Husband not physically attracted to me anymore
Options
Replies
-
A lot of people put their own past baggage into their response. Doesn't mean it's bad advice, just not very objective.
1) Do you want to improve the state of your marriage?
2) Are there other things besides your body (external forces, personality change) that might be contributing to this situation?
3) How were things when your relationship was 'better'? How is that different from how they are now?
3) What will it take to improve your relationship? Change from you? Him? Both of you?
Those are questions only you and he are really able to answer. Good luck.
Physical attraction =/= Love.
Someone gaining weight isn't an excuse to treat them like ****.
Coming clean about how you are feeling means you can work to solve the problem.0 -
I don't sincerely believe that your husband is not attracted to you because you gained 16 pounds. Maybe you are not as confident, or maybe he is having problems with himself. However gaining only 16 pounds does not stop someone from expressing love.0
-
I wasn't attracted to me anymore, and that affected my marriage. I have noticed a HUGE improvement for us since I started improving me!
Yep!0 -
I wasn't attracted to me anymore, and that affected my marriage. I have noticed a HUGE improvement for us since I started improving me!
This!! I haven't made huge improvements yet but I know from past successes it makes all the difference.0 -
Just wantedt to know if anyone else's weight has affected their marriage?
nope, i love big women.0 -
That is SO EFF'D UP!
If he cant love you at your worst, HE'S NEVER GOING TO LOVE YOU AT YOUR BEST! Remember that!!!
I'm so sorry to hear that though. I personally don't have that problem but I have friends who do. Someone who is not going to love you unconditionally is not worthy of being called a spouse/husband, and more importantly, is not worthy of YOU!
She didn't say he didn't love her. Physical attraction has little to do with love.0 -
I am not married but been dating some one for a year. He asked me out when I was big and hasn't even noticed that I lost 20lbs eventhough we work out together. He said my size didn't matter because I was comfortable and confident with myself which made me even more attractive.
I guess maybe it isn't your size but how you feel about yourself. Just a thought being I don't know you.0 -
Love does not equate to physical attraction and vice versa... They're a completely different animal.0
-
well i think you're gorgeous!0
-
It was actually my weight loss which started the problems with my marriage. It's a long story, but to be brief, doctors told me to clean up my ways, or die early (like my father two months previously). I chose to clean up, the (now ex) Wife said she didn't want to change, nor would she be supportive of it. A year later she moved out.
Her loss, in my opinion. I couldn't be happier with my life now.
Wow! I couldn't even imagine being non supportive of my husband wanting to get healthier! Doesn't anyone remember that sometimes in a marriage sacrifice is required??? Even if that only means sacrificing your junk food! Sigh... Im in my second marriage, spent a good six years single between the two. I couldn't be happier. My husband is my BEST FRIEND. He encourages me and lets me know how proud he is of me for wanting to get healthier. He loved me at my heaviest, 161 pounds on my 5"2' frame and he has always been attracted to me.. I am four years older than him and he tells me every day that I'm beautiful no matter what. I told him to stop saying that so much because I really need to lose weight! Lol. But since I've gotten serious, so has he. He will eat anthing I cook, he's cut out pop, he's even starting to lift with me!0 -
It was actually my weight loss which started the problems with my marriage. It's a long story, but to be brief, doctors told me to clean up my ways, or die early (like my father two months previously). I chose to clean up, the (now ex) Wife said she didn't want to change, nor would she be supportive of it. A year later she moved out.
Her loss, in my opinion. I couldn't be happier with my life now.
Wow! I couldn't even imagine being non supportive of my husband wanting to get healthier! Doesn't anyone remember that sometimes in a marriage sacrifice is required??? Even if that only means sacrificing your junk food! Sigh... Im in my second marriage, spent a good six years single between the two. I couldn't be happier. My husband is my BEST FRIEND. He encourages me and lets me know how proud he is of me for wanting to get healthier. He loved me at my heaviest, 161 pounds on my 5"2' frame and he has always been attracted to me.. I am four years older than him and he tells me every day that I'm beautiful no matter what. I told him to stop saying that so much because I really need to lose weight! Lol. But since I've gotten serious, so has he. He will eat anthing I cook, he's cut out pop, he's even starting to lift with me!
Oops, hit post too soon.... My point is I'm sorry you lost your wife over getting healthier, or maybe not because that's just crazy! Never settle for less than a best friend and someone who will support you! Good for you for sticking to your guns0 -
My husband has never stopped telling me how sexy he thinks I am. He has always been attracted to me. Part of it was because he didn't really notice when I gained weight. Well, he noticed, but he didn't really grasp how big I had gotten. Neither of us had because it was so gradual. Looking back at pictures we're both like, "Whoa! You were huge!" His honesty doesn't hurt my feelings, I know he's just telling the truth.0
-
My sister's mother-in-law gave me advice (since I got engaged) she told me to take one day at a time and remember everyone changes. It isn't cool for him to talk to you like that. Even if you have felt that way you def don't hurt someone by telling them that.0
-
My husband only makes unsupportive comments when I lose weight. I do point it out to him and he changes. He comes on to me, is more affectionate, and more into my body when there is more of it. I think he's a closet chubby chaser. He is self proclamed butt man. I have pleanty there! He tells me he loves me and that I look good no matter what. I'm his beautiful wife. He's used to me gaining and losing.
