they will get over it quick. Please don't let those comments scar you. I am so scarred that I feel like crying when I eat because the intense feeling of guilt that overwhelmed me even if I hadn't ate all day and my stomach is turning inside out and eating a whole in my abdomen because it's so empty, I still feel like a pig. I hear pig noises in my head and I picture a morbidly obese child stuffing their face with their hands even if I am eating a salad with a fork. I can't eat in front of other people. I have a lot of hate trapped in me and it is pointed at myself, and until I found mfp, I thought I would never feel confident again. Mfp has changed my life and the people I met are so amazing and kind. I only wish that people in my area acted like them. I hope things turn around for you dear.

TheReese1206

Thank you all for your advice and kind words.

bbriscoe13

I'd always make fun of them back....I'm not gonna tell you to take the high road and ignore them, fight them back with your own words...and be hurtful back....an exception for the grammy though, I wouldn't do that

This!! I always fight back. They have feelings too and they have insecurities, just find out what it is and hit them hard with it. They will either stop or pick harder. Just be ready if they decide to pick harder. Then if it were me, I would probably stop talking to them all together. Family isn't supposed to intentionally hurt you.