Ladies - Would you date someone who is divorced?

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  • MrsLVF
    MrsLVF Posts: 787 Member
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    No.

    Because I date to get married, and I am not promising "till death" to someone who has already illustrated that marraige doesn't mean that.

    I agree, but... I would at least find out the reasons. My husband's first wife left him for another man. He had no choice in the matter. They went to marriage counseling (he thought to save their marriage), and there she revealed that she was already pregnant with the other guy's baby. It was over, and she had no intention of coming back. It was devastating to him precisely because, to him, marriage *does* mean "til death do us part."

    Not to say he was perfect or that none of their problems were his fault. But he wanted to fix them, and she didn't give him a choice.

    I don't agree with everyone who jumped to the "abusive marriage" card. The vast majority of marriages do NOT end because of abuse. The vast majority of divorces are just because someone decided they didn't want to be married anymore. When I married my husband, I made a conscious decision to stay with him for the rest of my life, no matter what. I wouldn't risk making a commitment like that with someone who didn't feel the same way.

    And just so you know, my own parents divorced because of physical abuse. It's precisely because I know how devastating the fallout of divorce can be (especially when kids are involved) even when there is a *very good* reason, that I would never do something so drastic just because "feelings changed."
    You don't agree????? You think they should have stayed with the abusive spouse? Nothing could have made me stay with my ex, I'll spare you the details, but when dealt the "abusive card" as you call it the only option to fold the cards & run.
  • katy4399
    katy4399 Posts: 136 Member
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    No.

    Because I date to get married, and I am not promising "till death" to someone who has already illustrated that marraige doesn't mean that.

    I know from past posts that you are a Christian (As am I) but sometimes when a marriage fails one person has nothing to do with it. I am happily married and have been for 13 years but I have had friends whose spouse simply decides to leave. I.e. they think they married too young, etc. etc. Please try to see the grey area in life.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
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    I'd rather date someone who is married. They're less likely to tell my wife.
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
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    I'm an old spinster, never married. I kind of would rather date someone who has also never been married, if by dating, we're assuming serious relationship here (if not, who cares?). However, I wouldn't tell someone to take a hike just because he'd been divorced. Now if he'd been divorced 5 times...
  • mum32008
    mum32008 Posts: 37 Member
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    yes i would, being divorced myself it wouldnt worry me at all, marriages end for many reasons so i would want to know why it ended but thats it
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
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    I'd rather date someone who is married. They're less likely to tell my wife.

    :laugh:
  • bluegrasschica
    bluegrasschica Posts: 224
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    I would date a divorced man.
  • MrsLVF
    MrsLVF Posts: 787 Member
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    I'd rather date someone who is married. They're less likely to tell my wife.
    WOW:laugh:
  • SeasideOasis
    SeasideOasis Posts: 1,057 Member
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    Would I date someone who is divorced...Yes. Would I date someone who has kids...No.
  • EllieMo
    EllieMo Posts: 131 Member
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    It's better than dating someone while they're still married!
  • SweetNaughtyLips
    SweetNaughtyLips Posts: 374 Member
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    I think it would depend on the situation as to why this couple divorced, but most likely the answer is yes.

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  • mickeygirliegirl
    mickeygirliegirl Posts: 302 Member
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    Yes I would and I have.

    Just because someone is divorced doesn't mean that marriage doesn't matter to that person. Remember, there are two people in a marriage.

    One man that I dated who was divorced found out his (ex)wife was having an affair. He couldn't look at her the same way after that. It destroyed him. He told me he valued marriage, she did not.

    For me, where things get complicated is not if the person is divorced but if they have kids. It's not that I wouldn't date someone with kids, I just want to be sure things are serious before having the kids involved. Any man who doesn't think twice of introducing their children after one or two dates is someone who I may think twice about continuing to date because I don't think it's appropriate to parade potential mates in front of them. Just my opinion though.
  • ImJDLookatME
    ImJDLookatME Posts: 290
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    Yes, I find that it's very common for some to get married really young like 18 and then as they grow and mature they are different people. I know that I am not the same person I was at 18 now at 24...why fault someone when they just grew out of the relationship...now if it was a Drew Peterson situation where he has never been divorced but all of his wives are missing or dead...then I would be concerned!
  • fdlafon
    fdlafon Posts: 259 Member
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    I married a divorced man, and have been extremely happy for 18 years!!!!

    So, yes!
  • totallytasha
    totallytasha Posts: 134 Member
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    No.

    Because I date to get married, and I am not promising "till death" to someone who has already illustrated that marraige doesn't mean that.

    I agree, but... I would at least find out the reasons. My husband's first wife left him for another man. He had no choice in the matter. They went to marriage counseling (he thought to save their marriage), and there she revealed that she was already pregnant with the other guy's baby. It was over, and she had no intention of coming back. It was devastating to him precisely because, to him, marriage *does* mean "til death do us part."

    Not to say he was perfect or that none of their problems were his fault. But he wanted to fix them, and she didn't give him a choice.

    I don't agree with everyone who jumped to the "abusive marriage" card. The vast majority of marriages do NOT end because of abuse. The vast majority of divorces are just because someone decided they didn't want to be married anymore. When I married my husband, I made a conscious decision to stay with him for the rest of my life, no matter what. I wouldn't risk making a commitment like that with someone who didn't feel the same way.