It seems to only affect our relationship when I lose, he mourns the disappearance of my backside. Good thing I don't!0 -
yes, both good and bad....and its all due to my ego.
i dont know if your husband said to u that hes not attracted to you anymore, or if you are just thinking that it how he feels...but depending on what kind of man he is, seeing you do something positive for youself that can potentially be making you more attractive to other men could be making him jealous. maybe he likes you chubby because he thinks youre less attractive to other men and it makes him feel more secure. lots of men LOVE a woman with confidence and lots of men have trouble handling a woman with confidence too. whatever is happening in your life, just dont live under thumb! its bad for your kids to watch and itss soooo outdated, haah...seriously tho.0 -
I know that feeling, my man says that he likes the way I look and I do believe what he says but I really don't like the way that I look which I think I am putting on as his feelings. I have notice during my slow start to working out, that no matter how you look on the outside it is how you feel and act on the inside. Be true with your personallity and knowing that that is who you are as a person not what you look like on the outside. I am a mother of 3 kids under 4 I know that it is hard to always look your best of feel your best, but as long as you know you are acting like your true self that will make everything else fall into place. Good luck and keep smiling :-)0
-
Can I just say reading this thread makes me so sad
I just don't understand how so many people want to make others feel bad or keep them at their worst simply to make themselves feel better
please everyone, this is NOT human nature. It indicates a serious personality flaw and it's a form of emotional abuse. In a normal healthy marriage, there will be problems, but you will be each others support system, each others best friend. You are supposed to be partners, getting through this journey of life together helping each other be the best versions of yourself not putting each other down.
To the op: it sounds like you had a painful conversation which is the starting point of getting to the root of the problem. I'm not going to bash on your husband because it sounds like he had a hard time coming clean about what was bothering him and i dont think he was trying to hurt you. Attraction is a complicated thing sometimes, he may actually just pin the lack of attraction on your weight because that's easy for him, he may not truly even know why. And it may be your own lack of self confidence or whatever, but bottom line I think the best thing to do is keep communicating and try to get to the bottom of it. If you love each other, this may just be a phase you can work through. Or it may indicate more serious problems. Find out what his intentions are. Does he want to get past this? Does he want his attraction to grow again? Does he just want you to be on the same wavelength as he is about health and fitness? What is he saying? Nothing can be 100% all of the time, but if you love each other and have a great marriage otherwise, I really think you may just be experiencing a "stall" which may or may not have anything to do with your weight. A while back, my sex drive was nil. It was because of stress and myself and feeling lazy and heavy, and lack of sleep and too much work and blah blah blah. My husband caught me off guard one night and asked if it was because he had gained about 30 pounds. After constant questiong, i actually said "well maybe"... Because that may have had something to do with it. But I regretted saying it and was terrified that I hurt him. Believe me, he had to PULL that one out of me. I have encouraged him ever since and made sure to tell him how gorgeous I think he is, because he really is! And as I work on myself, he's working on himself as well and we both feel more confident. But i stil worry that I did some serious damage to his self esteem. He is the most wonderful man I've ever met and I would never want to hurt him. My point is sometimes things are said, that doesn't mean they are one hundred percent truth because we sometimes try to oversimplify complicated things. I hope I'm making sensemarriages have ups and downs, everyone has moments. If your marriage is good and happy otherwise, consider this a moment and keep communicating and figuring out what truly needs to change, because my guess is it isn't just you and a few extra pounds.
0 -
I am not married but been dating some one for a year. He asked me out when I was big and hasn't even noticed that I lost 20lbs eventhough we work out together. He said my size didn't matter because I was comfortable and confident with myself which made me even more attractive.
I guess maybe it isn't your size but how you feel about yourself. Just a thought being I don't know you.
Love and attraction definitely do not go hand-in-hand. I'm attracted to all kinds of guys...doesn't mean I love them, If my husband gained 50 lbs, I'd still love the man inside, but would I want to jump his bones anymore? Not likely!0 -
My wife and I have both fluctuated with our weight and we are heavy now and working on loosing but I can say our sex life was much better skinnier than it is heavy! So yes it definitely can affect a marriage.0
-
I guess the question I have is if he has actually said he isn't attracted to you or if it is a "feeling." I know that my wife has gained weight since we met (two kids and 10 years will do that) but I am no less attracted to her now than when we were dating. I love my wife for who she is, not what she looks like and that's where my attraction comes from. HOWEVER...she does not feel attractive about herself and therefore it does affect our intimacy. I have told her a thousand times that I think she is beautiful and she can disregard that in a heartbeat because of how she feels about herself.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 392.1K Introduce Yourself
- 43.6K Getting Started
- 259.9K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.7K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.4K Fitness and Exercise
- 403 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.4K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.4K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions