Bully

hope516

The movie Bully comes out tommorow. And according to

http://thebullyproject.com/indexflash.html

13 million kids will be bullied this year.

I personally have never dealt with bullying. Which is pretty surprising because I feel like over weight people probably are one main target in bullying. I guess anyone who is DIFFERENT, will be targets.

I have however, had to go through with it with my younger sister who last week had a girl come over the house wanting to fight her....JUST BECAUSE <~~~ the bullies words exactly!!! Needless to say I called the cops and the girl was charged with criminal trespassing. However, a few days later one of the girls guy friends came over and picked a fight with my younger brother. The "bully" in this case picked the wrong fight and ended up getting his hiney kicked :laugh:

so just wondering anyone dealt with bullying growing up, or even with their kids now??

ETA: I am not condoning my brother hurting this boy, however he was only defending himself :happy:

coliema

It's not just over weight people that are bullied, anyone that is different is a target. It's sad to see the younger kids treating other kids like this, because that is all they'll know. Plus, parenting is different now than it was back in the "olden days".

I don't have kids, but someday when I do, I will be sure to teach them right from wrong and to accept everyone as they are.

hope516

I agree that overweight kids are not the ONLY targets, which is why I added that anyone who is different. I know for my little sister anytime she comes home upset with comments they are about her weight. Which is really sad because she is by NO means overweight or even chunky for that matter! She is a normal, healthy young lady.

I, too, don't have children but I wonder what is worse...having a bully as a child or having a child who is bullied?? My heart breaks everytime by baby sis comes home upset :brokenheart:

stevewynjones

Luckly I have a persona that doen't appeal to bully's. :glasses:

However I've had to "ask" people to refrain from being horrible to others, including adults who I've worked with!

The old adage that a bully is weak is so true.....

coliema

Kids are just plain mean, and will say anything to anyone to get a rise out of them. It's very sad. :frown:

I think the worse would be having a child that is a bully, because then that could reflect back on you for parenting skills. I know I would hate to have a child that is a bully. It's 2012, all kids care about are their cell phones, ipods, ipads, etc. I feel like it has made the world stuck up in a way. It's awful.

It's hard to give advice for this because, you don't want to push the bully too far, and you don't want the bullied to be pushed too far as well.

runnercheryl

I was severely bullied as a child. I was being abused at home, and I ended up becoming very quiet and withdrawn, developing all sorts of mental issues and being unable to speak to people. Obviously, to the other kids I was an obvious target - wouldn't fight back, wouldn't tell anyone, and would sometimes assist with their ridiculing just to get it over with a little quicker. It started with being ignored, which is tough enough when you're a young kid, then moved on to embarrassment techniques and eventually to physical stuff.

Fortunately, people grow out of that stuff. I'm not friends with the people who used to bully me, but most are now acquaintances and I'm able to talk to them on occasion. Some of the ones who didn't bully me as a young child, but watched it happen in silence were later the ones who, with just a few words and a little support, turned my whole life around. I've no kids myself yet, but I aim to work hard to instil self-confidence, self-belief and pride in my future children - I believe that's the key to coping with whatever life throws at you.

JodieElijah

My son has been bullied. Its utterly heartbreaking.

I was never bullied as a child so its been a steep learning curve for me to help him deal with these problems.

zyxst

I was bullied a little, mostly by the same couple of girls and boys. I went with fighting back and though I did get into trouble, my mom backed me up. I remember on the bus in 10th grade, I had 2 girls hitting me in the back of the head with a purse strap (felt like the corner of a book and 1 of the girls was one who always picked fights with me), so I turned around and spit on one of them. I got kicked off the bus and told my mom when I got home. She drove me to school the next day and had it out with the principal. I remember her yelling, "When my kid gets attacked, she's going to fight back and you better being giving the other girls the same punishment!" (I was perma banned from riding the bus, lol.) It's not the best way to deal with a bully, but I'm not going to let someone beat the crap out of me without giving them a big dose back. It ticks me off to see other people get bullied.

hope516

Colie:

Kids can be button pushers. And they honestly do get a rise out of it. And you make a good point about not pushing too far. the instance with my lil sis started a week before. She came home upset and if my little brother had not told me what happened on the bus we would have never known. And my sis actually was mad at me for telling my mom what was going on. because my moms first instinct was to call the school and get them involved (bc it is where it started) But my sis BEGGED ~IN TEARS~ that it would just make it worse. And I agreed. Because tattling makes it worse. It escalates the situation in most cases! So its hard to know what to do!

