Husband not physically attracted to me anymore
Replies
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Physical attraction and love go hand in hand.
I disagree. I love my wife to death and I find her attractive and I would still love her exactly as much if she were 400lbs. I would not be physically attracted to her if she weighed four bills and I have no problem admitting it.
I love my mother and I am not attracted to her. I also can see women out in public that I think are attractive and I do not love them.How do you think she feels knowing that her husband isn't attracted to her anymore? It build insecurities, which isn't healthy.
I agree with this part.
My wife and I had similar conversations and she said if I was fat or got fat that she would not be physically attracted to me, and I to her. So it is not just men, a lot of women would also lose their attraction to someone of the opposite sex if they became obese.0 -
You guys should be ashamed for your insensitive remarks about her husband. Does he really deserve to be called these terrible names for the way he feels?
Between a fit individual, and one who is obese, how many of you would be physically attracted to a the slim person?
This.
and how many of you calling him out for feeling that way, yet post and check out the males in the sexy guy threads.
How many 'sexy fat guy' threads exist on here?
Just another day on MFP.
Maybe we need a chubby chaser thread.... I wouldn't mind. My husband is perfect to me no matter what his weight is.... and I can say that with confidence, because when we got married, I weighed 160 lbs, and he weighed 400 lbs. He has since lost 150 lbs, and I love him no matter what.
I feel just the way you do. I love my husband no matter what, and he loves me the same. My husband had to have back surgery this year and wasn't able to go to the gym for a very long time, he's starting to though. I had to do everything from change him to giving him a bath everyday. Yes, he gained weight but that didn't matter to me one bit. He's still the same man I fell in love with. Looks aren't the most important thing in a relationship... At some point or another they are going to fade. Being healthy on the other hand is quite important, which is why we work out and eat the way we do.0 -
I have lost over 100 pounds and it is like my husand doesn't even remember who I am anymore. I am a more confindent and active person and he is a home body. He doesn't like my new confidece but I don't let it bother me. I am comfortable and happy with my progress but sometimes I think he liked me when I was heavier because I didn't want to do anything and he didn't have to worry about me going out and meeting people.
I feel this way too sometimes, my husband will literally sit at home all day and watch a marathon of Lost or play a video game. I cannot stay still anymore or it drives me crazy. I am more confident and outgoing and it I don't sit at home and call out for delivery food.0 -
You guys should be ashamed for your insensitive remarks about her husband. Does he really deserve to be called these terrible names for the way he feels?
Between a fit individual, and one who is obese, how many of you would be physically attracted to a the slim person?
This.
and how many of you calling him out for feeling that way, yet post and check out the males in the sexy guy threads.
How many 'sexy fat guy' threads exist on here?
Just another day on MFP.
Maybe we need a chubby chaser thread.... I wouldn't mind. My husband is perfect to me no matter what his weight is.... and I can say that with confidence, because when we got married, I weighed 160 lbs, and he weighed 400 lbs. He has since lost 150 lbs, and I love him no matter what.
Personality trumps image.0 -
Personality trumps image.
By a ton.0 -
i smell a troll.......0
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i smell a troll.......
THIS!!!0 -
You guys should be ashamed for your insensitive remarks about her husband. Does he really deserve to be called these terrible names for the way he feels?
Between a fit individual, and one who is obese, how many of you would be physically attracted to a the slim person?
^ This is the question, IMO.
Do you find one more attractive than the other? Is this equally as shameful?
I actually like curvy women and am attracted to a very wide range of physiques -- I'm just being blunt that there would reach a point where my physical attraction to someone, love them or not, would diminish.
I agree and suspect that is true for just about everyone. If not there wouldn't be so many people trying to lose weight :-)0 -
You guys should be ashamed for your insensitive remarks about her husband. Does he really deserve to be called these terrible names for the way he feels?
Between a fit individual, and one who is obese, how many of you would be physically attracted to a the slim person?
This.
and how many of you calling him out for feeling that way, yet post and check out the males in the sexy guy threads.
How many 'sexy fat guy' threads exist on here?
Just another day on MFP.
