toxic family or friends who try to undermine your weight los

jadedm

Your sister... has HATER written all over her face... My god... First off.. " Sis.. what are you doing in your life that's so grand...?" That's what you should say.. She's trying to gain something off of you to make herself look and feel better.. Ain't no way in *bleep*ing hello kitty, I'd let my sister talk down to me like that... But then again, I'm a hot head.. A family should be your FIRST support and Your Last! EVEN THE MIDDLE! That's all, The little chick is just jealous of you having motivation, team spirit, effort, you wake up in the morning saying .." I want to do this!" and she wakes up in the morning probably saying..." Why did I even wake up!" Don't .. Please.. I know family isn't easy to brush off... But her... She's done for.... I love my sister, but I don't have to like her, talk to her or acknowledge her presence.. She's JEALOUS... Just look her in the eye... Smile and say .." what are you so afraid of...dear..sis of mines..?" If she keeps with the snide comments.. say it over..and over again until she shuts up...

jody664

I have a similar situation with my grandmother. She has always cut me down, belittled me and said really mean things to me about my weight in front of other family members. Most of my family cannot stand to be around her, but she seems to have always targeted me. She's 95 years old and still as mean and b*tchy as ever. I have very little to do with her. At family events, I make sure I'm always in another room than where she is. I never visit her. Over the last 5-10 years, she has made attempts to "play nice" with me, but then reverts to putting me down. Once bitten, twice shy. I avoid her at all costs. I finally told my mother (my grandmother is her mother) that the best way I know how to love her is from a very far distance and I will not spend more than 1 hour with her at any given time. My mom is very supportive and understands that my grandmother and I are never going to get along.

I don't have much advice for your situation. If your goal is to maintain some level of relationship with your sister, I think you may just have to limit how much time/effort you give to her. Start setting boundaries now because trust me, it gets much harder as time goes on. However, I would consider cutting her out of my life completely. At the very minimum, un-friend her on Facebook.

modernartemis

I am so sorry you had to go through that. I have had a similar experience with my own family. My mother is morbidly obese, and her health is not so great. She has high blood pressure, and pre-diabetes. I love her and I have tried to encourage her to lose weight but she refuses, I try not to pressure her but just last week she told me she thought she was having a heart attack. She eats fast food daily, and eats around 4-5 large meals per day. She hardly moves around, and I am very worried that being bedridden might be in her future if she continues.

My little sister has always had a very fast metabolism and can eat whatever she wants. She weighs around 100 lbs (5'1). They both have been extremely unsupportive throughout the entire experience. They get offended when I opt not to eat dinner with them, when a typical dinner consists of hamburgers, or fried chicken, french fries, etc. They act like I am being a stuck up *itch when I want to eat something healthy.

My mom makes bacon literally every morning. When I come up to make myself a healthy breakfast, she taunts me with it. She will ask me how I can eat that "cardboard thing" or some other term for my health food while she eats delicious bacon! She did it so much that the smell of bacon now literally makes me want to vomit now! When I go jogging, they would always discourage me, acting like I am pushing myself too hard. Well I ended up getting a foot injury a little while ago, and low and behold it took my mother no time to say "I told you so"

I am pretty good while on a diet but there are a few things that really trigger me- Chips, and pizza. I have asked them not to leave chips lying around, if they could hide them from me so that I wouldn't see them. My sister rudely said "Why should we have to suffer because you eat too much? I don't get it, just don't eat it!" It made me so mad! She has absolutely no IDEA how hard it is to diet. I have been trying like crazy to get my mom to join this site, figuring she would find motivation and be supportive, but she won't do it. She refuses to acknowledge that her lifestyle could eventually kill her. I have told her I love her and am worried about her, but she just gets mad at me whenever I bring it up. It breaks my heart to think that she believes there is no hope for people like us.

I can't wait until I graduate nursing school and can get out of this place! It will take so much stress out of my life! It's really sad when your own family tries to stand in the way of your progress. It makes it that much harder to succeed, but I have been trying to use it as motivation. Whenever my mother compares me to one of my "thin" cousins, or my sister makes fun of me for being "husky" I just imagine punching her in the face while I do kickboxing! Lol- hey it works!

Microfiber_wechange

Not saying you have to do this but if it was me i would stop talking to them completely, cut them out of my life and continue my weight loss journey with out them. they are mean people and you dont' need them.

That's what I'll do. Ditch the lot of 'em :mad:

buckystars

You need to cut your family out of your life.

There's nothing but evil intent there.