Cheryl:

so sorry to hear that, but I am glad you have and will continue to turn it into a positive.

Steve:

Its pretty sad to see adults do it!!!

Jodie

It is very heartbreaking! I go with it with my siblings I love them dearly so to see it with my own kids would be devestating. With my instance we did go to the school finally and the girl hasn't said a word to my sis since because the school has a zero tolerance. so hopefully you will work it out.

Ruger2506

ETA: I am not condoning my brother hurting this boy, however he was only defending himself :happy:

You should condone it and be proud of your bro. That is what bullies need, a good azz kicking. Our society is getting softer and softer by the year. I remember whefighting was no big deal and just part of growing up. Now schools act like it is a federal offense. More people need to know it is ok to stand up for yourself and more importantly to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves.

When/if my son gets suspended for beating the pizz out of a bully in his own defense or the defense of others I am going to have a real hard time not chewing out the schools administration. I won't be punishing my son for this I can assure you. The world needs more strong people willing to fit for what is right.

That is what bullies understand.

melissa7662

Yes i have had to take care of some problems with Bullies and my middle daughter (Maddison)..

This girl that was her friend while in Elementary School decided that she didn't like Maddison in Middle school (because Maddison was"Dating" a guy this girl liked).

She would do anything she could to get her "Group" of friends to say awful things to Maddison and post some of the must hurtful messages on Facebook.. She would try to start fights with Maddison... The girl would call Maddison and harass her by phone, in addition to in person, and Facebook.

Maddison took if for a while and then she finally got fed up and kicked this girls butt (After this girl started the fight).. I don't believe in my kids starting fights but they better finish it when someone starts..

Maddison has also had some teachers that are bullies.. One she had for 3 years (Thank goodness she's in High School Now).. I had to go head to head with the teacher and principal of the school (Once had to go to the Assistant superintendent).. There were several students that had the same problem with this teacher..

I have also had to deal with Sexual Harassment and Bulling from a guy she "dated". They were in Middle school so their dates were watching movies at my house or going out to eat with us or with his parents.

He would call her a *kitten* (funny since she has never had sex), telling everyone she was trailer trash, having his friends make rude comments about her, leaving things (like Tampons) hanging out of her locker, Grab her butt & breast as she was walking down the hall, Push her against the wall and try to kiss her.. And of course leaving ugly messages and photos on her Facebook page.. She finally had enough and knocked him on his butt in front of his friends, however, that still didn't stop him..

Once again the school didn't really want to deal with it.. So again I had to go head to head with several levels of the school.. Finally had to go to the police and threaten to have him arrested before the school finally did have the teachers keep them apart..

I have always taught my kids to never make fun of or try and hurt peoples feelings.. Everyone has problems and no one needs to have to deal with stuff like bulling.. It is a shame that so many children have ended their life due to being bullied... I think Social Media can be a good thing, BUT, it has really increased the bullies ability to hurt even more people..

Ruger2506

It takes 7-9# of force to break a person's nose. No matter how "weak" a person is, if they can break their opponent's nose they stand a good chance of winning the fight. I've seen many bullies get their azz beat by picking on the wrong person. One thing they tend to forget is there is always someone stronger and better than they are out there. Be careful who you pick on.

hope516

lol Ruger

I was proud of my brother for defending my little sis. And yes I am glad that the little creep got taken care of. because he came to OUR house and iniatiated the whole thing. I actually found out later he was calling my sis names.

Self-defense is a whole story altogether in my opinion.

Miss_dannii

I've never been beaten up in my life, but I was emotionally bullied for part of my school years.. because I had red hair and was tall I guess lol. My now fiance used to slag me.. I hated him!!! Funny how things work out

I cannot stand bullying, if anyone ever bullied my child god help them. I think schools nowadays aren't as oblivious as they used to be and I think more of an effort is made by teachers etc.

