Bully

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OLFATUG

I was bullied growing up quite a bit. I had five older brothers who bullied me, and a father who beat me, so my self esteem has always been pretty rock bottom. Kids are cruel and eat that *kitten* alive.

My oldest daughter (6, almost 7) can be a bully sometimes. I try to have open and honest conversations with here about treating people right, but some of my best examples are a little too mature for her small self just yet.

Ruger2506

I will confess. I was a bully for a short time. I thought it was the path to popularity. I picked on a kid and while I was starting to feel guilty about it a bunch of my peers came down on me hard and made me feel 100x worse for it. After that I decided to be the person who stands up for kids like the one I picked on instead of the bully.

ZombieChaser

I was bullied all through school - I was shy, sensitive and cried all the time. It was boys that would bully me the most, which is odd...
I never stood up for myself, teachers were of no use, and my parents really were not equipped to deal with it. It was tough, and after all this time, I still have never forgotten the hate and the cruelty.

I saw one of my bullies many years later at a bar...i bought him and his table a shot, and when he called me over to his table to thank me, his face dropped when he realized who i was (i had changed quite a bit), and I introduced myself as the girl he used to pick on, cheers!

tig_ol_bitties

I think it's sad, and what's worse is it doesn't just stop at a certain age - adults can be bullies/bullied, too. I work with a woman who is a dwarf. Not only that, but she's one of the smallest in the world (there was even a tv show done about her a few years ago, as she's one of a small minority who holds an actual job and lives on her own, etc.). I've gone to Subway with her at lunch before, because she loves the place and needs help because the associates cannot see her over the glass counters. EVERY time we've been there, there are grown-*kitten* people that say the most awful things. Bullying is a problem, regardless of age. I would love to see it stop, but I doubt it ever will.

Shelbert79

I was picked on for having glasses, braces, being a nerd and being white...it sucked! Nothing's worse than having your kids bullied though. Never thought I'd want to knock out a 4th grader before until my oldest starting having problems with a girl in her class. She is THE bully of her class who's just plain mean to her, for no reason (and I'm not just saying that, the girl has been mean to other girls too). I talked to the teacher about it and was informed that another student stuck up for my daughter and told the teacher about it...so I'm glad to know there are still kids out there who stick up for others. I'm not sure if I'm going to see the movie in the theater but I'll probably watch it when it comes out on DVD with my kids.

jenbusick

It's a little off-topic, but I am reading a book right now that has a lot of interesting things to say about why bullying is such a terrible epidemic in this country right now:

It's called Hold On To Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers

http://www.amazon.com/Hold-On-Your-Kids-Parents/dp/0375760288/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1334237205&sr=8-1

If I had the resources I would buy this book and give it to every parent and teacher I know. I can't do that, so instead I'm recommending that every parent and teacher I know go to your nearest bookstore or library and get a copy to read.

calmmomw3minimeez

I was verbally bullied every day during jr. high school, not because of being overweight - far from it, I was very thin and of short stature, shy and quiet, plus I didn't 'put out' so that made for many days of misery until I learned the art of retaliation through pointing out my various tormentors' flaws accompanied by some rather colorful language. All of a sudden, I started getting some freaking respect although I was not a very happy camper back then. I think you lil bro did what he had to do...sometimes you have to let ppl know that you're not gonna take their crap and if you just happen to pop'em one, so be it. I call it self defense!:smokin:

MaraDiaz

It takes 7-9# of force to break a person's nose. No matter how "weak" a person is, if they can break their opponent's nose they stand a good chance of winning the fight. I've seen many bullies get their azz beat by picking on the wrong person. One thing they tend to forget is there is always someone stronger and better than they are out there. Be careful who you pick on.

This is all well and good, but adults go to jail for using violence to solve their social problems. So teaching your kids that violence is the answer might not be a good idea in the long run.

