toxic family or friends who try to undermine your weight los
Replies
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I am not quite sure what is going on there with your sis, but honestly, she seems to be very insecure and anxious when she constantly has to make sure to put you down. Obviously, girl, you got some mojo going on and she is pretty jealous
Have you tried to react in the opposite way than she would expect? She wants horrible pictures of you? Give it to her! Make sure you pose badly for her all the time and call her out on what she is doing: "Hey sis, since you don't realy have a talent for taking pictures, I decided to help you out a bit. And by the way, you mean, backstabbing *****, I DON'T CARE! Post them, print them out and hang them all over the city. You don't get to me anymore!" Ok, I might have gone a little bitty overboard here, but you get the idea
Also, have some fast food! But make sure to prepare it all from scratch: Fried Chicken, Fries, Hamburgers etc. It's possible and you won't eat as much as you usually would, I promise.
Pride yourself a bit, you have the right to do so. You are not a bad person for having some bad food once in a while.0 -
No ones fault but yourself if you let someone sabotage your goals0
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omg that is so sad
You must be pretty strong to even consider seeing them again! 0 -
Like are yall a close family? Cause I would cut them off. Not completely but stop going to some functions for a while. And when they ask you why you weren't there tell them you didn't feel like being disrespected by them. They will take the hint. You have to let them know how you feel.0
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Oh wow, I've never heard of such blantent disrespect and evilness. You're amazing. Please stay as far away from these people as possible and unfriend your sister on FB if she continues to post those pictures. Of course you're craving bad stuff and struggling. No one wants you to change because you somehow hold all their pain and anxiety. Maybe a therapist could help you with setting up some better boundaries with your family, so you teach them how to treat you right? Because they obviously aren't going to do it on their own.Thank goodness for your husband. Please surround yourself with people who support you.0
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I don’t think cutting them out is the answer. You can sure cut them back though. These relationships need to be redefined and it’s not really about your weight at all either way. I’d start with a few self-help books designed to increase your confidence and assertiveness. You probably gained the weight because you weren’t asserting yourself in the first place. “The butt of their jokes†– come on!
Sounds like you have an amazing husband there. Mom’s coming around. If I were you I’d be thinking about how fantastic my life is and showing it off. The marathons, the bike, the husband… That's a life worth talking about (don't talk about the weight (or the loss) at all)! Now go get yourself something fabulous to wear with some new, hot shoes and you’re cruising;) Do you have a piece of jewelry or something your sister envies??? Wear it. Big!0 -
your sister sounds AWFUL!!! I'm sorry you're going through that I'm not in this sort of sitation, but what I would say to you is distance yourself as much as possible. be strong, know that you're doing the right thing, and just try to stay AWAY!! perhaps once you've reached your goals she will be a better person toward you. who knows
be better than her and don't retaliate - it will be victory enough having met your weight loss and fitness goals someday!!!! but I do hope that things get better. keep doing what you're doing, and be secure in knowing that if nothing else, you've got MFP to back you up!!!! 0 -
Your sister is a bully. A toxic person that has no place in your life.
Congrats on all of the positive changes you have made in your life & I think you will find wonderful people on MFP that will support & inspire you. Life is short & you should not waste time on someone like her. Surround yourself with people who lift you up!! :flowerforyou:0 -
Plan an active walk or something health related- and not food related for your mother's day get together- and it's only for you and your mother. Why do we always think holidays are about food? Its about celebrating your mom.
as for your sister- why are you even dealing with her? Tell her exactly what you wrote here--- heck- show her the post- and then let her know- until you can be a geniune loving sister- I just don't have a place for you in my life as I am trying to get and be well and you are toxic.
You need to have some conversations- it sounds like you are relying on your husband and avoiding people- don't be passive agressive about it- i totally get where youre coming from but it's time for a frank conversation.
good luck0 -
Wow, that's horrible. I'm so sorry you've had to go through that. I agree with everyone else that if your sister and anyone else can't get it how much they are hurting you-you need to cut them out of your life!
Great job on the marathon!! & the weight loss-GREAT JOB!!!!0 -
I'm not saying YOU should do it but I have never been happier since I ditched my 'toxic' family. I was also the red-headed stepchild in my family. I can't remember my mother ever saying anything even remotely nice to me. One day she called my kid's school & reported me for child-abuse even tho she had not been to my current home I was living in & had not seen my kids - not laid eyes on them for at least 5 years. In fact, when the school asked my kids about (her name) they didn't even know who she was.
I called her and told her exactly where she could go and it was the last time we ever spoke.
I NEVER regretted it, even when she died. I still don't regret it.
Toxic people are poison - even if they ARE family- NO reason to tolerate it.
you have to do what's best for YOU. If you feel like you can't eliminate them, I would definitely restrict contact. Perhaps they will get the message & treat you better when they do see you (but I doubt it) and maybe eventually you'll realize, like I did, that you don't NEED these a$$hats in your life.
