toxic family or friends who try to undermine your weight los

christy_frank

Seriously...give me your sister's address because I want to kick her *kitten*!!!! What a B#TCH!!!!! I cannot imagine what that must be like. Honestly, I would not go to family functions anymore. I know it is family, but NO ONE should treat you that way!!!! EVER!!!! I even cut off the man who raised me for far less than what they are doing to you.

KMiche82

My opinion of your horrible story is let your haters be your motivators to get healthy and lose all the weight you want to, I do not know why your sister is so focused on making you miserable except to say she is not happy with herself. Keep at it the final product of what you are to become is better than the mixture.

shani251

i am truly sorry you have to go through this, that's just terrible.

My mom likes to pull stuff like that here and there, and there's always that nasty, cutting remark on the way. Took me 42 years to learn, but now i know.

I know for a fact that she has serious jealousy issues, but i have distanced myself from her for a very good reason. My boy friend's family is just amazing, always encouraging, and i couldn't possibly ask for better.
Thankfully my mom lives far away and i've actually gone to great lengths to keep my weight loss efforts a secret from her. i don't expect any praise from her when i do see her, i've unfortunately learned better, but i just don't want the free (bad) advice on a daily basis. I've been working very hard to rebuild myself from the ground up, changing from a not-athletic-at-all person to being someone who can't sit still for more than five minutes and can't bear the thought of a day without a nice long bike ride.
i've earned it and i'm enjoying it - without her.

It's sad but i had to do it.

lynnkieu

Your story made me teary-eyed. I'm sorry you have to deal with this and I can relate. My mother is Asian and with that she has always been thin. My father is Caucasian and has always been extremely overweight. They were divorced when I was little and my mother raised me. I have never been "Asian-thin". As a child and all through my teen years my mother told me just about everyday that I was fat. I remember when I got ready with my friends to go to Prom, my friend's mom did my hair and I felt pretty and all my friends told me that I was pretty. When I went to show my mom how I looked she told me that I looked so fat. She was disgusted with me. I started crying and said "Other people tell me I look pretty". To that she said "They are lying to you. But I would never lie to you because I'm your mother and I love you." Can you imagine the impact that this has on a young girl's mind? She made me feel horrible about myself, made me hate what I saw when I looked in the mirror, made me believe that no one could ever love me.

As soon as I could go away to college I did. When I was away from her I was happy. People were attracted to me and I gained confidence. I am married to a great guy who is so supportive of me. My weight is a constant battle that I will have to deal with my whole life but at least I don't have her around all the time to make me feel bad about myself.

Whenever we do get together (once every couple of years) she does still make comments about me being fat. I've told her several times that she can't speak to me that way and if she can't be polite then she shouldn't be around me at all. She seems to forget this between visits so I just have to give her a firm reminder.

I love my mother, there are also a lot of good things she has done for me in my life so I am unable to "cut her off" as so many people in this thread are telling you to do. I think you just need to find a way to set boundaries and if they can't respect those boundaries then you need to distance yourself from them for the sake of your own mental health.

Good luck to you and congratulations on your weight loss! You sound healthier than your sister, maybe if you challenge her to a 5k it will shut her up for good.

Skye259

I feel for you, that is so terrible of your family ~ toxic is right, personally I would distance myself as much as possible and please remember and be proud of what you have accomplished, they feel threatened now with your weight loss, in their minds, who will they pick on once all of your goals are met. Try to surround yourself with supportive friends, Family isn't just blood, family /friends are those who are there good and bad times, who support one another regardless. Don't give up, you are doing this for you, not them, don't let them undermine your goals. Most families have issues of one type or another, I have had to distance myself from a few members for various reasons, but like you, they are toxic. Take care and add me if you like!!!

bradspace

I have to agree with most here. Exercise, weight loss and fitness are all things that you should do because you WANT to do them. If you allow their insensitive and rude treatment of you to be the motivation alone, you may have problems sticking to it for the long haul. It sounds like you have made great strides so far IN SPITE of your Mom/sister/brother. It seems like a very sad, dysfunctional situation that you need to deal with regardless of your weight. I hope things get better, but in the meantime limit your interactions with the negatives and keep your goals in sight!! Good luck!

acmilan11

I'm really sorry you're going through this. Last year when I went to visit my family, as soon as I walked in the door, my mother said "Mama mia, sie una patata". Translation, "mama mia, you're a potato". Families think because they've known for so long and you're stuck with them they can say or do anything without consequences. Don't let your family discourage you. Keep up with your goals and make some good and happy memories with your successes!!!

