toxic family or friends who try to undermine your weight los

usedasbrandnew

I know I'm late, but if it were me I'd probably sock her. And break her camera. (At least in my head.)

The rational advice of those above me is probably best though.

kabloozi

Yes yes, lived in a city with all my inlaws who made fun and they are overweight and just enable each other. Tell me not to lose and somehow put me in an unhealthy emotional state... Well we moved and we are getting on track! So there! Do what's right for u!

becoming_a_new_me

I want to let you know how very sorry I am that you are getting virtually no support from your family. It is discouraging and insulting that the people who are supposed to love you no matter what are so vicious and toxic. I have had problems with my family in the past, although while not nearly as horrible as you have experienced, I can lend a little knowledge and help.

First of all, you are the one that has taken steps to better your life. They are still cruel and small-minded people who are obviously very unhappy inside to lash out at the people closest to them. I have a feeling your sister feels intimidated by the fact that you are making efforts to be healthy and may be afraid of you becoming "The Pretty Sister", a title she feels that she has.

Family is often toxic, so use this site as a venting board, support, and encouragement. I am going to send you a friend request, and I hope you accept because I try to be very supportive and encouraging. You deserve to be treated better, and I do hope that your family begins to see the light.

I also encourage you to see a counselor as it helped me immensely to deal with the antics of my family members. I do vent some, but for the most part, most of what they do just glides off me. We can't pick our family, but we can choose who we have in our corner to support us.

angelaclassact

Your family sounds awful. Would you subject yourself to this if your 'friends' did it to you? I suspect not. Perhaps it is time to remove their toxic behavior from your life. Living well is the best revenge. Eat right, work out, and keep it up.

hdroddy

How awful your family is. But how terrific that your husband is so supportive.

Seems like your mother might be coming around. But your sister? It's a difficult step to take with family, but when a relationship is nothing but destructive, sometimes it is best to walk away from it.

sissypunks

Not saying you have to do this but if it was me i would stop talking to them completely, cut them out of my life and continue my weight loss journey with out them. they are mean people and you dont' need them.
[/quote]

This if they cant respect that u r trying hard to change and doing a wonderful job it sounds like i might add then they do not deserve to be a part of your life and maybe if they see that u r not willing to put up with that kind of childish behavior they might get the message keep up the good work and rember u r worth it!

rcc1988

True family are the relatives and friends and coworkers who love and support you and make you laugh and let you cry on their shoulder. NOT sick, bitter people who just so happen to have some genetic code in common with you. If I were you, I would cut this sister out of my life entirely. Life is too short to suffer needlessly cruel people.

northernbeaver

Your sister's antics do border on the side of psychotic. in short she is a bully and from what I understand, bully's pick on people because they themselves are not happy with their lives. its almost a defense mechanism. I would attend mothers day activities but I would be suggesting an activity that does not involve food. or if food is involved, don't participate. if you don't eat they cant snap a photo of you eating.

while you are there I would use this time to focus on your sister. what is in her life that she is so unhappy with that she feels the need to pick on you? is it sibling rivalry? is she not happy in her relationship (if she is married) or is she lonely (if she is not married) I would almost bet that she is secretly jealous of you for something you can do that she can't. maybe she want mom to love her more? a common theme in my household. my two siblings fight each other to get mom and dads attention (even though we are all in our thirties)

if there isn't anything that you can find, take pride in this: if she is bullying you it is because she sees you as a threat. be confident and know that her words and antics are hollow attempts to make herself feel better by making you feel worse. if you don't let her do that then she has no power over you...I would almost ask her why she has to take so many bad photos of you? cant she find a photo of her that hides her poor attitude? but maybe im just bitter lol... best of luck and remember that what they say and do to you does not reflect poorly on you, it reflects poorly on them.

Katherine3828

It's sad that your own family would do this to you! Sounds like your sister needs some serious counseling. You have a very supporting husband and that's great. Keep on going and as long as you have the support from your TRUE family and friends you will reach your goals....