This. Tell your sister that until she can be respectful to you and your efforts, you will no longer speak to her. She is doing her best to sabotage you. She is clearly used to being "the skinny sister" and is feeling extremely threatened. My sister is very supportive of me and I am horrified at the thought of her turning on me like that. I'm so sorry you're going through this. *hug*

GoldspursX3

I'm sorry but I would be opening up a big ole drum of whoop @ss on them.

rosalang

ive got to the ripe old age of 62 and yes ive seen this problem over and over again.
you seem to be a lovely strong person who has a very supportive husband. keep going and be brave. your sister doesnt seem to be a very good person but that is her problem not yours. i know we all want to be loved especially by our families but sometimes this doesnt happen. but if you are strong they do come around, it may take time and all i can say is you have done so well so keep up the good work and give yourself a pat on the back. you can become the person you want to be

Init_to_winit

Sounds like you have the support, it's just unfortunately not with your sister or your mom (fully). I agree with other comments, drop them like the 50 lbs. you dropped! It's not going to be easy but losing weight is hard enough without all of that going on. I wish you the best of luck in your journey! Hopefully one day they'll realize how heinous they were and come around but until then focus on the task at hand. Good luck on your journey!

sherri85

You need to remove yourself from this situation until they figure out what b!tches they are being. Seriously. I understand that this is your family, but cut them out of your life until they get it. Don't communicate with them, don't do things for them, live for yourself. It's hard at first, but it is so liberating and freeing. People like that are truly toxic and it will only do you more harm than good to stick around and take their sh.it. There will come a point when they will wake up one morning and realize, "da.mn, I've been a HORRIBLE mother/sister." Then, it will be on THEM to make the first step to forgiveness/change. Right now, live for yourself. It's okay to do that. You got this.

^^^^ THIS!!!! Stay the heck away from them until they get that they have hurt you!! You should not subject yourself to that abuse!!! :mad:

aekaya

She sounds like a horribly insecure person. People who are secure don't need to treat others like such crap. Don't let it get to you! You've done a great job so far, and she's probably angry about that because if she can't make fun of you, then she might have to explore her own insecurities.

AmoreCouture

That's really sad that your very own sister does those things to you. It's very mean and it sounds like she has something against you and likes humiliating you and making you look bad. If it were my sister, I would avoid her which would make it hard for her to try and humiliate you if you're not around her. I would use every little thing she did as motivation to get to my goal, and I would get a camera out and let my husband snap a picture of her face when I show up at the next get together at my goal as well.

jgondor

im sorry that you have had to experience this. you dont deserve that kind of treatment. keep your head high and keep doing what you've been doing. you're doing great!

swordsmith

First off I dont do politically correct and am know for my bluntness. Second I dont tolerate psychic vampires that thrive of the pain and misery of others typically through actions they cause.

I learned long ago to put a stake in those ****ers. I dropped a few friends and one sister out of my life who are like this or worse- some people cant stand success in others in any form.

Your mom came around but your sister didnt? Tell her to **** off and the next time she whips out that camera to take a nasty picture rip it out of her hands and drop it in a a pitcher of water. Then hold your head high and refuse to pay for it.

And grats on the half marathon! I do mine the end of June and I'm hoping I can do a sub 12 minute mile!

zenchild

First, keep doing what you're doing. It's working. Your sister is likely terrified.
Second, cut the little twit out of your life as much as possible. See your family without her, change your facebook privacy, etc.

If you really try you can probably avoid her until next fall and the winter holidays. That's the idea. Keep working, keep pushing and cut her off so she can't see your progress. You have another 6 months before you have to see her again. You will look FANTASTIC.

And when she starts with her sh--, you can tell her that you know she's pissy because you have the looks, the brains, the personality, and the great husband. And she's just jealous because she still looks like a little boy.

Pifflesmom

Sounds like your sister is desperately trying to find someone she sees as worse than her to make herself feel better about some inferior part in herself. She is the kind of girl who is painfully superficial and always wanting to have someone around that she can make herself feel superior to. The fact that youre loosing weight and actually doing things to make yourself better is angering to her because she is loosing the edge she has over you. The best thing to do is to keep going with your good streak because come a year later and 100+ pounds gone and nice lean muscle and healthy lifestyle that you are in will make you the prime example of "You are only pretty on the outside, outside pretty can be changed, but your inside are the fattest piece of crap that I think I will ever see, dear sister." Now, be nicer when you tell that to her, dont turn into her lol. And if keeping with the great goings to show her up isnt your style, then keep at it for yourself and your husband. Thats the important part right? To make yourself healthier for the ones you care for?

^This! I have a rule that I use - if you wouldn't let a friend treat you a certain way, why would you let a family member? I mean no disrespect, but your mom and sister are being BULLIES...and bullies only continue to bully when they get something out of it. And, most people who bully are sadly missing something in their own lives and do it to make themselves feel superior (I've never yet been able to figure it out).