Kell_Smurthwaite

Next time they whip out a camera, take it off them and break it right in front of them. I'm afraid that after wyears of abuse (and that's what this is - ABUSE) I would feel well within my rights to do so. You have been reasonable and asked them to stop doing what they're doing, yet they insist on persisting in this disgraceful behaviour. These are people who are supposed to love and support you, but they are vindictive and abusive and do not deserve to be a part of your life. Tell them straigh tthat if they cannot be nice, then you will not be part of their lives until they CAN be, then stick to that .Don't go to family gatherings when they are going to be there and carry on with the great work you are doing. They are jealous that you are finally taking control of your life and afraid they will no longer have anyone to be the butt of their jokes.

Alternatively, you could turn the tables on them. Take some very unflattering snaps of them and post them everywhere, tagging them of course, and see how they like it! Also, if you want to play it realy dirty, find their little insecurities and play on them. If one of them doesn't like her nose, tell her it's looking really hooky or blobby at the moment. If one has a tiny blemish, express disgust at the massive zit they're sporting, etc.

Bullies don't like it when people stand up to them because it spoils their fun. Call them out on it and thell them it's time ot shut the f**k up and grow up - they're not kids in the playground, they're supposed to be adults and it's about time tey start acting like it!

matthew67899

I am a very new member here, but it seems like there are a lot of great people here who are in the process of dropping weight and getting fit or have accomplished their goals, and I thought maybe some of you have had similar experiences and could help me with my problem.

All my life I have had weight problems. My sister and mother both pride themselves on their 80-90 pound bodies and laugh, pick on me, make snide comments, or feel it's ok to disrespect me for being a fat disgusting slob.

last year at a family get together, my mother gave me a size 4x( size 28-30W) shirt for a present. I was shocked as yes I was fat at a size 16/18, but I certainly was not a 4x. They both giggled uncontrollably when I opened the present.

My sister has a regular habit of taking the worst pictures of me and tagging me on facebook. It's always the picture of when I bend over to pick something up, or right as I put a bite of food in my mouth. I always leave family get togethers feeling worse about myself.

My husband told my sister, don't take pictures of her and post them on facebook, but to no avail. It seems like she relishes putting up the grossest pictures of me on facebook and tagging me. Once I asked her to see the pics she took and picked one out that wasn't terrible and said if you must post on facebook, please post this one, or nothing at all. When I got home, the picture of me that looked decent was not posted, instead she had gotten some even more mortifying ones and posted those.

After that humiliating experience, I decided enough was enough. I dusted off my bike, located my old running shoes, and made a decision that from that day forward not one bite of fast food would ever pass my lips again.

Fast forward to a year later. I now average 100 miles running a month and 200 miles cycling a month, and have lost over 50 pounds, yet am still no where near my goal weight. My sister and many of my friends, are not happy about my weight loss.

I hear a mix of you run too much, or don't bike so much, or you'll blow your knees out if you try and run a half marathon, or you can't do this, or on the flip side, giggles and snide comments on how I think I'm losing weight but that Im still too fat.

My sister giggles and makes fun of me about my intentions on getting slim. She still tries hard to get the worst picture of me. for example, at the last get together, she waited until cake was served and literally whipped her camera out from under the table and Snap right as I took a bite! My poor husband had been on picture watch and was supposed to jump in front of me at the sight of her cam, but she was sneaky quick and he was caught off guard.

I finally got so depressed looking at these terrible pictures of myself on her facebook page, I deleted her, so at the very least I don't have to see these pictures or see her giggling snide comments on them. I even tried explaining to her, look, I am trying very hard to lose the weight and it hurts terribly that you choose to take and post the worst pictures of me on facebook. She just rolles her eyes and said if you don't like it, change yourself. I also explained that I have been doing something and it takes a long time to lose the weight.

while my mother has finally come around saying that I look great, and that she was impressed I managed to do a half marathon, even if it was only at a 12 min per mile pace, My sister is still trying to enlist my mother in making fun of me.

