Husband not physically attracted to me anymore

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  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,293 Member
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    Physical attraction and love go hand in hand.

    I disagree. I love my wife to death and I find her attractive and I would still love her exactly as much if she were 400lbs. I would not be physically attracted to her if she weighed four bills and I have no problem admitting it.


    I love my mother and I am not attracted to her. I also can see women out in public that I think are attractive and I do not love them.
    How do you think she feels knowing that her husband isn't attracted to her anymore? It build insecurities, which isn't healthy.

    I agree with this part.

    My wife and I had similar conversations and she said if I was fat or got fat that she would not be physically attracted to me, and I to her. So it is not just men, a lot of women would also lose their attraction to someone of the opposite sex if they became obese.
  • TainaLeirmoe10
    TainaLeirmoe10 Posts: 41 Member
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    You guys should be ashamed for your insensitive remarks about her husband. Does he really deserve to be called these terrible names for the way he feels?

    Between a fit individual, and one who is obese, how many of you would be physically attracted to a the slim person?

    This.

    and how many of you calling him out for feeling that way, yet post and check out the males in the sexy guy threads.

    How many 'sexy fat guy' threads exist on here?

    Just another day on MFP.


    Maybe we need a chubby chaser thread.... I wouldn't mind. My husband is perfect to me no matter what his weight is.... and I can say that with confidence, because when we got married, I weighed 160 lbs, and he weighed 400 lbs. He has since lost 150 lbs, and I love him no matter what.

    I feel just the way you do. I love my husband no matter what, and he loves me the same. My husband had to have back surgery this year and wasn't able to go to the gym for a very long time, he's starting to though. I had to do everything from change him to giving him a bath everyday. Yes, he gained weight but that didn't matter to me one bit. He's still the same man I fell in love with. Looks aren't the most important thing in a relationship... At some point or another they are going to fade. Being healthy on the other hand is quite important, which is why we work out and eat the way we do.
  • SomeMorr
    SomeMorr Posts: 220 Member
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    I have lost over 100 pounds and it is like my husand doesn't even remember who I am anymore. I am a more confindent and active person and he is a home body. He doesn't like my new confidece but I don't let it bother me. I am comfortable and happy with my progress but sometimes I think he liked me when I was heavier because I didn't want to do anything and he didn't have to worry about me going out and meeting people.

    I feel this way too sometimes, my husband will literally sit at home all day and watch a marathon of Lost or play a video game. I cannot stay still anymore or it drives me crazy. I am more confident and outgoing and it I don't sit at home and call out for delivery food.
  • Sl1ghtly
    Sl1ghtly Posts: 855 Member
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    You guys should be ashamed for your insensitive remarks about her husband. Does he really deserve to be called these terrible names for the way he feels?

    Between a fit individual, and one who is obese, how many of you would be physically attracted to a the slim person?

    This.

    and how many of you calling him out for feeling that way, yet post and check out the males in the sexy guy threads.

    How many 'sexy fat guy' threads exist on here?

    Just another day on MFP.


    Maybe we need a chubby chaser thread.... I wouldn't mind. My husband is perfect to me no matter what his weight is.... and I can say that with confidence, because when we got married, I weighed 160 lbs, and he weighed 400 lbs. He has since lost 150 lbs, and I love him no matter what.

    Personality trumps image.
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
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    Personality trumps image.

    By a ton.
  • bikermike5094
    bikermike5094 Posts: 1,752 Member
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    i smell a troll.......
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    i smell a troll.......


    THIS!!!
  • bionicrooster
    bionicrooster Posts: 353 Member
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    You guys should be ashamed for your insensitive remarks about her husband. Does he really deserve to be called these terrible names for the way he feels?

    Between a fit individual, and one who is obese, how many of you would be physically attracted to a the slim person?

    ^ This is the question, IMO.

    Do you find one more attractive than the other? Is this equally as shameful?

    I actually like curvy women and am attracted to a very wide range of physiques -- I'm just being blunt that there would reach a point where my physical attraction to someone, love them or not, would diminish.



    I agree and suspect that is true for just about everyone. If not there wouldn't be so many people trying to lose weight :-)
  • marieautumn
    marieautumn Posts: 932 Member
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    You guys should be ashamed for your insensitive remarks about her husband. Does he really deserve to be called these terrible names for the way he feels?