You are doing marvelously well on your journey and I commend you. Listen to the people who support you and the others, well, they're just mere speedbumps on your way to a healthier you.

Good luck!

danasings

First, keep doing what you're doing. It's working. Your sister is likely terrified.
Second, cut the little twit out of your life as much as possible. See your family without her, change your facebook privacy, etc.

If you really try you can probably avoid her until next fall and the winter holidays. That's the idea. Keep working, keep pushing and cut her off so she can't see your progress. You have another 6 months before you have to see her again. You will look FANTASTIC.

And when she starts with her sh--, you can tell her that you know she's pissy because you have the looks, the brains, the personality, and the great husband. And she's just jealous because she still looks like a little boy.

^^LOVE this post!

Aw sweetie, I'm sorry that your sister is so horrible to you. But it would be better for you to cut her out of your life, at least for now. Your mom sounds like she's coming around, but unless she is 100% supportive and refrains from any cutting remarks, you might want to hold her at arm's length for a while. Your husband sounds wonderful! You have done an amazing job, 50 POUNDS IS NO JOKE, WOMAN!!! :flowerforyou: Keep up the great work!!

TinaCleg_cancel

That is not love. Tell your Sister to take a hike and try not to see her. I don't have the privilage of living close to my Sister but I can not imagine her being mean to me. We are here as your support!

kaspily

I agree with the earlier posts. You should not subject yourself to this immaturity, abuse, and bullying. I would make sure to remove anyone from your facebook who doesn't support you and change your social media settings to not allow people to tag photos of you. I don't know why but your sister must feel threatened by your sucess and have very low self esteem herself. If you mother is also behaving this way I would try talking with her one more time and then if she still can't love and respect you than you need to limit or stop contact with her. No one should go through something like this!! Keep up the good work and surrond yourself with people who love and support you.

dalmiechick45

they need sopmeone to make them feel better about themselves thats how insecure people make it through life. Sadly, they probably maybe even think they're misguidedly trying to 'help' you.

I really think if you wan tot salvage a relationship with them, you need to tell them, that until they stop hurting you to make themselves feel better.... then you're taking a gbreak, we're all on a journey here, and I doubt anyone on here has not ever felt bad about themselves, but we certainly won't abuse you.

You have to stand up to them, and if they want to continue hurting you... ditch them. I am sorry that they're *kitten* I feel your pain, I had a brother who picked on me relentlessly about my weight when I was a teen, and a Mom who I can never live up to her standards.

I;ve been battling my weight most of my life, and have always managed to win .... you can too!:flowerforyou: :laugh:

hollyshields1

Sorry to hear about your family not supporting you, but it's not the end of the world. You have to remember you are doing this for yourself, not them. On FB you can untag yourself from photos, and you can limit what other people can comment or see on your page as well. I think you are doing great and should be very proud of yourself! I use this program on my smart phone daily, I also research menu's from restaurants before I go there, so I know what I am going to eat. Sometimes it helps if you carry a picture around of yourself, to remind yourself why you are trying to get healthier, either a pic of what you look like now, or a skinnier picture, either way it works. Also, join a gym, get a few personal trainer sessions so they can teach you a few routines to help you lose weight and get tone muscles. It is important to eat, when you work out, you must eat those extra burned calories or you will gain it back. I reward myself one day a week to eat what I want, not to go too overboard, but to have a great meal. My body gets use to not eating certain foods or fried foods and they actually do not taste good anymore. There are some great receipes on Special K challenge web site for dinners too. Also, a lot of veggies and fruits are negative calorie foods, it takes more calories to digest them then to eat them. They are good snacks. It takes your body 20 minutes to realize it's full...eat slow. To cut sodas try crystal light "energy" water flavoring, it has 5 calories and has caffeine and b vitamins for energy. I hope all this helps. I have a sister and we both are trying to lose weight, I do not live by her though, I have some friends at my gym who are great support and friends on this app. Good luck!

RandomMiranda

Girl, you ran a half marathon at a 12 minute mile! That's awesome. That inspires me.
Your sister needs therapy. Hang on to the support you do have from your husband and (maybe) mother, friends on MFP, etc. If cutting her out of your life is an option, at least temporarily, do it and make sure she knows why.
Finally, you make your choices. If you feel like you are doing or not doing something because of her, take back your control and don't let anything about her determine what kind of choices you make about your life or your body.
You are making amazing progress. Keep going for yourself.

weighlossforbaby

The way your mother and sister has humiliated you over your weight has made me soooo ANGRY!!!! It makes me angier that your sis carries on with it after your husband told her to stop! :mad: My twin sis got big after taking depression pills and my older sis called her a fat b**** in her diary so years later my older sis went up at 250 lbs that she needed the gastric bypass! My older sister is now jealous cause she is too small and she can't have a baby but I can I am the biggest of my sisters now but the healthiest cause my twin sister got sick with a kidney infection and dropped 30+ lbs. My point in all of this is karma is a B**** and it will get what is due!!! You are doing a fantastic job with your weight loss and don't quit no matter what!!!! We are here for you :happy:

w2bab

You need to lose about 90 lbs. . . of sister.

scarletspy

That's horrible! It can really hurt when the people closest to us don't give us support or actively try to hurt us. People like that must be so unhappy with themselves that they push it off onto other people. Maybe unfriending her on facebook isn't enough. If she's causing you this much upset, it might be time to just cut off contact completely. I'd try to spend time with your Mother away from your sister.

People can be such hypocrites. She's making fun of you for being overweight but she's unhappy that your trying to change and be more happy and comfortable in yourself. Weight loss is hard enough without all that negativity.

Personally, when I first started trying to lose weight, I didn't mention it to my family. I didn't want to scrutiny. When I started to lose, I couldn't keep it to myself though. They've been really good about it. Really supportive. The only time I have any problems with them is sometimes my Mother makes little comments. She's always been super skinny. It was really unhealthy when she was in her later 20s and early 30s but as she got older she put on some weight and now she's a nice healthy weight for her height. She's 5' 6" and about 154 lbs. She'll be sitting there looking at her belly (where she's carrying a couple of extra pounds) and say, "Ugh, I'm so fat. I really need to lose weight." It makes me really uncomfortable when she does because, while I know the comments aren't pointed at me or anything, makes me wonder. If she's that unhappy and disgusted with herself, what must she think when she looks at me?

Sometime people just don't think before they speak and some people are petty ad jealous and cruel. I try to remember that, when they tear you down and try to make you lose faith in yourself, they're really trying to fix something broken/missing inside themselves. And that's on them, not you. Some people like it when you fade into the background because it gives them a chance to shine.

In the last few hours you've had pages of comments from people offering love and support for you. I know it hurts that your sister can't offer the same, but making yourself happy and comfortable in your own body is the most important thing. If she's hindering that then it's time to make some changes.

Good luck with your situation. I hope it gets better.

caviarblack

Oh my god. That is just awful. I'm so sorry they act in such a disrespectful and juvenile manner toward you. I can relate! I'm 32 years old, and my father STILL feels a need to make jokes about my weight. Just last Fall my husband and I went to see my family, and I usually purposely avoid seeing my dad as it is (that's a whole other terrible story), so of course it was awkward enough to see him after such a long hiatus...and what does he say? He comments on how trim my husband looks (he works at UPS and has always been naturally thin/fit) then looks at me and says "have you been eating all his food or something?", then laughs... I was LIVID that he still feels the need to put me down because of his own insecurity/issues/whatever. My bff has gotten the same passive aggressive gifts from her mother-in-law of all people! She recently lost about 35 pounds and is about a size medium now. Despite this, her MIL keeps trying to give her hand-me-downs of size XL/XXL clothes, and making sarcastic comments when she tells her that they won't fit..."hmm, are you sure??" One of my closest friends feels the need to comment with unsolicited advice on every single thing I'm doing or eating (this increases as my success does), though she is equally overweight. Sorry, I'm rambling! I just wanted you to know that my heart goes out to you. Just keep up the good work and know that their actions and words speak volumes about their insecurities.

StarkLark

Goodness that sounds awful. I can't even imagine living with that.

The first thing I would do is change your Facebook privacy settings to prevent tagged photos from automatically appearing on your timeline. Check out this article that shows you how to set it so that you get to approve/reject any photos or posts that you are tagged in from showing up on your page:

http://www.facebook.com/help/?faq=168229546579373

You have made amazing progress so far, just imagine how far you can go without these toxic influences. Keep up the hard work and use the memory of their hate to help fuel your continued success. Good luck!

dicoveringwhoIam

I am a very new member here, but it seems like there are a lot of great people here who are in the process of dropping weight and getting fit or have accomplished their goals, and I thought maybe some of you have had similar experiences and could help me with my problem.

All my life I have had weight problems. My sister and mother both pride themselves on their 80-90 pound bodies and laugh, pick on me, make snide comments, or feel it's ok to disrespect me for being a fat disgusting slob.

last year at a family get together, my mother gave me a size 4x( size 28-30W) shirt for a present. I was shocked as yes I was fat at a size 16/18, but I certainly was not a 4x. They both giggled uncontrollably when I opened the present.