TheRoadDog

When I was 3 1/2, I spent about 3 months in the Hospital Burn ward. It was a very long and painful recovery. Whenever someone touched me, it hurt. As the burns healed , the last thing to heal was my left arm. My mother used to make me sit on the front porch without banages on, so the car would scab over. This kid, down the block, used to come by and scratch at it. Hurt like hell and I was afraid of the other kids. They picked up on it and picked on me. I was a pretty big sissy by the time I started school. Whenever someone gave me any trouble at all, I would run home from school to Mommy. Mommy got tired of it. When I was about 6 and running from another kid, Mom heard me coming and locked the front door.

I had to turn around and face that kid. Never ran from a bully again. I do not like bullies and tend to stick my nose in other people's business when I see someone being bullied.

OH_matt

It is sad how society has changed in such a short amount of time. When I was in school, there were only a handful of bullies or well known "bad kids" in my school. Everyone knew who they were, and 9 times out 10 when they were doing something wrong or bullying someone else some other kid stepped in. Today people would be reaching for cell phone cameras or calling everyone they know to come watch. Everyone is so concerned with their own 15 minutes of fame nowadays. That was unheard of 15 years ago.

Honestly I think bullies need a MUCH more severe punishment like jail time. That's the only way to get control of it. Just giving them a slap on the wrist and maybe talk to a counselor is nothing. I work part time at a high school and I've heard some kids brag about "I did (insert mean thing) to Joey, and all I had to do was sit in detention for a day or two." They can do what they want with basically no repercussions. As soon as the punishment isn't worth the crime, things will stop. If adults did the same thing, they would get arrested for harassment, assault, battery, or a host of other things. Why not older kids? If you are old enough to do the crime, you are old enough to be punished accordingly.

I have a 7 year old son, and honestly we haven't talked too much about bulling. We have a few times but he still doesn't quite grasp it. He's had a few run-ins with some older kids who pushed him around, but I raised hell with the school and things were settled immediately. Honestly, (and I'm not just saying this cuz I'm his dad) I think more kids need to be like him. In preschool and kindergarten there were two different kids in his classes with some kind of mental and physical disability. The kid in his preschool class had a severe mental disability. He had to be pushed around in a wheelchair, had involuntary muscle spasms, couldn't talk, and (I think) had some form of Tourette's. Every kid in the class was scared of him because they didn't know what was going on. My little guy tho, walked right up to him the first day, introduced himself, and they became friends. Partway through the year, his aide stopped me after school one day and told me "With as much as your son helps him out, I don't really have much to do during the day." It was the same way with a girl in his kindergarten class. She had some form of physical disability that required a wheelchair or the walking canes. Everyone was was scared and left her on her own. A couple even teased her about it. But my little guy once again stepped up and told them to stop and became a good friend with her.

I've seen the same kind of things with people in public and it makes me sick. Just this weekend I was out at a movie that didn't have the handicapped doors with the buttons. A group of about 7 or 8 high school kids walk in in front of an old man and a woman in a wheelchair. Not one held the door, or even gave it that little push to help. They just walked in, stopped by the door, pulled out their phones, started texting, and actually watched as the couple struggled to get in the door. I ran through the parking lot and helped them in. After I saw the man was wearing a WWII veteran hat with a Pearl Harbor, Iwo Jima, Guadelcanal, and D-Day patches I even bought their tickets. That's how I was brought up, to respect our elders, show respect for our fellow man, and to appreciate those who allow us to do what we do in the US (even if you're a *kitten*, someone fought and died so you can be). I actually said something to the kids about not helping the couple in. Of the group, only 4 looked up when I was talking, 3 of them gave me the finger, and 2 told me to "Go f--- myself." :grumble:

People just suck nowadays. OK, I'll get off my soapbox now...

NYCDutchess

I had to turn around and face that kid. Never ran from a bully again. I do not like bullies and tend to stick my nose in other people's business when I see someone being bullied.

I agree with your mom. I just dont understand how Bullying is so bad now...I don't know if kids are "softer" or if people are badder. But the CYBER bully thing is aweful.

As far as my kids, they know if someone bothers you, you stand up to them...USUALLY that nips it in the bud.

I wonder if I can take my 6 year olds to see the movie...