    Between a fit individual, and one who is obese, how many of you would be physically attracted to a the slim person?

    This.

    and how many of you calling him out for feeling that way, yet post and check out the males in the sexy guy threads.

    How many 'sexy fat guy' threads exist on here?

    Just another day on MFP.


    Maybe we need a chubby chaser thread.... I wouldn't mind. My husband is perfect to me no matter what his weight is.... and I can say that with confidence, because when we got married, I weighed 160 lbs, and he weighed 400 lbs. He has since lost 150 lbs, and I love him no matter what.

    Personality trumps image.

    even in bed?
  • vicjam2
    vicjam2 Posts: 22 Member
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    My husband and I both have gained weight since we married three years ago! We are still in love with each other emotionally and physically! He says he just has more of me to love and I feel the same way! Extra weight can be so devastating for some people and I would never put someone down because of it! Nor would I make them feel less loved because of it! Contrary to what some people think over weight people can be active too!
  • Caro1991
    Caro1991 Posts: 97
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    "I told my husband to tell me if he ever physically lost interest in me and I will tell him if I lost physical attraction in him. Also, it's not always about looks, a change in personality can change how attractive someone is"

    Exacly what I was goin to say. I told my bf/bd to tell me as well. even tho am 30lbs hevier than when we firat got together he never complains... I think am the one who was making things bad since I kept calling myself fat and would be upset because my clothes didnt fit. I believe you can be loved even if he isnt attracted to you, but what good does it make if he wo.t even be next.to ... Is like saying hes ashame and dont want to be seen with you. You need to speak with and dont lose weight for him do it for yourself... I love and will always be attracted to my bf no matter what unless his personality changes to tge bad.
  • union410
    union410 Posts: 32
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    You guys should be ashamed for your insensitive remarks about her husband. Does he really deserve to be called these terrible names for the way he feels?

    Between a fit individual, and one who is obese, how many of you would be physically attracted to a the slim person?

    This.

    and how many of you calling him out for feeling that way, yet post and check out the males in the sexy guy threads.

    How many 'sexy fat guy' threads exist on here?

    Just another day on MFP.


    Maybe we need a chubby chaser thread.... I wouldn't mind. My husband is perfect to me no matter what his weight is.... and I can say that with confidence, because when we got married, I weighed 160 lbs, and he weighed 400 lbs. He has since lost 150 lbs, and I love him no matter what.

    Personality trumps image.

    Exactly. Just because someone doesn't find someone physically attractive doesn't mean they cannot love that person.
  • blueeyedcristi
    blueeyedcristi Posts: 304 Member
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    Having been in this situation, I would recommend having a direct conversation about it. Find out exactly how he feels or of it is in your head. Unfortunately mine wasn't in my head as those exact words were said to me. It was definitely in my head after spoken. It took quite a while before I could even talk about it as it stung so deeply. Years later he apologized for it when I brought it up and he realized how much it hurt me. I have forgiven him but it still hurts and definitely something I can't forget. I have always been insecure about my body and extremely self conscious. We have been able to move past this and will be celebrating our 12th anniversary in June. Make sure you talk about it until you find out if it's a superficial statement or whether there is more to it. If you let it, it will eat you up. Years later I found out 1). he said it in anger 2). he said it because he thought it would help me. I have chronic migraines and just before this went down I had to quit working. I spent most of the day every day in bed from the pain and our relationship suffered because he didn't see me putting forward any effort. In his own words, I was lazy and useless. Now don't get me wrong, I am not excusing his words or actions because they were horrible. However, after he apologized and I heard his point of view it was a whole lot easier to swallow the situation. I still struggle as I tend to regurgitate the hurtful things in my head. As I have made an effort to be more active and lose weight things have gotten much better but there is still that internal struggle. I pray things work out for you!
  • HMD7703
    HMD7703 Posts: 761 Member
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    Mine told me he was not attracted to me when I was fat, but he said he still loved me. That hurt so much. I had birthed his child. I had spinal cord surgery. I was going through a million things and all I got was... sorry, you are fat. It created a space between us that never closed up. Now I am smokin hot, but it doesn't matter anymore. We grew apart.