Helenatrandom

Sadly, it seems from what you said like your sister's relationship with your mom was all about cutting into you. Now your mom isn't on board with that (she never should have been in the first place), your sister is at a loss as to how to relate to your mom and uses the old standby of picking on you.
I agree with people who are telling you to NOT be part of a celebration your sister is involved in this year. You don't need the toxicity, and frankly, your sister needs to learn how to relate to your mother in a manner that doesn't involve you.
If you find yourself unable to avoid going, set up ground rules and train your sister to treat you better. !) No unflattering pictures. (Which, btw, I also think you should adjust your privacy settings.) 2) No insulting remarks. (If your sister pretends not to know what you mean, tell her she'll have to figure it out...). 3) No remarks about what you do or don't eat. 4) NO attempts at baiting you. Then, when she tests you, get up, tell your mother you wish her the happiest of Mother's Days, but that it is time for you and your husband (and, of course, children if you have any) to go. If your mother accuses you of "making a scene" or "overdramatizing", just state that you aren't, and that is exactly what you are trying to avoid doing. WALK OUT without any argument. Even if that means leaving before or in the middle of dinner. I'm sure you have food at home. If not, stores are open on Sundays now. Repeat for any and all family get togethers until your sister learns manners.
Your husband sounds like a great guy. Exactly the type who would be on board with retraining your family.

Mission2Me

honestly, why are you subjecting yourself to them? It seems as though you are losing weight more for them so that they will accept you and not for yourself. that is not what love is about. if they love you they would treat you better than they do. so why would you want to have them around. I honestly think you will be happier if you stop dealing with them. if it is effecting you this badly just by thinking about being around them, it can not be healthy.

deal with them when you want. my mother does tries to sabotage in her own ways, she knows I wont tolerate being disrespectful though. thats for sure. I have no problem kicking people out of my life that are only bringing negativity. if that is all they are doing, what good is it? You dont have to cut them out completely if you cant handle that. but you can be very conscious about when and where you deal with them. or hang out with them for a while and leave before the food comes along. you have gotta do something more than tell her to stop posting pics of you. she is using you to feel better about herself. dont be that for her. make her deal with her own insecurities on her own or take it out on her friends. bet they wont be around that long. you did all the weight loss on your own. you put words into action. you can do the same with your family.

peacek

Do you really think your Sister is doing this to hurt you?
May be she knows you very well- may be she is supporting you by being negative.

Sugar-coated words do not work for some people. May be she is being the bad cop.
Do you think, you lost 50 pounds because she has been mean to you? If so, that's good, rt?

MeliNichole84

I am so sorry this is happening to you. NO ONE should ever be treated like that by a family member. My heart really hurts for you. Reading that brought tears to my eyes I just cannot imagine. Family should be there to love and support you no matter what size you are. I probably wouldnt attend family functions anymore honestly. Why put yourself through that? Hoping things get better for you.

2012slimjim

I am a very new member here, but it seems like there are a lot of great people here who are in the process of dropping weight and getting fit or have accomplished their goals, and I thought maybe some of you have had similar experiences and could help me with my problem.

All my life I have had weight problems. My sister and mother both pride themselves on their 80-90 pound bodies and laugh, pick on me, make snide comments, or feel it's ok to disrespect me for being a fat disgusting slob.

last year at a family get together, my mother gave me a size 4x( size 28-30W) shirt for a present. I was shocked as yes I was fat at a size 16/18, but I certainly was not a 4x. They both giggled uncontrollably when I opened the present.

My sister has a regular habit of taking the worst pictures of me and tagging me on facebook. It's always the picture of when I bend over to pick something up, or right as I put a bite of food in my mouth. I always leave family get togethers feeling worse about myself.

My husband told my sister, don't take pictures of her and post them on facebook, but to no avail. It seems like she relishes putting up the grossest pictures of me on facebook and tagging me. Once I asked her to see the pics she took and picked one out that wasn't terrible and said if you must post on facebook, please post this one, or nothing at all. When I got home, the picture of me that looked decent was not posted, instead she had gotten some even more mortifying ones and posted those.

After that humiliating experience, I decided enough was enough. I dusted off my bike, located my old running shoes, and made a decision that from that day forward not one bite of fast food would ever pass my lips again.

Fast forward to a year later. I now average 100 miles running a month and 200 miles cycling a month, and have lost over 50 pounds, yet am still no where near my goal weight. My sister and many of my friends, are not happy about my weight loss.