My son has been told that it's the school employees' jobs to prevent bullying and fights and that he is to make them do their jobs. And if they don't do their jobs even after he tells them what is going on, to tell me, and I will call them up and chew them out until they do their jobs.

Is it because I prefer he were a 'tattletale' than a fighter? Not really, I'd be perfectly happy if he broke some bully's nose. But I know the consequences for doing so could be severe, and even if he got away with it, it wouldn't help him later in life.

Our society allows bullying in many forms. The weak are preyed on by the strong constantly. It's all considered okay for some reason. My hope is the next generation won't think it's so great to be a bully if every time someone bullies another kid, they end up with sixteen hours of empathy training a week for an entire school year.

So really, I want to see them make the bullies suffer instead of sanctioning their behavior by ignoring it until someone gets violent. Because sixteen hours a week of therapy is much more painful than a broken nose!

anolan807

I was teased in school a bit, but never I don't feel bullied. Back then maybe I would have said yes bullied, but looking back I would say probably not, just picked on a bit. As a teacher now I feel bullying is getting worse and worse since kids can not just leave it at school. With the internet it has become more harmful and can reach a bigger group of people. Schools and parents need to take bigger actions of this. Parents need to watch what their children are doing on the internet and if they see bad choices step in not motivate them to do it worse or act like a child in the situation. If it is harming a child so badly that it is affecting their academics or if a life has been threaten more schools need to have a cyber policy in which they can step in if it didn't happen at school, because lets face it if a child put it online the night before it will end up as a problem at school the next day. There is no answer on how to stop bullying, but I wish there was. We have to just raise are children/siblings to be respectful and try to like everyone and just hope that learning will go into their brains and stay there when under peer pressure.

DieVixen

I dont have the type of pesonality that bullies target,its no fun being mean to someone that really just does not care.

bluefox9er

It's true that bullying is something that happens to anyone at anytime and not just restricted to the school yard.

I have had an abusive boss that have bullied me relentlessly and I was submissive to his hatred. one day, I had enough...yeah, 2 wrongs do not make a right but I confronted one particular boss and threatened to kill him if he didn't resign from his job by the end of the week.

I was amazed that he did, because I was at such a low point in terms of my mental health ALL DOWN TO HIM that I actually believed I would have carried out my action. I reasoned and explained to him in extremely calm fashion that I am suicidal because of his unrelenting and torrential abuse, of verbal insults about my ( high) performance in my job to personal, then racial. I also explained that him stopping his hatred would not be an acceptable solution, and neither would me leaving my job...unless i went to jail. I also explained to him in minute detail every single incident when he abused me after our HR department at work failed to help or pay attention. I had the nous to record every single incident with dates and times and kept a log of his phone calls.

He promised to stop, but by then, the ship had sailed and I had to say that either he left the company..or he leaves Planet earth for good. He mocked my threat but soon realised I wasn't kidding when he saw the guys that were friends of friends waiting in the car parked outside his house. He resigned the next morning.

Our paths have subsequently crossed and I took my opportunity to remind him that if I even hear of him abusing people under his care again, that i would be on him like a shot. It shocked me to see how afraid he was of ME when i did that.

I reflect often on how he reduced me to a mere nothing, devoid of any confidence and a person that was living every second of every day in abject fear...I seriously contemplated suicide.

Sometimes, a bully only understands the language that they speak and understand..and that is the language of fear...so that is the language I had to speak to him in, knowing that I now had nothing to lose...i'd either kill myself or go to jail for killing him...that is the true depth of my feelings and ability to distinguish what is right and wrong. All I knew was that my life cannot continue with him in it, one way or another.

I also informed the Police of this conversation and was happy to give them a recording of it, such was my anxiety and fear in ending this misery and tournament for once and for all. To my utmost surprise, a police officer wanted to hear it, he laughed and said ' well, i'm betting thats the end of that'...whilst I was thinking I'd go to jail.