    Losing the attraction CAN ruin a marriage if you let it. We didn't have to LET IT happen, but we did. I believe that means there was not a good foundation to begin with.

    Now I have a slew of hotties that chase me. Whatever.
  • MarieAnneN
    MarieAnneN Posts: 205
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    I wasn't attracted to me anymore, and that affected my marriage. I have noticed a HUGE improvement for us since I started improving me!

    That's mostly the key. Loving yourself before loving the other. Your self appreciation affects the other without noticing.
  • nursenikki829
    nursenikki829 Posts: 432 Member
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    You guys should be ashamed for your insensitive remarks about her husband. Does he really deserve to be called these terrible names for the way he feels?

    Between a fit individual, and one who is obese, how many of you would be physically attracted to a the slim person?

    This.

    and how many of you calling him out for feeling that way, yet post and check out the males in the sexy guy threads.

    How many 'sexy fat guy' threads exist on here?

    Just another day on MFP.


    Maybe we need a chubby chaser thread.... I wouldn't mind. My husband is perfect to me no matter what his weight is.... and I can say that with confidence, because when we got married, I weighed 160 lbs, and he weighed 400 lbs. He has since lost 150 lbs, and I love him no matter what.

    Personality trumps image.

    even in bed?

    I never had any complaints.... we had two babies one year apart before my hubby's weight loss.:wink:
  • slangi
    slangi Posts: 5
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    Girl, I know exactly how you feel. My marriage ended because he wasnt attracted to me anymore. But if theres one thing I do wanna say being in the situation youre in, its from a quote im sure youre familiar with... IF YOU DONT LIKE ME AT MY WORST, YOU DONT DESERVE ME AT MY BEST.. ive lived by that and have lately found him trying to crawl his slimy self back.. =) lol good one huh?
  • zsaoosh
    zsaoosh Posts: 402 Member
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    Physical attraction is important no matter what anyone says. It keeps your love life alive and make you feel close to your partner. In saying that, alot of men just loves a womans body, no matter the size it is. They are attracted to how a woman carries herself...if you walk tall and feel sexy, he will see you as sexy. IF he doesnt, maybe he has issues with himself. I know that I was the one effecting our relationship because I felt bad about myself. He felt the same and acted the same. But now that I am loosing, things are different because I feel good about myself. All you can do is work on you and hope he comes around. You are not responsible for someone elses feelings or thoughts so dont take it personal. You can only work on you and make his invironment a good one. You can do this!!!
  • union410
    union410 Posts: 32
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    "I told my husband to tell me if he ever physically lost interest in me and I will tell him if I lost physical attraction in him. Also, it's not always about looks, a change in personality can change how attractive someone is"

    Exacly what I was goin to say. I told my bf/bd to tell me as well. even tho am 30lbs hevier than when we firat got together he never complains... I think am the one who was making things bad since I kept calling myself fat and would be upset because my clothes didnt fit. I believe you can be loved even if he isnt attracted to you, but what good does it make if he wo.t even be next.to ... Is like saying hes ashame and dont want to be seen with you. You need to speak with and dont lose weight for him do it for yourself... I love and will always be attracted to my bf no matter what unless his personality changes to tge bad.

    Great point. I think women can make it worse by being insecure. Hollywood doesn't make it easier. Most men don't care about some extra pounds. Now 200lbs pounds overweight is a different story. But 30lbs is nothing. Just keep acting like you are sexy and he will think you're sexy.
  • Weathers58
    Weathers58 Posts: 246 Member
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    Love is more than two dimensional
    My wife looks like a chimp but I love her dearly
    She's a cute chimp but I'm not into chimps
    Just my wife who carried me when I was broken
    Who loved me into being a better person
    And who is the best person I've ever met
    I would love her if she was disabled or disfigured
    I will love her forever whatever

    Love is so much more than the conditions we place on it.

    I wouldn't call you husband a moron or anything else but he is very narrow minded, and short sighted if he thinks love is aesthetic.

    So the question is do you deserve more and I'd say yes of course you do.

    Nobody's perfect and the person who thinks they are is far from perfect.

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