It is now time to start planning a date for mother's day celebration, and ever since, I've noticed I have been craving bad foods. I have anxiety/ depression over the idea of getting together with her and her camera as I have not achieved my weight loss goal.

Does anyone have similar problems? and if so what do you do about toxic family who try and undermine your success?

This reminds me of a movie I once saw many years ago..........Cinderella. Seriously, if they are that hateful and catty towards you it's the 1st thing I thought of. I would decline invitations from them in the future and make it known exactly WHY you don't want to be around them.

Mompanda4

Hi, I am SOOO sorry you have to deal with such a horrible sister. I feel your pain. It seems she has the self-esteem issue, not you. You have been doing great with your running and biking! Keep up the GREAT work! I agree with one of your other supporters, you and your supportive husband should just take your mother out for a quiet dinner for Mother's Day. If she asks why, you could tell her how you really feel....though not an easy task. It does sound like your mother is becoming somewhat supportive. I would avoid your sister until you are able to emotionally deal with her again, hopefully at your goal weight.

Might I also suggest eating low glycemic index foods? (you could google it). I lost 67 lbs in 11 months on the South Beach diet...it low glycemic index foods to keep you full longer and eliminates cravings. When I do have cravings, I do eat, but only enough to satisfy my craving. Feel free to view my food diary...I do eat out but watch what I eat...my temp weight gain is usually due to my higher sodium levels, but I will loose the water weight as I drink more water and consume less sodium for the rest of the week. I also added strength training. Add me as a friend if you like. I would add you, but don't know how...sorry...technologically challenged...Joyce

AmberJaebabeyy

My mum had told me I was over weight my whole life telling me about how much she weighed at my age etc etc then all of a sudden whe I finally get skinnier then her only just she turns around and says I'm to skinny!! Grr she just likes looking better then I reckon.

moonspells

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this...family is supposed to be the one place you can feel safe and supported. Since that is not the case here, you should tell your sister to take a flying leap. Seriously. It may be just what she needs to turn her attitude around. I imagine she is only torturing you because it gets a big reaction...stop fueling her nasty little fire and she will likely get bored and move on to easier targets.
The key to this is you have to actually NOT care what she thinks. And you really shouldn't because anyone that treats you this way REALLY doesn't deserve your respect or a place in your life, no matter WHO they are. PERIOD.
Take care of yourself and don't let anyone's negative comments make you feel bad...you are doing a very difficult thing and it takes a lot of courage to do it alone, without the people you should be able to count on for support and kind words!
Keep up the amazing work and don't let them get you down!

gatorginger

First of all lose weight because you want to and not for anyone else. It's terrible that your family treats you like that and it is probably why you get depressed. It's a hard situation to be around, try to ignore the comments and listen to ones from others who will give you positive feedback. Don't let anyone make you feel bad, some people will never be stick thin, losing weight is not an easy task so it has to be because you want it for yourself and not them. I hope you reach your goal, taking slowly. I suggest having the fast food sometimes, it is when you deprive yourself of the things you love is when you will fail. I eat junk food several times a week but I make up for it the rest of the time. Hope all goes well for you

AnninStPaul

Wow! Well all I can say is you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends, and it sounds like your mom and Sister are definitely not friends. It's really incredibly sad and pathetic that they try to bring you down like that. They are blood and should be the ones who would love and support you the most. But unfortunately I know sometimes, it isn't really that way.
I have toxic family member who I have just had to cut out of my life. Harsh as it may be, there comes a time when your own health and happiness is what is more important. I gave them plenty of fair warning, and still it continues.
That's what my advice for you is. Stand up to them and tell them that if they can't treat you with love and respect that you don't want them in your life. Make sure they know you are serious, and that none of this is a joke to you. At the end of the day I hope they will change for your sake, but you shouldn't let this behavior continue. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. And it sounds like your have your husband's support, maybe he can help you with doing this as well.

