Husband not physically attracted to me anymore
Replies
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Alot of assumptions being made here.0
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A spouse should love you unconditionally.
love and phyiscal attraction = two different things.0 -
Alot of assumptions being made here.
Agreed.0 -
Something is wrong with him if he isn't attracted to you. You are gorgeous! Mine seems to like my new body.0
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How's his weight? normally couples don't gain alone. He might hate his own figure and is pushing that off on you.0
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My boyfriend's always attracted to me and my body (although, aesthetically, we both prefer me a little on the slimmer side), but when I am at a weight where I like my body, hormonally, my sex drive drops super low so it affects our relationship in that way.
It's really a catch 22 -- when I'm too heavy to like my body (although certainly a healthy weight), I hormonally have a strong sex drive, but when I'm at a weight where I'm happy with my body, I don't want sex.0 -
I am at my heaviest now at about 350lbs - my husband met me when I was 18 and 150lbs. We lost touch for a while then together again then apart again and have been together now since 2008. I have never been skinny.
My weight effects our relationship - becasue it effects me! He doesnt say anything or get mad or upset.
He loves me - unconditionally, how I love him.
I hope you were asking for general reasons and not because of a negative effect...
Hugs!0 -
I am the same height (4'11) and 5 pounds can look like 50 sometimes. My husband finds me attractive still, even though I issues are because of how I feel about the way I look. In return, my husband has gained at least 50 pounds since we got together and if he has issues with me physically, it can go the same way. Are you suppose to act the same way if your husband gains weight? I find so many women struggling to be perfect for their spouse and not all of these spouses are "perfect" themselves. (This is from those I know who are married and spouses mention the weight they gained but so have they)0
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Without a doubt! Self-esteem, self-confidence was gone.. It wasn't so much about the weight than Self-esteem/self-confidence was gone. Someone who confident is always more attractive.0
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I'd just kick him to the curb!0
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Aaw man! I just got done reading the first page of all the replies. Thanks for the replies guys!
Clarification: My husband told me. He hid it from me for months. But I kept asking why we weren't having sex anymore and he just kept saying "I don't know" which led to other problems in our marriage. Last week, I finally got it out of him that it was my weight that was bothering him. I'm not mad, it just hurts. I know what I have to do and its going to be a long and depressing journey to get there. My profile says I only want to lose 16 pounds right now because that's the weight I was when my husband and I met. If I could at least get there, maybe he'll be attracted to me again. I have to lose 30 though not to be overweight. I'm considered obese right now. 4'11" weighing 155 lbs.
I'm sorry you're going through this and glad you replied. If he can't support you through this, find people like myself on MFP that will. But remember, that isn't going to fix your marriage; you feel better once the weight starts coming off though. IDK what advice I can give about your husband... I have never been in that situation. I would imagine it would be hard to try and work with someone who isn't supportive. Hang in there!0 -
I'm sorry you're going through this... Yes, things changed a lot, my husband became jealous, over protective and watched my every move. We finally had to sit down and have that "I'm not leaving you" talk. Things are better now but for a while oh boy! Good luck to you!0
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If you are only 16 lbs heavier than when you met, it seems strange. Get healthier for you, but I would still wonder what is really going on there.0
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So I havent read all the posts but wanted to give my opinion.......love isn't just physical attraction it's so much more....I'm not sure if you have children, or wether I will be totally alone in saying this but, I have two beautiful girls and eventhough you say you love them you cannot describe it as it's a million differently feelings and emotions mixed up and in my mind that's what love is, a load of different feelings and emotions mixed up and physical attraction is just an added bonus.
I haven't had the problem with my fiancee, so guess I'm lucky inthatrespect, at my heaviest, 245lbs, I saw no difference in our relationship to when I first met him weighing 140 lbs; I take this to mean he loves me for more than just the way I look. However, I do have a huge problem with the way I look and that does effect a lot of things for me but when I bring it up he does tell me that I'm being silly i.e. trying clothes on that I think I look like a whale in or going out with friends who have had babies and are a lot slimer than me.
I would not assume that it is you straight off though, even if he says so, talk it through see what it is that is bothering him, it could be a lot more than physical attraction and it could also be something totally fixable!
I am sorry that yo feel this way andhope that it is something that can be sorted out.0 -
Aaw man! I just got done reading the first page of all the replies. Thanks for the replies guys!