    And just so you know, my own parents divorced because of physical abuse. It's precisely because I know how devastating the fallout of divorce can be (especially when kids are involved) even when there is a *very good* reason, that I would never do something so drastic just because "feelings changed."
    You don't agree????? You think they should have stayed with the abusive spouse? Nothing could have made me stay with my ex, I'll spare you the details, but when dealt the "abusive card" as you call it the only option to fold the cards & run.

    Yes, I'm dating a man who is divorced, and has a kid, and I love them both soooo much. But it is hard. I had this conversation with my bf a couple days ago after reading a different divorce thread. I know him - I know if he ever asks me to marry him he will mean it with every bit that he has. But didn't he mean it the first time? I know he did. And his situation was one where they were essentially roommates - no abuse, nothing wrong, just not meant to be. That's hard for me to deal with. What if we get married and at some point we grow apart. How much work is going to go into it before deciding it's just 'not working'? It scares me to death to know that that's so often the reason, and that divorce is an option so often taken. He told me that he saw an opportunity to make 3 people's lives better (his, ex's, and daughter's), and that clicked for me. I agree that he made the right choice, but I still struggle.

    I definitely think no one should ever stay in an abusive marriage. It's awful that it happens as much as it does, and I support divorce in that circumstance. And I definitely think everyone has the right to be happy and to make mistakes. However, I still believe very strongly that 'til death do us part' is just what that means. We are going to date for a good long time, and then be engaged for a good long time before getting married. I want to wait til I'm a little older (I'm only 23 now), and make sure we've spent enough time developing ourselves as well as our relationship, and at least feel like I have a good idea of how we're both changing - working toward the same goals or different ones. Because once I'm married I want to be able to know that even if we're having a rough day, or month, or year, that it's only a small percentage of the 50 we're going to spend together happily. And I want to feel the satisfaction of knowing we stuck it out, that I know well the changed person he's become over all those years, and can still see and value the part of him that hasn't changed that I fell in love with to begin with.

    Maybe this is me living in a world of rainbows, but whatever. He said that if anything the divorce made him more aware and careful of ever marrying again, and that if he did that would be the end - no more divorces. So I guess it's not a totally negative outcome that he went through it because that made him the person he is today - more determined to make the marriage work, which is definitely a good thing to me. But to the people giving the ones who believe marriage is 'til death' a hard time, just know it's scary to be one of those and then see marriages falling apart everywhere. The last thing I want to do is adopt the mindset that divorce is no big deal and then not put full effort into my marriage, even subconsciously. I'll keep my fairy tale mindset as long as I can.
  • punkrockmama
    punkrockmama Posts: 142 Member
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    Some of these responses are just silly!

    I dated--and married--and am pregnant with baby #3 to--a man who was previously married. It was absolutely the best thing I've ever done! We'll be celebrating 7 years of marriage next month.

    I think anyone who rules out a relationship based on that person's past is either completely idiotic or has their head in a hole!
  • Krissy366
    Krissy366 Posts: 458 Member
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    No.

    Because I date to get married, and I am not promising "till death" to someone who has already illustrated that marraige doesn't mean that.

    I agree, but... I would at least find out the reasons. My husband's first wife left him for another man. He had no choice in the matter. They went to marriage counseling (he thought to save their marriage), and there she revealed that she was already pregnant with the other guy's baby. It was over, and she had no intention of coming back. It was devastating to him precisely because, to him, marriage *does* mean "til death do us part."

    Not to say he was perfect or that none of their problems were his fault. But he wanted to fix them, and she didn't give him a choice.

    I don't agree with everyone who jumped to the "abusive marriage" card. The vast majority of marriages do NOT end because of abuse. The vast majority of divorces are just because someone decided they didn't want to be married anymore. When I married my husband, I made a conscious decision to stay with him for the rest of my life, no matter what. I wouldn't risk making a commitment like that with someone who didn't feel the same way.

    And just so you know, my own parents divorced because of physical abuse. It's precisely because I know how devastating the fallout of divorce can be (especially when kids are involved) even when there is a *very good* reason, that I would never do something so drastic just because "feelings changed."
    You don't agree????? You think they should have stayed with the abusive spouse? Nothing could have made me stay with my ex, I'll spare you the details, but when dealt the "abusive card" as you call it the only option to fold the cards & run.

    I don't think she was suggesting that people stay in abusive marriages. I think she was saying, for the sake of the conversation that abuse is not the reason that most people divorce, and that she opposes divorce in situations where the "feelings changed", etc.
  • Daysednconfused
    Daysednconfused Posts: 975 Member
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    Yes, but never with kids under 18.

    This! If I were single anyway!
  • starcatcher1975
    starcatcher1975 Posts: 292 Member
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    I think this is an odd question. Divorced people aren't diseased or malformed because they had a marriage that was unsuccessful...

    If a woman took the position that she would never date a divorced man, she would be missing out on some great men. Men who have wisdom, maturity, patience, understanding, and other desirable character traits.

    Sure... not all divorced men have those qualities. But I sure do... :drinker:

    LOL I was waiting for "I sure do" part... too funny
  • EpiGaiaRepens
    EpiGaiaRepens Posts: 824 Member
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    good lord heavens NO!
    I want to date someone like me who just skipped the marriage thing altogether and went straight to the pre-marital sex!!!!!

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