MaraDiaz

I was bullied horrendously. When I started fighting back, it stopped. But as someone already said, you can't fight back anymore. So if they won't let kids fight back, bullies need to be yanked out of class and sent to intensive counseling until they stop.

rrmmgg22000088cancel

I was never bullied ! I do have a son who is 8 with Autism so i was ALWAYS worried about him being bullied at school ... I didnt even want to send him to school. He is now in grade 3 and goes to one of the best schools around here. I went to parent teacher and they said he is the most well liked kid in the school I cant stand bullies and will stand up for anyone who is bullied even if i dont know them. Bullies are cowards and i have NO problem kicking someone *kitten* if they mess with my kid

mamabear272

Oh I certainly have dealt with bullying. My son had been bullied since 5th grade. He has Asperger's (for those who don't know it's on the Autism spectrum) and is gay. He didn't come out of the closet till he was 16 but he's always kind of had the mannerisms. Between the 2 things he was a perfect target. It came to a head when he was in 8th grade. 3 days before winter break some kid started a rumor that Bryan was going to bring a gun to school (we don't even have guns in our house!). It blew like wildfire through his school, into the other junior high and the high school. Luckily a girl said "I don't believe Bryan would say that." She asked him and he said "no but I feel like killing myself." THANK GOD this girl told a teacher. My husband and I got called into school and had to deal with it all. That evening, we had the police at OUR door because they got calls from freaked out parents since the rumor was that Bryan was going to bring a gun to school. I get it. I would have done the same thing. We got B into his counselor and talked everything through and thankfully I didn't lose my son to suicide! He finished the year at that school but I sent him to a charter school for the arts his freshman year. His grades suffered so I sent him to another charter school for kids with Asperger's but it was too simple for him (he's REALLY smart) and now he's a senior and has been home schooled for the last year and a half.

FWD to a few months ago. There was a kid at the grade school who killed himself. We found out it wasn't due to bullying but it brought up that old stuff for us. I asked B how close he was to killing himself and he said if Rebecca hadn't told a teacher what he said that he was going to do it that night. I found that girl on Facebook and basically said you don't know me but I'm Bryan Brown's mom and you may not remember the incident but because of you speaking up I still have my son and I thanked her. I am now a huge advocate for bullying prevention here.

That's my story and if you got this far, I thank you for listening to my story.

hope516

Wow These bullying stories are absolutely horrid!!! :noway:

Anyone ever been a bully and care to confess??

I never was a bonafide bully per se, but I do remember one girl I picked on for a few weeks in middle school. I was a real Bi AAAA tch to her...because she was "weird" Now when I reflect on it I am ashamed. she left her notebook in the girls bathroom once and who would find it?? Me, her MAIN tormentor. Of course there were notes or something embarrasing in the notebook (its sad that this is something that probably traumatized her and I can't even remember) that I made copies of and passed out to all the girls in class. I was suspended for it and I did learn my lesson. and honestly I wish I could personally apologize today. I do remember her name....so Elizabeth if you are reading this I am sorry :flowerforyou:

confession over :blushing:

rileamoyer

bump

OLFATUG

I was bullied growing up quite a bit. I had five older brothers who bullied me, and a father who beat me, so my self esteem has always been pretty rock bottom. Kids are cruel and eat that *kitten* alive.

My oldest daughter (6, almost 7) can be a bully sometimes. I try to have open and honest conversations with here about treating people right, but some of my best examples are a little too mature for her small self just yet.

Ruger2506

I will confess. I was a bully for a short time. I thought it was the path to popularity. I picked on a kid and while I was starting to feel guilty about it a bunch of my peers came down on me hard and made me feel 100x worse for it. After that I decided to be the person who stands up for kids like the one I picked on instead of the bully.

ZombieChaser

I was bullied all through school - I was shy, sensitive and cried all the time. It was boys that would bully me the most, which is odd...
I never stood up for myself, teachers were of no use, and my parents really were not equipped to deal with it. It was tough, and after all this time, I still have never forgotten the hate and the cruelty.