Clarification: My husband told me. He hid it from me for months. But I kept asking why we weren't having sex anymore and he just kept saying "I don't know" which led to other problems in our marriage. Last week, I finally got it out of him that it was my weight that was bothering him. I'm not mad, it just hurts. I know what I have to do and its going to be a long and depressing journey to get there. My profile says I only want to lose 16 pounds right now because that's the weight I was when my husband and I met. If I could at least get there, maybe he'll be attracted to me again. I have to lose 30 though not to be overweight. I'm considered obese right now. 4'11" weighing 155 lbs.
Too bad this is happening, but the fact that he hid it from you shows that he loves you and only finally told you after insisting to know why.
So those are good news.
Now, on the weight: Running your numbers (4' 11", 155 lbs) with a BMI calculator, you come up with a BMI of 31.4
That is at the lower end of the "obese" level 1 range, and pretty much where I was before I started my MFP journey.
BMI may not be a universally correct way of determining a healthy weight, but for normal people like you and me is a very good tool to determine target weights.
So I think you need to set your target weight to have a BMI of less than 25 (upper end of Healthy).
For BMI 25, your target weight should be: 123 lbs (32 lbs to lose)
Don't get discouraged by the 32lbs. You can do it !
Feel free to friend me at MFP if you want some tips, etc. :flowerforyou:0 -
We got married I was 125 lbs and he barely touched me lol...then a couple years into our marriage I gained 50 lbs and he couldn't stop touching me hahaha! I have gained 7 lbs recently. I want to lose 20+lbs though to get to my goal. He might be distracted by stuff that's going on in his life.0
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my husband was always attracted to me, even after a 50 lb gain, but it was MY DISINTEREST in sex (because of the weight gain), that was pushing him away.
so how was your interest during this time? did you change the way you dressed? Your confidence? - all aspects of who you were when you met should be explored.
Hope you two can work it out.0 -
(((((hugs)))))
Thankfully, my weight gain has not affected my marriage in a negative way. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Ireally don't knw what to say except that you look like a beautiful woman and keep your head up. Do this for you and make him eat his words.
TOTALLY AGREE!! I THINK UR BEAUTIFUL !! AND I'M SURE YOU ARE A BEATIFUL PERSON IN THE INSIDE TOO.
Don't worry about him.. it's ur body, ur health ur life.. do it for you and we are here if you need us. you can add me if you like anytime and I will motivate you
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Absolutely. I got told the same thing by my wife. Did she create the dire consequences by saying such a thing and not accepting me as I was? Or was she stating the fact that I was going to seed and needed to reverse course for my own sake as well as our marriage? It's a complicated situation nad for me it has required counseling, meds, and now MFP and a gym membership. My blogs tell it all.0
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May I just say that probably it is quite a positive thing that you and your husband have finally go to the truth of the matter between you. I know that it hurts - and that we feel our partners should love us unconditionally - but some are not able to do that, they are affected by how we look. We love them and so we find a way to work things out. When I was a young newly married woman I started putting weight on and hubby would say - when asked - 'oh it's ok but don't put on any more' and then with the next weight gain he would say the same ... he didn't want to hurt my feelings and the result was/is that 30 plus years later I am over 80 pounds heavier. ( I am almost twice the woman he married ....if he had had the same return on some financial investment then we would be living the high life!!!) LOL But on reflection it would have been kinder and more honest if he had said at the time that he found me less attractive with the weight gain and then maybe I would have made more of an effort to take the weight back off before it got to the huge problem it is now. Please don't think here that I am blaming him in any way for my not losing weight before now - it is my responsibility and I take that on board fully. Think of ways to get hubby to help you - let him know that you are working at losing the weight - get him to walk with you or exercise with you - find ways to make it a joint project. I am sure that he will have utmost respect for you that you are keen to keep things good for you both. I hope things work well for you. ;p)0
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More clarification: My husband is 5 years younger than me and has an athletic body. HE has not gained any weight. My personality has not changed; I am still fun and outgoing. I still dress cute. I have an 8 year old son.
BTW, there are some pretty mean and rude people on here. Just an observation. And I didn't reply for a couple hours because I'm at work.0 -
That is SO EFF'D UP!
If he cant love you at your worst, HE'S NEVER GOING TO LOVE YOU AT YOUR BEST! Remember that!!!
^^^^^ That is true.
I think you're putting the cart before the horse here, ladies.
He had you at your best...now you're slowly turning to your worst.
Not the other way round.