Maybe we need a chubby chaser thread.... I wouldn't mind. My husband is perfect to me no matter what his weight is.... and I can say that with confidence, because when we got married, I weighed 160 lbs, and he weighed 400 lbs. He has since lost 150 lbs, and I love him no matter what.
Personality trumps image.
even in bed?0 -
My husband and I both have gained weight since we married three years ago! We are still in love with each other emotionally and physically! He says he just has more of me to love and I feel the same way! Extra weight can be so devastating for some people and I would never put someone down because of it! Nor would I make them feel less loved because of it! Contrary to what some people think over weight people can be active too!0
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"I told my husband to tell me if he ever physically lost interest in me and I will tell him if I lost physical attraction in him. Also, it's not always about looks, a change in personality can change how attractive someone is"
Exacly what I was goin to say. I told my bf/bd to tell me as well. even tho am 30lbs hevier than when we firat got together he never complains... I think am the one who was making things bad since I kept calling myself fat and would be upset because my clothes didnt fit. I believe you can be loved even if he isnt attracted to you, but what good does it make if he wo.t even be next.to ... Is like saying hes ashame and dont want to be seen with you. You need to speak with and dont lose weight for him do it for yourself... I love and will always be attracted to my bf no matter what unless his personality changes to tge bad.0 -
You guys should be ashamed for your insensitive remarks about her husband. Does he really deserve to be called these terrible names for the way he feels?
Between a fit individual, and one who is obese, how many of you would be physically attracted to a the slim person?
This.
and how many of you calling him out for feeling that way, yet post and check out the males in the sexy guy threads.
How many 'sexy fat guy' threads exist on here?
Just another day on MFP.
Maybe we need a chubby chaser thread.... I wouldn't mind. My husband is perfect to me no matter what his weight is.... and I can say that with confidence, because when we got married, I weighed 160 lbs, and he weighed 400 lbs. He has since lost 150 lbs, and I love him no matter what.
Personality trumps image.
Exactly. Just because someone doesn't find someone physically attractive doesn't mean they cannot love that person.0 -
Having been in this situation, I would recommend having a direct conversation about it. Find out exactly how he feels or of it is in your head. Unfortunately mine wasn't in my head as those exact words were said to me. It was definitely in my head after spoken. It took quite a while before I could even talk about it as it stung so deeply. Years later he apologized for it when I brought it up and he realized how much it hurt me. I have forgiven him but it still hurts and definitely something I can't forget. I have always been insecure about my body and extremely self conscious. We have been able to move past this and will be celebrating our 12th anniversary in June. Make sure you talk about it until you find out if it's a superficial statement or whether there is more to it. If you let it, it will eat you up. Years later I found out 1). he said it in anger 2). he said it because he thought it would help me. I have chronic migraines and just before this went down I had to quit working. I spent most of the day every day in bed from the pain and our relationship suffered because he didn't see me putting forward any effort. In his own words, I was lazy and useless. Now don't get me wrong, I am not excusing his words or actions because they were horrible. However, after he apologized and I heard his point of view it was a whole lot easier to swallow the situation. I still struggle as I tend to regurgitate the hurtful things in my head. As I have made an effort to be more active and lose weight things have gotten much better but there is still that internal struggle. I pray things work out for you!0
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Mine told me he was not attracted to me when I was fat, but he said he still loved me. That hurt so much. I had birthed his child. I had spinal cord surgery. I was going through a million things and all I got was... sorry, you are fat. It created a space between us that never closed up. Now I am smokin hot, but it doesn't matter anymore. We grew apart.
Losing the attraction CAN ruin a marriage if you let it. We didn't have to LET IT happen, but we did. I believe that means there was not a good foundation to begin with.
Now I have a slew of hotties that chase me. Whatever.0 -
I wasn't attracted to me anymore, and that affected my marriage. I have noticed a HUGE improvement for us since I started improving me!
That's mostly the key. Loving yourself before loving the other. Your self appreciation affects the other without noticing.0 -
You guys should be ashamed for your insensitive remarks about her husband. Does he really deserve to be called these terrible names for the way he feels?
Between a fit individual, and one who is obese, how many of you would be physically attracted to a the slim person?