^^THIS

jaxbeck

Wow, can I freaking punch your sister. She's a huge witch! All I think think in this case is she wantes to be better than you in everything so in the process outs you down! I don't have someone as bad but my over 400 pound mother would love nothing more than to see me get obese & wallow in her misery with her. She often tries to sabatoge my goals & I find it quite sad!

seehawkmomma

Blood is not always thicker than water. Find friends who support and love you and make them your family while you are this journey. You must know that by showing that your upset fuels your sister. She knows that it upsets you and so she keeps doing to, she sounds childish and immature. You already told her how you feel and she clearly doesn't care. So Now that you know she has no regard for your feelings dont let what she says bother you and do what you need to do for YOU.

LordBezoar

Kill them. It is the only way. :flowerforyou:

In all seriousness, your situation sucks and there is no perfect solution. I tend to avoid the situation by avoiding the person/people involved. Not the perfect solution, I know, but the times when people in my family have been nightmares have always ended in me not talking to them or being around them much. In fact, we went a good four years where I didn't see or hear from my Father and his wife because they were constantly telling me that I made a mistake in marrying my beautiful wife and that I should just get a divorce and move in with them. This coming from people who are on their third and second spouses respectively. I cannot even describe to you how much of a relief it was to have all of that negative energy out of my life.

PeggyWoodson

I am a very new member here, but it seems like there are a lot of great people here who are in the process of dropping weight and getting fit or have accomplished their goals, and I thought maybe some of you have had similar experiences and could help me with my problem.

All my life I have had weight problems. My sister and mother both pride themselves on their 80-90 pound bodies and laugh, pick on me, make snide comments, or feel it's ok to disrespect me for being a fat disgusting slob.

last year at a family get together, my mother gave me a size 4x( size 28-30W) shirt for a present. I was shocked as yes I was fat at a size 16/18, but I certainly was not a 4x. They both giggled uncontrollably when I opened the present.

My sister has a regular habit of taking the worst pictures of me and tagging me on facebook. It's always the picture of when I bend over to pick something up, or right as I put a bite of food in my mouth. I always leave family get togethers feeling worse about myself.

My husband told my sister, don't take pictures of her and post them on facebook, but to no avail. It seems like she relishes putting up the grossest pictures of me on facebook and tagging me. Once I asked her to see the pics she took and picked one out that wasn't terrible and said if you must post on facebook, please post this one, or nothing at all. When I got home, the picture of me that looked decent was not posted, instead she had gotten some even more mortifying ones and posted those.

After that humiliating experience, I decided enough was enough. I dusted off my bike, located my old running shoes, and made a decision that from that day forward not one bite of fast food would ever pass my lips again.

Fast forward to a year later. I now average 100 miles running a month and 200 miles cycling a month, and have lost over 50 pounds, yet am still no where near my goal weight. My sister and many of my friends, are not happy about my weight loss.

I hear a mix of you run too much, or don't bike so much, or you'll blow your knees out if you try and run a half marathon, or you can't do this, or on the flip side, giggles and snide comments on how I think I'm losing weight but that Im still too fat.

My sister giggles and makes fun of me about my intentions on getting slim. She still tries hard to get the worst picture of me. for example, at the last get together, she waited until cake was served and literally whipped her camera out from under the table and Snap right as I took a bite! My poor husband had been on picture watch and was supposed to jump in front of me at the sight of her cam, but she was sneaky quick and he was caught off guard.

I finally got so depressed looking at these terrible pictures of myself on her facebook page, I deleted her, so at the very least I don't have to see these pictures or see her giggling snide comments on them. I even tried explaining to her, look, I am trying very hard to lose the weight and it hurts terribly that you choose to take and post the worst pictures of me on facebook. She just rolles her eyes and said if you don't like it, change yourself. I also explained that I have been doing something and it takes a long time to lose the weight.

while my mother has finally come around saying that I look great, and that she was impressed I managed to do a half marathon, even if it was only at a 12 min per mile pace, My sister is still trying to enlist my mother in making fun of me.

It is now time to start planning a date for mother's day celebration, and ever since, I've noticed I have been craving bad foods. I have anxiety/ depression over the idea of getting together with her and her camera as I have not achieved my weight loss goal.