Bullying by children is even worse..kids don't know what they put other kids through...but adults do it in a far more cold and calculating manner. But to see a child having to face demons reduces me to tears whenever I hear of it..it's a total violation of a young person's ambitions,happiness, innocence and security..something I believe we should preserve at any cost.

This form of hatred is every bit as despicable to me as homophobia and racism and has no place in our society.

livinginwoods

I am the Children's Coordinator and also one of the Teen Youth group leaders at my church. I deal with kids who get bullied a lot. I would say more than half of my prayer requests are from kids who are getting bullied. I also deal with bullies. Many of which come from pretty awful homes. That is no excuse but we are working with them. I had one girl come to me last night in tears saying every single day she goes home and cries for hours and sometimes thinks about killing herself because of how she is bullied. It is heart breaking. (yes we do take action when this happens) There have been a few lessons gone astray because God led me to talk about bullying. Our school district just blows off the bullying that goes on. Many parents are blind to the fact also. Their perfect kid could NEVER do or say anything wrong. :explode: You also have the parents where their kids are "drama queens" and the bullying isn't really all that bad and the kids need to learn to suck it up.....that also boils my blood. :noway:

emstaley4

I personally was not bullied in school. Even though I had severe scoliosis and had to wear a brace that went from my neck all the way to my upper thighs to keep me rod straight. I went to a small private Catholic school and had a good group of friends. When I had to ride the bus after we moved...well, that was another story. There was one boy who was just a jerk but no one else ever really gave me a hard time that I can remember. Infact, other kids used to stick up for me when this kid would say anything to me.
I tended to be alot like OH_matt's son...helpful and kind to other kids with disabilities or who were different. Not just because I had a physical issue but because that is how I was raised. To be kind and not be mean or judge other kids based on how they looked, dressed or where they lived. My family was poor. We did not get all the "extras" that other kids got. I got one pair of sneakers and one pair of dress shoes for the whole school year.
Today almost everyone (well alot of people) goes into debt to buy, buy, buy and I think (and this just my opinion) that this has created alot of self-centered, entitled feeling brats. I see kids I went to school with and how their kids behave and I'll tell you that I wouldn't tolerate the way those speak to their moms and dads but yet in their parent's eyes they can do no wrong. I talk to my kids about bullying all the time and have raised them to treat ALL kids with respect and if they are not respected back; then those are the kids they are to stay away from. I'm not raising door mats nor am I raising martyrs.
When my daughter was 6 she had a "friend" tell her that if she (my daughter) didn't do something this girl wanted her to do then she wasn't going to be my daughter's friend anymore. I heard my daughter say "so? I have plenty of friends and I'm not going to do what I don't want to do" I was so proud of her but also sad that at 6 she had to deal with that crap already.
Since we homeschool we don't run into bullying on a regular basis but it does happen in group settings. You always get those one or two kids who just have to be in charge or are just mean and we deal with it the best we can and move on. It is the parents fault their kids are bullies, and I do think that bullying is worse today than 10 or 20 years ago. It's a different way of upbringing and looking at the world now and with technology just makes it easier for kids to be mean to each other. Anyway........kids are naturally self-centered and you can show them all the movies you want and make them take classes and read books, but if they don't think it applies to them they aren't going to get the message....I know I was a teenager once...eons ago, in the age of dinosaurs....way, way, way back in the olden days!!! LOL

ladybg81

I was teased for being so tall but never bullied. But I did sit back idilly and watch kids get bullied. One so bad he killed himself; at school. I now have a 3 year old and I swear, I am going to do my best to make sure he is prepared for anything life may throw at him. I also want him to understand that we respect one another fully, no matter what. Time will tell how I do I suppose.

MaraDiaz

I'm amazed you got away with that, bluefox. I wouldn't dare try it. My last boss was a bully, I quit my job because of it and haven't been able to work since. That was several years ago. It triggered social phobia to the point where I don't even like to go to the grocery store, haven't gone out with friends in years, and have only been in a restaurant two or three times.