This.
and how many of you calling him out for feeling that way, yet post and check out the males in the sexy guy threads.
How many 'sexy fat guy' threads exist on here?
Just another day on MFP.
Maybe we need a chubby chaser thread.... I wouldn't mind. My husband is perfect to me no matter what his weight is.... and I can say that with confidence, because when we got married, I weighed 160 lbs, and he weighed 400 lbs. He has since lost 150 lbs, and I love him no matter what.
Personality trumps image.
even in bed?
I never had any complaints.... we had two babies one year apart before my hubby's weight loss.
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Girl, I know exactly how you feel. My marriage ended because he wasnt attracted to me anymore. But if theres one thing I do wanna say being in the situation youre in, its from a quote im sure youre familiar with... IF YOU DONT LIKE ME AT MY WORST, YOU DONT DESERVE ME AT MY BEST.. ive lived by that and have lately found him trying to crawl his slimy self back..
lol good one huh? 0 -
Physical attraction is important no matter what anyone says. It keeps your love life alive and make you feel close to your partner. In saying that, alot of men just loves a womans body, no matter the size it is. They are attracted to how a woman carries herself...if you walk tall and feel sexy, he will see you as sexy. IF he doesnt, maybe he has issues with himself. I know that I was the one effecting our relationship because I felt bad about myself. He felt the same and acted the same. But now that I am loosing, things are different because I feel good about myself. All you can do is work on you and hope he comes around. You are not responsible for someone elses feelings or thoughts so dont take it personal. You can only work on you and make his invironment a good one. You can do this!!!0
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"I told my husband to tell me if he ever physically lost interest in me and I will tell him if I lost physical attraction in him. Also, it's not always about looks, a change in personality can change how attractive someone is"
Exacly what I was goin to say. I told my bf/bd to tell me as well. even tho am 30lbs hevier than when we firat got together he never complains... I think am the one who was making things bad since I kept calling myself fat and would be upset because my clothes didnt fit. I believe you can be loved even if he isnt attracted to you, but what good does it make if he wo.t even be next.to ... Is like saying hes ashame and dont want to be seen with you. You need to speak with and dont lose weight for him do it for yourself... I love and will always be attracted to my bf no matter what unless his personality changes to tge bad.
Great point. I think women can make it worse by being insecure. Hollywood doesn't make it easier. Most men don't care about some extra pounds. Now 200lbs pounds overweight is a different story. But 30lbs is nothing. Just keep acting like you are sexy and he will think you're sexy.0 -
Love is more than two dimensional
My wife looks like a chimp but I love her dearly
She's a cute chimp but I'm not into chimps
Just my wife who carried me when I was broken
Who loved me into being a better person
And who is the best person I've ever met
I would love her if she was disabled or disfigured
I will love her forever whatever
Love is so much more than the conditions we place on it.
I wouldn't call you husband a moron or anything else but he is very narrow minded, and short sighted if he thinks love is aesthetic.
So the question is do you deserve more and I'd say yes of course you do.
Nobody's perfect and the person who thinks they are is far from perfect.0 -
It did affect my marriage because I was so unhappy with myself. Everytime my husband wanted to go out or do something fun, I didn't want to because I was ashamed with my weight. I was at my heaviest right after my son. My husband still told me I was beautiful and was still loving, but I was extremely insecure. He would however tell me if I was so unhappy, I should try and get healthy again and that he missed his fun wife. I never blamed him for wanting the old me back. I'll be honest, if he gained 100 lbs, that would bother me and I would be doing everything to help get his butt in shape. I wouldn't love him any less, but it's important to maintain a healthy lifestyle and set good examples for our kids.0
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Topic: Husband not physically attracted to me anymore
That's a pretty vague statement that could have many interpretations:
"Husband wouldn't strain his neck to stare at me walking by on the street anymore, but still loves me, and we still have sex, etc". This is the most basic interpretation I can think of when I hear the words "physically attracted". Sure, there are hotties out on the street who can't help but catch my eye, but that has nothing to do with my marriage. My wife is not a skinny swimsuit model, but that's not why I dated and eventually married her. She turns me on with her attitude and confidence, not with a body that looks like it jumped off a Playboy spread.