I hear a mix of you run too much, or don't bike so much, or you'll blow your knees out if you try and run a half marathon, or you can't do this, or on the flip side, giggles and snide comments on how I think I'm losing weight but that Im still too fat.

My sister giggles and makes fun of me about my intentions on getting slim. She still tries hard to get the worst picture of me. for example, at the last get together, she waited until cake was served and literally whipped her camera out from under the table and Snap right as I took a bite! My poor husband had been on picture watch and was supposed to jump in front of me at the sight of her cam, but she was sneaky quick and he was caught off guard.

I finally got so depressed looking at these terrible pictures of myself on her facebook page, I deleted her, so at the very least I don't have to see these pictures or see her giggling snide comments on them. I even tried explaining to her, look, I am trying very hard to lose the weight and it hurts terribly that you choose to take and post the worst pictures of me on facebook. She just rolles her eyes and said if you don't like it, change yourself. I also explained that I have been doing something and it takes a long time to lose the weight.

while my mother has finally come around saying that I look great, and that she was impressed I managed to do a half marathon, even if it was only at a 12 min per mile pace, My sister is still trying to enlist my mother in making fun of me.

It is now time to start planning a date for mother's day celebration, and ever since, I've noticed I have been craving bad foods. I have anxiety/ depression over the idea of getting together with her and her camera as I have not achieved my weight loss goal.

Does anyone have similar problems? and if so what do you do about toxic family who try and undermine your success?

I am so sorry about your experience as can tell from the way you have written it so eloquently you are still in the hurt phase in how to deal with all this. You have admitted to having your own issues and are dealing with feeling negative by doing something positive and wow, 50lbs - that is amazing!!!

It seems like you sister has incredible self esteem issues herself if she needs to make herself feel better by being mean to others. What a horrible way for her to live and exist and you are the unfortunate victim of it. Many have said cut them out but I appreciate how very hard that is as they are still your family.

This year, be busy on Mothers Day - take a weekend trip with your husband - hiking somewhere. Maybe you could invite your Mum to your house or out for a walk / lunch the weekend before so you have not ignored the day and noone can criticise you - it should not matter what others think but for most of us it does. Maybe by taking control of the situation and managing it in a way that is easier for you to cope with / more pleasent for you and does not hurt anyone else you will grow in confidence and come to a place where you are able to deal with feeling bullied etc.

There is no room in our lives for people who hurt us and make us feel bad. If you have explained this to your sister and she is not changing then you have to actively avoid seeing her until you are strong enough to cope with her, she develops a conscience or enough intellect to realise her behaviour is offensive and wrong.

Good luck, don't stress about Mothers Day = get yourself out of there with your husband and see your Mum the weekend before!

Take care x

babigurl86

I am so sorry this is happening to you. NO ONE should ever be treated like that by a family member. My heart really hurts for you. Reading that brought tears to my eyes I just cannot imagine. Family should be there to love and support you no matter what size you are. I probably wouldnt attend family functions anymore honestly. Why put yourself through that? Hoping things get better for you.

^this ,also,

creech6317

The next time she whips out her camera tackle her skinny butt to the ground rip it out of her hand and smash it repeatedly against something solid then take the SD card and stick it in the garbage disposal and the say "see that, the next time you take a picture of me without my permission that'll be you, UNDERSTAND" you may get a reputation as being the unstable sister, but I don't think you'd be bullied anymore.
[/quote]

This is my vote! I have family that are toxic, but to themselves and I have had to cut them out. It is easier than watching them hurt themselves (with drugs) but when they are hurting you it is twice as important to get them away from your enviroment. It is SO not OK for your sister to treat you this way! I feel sorry for any children she may have or will have someday, what kind of lessons will she be teaching them.
You on the other hand seem like a wonderful person who is doing AMAZING things. I hope to be able to run even one mile let alone a half marathon.

Keep up the good work!

ScarletShopaholic

I would not stand for this at all! If your sister is seeing your Mum on mother's day, give your mum a card and a gift and say you'll do something with her when the wicked witch isn't around - I would make this your sisters new name - on all cards, invitations, conversations, I would never speak her actual name again. And would avoid seeing her as much as possible, as a previous member said, the camera would be no more - a thousand pieces might not be enough!!! Don't put up with it! Make a stand and if it doesn't work, cut her out all together - she's not worth your time.