If that's your attitude, you should be in highschool, not a marriage.
Clearly you're main focus is to provide rude/negative comments to anyone who shares good/genuine advice, or agrees with any comment outside of your own. Doesn't that seem a little..... childish? LOL And you say some need to be in highschool? You're more like gradeschool if thats the case.0 -
My boyfriend's always attracted to me and my body (although, aesthetically, we both prefer me a little on the slimmer side), but when I am at a weight where I like my body, hormonally, my sex drive drops super low so it affects our relationship in that way.
It's really a catch 22 -- when I'm too heavy to like my body (although certainly a healthy weight), I hormonally have a strong sex drive, but when I'm at a weight where I'm happy with my body, I don't want sex.
I've been through that. When I was at my lowest, my endocrinologist recommended a phytotherapic that stimulated the production of testosterone by my own body (I was NOT taking testosterone!) because it was below average. It helped a lot.0 -
More clarification: My husband is 5 years younger than me and has an athletic body. HE has not gained any weight. My personality has not changed; I am still fun and outgoing. I still dress cute. I have an 8 year old son.
BTW, there are some pretty mean and rude people on here. Just an observation. And I didn't reply for a couple hours because I'm at work.
I think it may be more than just your weight. Probably not good news for you, but just my opinion. I do not think you should focus on losing weight for him. Do it for yourself if anything.0 -
I'd probably get rid of the husband at this point. I don't have sex with my partner only because I'm physically attracted to him, but also because I want to be close to him and love him. If I quit having sex with him, it would be because I no longer love him and am also attracted to him. That's not to say though that I only have sex for love, it really can be just physical for some people, but I don't think that is usually the case with marital sex.
Also, when I met my partner I was about 170lbs, and at my highest was 247lbs. My body is definitely still attractive, and he still thinks so as well. Hes also gained about 30lbs and I think hes more attractive now.0 -
At least you are starting to deal with it. I have been with someone who gained weighed and I continued to be affectionate and supportive in all aspects but it was how she felt about herself that got projected onto our relationship. That , of course, led to a very ugly spiral. Now we are at the opposite end of the spectrum: she has been encouraged by my weight loss and fitness regime to get healthier herself. Problem is, she is either too exhausted from working out and she has a lower sex drive (which was already different than mine to begin with). And she's looking better than ever, which has been (selfishly or not) wanting her even more than I did before (which again, was a lot).
If there is one thing I do know, communication is the most important thing. I worry about your magic number of 16lbs. There seems to be too much value placed in it. Its not a magic answer for the issues in your relationship. You do, however, have support. You are not alone.0 -
My weight has affected my marriage but it's because of me. My husband is still attracted to me even though i gained a bunch of weight since we got married. The problem is how i view myself. He tells me all the time i'm beautiful but i'm not comfortable in my own skin. I don't like to undress infront of the mirror so i keep my back to it as i get ready to take a shower. Things like that.
But since starting MFP, i will say i have gained more self confidence and do find myself a lil more appealing (i guess that's the word).0 -
Aaw man! I just got done reading the first page of all the replies. Thanks for the replies guys!
Clarification: My husband told me. He hid it from me for months. But I kept asking why we weren't having sex anymore and he just kept saying "I don't know" which led to other problems in our marriage. Last week, I finally got it out of him that it was my weight that was bothering him. I'm not mad, it just hurts. I know what I have to do and its going to be a long and depressing journey to get there. My profile says I only want to lose 16 pounds right now because that's the weight I was when my husband and I met. If I could at least get there, maybe he'll be attracted to me again. I have to lose 30 though not to be overweight. I'm considered obese right now. 4'11" weighing 155 lbs.
I do not think the weight is the problem, I think it is the excuse. Good luck and if he is willing try and figure out what the cause is.0 -
That is SO EFF'D UP!
If he cant love you at your worst, HE'S NEVER GOING TO LOVE YOU AT YOUR BEST! Remember that!!!
I'm so sorry to hear that though. I personally don't have that problem but I have friends who do. Someone who is not going to love you unconditionally is not worthy of being called a spouse/husband, and more importantly, is not worthy of YOU!
RIGHT ON THE MONEY COULDNT HAVE SAID IT BETTER0 -
I wasn't attracted to me anymore, and that affected my marriage. I have noticed a HUGE improvement for us since I started improving me!
I'm in that same boat. Since being on MFP, i've started likeing who i've become. Not just physically but mentally as well0
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