I saw one of my bullies many years later at a bar...i bought him and his table a shot, and when he called me over to his table to thank me, his face dropped when he realized who i was (i had changed quite a bit), and I introduced myself as the girl he used to pick on, cheers!

tig_ol_bitties

I think it's sad, and what's worse is it doesn't just stop at a certain age - adults can be bullies/bullied, too. I work with a woman who is a dwarf. Not only that, but she's one of the smallest in the world (there was even a tv show done about her a few years ago, as she's one of a small minority who holds an actual job and lives on her own, etc.). I've gone to Subway with her at lunch before, because she loves the place and needs help because the associates cannot see her over the glass counters. EVERY time we've been there, there are grown-*kitten* people that say the most awful things. Bullying is a problem, regardless of age. I would love to see it stop, but I doubt it ever will.

Shelbert79

I was picked on for having glasses, braces, being a nerd and being white...it sucked! Nothing's worse than having your kids bullied though. Never thought I'd want to knock out a 4th grader before until my oldest starting having problems with a girl in her class. She is THE bully of her class who's just plain mean to her, for no reason (and I'm not just saying that, the girl has been mean to other girls too). I talked to the teacher about it and was informed that another student stuck up for my daughter and told the teacher about it...so I'm glad to know there are still kids out there who stick up for others. I'm not sure if I'm going to see the movie in the theater but I'll probably watch it when it comes out on DVD with my kids.

jenbusick

It's a little off-topic, but I am reading a book right now that has a lot of interesting things to say about why bullying is such a terrible epidemic in this country right now:

It's called Hold On To Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

http://www.amazon.com/Hold-On-Your-Kids-Parents/dp/0375760288/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1334237205&sr=8-1

If I had the resources I would buy this book and give it to every parent and teacher I know. I can't do that, so instead I'm recommending that every parent and teacher I know go to your nearest bookstore or library and get a copy to read.

calmmomw3minimeez

I was verbally bullied every day during jr. high school, not because of being overweight - far from it, I was very thin and of short stature, shy and quiet, plus I didn't 'put out' so that made for many days of misery until I learned the art of retaliation through pointing out my various tormentors' flaws accompanied by some rather colorful language. All of a sudden, I started getting some freaking respect although I was not a very happy camper back then. I think you lil bro did what he had to do...sometimes you have to let ppl know that you're not gonna take their crap and if you just happen to pop'em one, so be it. I call it self defense!:smokin:

MaraDiaz

It takes 7-9# of force to break a person's nose. No matter how "weak" a person is, if they can break their opponent's nose they stand a good chance of winning the fight. I've seen many bullies get their azz beat by picking on the wrong person. One thing they tend to forget is there is always someone stronger and better than they are out there. Be careful who you pick on.

This is all well and good, but adults go to jail for using violence to solve their social problems. So teaching your kids that violence is the answer might not be a good idea in the long run.

My son has been told that it's the school employees' jobs to prevent bullying and fights and that he is to make them do their jobs. And if they don't do their jobs even after he tells them what is going on, to tell me, and I will call them up and chew them out until they do their jobs.

Is it because I prefer he were a 'tattletale' than a fighter? Not really, I'd be perfectly happy if he broke some bully's nose. But I know the consequences for doing so could be severe, and even if he got away with it, it wouldn't help him later in life.

Our society allows bullying in many forms. The weak are preyed on by the strong constantly. It's all considered okay for some reason. My hope is the next generation won't think it's so great to be a bully if every time someone bullies another kid, they end up with sixteen hours of empathy training a week for an entire school year.

So really, I want to see them make the bullies suffer instead of sanctioning their behavior by ignoring it until someone gets violent. Because sixteen hours a week of therapy is much more painful than a broken nose!

anolan807

I was teased in school a bit, but never I don't feel bullied. Back then maybe I would have said yes bullied, but looking back I would say probably not, just picked on a bit. As a teacher now I feel bullying is getting worse and worse since kids can not just leave it at school. With the internet it has become more harmful and can reach a bigger group of people. Schools and parents need to take bigger actions of this. Parents need to watch what their children are doing on the internet and if they see bad choices step in not motivate them to do it worse or act like a child in the situation. If it is harming a child so badly that it is affecting their academics or if a life has been threaten more schools need to have a cyber policy in which they can step in if it didn't happen at school, because lets face it if a child put it online the night before it will end up as a problem at school the next day. There is no answer on how to stop bullying, but I wish there was. We have to just raise are children/siblings to be respectful and try to like everyone and just hope that learning will go into their brains and stay there when under peer pressure.