Does anyone have similar problems? and if so what do you do about toxic family who try and undermine your success?

I understand completely and what a shame they do this to you. I too have a sister who does similar things. I lost 200 lbs after my gastric bypass and when she came for my father's funeral, she walked in the door and first time she saw me she said "Oh my God, Peggy, you look HORRIBLE! then went on to say "You really look HORRIBLE!" Not one or twice but six times. I wanted so bad to tell her where she could go but kept the peace considering our situation. That was in 1997 and to my delight, that was the last time she spoke to me.

As far as advice about going to the next event for Mother's day, remember, I can be stubborn, I would go but would refuse to eat anything at all. Eat before you go, don't stay long and eat when you leave. I would never give her her camera satisfaction again. I would also try taking horrible pictures of her and post them of fb too. She can't be all that perfect. Other than that, omit the source of your issues. If it is your sister, let her have a good time at someone elses expense. Enjoy your mom since she is coming around to realize what a hard job it is for you to loose weight. And it is hard. Also, don't forget you have way more support on this site than you probably even know. Friend me if you like.

cyclerjenn

Let me start by saying Good job on your accomplishements. It takes a lot of will power to achieve what you have with little support.

I too have the family that does not support me in my goals. I don't get the teasing that you get, but I do get the comments that I can not do something or I should stop before I hurt myself. For me, I have just stay stong and remind myself I can do this and I will show them at the finish line that I can run that race.

Good Luck!

venus_blue

I was the butt of every fat joke in my family for years, got targeted with the "should you eat that's" when I was just eating the garbage my mom cooked. She never drained fat off anything and if it wasn't covered in gravy it wasn't dinner! When I was sixteen I was 5'7" and 160 pounds; my mom used to make me write down everything I ate on a paper stuck to the fridge, then at the end of the day she'd go behind me and "amend" it saying that she knew I had lied about what I ate. I was painstakingly accurate. I realize now a lot of my issues with food and over-eating come from those sorts of things. When I was older, and started a new diet, she actually would bet money with her friends on how long it would take for me to give up and bring my favorite cookies and junk food over as a "gift" for my kids a couple of times a week. The sad thing is she was overweight herself for much of it, but still thinner than me once I had my oldest child. Eventually I just learned to tune her out when I couldn't avoid her, but like you I was anxious and uptight to the point of wanting to binge when I had to interact with her. She has mellowed out, thankfully. Probably because she lives over a thousand miles away and I only see her very rarely. Now she mainly talks about how thin she is these days, and how at 64 she's the same size she was in high school. When I talk about what I do to get healthy she only focuses on how much weight I've lost and how many sizes I've dropped, even though I try to explain that's not my focus. Ah well.

And I have had friends like that. One was overweight too but not as heavy as I was. She was obsessed with MySpace/FB and would take photos of us where I looked dreadful and post them even if I begged her not to. Her only reason was that she "looked so hot" in it. (For the record, she thought she always looked amazing, I never saw anyone stare at themselves in the mirror so much. It was like when you put a mirror in a bird cage and they spend all day gazing at their reflection and singing to it.) Every time I started a new diet, she would decide it was time to spend the weekend and come armed with grocery sacks full of junk food then when I broke down and had some, she'd berate me for being weak. She'd make comments like "I'm glad I'm not as big as you, I'd never be able to wear those ugly fat girl clothes." All the while she'd be squeezing a size 18 butt into a size 12 dress. I knew her before I was married and heaven forbid a member of the opposite sex pay attention to me and not her, she'd actually tell them how much I weighed! Besides that she was just an all around crappy friend so I ditched her. I recently heard she gained something like 80 pounds, which would make her about the weight I was when I hung out with her. I will admit for a few seconds I thought "that serves you right." Then I laced up my sneaks and took an extra long walk.

Some people can't feel good about themselves unless they are bringing another person down. It's even more hurtful when it comes from a family member and it's much harder to just write them out of your life the way you can with friends. You're obviously doing a great job making positive changes in your life so keep at it and work hard and when you're feeling and looking great she'll still be a hateful witch.