My rant: Unsolicited Parenting Advice...

jaxbeck

Oh hellll no! That would not have gone well!

odusgolp

I know what you're saying Ken. I just think it depends on my relationship with the advice giver. In this case, we aren't on that level where it's even remotely appropriate. If it's one of my best friends saying, "Honey, you really are over-coddling that child and he's going to grow up a whiny brat if you don't grow some balls," I may have taken it differently... and replied differently. But this just wasn't the case.

Qarol

"That was fun, I hope you enjoyed yourself. But I'm not taking parenting advice today. Probably not tomorrow, either, just so you're aware." Smiled, and walked away.

I am one of those who dislikes unsolicited advice. I can't quite really explain why. I've always been this way, even as a child. Call it reverse psychology or whatever, but my instinct is to do the opposite of what anybody suggests when it's unsolicited.

Now that I'm a grown up, I can resist that instinct in most cases. And see good advice for what it is...good advice (if it's good). I'm mature and *kitten*. But I doubt I will ever grow to like unsolicited advice. I'm not walking around waiting to be offended. I just prefer to make my own decisions, and when I need help, I ask. And for people to mind their own business.

But this phrase...I'm going to use it next time. I'll substitute another word for parenting, as the situation fits.

odusgolp

"That was fun, I hope you enjoyed yourself. But I'm not taking parenting advice today. Probably not tomorrow, either, just so you're aware." Smiled, and walked away.

I am one of those who dislikes unsolicited advice. I can't quite really explain why. I've always been this way, even as a child. Call it reverse psychology or whatever, but my instinct is to do the opposite of what anybody suggests when it's unsolicited.

Now that I'm a grown up, I can resist that instinct in most cases. And see good advice for what it is...good advice (if it's good). I'm mature and *kitten*. But I doubt I will ever grow to like unsolicited advice. I'm not walking around waiting to be offended. I just prefer to make my own decisions, and when I need help, I ask. And for people to mind their own business.

But this phrase...I'm going to use it next time. I'll substitute another word for parenting, as the situation fits.

Not going to lie... was kind of proud of myself for that one And the look on their faces was pretty priceless.

adrian_indy

There is nothing wrong or unmanly about loving a child and comforting them. I would rather hug and kiss my childs boo boos and raise a man who knows how to relate to other human beings, empathize and treat a woman, than be an emotional cripple. If crying is for Homos, then our a lot of our solider memorials have a lot of homo WW II, Viet Nam, and current veterans hanging around. Tell these advice givers to go and call these service men and women weak and homosexual for crying.

WickedGarden

I would have kicked him in the b@lls and when he hunched over in pain told him to "man up and quit being a sissy"

BruteSquad

I suspect that the advice given was much worse than the fact that it wasn't asked for.

That said.

I helped raise my nephew the first 6 years of his life in my house with his mother. He is 17 and I have been involved the entire time. At age 6 we were play fighting, I think we were ninjas, and he jumped on me and landed his tummy on my elbow....gravity sucks. He sat down with a really weird expression. I asked, " are you okay, what are you doing?" To which he replies, " I'm not crying."
I then explained that it is okay to cry if you are hurt, and yes I gave him a hug.

I don't know how, but at 17 he isn't gay.......all those hugs........ and yet, if he were gay.....I don't think it would matter.

Edit to say..... he hasn't been in jail either.

KellyKAG

You handled it perfectly, much better than I would have.

supermom2002

Wow. You are a 1st class lady!! I would not have been able to sit there straight faced and listen to that bullcrap!! I would have tore him a new hole.
I hate unsolicted advice. Regardless of what it's about. But telling me how i should or should not be raising my child..that's a HUGE one for me. Nobody should be giving advice or opinions until they've walked in your/my shoes for 1 day.

The "weekend dads" who think their children are wonderful and they way they parent them is best get under my skin too. C'mon, really? If you had your kids all day every day 24/7/365 you would be doing things MUCH differently.

There's no right and wrong way to parent a child. Just "different". So STFU stupid people!!

happypath101

Love your rant! And, I loved your response to the "advice". I might just use that one. :O)

ArroganceInStep

Not going to lie... was kind of proud of myself for that one And the look on their faces was pretty priceless.

If you ever use that line again, you need to make sure to walk off EXACTLY like your profile picture.

DietingMommy08

Oohhhh my god.