Good luck & best wishes- friend me if you like, I'll be ya sister =D0 -
Lean on your MFP and real-life friends for support...unfriend your sister on FB...and change your FB settings so that you can't be tagged in photos (and un-tag yourself from the ones your sister tagged). Good luck to you...0
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Wow. Your sister sounds like a horrible person. None of that is acceptable behavior from an adult.. maybe a 12 year old! I would cut her out of your life - if she confronts you tell her you'll include her in your life when she grows up. I'm 100% serious - keep her away! You need positive people in your life - sounds like you have a wonderful husband. You can do things with the rest of your family without her - hand out with your mom without her - even if it isn't exactly on mothers day.0
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I have a toxic sister but I'm lucky enough to have 2 sisters and the other one is my most precious resource in healthy living.
First off, the right thing is cut off the toxic sister. She sounds for whatever reason as if she cannot find her own identity without having you to trample on. Work hard. Every bad picture, snide comment, is just more of her FEAR showing. And be honest with yourself that she SHOULD be afraid and take a little pride in that it is YOU making her afraid.
I don't speak to my Toxic sister.
We don't ever see each other but maybe in passing at a funeral.
She continues to try to get at me through other people, but I realize this is her desperate need, and gradually others learned this as well.
Losing weight is a fight and you know its not wrong to punch back. Maybe even once look her in the eye and say I know you are scared that I'm going to be greater and better than you ever could be, and you're fears are true/ too late. I'm never going to be a monster like you are so I'm already greater & better.
) YOU keep Psyching yourself UP everytime someone tries to PSYCH you down.
Hang in there!!!0 -
So sorry you have to go through this & with family... Your sister sounds like a miserable you know what... I have been overweight just about my entire life.. My dad & brother used to tease me a little bit when I was about 12.. But not like what your going through.. That is just horrible.. Your sister sounds like she is a little jealous of your weightloss.. I think I would be tellling her to take a hike.. Someone like that - whether family or not does not need to be in your life.. Your doing great on your weightloss & I am proud of you for sharing your story.. Thats not easy.. I am very fortunate & have a very supportive family & friends.. I am 30 pounds down & feel so much better.. Its not an easy journey but so well worth it.. But until I was ready to do it I knew I would not stick with it.. Well I am ready now.. I hope your sister realizes what a beast she is being.. Take care...0
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From what you said here about your mam and sister, they sound like a bunch of b*stards and I'd seriously consider fu*king them off! It's absolutely terrible how they are treating you. It comes across as though it doesn't matter what you do, they will pick you apart so my advice to you is, live your life how you want to...keep up with the balanced diet and exercise each week and you'll continue to do well, like you have been doing.
You need supportive loving people in your life flower, not negative toxic ones!
Onwards and upwards and well done on the weight loss so far!!!! 0 -
I almost cried reading your issue. I have been there...not with my mom but my sister and some of my biological dad's family. I would fear going to see them if I gained even an oz. To this day I have issues with anxiety about seeing them but I have learned two things from them.
#1.I CAN DO IT! Even if they say I can't or that I look horrible...poke fun or be extremely negative...I CAN get to where I want to be and I will!
#2. I am SO much better than they are because I do not need to seek out people to torment and destroy their self esteem to make myself better....I just simply MAKE MYSELF BETTER.
I have to thank them for showing me that I suppose. But at the same time, I have decided that they are NOT going to say things like that to me. I let them know I am mad. I tell them how they made me feel and then walk away. I do not let their comments mean anything to me because that is all they are ... comments from negative people that I feel so sorry for since they have to have so much negativity in their lives.
Good luck with your family and know.....it isn't you that has the issue. It is them. They are the ones in the wrong. No matter what body type or physical shape we are in, our FAMILY should always be supportive of us. If they can't do that then they are NOT worth your time.0 -
I cannot believe that your sister is treating you this way! She really is a bully and I would tell her that you are not going to see her anymore until she stops and follow through! XO Wishing you happiness and success! Sounds like you have a wonderful husband!0
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I hurt for you by reading this. I can't imagine anyone in my life being like that. You are doing great things and I'm sure you look fantastic.
I've only ever had one person in my life be so cruel and I will admit, he broke me down. It was his own insecurities that made him try and beat me down to his level and once I learned that I changed. I found that strength in me that I never knew I had and I never looked back.
As they used to say in the 70's "Keep on Trucking". You will get there. Once you find that confidence that is sneaking it's way to the surface you will be unstoppable. No matter what size you are you will out shine your bitter miserable sister.
Good luck to you!0 -
They are hateful people.
One thing I have learned over the years is you do not have to do things with so called family if they are so hateful and mean. Just because they are blood does not give them a special license to hurt you. Distance yourself from them and only go to events that you choose. This is in your hands. Speak up and say I choose only to be around nice people. a0 -
Wow! Well all I can say is you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends, and it sounds like your mom and Sister are definitely not friends. It's really incredibly sad and pathetic that they try to bring you down like that. They are blood and should be the ones who would love and support you the most. But unfortunately I know sometimes, it isn't really that way.
