toxic family or friends who try to undermine your weight los

janalayn

I think you need to stand up for yourself. If your family is this disrespectful I would stop going to events with them. Being related by blood does not give them the right to treat you this way. Obviously your sister has some serious self-esteem issues or she wouldn't feel the need to continually point out what is "supposedly" wrong with you. Maybe she needs a taste of her own medicine. When she makes a comment about your weight, say something about how you are changing that - but what is she doing about the fact that she is a hateful *****. Instead of being hurt or withdrawing when she insults you .. make a comment about how you hate it that she can only feel good about herself by saying mean things to you. Even saying, what will you do to feel better, when I do reach my goal weight.

Do not allow her to control you with her insecurites.

There is a great book called "the four agreements" ... look up the summary online. Here is the one that applies:

Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering. We take things personally when we agree with what others have said. If we didn't agree, the things that others say would not affect us emotionally. If we did not care about what others think about us, their words or behavior could not affect us.

Even if someone yells at you, gossips about you, harms you or yours, it still is not about you! Their actions and words are based on what they believe in their personal dream.

Our personal “Book of Law” and belief system makes us feel safe. When people have beliefs that are different from our own, we get scared, defend ourselves, and impose our point of view on others. If someone gets angry with us it is because our belief system is challenging their belief system and they get scared. They need to defend their point of view. Why become angry, create conflict, and expend energy arguing when you are aware of this?

MiloBloom83

Send your "sister" a message; un-friend her immediately. You don't need her. If that was my sister, she'd have got a punch in the face by now. And keep going. everything you do to improve you is a step in the right direction.

darrensurrey

Your sister ought to seek help. She's got massive problems whether she admits it or otherwise.

Well done for getting to where you are today... and not killing your sister. :-D

Shriffee

That is horrible!!! I can't fathom why anyone, especially your own sister, would enjoy tormenting someone!!!! Either she is jealous of you for something or she is truly a sick person. Honestly, I would cut her out of my life. Yes, she's family, but she's certainly not acting like it. My family has issues and we argue, but her behavior is intolerable. Stand up for yourself and tell her you aren't going to take it! If I were you, I would celebrate mother's day with your mom separately.

jessicawrites

What an awful sister! Whether she's in your life anymore is up to you, of course, but at least feel free to decide how often that is, without any guilt or qualms.

When I saw the post title, I thought maybe I'd be in the category of underminers (I love baking but try to give as much as possible away to avoid temptation, which probably helps derail other people's diets), but this is another plane entirely! Good luck to you, and I hope you find a supportive group of friends who will cheer you and take amazing pics of you!

EUPETERS

Please utilize your privacy settings on FB, or ....delete them. Also, so sorry you have to go through this with your family. Be strong, and continue on your journey.

elishabeish

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Not saying you have to do this but if it was me i would stop talking to them completely, cut them out of my life and continue my weight loss journey with out them. they are mean people and you dont' need them.
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I had toxic friends and family, not with my weight loss but a few years ago. I removed them from my life. I felt if they truly loved me for me than they wouldn't treat me so poorly. When I stopped contact with them a few wondered why, I explained how I felt and those few apologized and made efforts to be less mean. I'm sorry you this to deal with.

I think it was Dr. Seuss that said "those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter"

msudaisy28

I'm so sorry you're going through this! It's easy for someone on the outside to give the advice to cut these people out of your life but I'm sure there are reasons why you haven't done so already (I don't have as toxic of a situation as yours is but I have some issues I'm dealing with right now and plenty of people giving me "advice" like that). You will figure out what is best for you and your situation. I do like the suggestions that you do something with your mom on your own for Mother's Day to remove the stress of your sister being there. Maybe you could do something the weekend before or after, or the day before or after, so that you aren't giving your sister any more reason to be mad (i.e. you're "stealing" your mom for the day, etc).

I'm so glad to hear that your husband is supportive - sounds like you definitely need a support system right now! Feel free to add me if you'd like some support on here - I'm pretty active with my MFP friends

kali2785

Wow, that is just horrifying.. Family is supposed to be the ones that love you unconditionally and support you no matter what. It's sad to hear that your sister is this way, at this point, I would say she's jealous of the fact that you are making a change for the better and she can't stand it.
I have personally cut people out of my life, not for them undermining my weight loss but for them being bad people. Family as well, the family is always the hardest but when you put so much into a relationship and get nothing back from it, is it worth it??? My mother is an unhealthy person and would always put herself first, not that she didn't love her children, I just don't think she loved us enough. If it involved something that would be difficult for her to handle, emotionally or physically, she wouldn't even consider it. I now don't speak to her, I don't want to sit there and love someone with all of my heart and do anything I could for them, when I know I'm not getting the same consideration back.
In my own opinion, the best thing to do is remove yourself from the situation and refuse to let her see how much it hurts you.