My sister has a regular habit of taking the worst pictures of me and tagging me on facebook. It's always the picture of when I bend over to pick something up, or right as I put a bite of food in my mouth. I always leave family get togethers feeling worse about myself.

My husband told my sister, don't take pictures of her and post them on facebook, but to no avail. It seems like she relishes putting up the grossest pictures of me on facebook and tagging me. Once I asked her to see the pics she took and picked one out that wasn't terrible and said if you must post on facebook, please post this one, or nothing at all. When I got home, the picture of me that looked decent was not posted, instead she had gotten some even more mortifying ones and posted those.

After that humiliating experience, I decided enough was enough. I dusted off my bike, located my old running shoes, and made a decision that from that day forward not one bite of fast food would ever pass my lips again.

Fast forward to a year later. I now average 100 miles running a month and 200 miles cycling a month, and have lost over 50 pounds, yet am still no where near my goal weight. My sister and many of my friends, are not happy about my weight loss.

I hear a mix of you run too much, or don't bike so much, or you'll blow your knees out if you try and run a half marathon, or you can't do this, or on the flip side, giggles and snide comments on how I think I'm losing weight but that Im still too fat.

My sister giggles and makes fun of me about my intentions on getting slim. She still tries hard to get the worst picture of me. for example, at the last get together, she waited until cake was served and literally whipped her camera out from under the table and Snap right as I took a bite! My poor husband had been on picture watch and was supposed to jump in front of me at the sight of her cam, but she was sneaky quick and he was caught off guard.

I finally got so depressed looking at these terrible pictures of myself on her facebook page, I deleted her, so at the very least I don't have to see these pictures or see her giggling snide comments on them. I even tried explaining to her, look, I am trying very hard to lose the weight and it hurts terribly that you choose to take and post the worst pictures of me on facebook. She just rolles her eyes and said if you don't like it, change yourself. I also explained that I have been doing something and it takes a long time to lose the weight.

while my mother has finally come around saying that I look great, and that she was impressed I managed to do a half marathon, even if it was only at a 12 min per mile pace, My sister is still trying to enlist my mother in making fun of me.

It is now time to start planning a date for mother's day celebration, and ever since, I've noticed I have been craving bad foods. I have anxiety/ depression over the idea of getting together with her and her camera as I have not achieved my weight loss goal.

Does anyone have similar problems? and if so what do you do about toxic family who try and undermine your success?

Girl really?? I have family like this. I have had to distance myself from them. I am much happier and healthier now that I don't have to deal with them. 1) realize you can choose whether you are around them or not 2) you can't control their behavior but you can control yours 3) by allowing your mom and you sister to dictate how you feel about yourself and how you act gives them way too much control over you. Please take control over your life and do what you need to do for you. I suspect you will need to distance yourself from them and cut them out for a period of time so you can become emotionally, mentally, and physically healthy. Realize that this issue is actually about who they are and not about who you are. It sounds like you have a supportive husband and that is an amazing thing. Talk to him, use him, let him be your support, and cut them out until you are strong enough to stand up for yourself or you can choose to do what youve been doing with the same results and not be happy.

stacymama5

First of all I have to say you have my very deepest sympathies. I am truly sorry that you have to go through that humiliation.

I no longer speak to my sister. Although for different reasons (I have not seen nor talked to her in a year), I can no longer communicate with her. In a way I no what your going through, another trying to cause you pain. I know that I should forgive her for what she has done in the past I am unable to do that as the behavior continues.

You have my very best admiration for being on this weight loss journey!!

simplysassi

As a previous poster commented, there is a setting on FB that prevents anybody from tagging you in a picture unless you authorize it. That doesn't mean the picture can't get posted on her page, but at least she can't tag you in it.

Beyond that... all I can say is WTF ?!! I would have to stay clear of family events when the sister is going to be there. Realizing that it's family and you can't be expected to stay away from everyone because of her, at least you should limit the time you spend at these events if she's present.

If it were me, and I had to buy her a present you can bet I'd be getting her a top and it'd be 2 sizes too small for her. And then I'd say... what? are you too big for it?

Good luck to you. You do NOT deserve this kind of treatment.

WhatDoesLisa

OH SISTER! My sister had a gastric bypass 5 years ago and refuses to admit it to anybody. She still has the MOST disordered eating and constantly struggles with her weight. She swans around like I have always been the fat one and she has always been thin. Her holier than though attitude really bugs me. And she single white females me all the time. If I make a comment about a nice shirt, she runs out and buys it knowing I can't fit in it.