I have toxic family member who I have just had to cut out of my life. Harsh as it may be, there comes a time when your own health and happiness is what is more important. I gave them plenty of fair warning, and still it continues.
That's what my advice for you is. Stand up to them and tell them that if they can't treat you with love and respect that you don't want them in your life. Make sure they know you are serious, and that none of this is a joke to you. At the end of the day I hope they will change for your sake, but you shouldn't let this behavior continue. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. And it sounds like your have your husband's support, maybe he can help you with doing this as well.0 -
Wow. I'm sorry your family is being so terrible to you. I agree with what some other's have posted. Cut the toxicity out. You have a supportive husband and it sounds like your mom is coming around. So that's great. Keep the support close and don't give in to the anxiety. Good for you for deleting your sister from your FB friends.
I know it'll be hard, but just ignore, ignore, ignore. People like that take pleasure from the visible reactions they get from their victims. Remove the reactions and they have nothing to feed off of and it further displays what bullies they are. Inside keep an air of superiority and pride about how you have the will-power and the ability to accomplish the goals you have and how sad it is that your sister is so weak and insecure that she has to stoop to her behavior.
Don't feel bad that for any of it. Good luck with the rest of your journey! 0 -
I'm so sorry! It sounds like your sister is very jealous of you losing weight! I think you should try to take a bad picture of her and post it on facebook, see what her reaction would be. I have had a few comments similar to yours such as "you work out too much." But just keep working hard and you'll get to your goal. Don't let them bring you down, keep going!0
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Just let her know that while you are able to change what is wrong with you, she will never change the ugly that she is.0
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Wow, this story just made me so sad. Your sister is a real witch. I think you need a new sister, and I'd be happy to volunteer for the position!!
Seriously though, you are doing a fabulous job, and you should surround yourself with positive people, not people who are there to ridicule you. Sometimes family can be our worst enemies. My sister does this thing on Facebook where she makes a snide comment to one of my posts. At times I will post things about how people have done this or that and about how it aggravated me. (ie rude customer service) She will make some hateful comment about how I need to grow up, and stop saying hateful things. Yet her daughter can get on facebook and call the girl from Starbucks a moron because she forgot to add that extra splash of something in her latte, and my sister will say "oh, that's just terrible!! I can't believe you were treated like that." Everyone around me sees it, a few have called her on it, but it doesn't stop her.
I don't think your sister is going to stop either. As such, I hope you do what you can to preserve your sanity and try to distance yourself from her. If you go to a party, sit away from her, if she comes near you, get up and move. Maybe if you're cool to her, she'll get a clue. Also, start taking ugly shots of her. Better yet, take her out, get her sloppy drunk, and take pictures. Paybacks a b1tch they say.0 -
Holy cow, your sister is VICIOUS. Blocking her was definitely the right decision.
Ignoring it is probably the best thing to do, but I'd be SO tempted to try for unflattering photos of her and post them instead.0 -
Your story makes me sad and ever so thankful I never had a sister!!!! Instead of focusing on how far you have to go...try to focus on how far you've come and Keep on Keeping ON!!!0
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How horrible I cannot imagine any family member being that purposely hurtful to someone else they're related to. As many other people stated yes good first step by un-friending her. Now I would suggest you take a break from spending time with her. But also you need to be blunt and honest with her, take off the kid gloves when talking with her. Tell her it is unacceptable the way she has been treating you and that she needs to mature asap because a real sister would not treat you that way, yes you have weight issues but you are working on fixing them and she should be supporting you. Then tell her not to talk to you unless she can get over whatever issues she has and be a supportive sister. Then just be strong and not initiate contact with her especially if she is being toxic.
It seems your mother is changing so good for her and you continue to make progress you may have slip-ups it's okay, it took you years to get to the weight you were and it will be a journey to get to where you want to be. Like other suggested make Mother's Day plans without involving your sister.0 -
i have taken a break from family , maybe thats what you need? take about 6 months without speaking to them and work on yourself either lose weight or not or work on becoming a stronger person, like my dad said "your going to need some thicker skin if your going to make it in this world". or use there negative to motivate you. turn that frown upside down.0
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Honestly, it sounds like your mom has hopped on board simply because you’ve lost weight. Would she still be as vitriolic if you were still heavy? If I were you, I would send my mother and sister a nice card with maybe a gift card of some sort wishing them both a happy mother’s day and then I’d take myself out for something I enjoy on that day, sharing with my husband. No way I’d keep friends and family around me like that. I’d also keep my distance from them, as in not seeing them or speaking to them on the phone, until I was mentally and emotionally prepared to deal with them. And even then, I’d limit the time I spent with them to twice a year. This seems harsh, but it worked for me in a different situation. My dad was a whiny, crying, self-centered alcoholic and when I couldn’t take any more of the emotional drainage he caused, I simply limited my calls with him to twice a year in order to minimize the damage he could cause.
Remember, family is comprised of those people in your life, blood relation or not, that support you and hold you up. Those that run you down and hurt you over and over are not family. They simply share the same gene pool.0
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