But I won't kill him or threaten to. Not because the Earth needs him walking around on it, I'd be delighted if he was dead, but because he isn't worth the prison sentence. And he's such a low and disgusting human being that I think it's crueler to let him live with himself anyway.

mdsjmom98

My son was diagnosed at 4 as ADHD. He endured over 7 school years of bullying. He was small as a freshman, barely weighing in at 100 lbs and 5'2" The summer between his freshman and sophomore years, he grew 6 inches, and put on 60 lbs. He was unrecognizable when he returned to school his sophomore year. People started to be nicer to him, accept him a little more, but unfortunately for him, the damage was done. While he was not mean to them, any gesture of kindness they made to him he rebuked. They asked him to hang out, he turned them down due to 7 years of teasing and abuse.

His senior year, he was beaten so badly he almost died. The doctor said if he had been hit 2-3 more times, he would've died. His face was smashed in, he had broken ribs, a broken nose, and a gash on his head requiring stitches. The boy jumped him from behind in the locker room. It took 4 boys to pull this kid off. The boy was never disciplined, not even by the school. As a result of this beating, he suffers from memory loss, and other effects. We have lost the carefree, fun loving child he use to be. Now he's moody, and angry most of the time. He doesn't get out, he will not socialize, he is very much a recluse. That bully stole my child from me, and while I know that I am supposed to forgive, I will never forgive this boy. I hate him with every fiber of my being.

Thanks for reading friends.

Candi8099

My friend has a boy that just turned 13 & has been getting bullied at school. They're going through the expulsion process as I type this because he "defended himself". I don't really know all of the details, but the kid was getting threatened by more than one boy, he hid in bathrooms, etc and he ended up bringing 2 pocket knives to school to scare them off. Mom & Dad just found out about the bullying when the knives were found. He's obviously in some serious trouble. (SCHOOLS HAVE A NO WEAPON POLICY, PERIOD) If anyone has any suggestions I could tell my friend, I'd be all ears....they have a meeting in front of the school board on Monday.

MaraDiaz

My son was diagnosed at 4 as ADHD. He endured over 7 school years of bullying. He was small as a freshman, barely weighing in at 100 lbs and 5'2" The summer between his freshman and sophomore years, he grew 6 inches, and put on 60 lbs. He was unrecognizable when he returned to school his sophomore year. People started to be nicer to him, accept him a little more, but unfortunately for him, the damage was done. While he was not mean to them, any gesture of kindness they made to him he rebuked. They asked him to hang out, he turned them down due to 7 years of teasing and abuse.

His senior year, he was beaten so badly he almost died. The doctor said if he had been hit 2-3 more times, he would've died. His face was smashed in, he had broken ribs, a broken nose, and a gash on his head requiring stitches. The boy jumped him from behind in the locker room. It took 4 boys to pull this kid off. The boy was never disciplined, not even by the school. As a result of this beating, he suffers from memory loss, and other effects. We have lost the carefree, fun loving child he use to be. Now he's moody, and angry most of the time. He doesn't get out, he will not socialize, he is very much a recluse. That bully stole my child from me, and while I know that I am supposed to forgive, I will never forgive this boy. I hate him with every fiber of my being.

Thanks for reading friends.

So horrible! I can't believe they didn't do anything to the kid. I don't even understand that. Why is this allowed to go on? Verbal abuse is bad enough, it can affect someone's whole life, but this is just ridiculous. I'd have sued the school and parents backward, forward, and sideways, and I'm not big on lawsuits. Wouldn't a lawyer take the case?

macpatti

I was never bullied and I wasn't ever a bully. However, I was the person who would tell the bullies to shut up and leave certain people alone. That's still in my personality. What I find interesting is how many times someone who constantly picks on others has told me I'm no better than they are when I tell the bullies to shut up, or I stick up for the other person. That all goes back to the reason certain people become bullies; they have their own self-esteem issues. I wish more kids would speak up against bullying that goes on!