I know.. all of this is easier said than done, but when it comes to your mental/physical health.. you have to take care of yourself first.

janeite1990

Sister sounds like a nightmare. Just wondering, have you ever done the pic thing to her? Everyone can be framed to look ugly in a pic. If you took a few uglies of her and tagged her, would she get the point. I don't mean just a tit for tat, see, there I showed you kind of thing. Well, a little. But really, maybe she doesn't get how humiliating this is. I hate having my picture taken, and it has nothing to do with weight. I just don't take good pics. I'd be mad as heck!

drea0703

I am not quite sure what is going on there with your sis, but honestly, she seems to be very insecure and anxious when she constantly has to make sure to put you down. Obviously, girl, you got some mojo going on and she is pretty jealous

Have you tried to react in the opposite way than she would expect? She wants horrible pictures of you? Give it to her! Make sure you pose badly for her all the time and call her out on what she is doing: "Hey sis, since you don't realy have a talent for taking pictures, I decided to help you out a bit. And by the way, you mean, backstabbing *****, I DON'T CARE! Post them, print them out and hang them all over the city. You don't get to me anymore!" Ok, I might have gone a little bitty overboard here, but you get the idea

Also, have some fast food! But make sure to prepare it all from scratch: Fried Chicken, Fries, Hamburgers etc. It's possible and you won't eat as much as you usually would, I promise.

Pride yourself a bit, you have the right to do so. You are not a bad person for having some bad food once in a while.

Hotrodhoodlum

No ones fault but yourself if you let someone sabotage your goals

jessicasloan91

omg that is so sad You must be pretty strong to even consider seeing them again!

JaySpice

Like are yall a close family? Cause I would cut them off. Not completely but stop going to some functions for a while. And when they ask you why you weren't there tell them you didn't feel like being disrespected by them. They will take the hint. You have to let them know how you feel.

bemott

Oh wow, I've never heard of such blantent disrespect and evilness. You're amazing. Please stay as far away from these people as possible and unfriend your sister on FB if she continues to post those pictures. Of course you're craving bad stuff and struggling. No one wants you to change because you somehow hold all their pain and anxiety. Maybe a therapist could help you with setting up some better boundaries with your family, so you teach them how to treat you right? Because they obviously aren't going to do it on their own.Thank goodness for your husband. Please surround yourself with people who support you.

Meg177

I don’t think cutting them out is the answer. You can sure cut them back though. These relationships need to be redefined and it’s not really about your weight at all either way. I’d start with a few self-help books designed to increase your confidence and assertiveness. You probably gained the weight because you weren’t asserting yourself in the first place. “The butt of their jokes” – come on!

Sounds like you have an amazing husband there. Mom’s coming around. If I were you I’d be thinking about how fantastic my life is and showing it off. The marathons, the bike, the husband… That's a life worth talking about (don't talk about the weight (or the loss) at all)! Now go get yourself something fabulous to wear with some new, hot shoes and you’re cruising;) Do you have a piece of jewelry or something your sister envies??? Wear it. Big!

squishycow7

your sister sounds AWFUL!!! I'm sorry you're going through that I'm not in this sort of sitation, but what I would say to you is distance yourself as much as possible. be strong, know that you're doing the right thing, and just try to stay AWAY!! perhaps once you've reached your goals she will be a better person toward you. who knows be better than her and don't retaliate - it will be victory enough having met your weight loss and fitness goals someday!!!! but I do hope that things get better. keep doing what you're doing, and be secure in knowing that if nothing else, you've got MFP to back you up!!!!

luvmycoffee

Your sister is a bully. A toxic person that has no place in your life.

Congrats on all of the positive changes you have made in your life & I think you will find wonderful people on MFP that will support & inspire you. Life is short & you should not waste time on someone like her. Surround yourself with people who lift you up!! :flowerforyou:

jodee_donavan

Plan an active walk or something health related- and not food related for your mother's day get together- and it's only for you and your mother. Why do we always think holidays are about food? Its about celebrating your mom.

as for your sister- why are you even dealing with her? Tell her exactly what you wrote here--- heck- show her the post- and then let her know- until you can be a geniune loving sister- I just don't have a place for you in my life as I am trying to get and be well and you are toxic.

You need to have some conversations- it sounds like you are relying on your husband and avoiding people- don't be passive agressive about it- i totally get where youre coming from but it's time for a frank conversation.

good luck

luv_lea

Wow, that's horrible. I'm so sorry you've had to go through that. I agree with everyone else that if your sister and anyone else can't get it how much they are hurting you-you need to cut them out of your life!

Great job on the marathon!! & the weight loss-GREAT JOB!!!!