Now, if there's more to your statement, like "husband and I don't have sex anymore", you may have to look a little deeper. Are you so uncomfortable with your own weight that it's affecting how you act? I can't speak for your husband, but in my case, as long as you were still obviously enjoying sex and didn't look miserable at the thought of getting naked with hubby, I'd still be loving every minute of it.
If, on the other hand, your behavior is the same, but he has changed and is behaving as though he's somehow repulsed by you, then it's a harder problem to address. You're here because you want to lose weight, which will eventually change the situation, but in your shoes, I would be feeling pretty resentful about it. It's up to you whether you want to put in the effort to forgive him and stay, even after you've lost the weight, or kick him to the curb and find someone you feel is more deserving.0 -
Girl, I know exactly how you feel. My marriage ended because he wasnt attracted to me anymore. But if theres one thing I do wanna say being in the situation youre in, its from a quote im sure youre familiar with... IF YOU DONT LIKE ME AT MY WORST, YOU DONT DESERVE ME AT MY BEST.. ive lived by that and have lately found him trying to crawl his slimy self back.. lol good one huh?
EXACTLY WHAT I'M SAYING! Good stuff!0 -
I'm not married, but I gained about 40 lbs during my last relationship. He always told me I was beautiful, but he would rarely want to be intimate. He said it was a huge turn off because I didn't want to do it with the lights on and because I was so insecure.
16lbs doesn't change a persons appearance too much, so I agree with everyone else that it's either how you feel or there are some other problems. We certainly don't have enough facts.
As a side note, my dad used to call my mom fat (and much worse), my entire childhood. I believe this helped contribute to past eating disorders and other problems. The reason I mention this is because if a spouse is constantly putting down your weight or physical appearance (not saying this particular man is) it can seriously damage not only you, but your children too.0 -
Thankfully no. Even at my heaviest I couldn't get my husband off of me.
It effected our sex life because of my own insecurities though.
^^Exactly this! I stopped feeling attractive and it affected me, not him. He never once thought I was anything but beautiful and sexy. Now, as I am losing weight, he gives me support and tells me how wonderful I am doing and how proud he is of me, everyday. If I see a new piece of exercise equipment I want, he runs out to buy it too. If I'm happy, he's happy. I think he is a better person than I deserve! I am going to owe him BIGTIME!0 -
Girl, I know exactly how you feel. My marriage ended because he wasnt attracted to me anymore. But if theres one thing I do wanna say being in the situation youre in, its from a quote im sure youre familiar with... IF YOU DONT LIKE ME AT MY WORST, YOU DONT DESERVE ME AT MY BEST.. ive lived by that and have lately found him trying to crawl his slimy self back.. lol good one huh?
Interesting.
I wonder if he calls you names too?
Maybe your attitude and blaming him is the reason your marriage didn't work?0 -
My husband would not be physically attracted to me if I gained a great deal of weight (50+ pounds). I know this. This is understandable. He'd still love me and he'd probably still have sex with me and I'd hope he find better ways to encourage me to do something about my weight than telling me he wasn't attracted to me. I wouldn't be attracted to him if he were obese either. But like I said, it would take a great deal of weight. 30 pounds wouldn't do it, pregnancy and post pregnancy didn't.0
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My pet peeve on mfp is when users start these controversial threads, that require the creator to partake in the discussion.
And elaborate on details.....but they never respond, and then there's this thread of people arguing over details that don't exist because the poster dipped. Just venting, sorry.0 -
(((((hugs)))))
Thankfully, my weight gain has not affected my marriage in a negative way. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Ireally don't knw what to say except that you look like a beautiful woman and keep your head up. Do this for you and make him eat his words.
**THIS!!!
I'm lucky that way too even after a 20+ weight gain after our daughter my Love has never said anything or made me feel less beautiful, He's always made me feel sexy....
But you get in shape for you!!!0 -
I wasn't attracted to me anymore, and that affected my marriage. I have noticed a HUGE improvement for us since I started improving me!
This was very true for me. I put up walls and my husband didn't know why. I would talk to him.0
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