My sons dad does that to me all the time.

Look bud I am basically a single parent. We live 45min away from you and you HARDLY ever see him.

Dont tell me not to baby my 3 YEAR OLD.

Yes he cries, he dont like to be HIT by other children, NO im not gonna teach my son how to HIT BACK OR FIGHT at this freakin age.

You see that kid that just hit him? Yea maybe you should be talking to HIS MOM about the way her son runs around doing what he wants and hitting other kids because he gets mad that he dont get his way.

Ugh.

OOHHH and my lil sister (who by the way is 20 with no kids who likes to party and has no high school diploma or life) likes to tell me how I can or cannot discipline my son (WHILE WE ARE IN PUBLIC, its embarrasing).

People should mind thier own business.

blink1021

My son is 8 and if it happened to him I would hug and coddle him if he is hit hard enough to bruise I can't blame him for crying. I probably would have cried at the age I am now if it happened to me.

tashjs21

You definitely handled that better than I would have. Good for you for saying something to them! Little boys need compassion too. :flowerforyou:

susangrimes1

Good for you................we don't need any more men being raised to ignore/deny their feelings..............

kms1981

My son is 9 and I will continue to hug him if he gets hurt or cries. I will validate his feelings and not make him ashamed to show when he is in pain or hurt. I am raising a son who is confident and comfortable showing who he is and what he is feeling.

ksanchez311

At least you are raising a child that will be sensitive to others' feelings and is capable of empathy.... NOT like the guys you were speaking of.

Elzecat

I think your response was awesome. And for the record I'm 37 and if I got whacked in the face with a basketball I would want to be cuddled and hugged too.:blushing:

Yep, liked your response as well. And I've been hit in the face with a basketball. It hurt like a son of a B____. And I was in my 20s at the time and wanted to cry...

lumina0o0

you handled yourself well, i on the other hand may very well have kicked him in the balls, and when he balled over...told him to man up...

AlsDonkBoxSquat

My boyfriend had his mother and me at his bedside a couple months back when he was in the ER after hurting his back...we were both totally coddling him and he's a grown-a.ss man. I suppose I should be prepared for some gay news around the corner then...

In their hearts all men are little boys, even douche bags.

k011185

Now that you mention it, I have noticed a shocking lack of 'manly' 5 years olds... idiots.

shendras

I LOVE your reply to them!

surgesilk

You hate unsolicited advice but give unsolicited opinions freely.....hmm.

Mamasota

Good for you! You son is a lucky boy.

mistresseeyore

Wish i had the guts to stick up to my inlaws and my parents like you did. They are always telling that I'm not "disciplining him right." He laughs at me when I punish him, but still he's slowly learning.

IARXPHD

Give the kid a hug, tell him it's OK, rub a little dirt on it, don't make a major deal of the minor injury OR his reaction and he's ready to go back to playing.

Neither the extreme coddling that I see too often or the also way too common macho man versions of dealing with this work.

Note: I've 2 well adjusted young sons, 22 and 19, and I took the middle route.

crystal8208

I wish to reply.... I have no children and lots of opinions on other people's parenting skills...

The difference? I know they usually don't want to hear and/or don't care about my opinions so I don't offer them unless asked to do so. :laugh:

If only people can figure that out. It's not that hard. Kudos for the cuddle.:flowerforyou:

P.S. Cuddling is advice I would have given. *duck and cover duck and cover* :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

NiciS72

I *LOVE* your response. Sounds like something I would do. I would've also whipped out the smart phone and given him the definitions of Coddle vs Comfort. Clearly you comforted your child!!!!

cod·dle
   [kod-l] Show IPA
verb (used with object), cod·dled, cod·dling.
1.
to treat tenderly; nurse or tend indulgently; pamper: to coddle children when they're sick.

com·fort
   [kuhm-fert] Show IPA
verb (used with object)
1.
to soothe, console, or reassure; bring cheer to: They tried to comfort her after her loss.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Wouldn't it have been fun to pick up the basketball, and while standing within a foot or so of him - slammed it into his face and then said "oh come on - suck it up and get back out there!!!"

FTW!!!

Bull2707

He is 5! I maybe a mean *kitten* but you did the right thing except you did not strike the guy in the throat. What the hell does he know about being a man. A real man has compassion that frigin dumb *kitten*