I have an aunt who since she found out I lost some of my weight, every time an unhealthy food is mentioned says you shouldn't be having that, you don't want to put the weight back on. I'm like 'hello! I lost 140 pounds without your knowledge or input and I really don't need it now! Mind your business'!

Sometimes family really are horrendous!!!

klmh614

I completely understand where you are coming from!! My mother is always getting on me about my weight and at family functions she is always making comments about how I need to exercise and I am the biggest I have ever been. Please take note that my mother is double my size (bigger). When I confronted her on the comments and told her that it hurt my feelings and did not motivate me she simply said "well then do something about it". I had recently joined a gym and was starting the process to change it but her negative comments seemed to set me back.

My motivation has been my supporting husband, giving up his favorite soft drink in order to help me. We are also trying to have a baby and we have been having trouble so losing weight will hopefully help us in this journey to parenthood.

I wish everyone the best of luck with your weight loss and I hope everyone can find some sort of support system. Please feel free to add me as a friend. I can always use the encouragement as well.

1shauna1

Sounds like your sister is jealous. I don't think you can avoid mother's day, but don't give in to her taunting. You are making yourself healthy and doing great things. Try not to let her get to you.

Baybbee123

No one could understand some of this more than me. No one but a select few have faith I'll lose the weight. My cousin and sister are both smaller than me and always seem to make comments of these sorts too. I agree with everyone that you should cut her out for a while. Sometimes it is that type of wake up call that one needs to realize how awful they are treating you. I cut my sister off for almost 7 months and believe me, it was not easy. I cried a lot. But I really wouldn't change it or take it back. It allowed ne time to focus on me and learn to somewhat love and accept myself. And we are slowly starting to build a relationship again and it seems much healthier now. You need people around you to support you. It only takes one horrible comment to bring your entire self esteem back down from being built up. You should be extremely proud of what you have accomplished hun. I wish you all the best and am around if you want to talk at any time!

Mission2Me

The next time she whips out her camera tackle her skinny butt to the ground rip it out of her hand and smash it repeatedly against something solid then take the SD card and stick it in the garbage disposal and the say "see that, the next time you take a picture of me without my permission that'll be you, UNDERSTAND" you may get a reputation as being the unstable sister, but I don't think you'd be bullied anymore.

This is my vote! I have family that are toxic, but to themselves and I have had to cut them out. It is easier than watching them hurt themselves (with drugs) but when they are hurting you it is twice as important to get them away from your enviroment. It is SO not OK for your sister to treat you this way! I feel sorry for any children she may have or will have someday, what kind of lessons will she be teaching them.
You on the other hand seem like a wonderful person who is doing AMAZING things. I hope to be able to run even one mile let alone a half marathon.

Keep up the good work!
[/quote]


I love this idea. sometimes bigger is better. and when people noticed that they could say and do what they wanted to me they kept going. this last year I have had to "go bigger" on a few of my family members for them to get the point, when just saying it wouldnt work. and it has gone a long way.

Spanaval

Your weight is something you can change. Your sister... she'll still be mean spirited and toxic. Don't live your life in fear of her. Cut her out of your life for now if that's what you need to do. Stay positive. You are a strong person to have come through all that, and will achieve your goals.

susannamarie

The next time she whips out her camera, take it away, and throw it on the ground. Then jump on it a few times.

Okay, I have to share and quote myself.

So I phoned my mother and shared the story with her -- and her immediate reaction, before I added what *I* said, was "I swear I'd rip the camera out of the b-'s hand, jump on it, and then say 'Oh, sorry, was that YOUR camera?'"

I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

bradphil87

Oh my god! After reading that I now appreciate all the support my family and friends have given me. I cannot even comprehend that situation because my family and friends are so supportive. At least from what it sounds like your hubby supports you in your journey! And I wish you my best as well!

arleylange

LOVE THIS!!

OP, you rock so hard! Think about it! You have run a half (how many other people do you know that does that kind of thing!?), you LOST 50 LBS! (not an easy feat for anyone!), you run and bike insane amounts every month. You're pretty much my hero! On top of that, you have a husband who rocks! Who needs blood relatives who are a-holes when you have a wonderfully supportive husband, and now, a whole online community of people who think you're awesome!