My rant: Unsolicited Parenting Advice...
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we come from an eastern european background, so i realize this could be cultural, but my dad kissed his dad until the day my grandpa died (my dad was 51 at the time and my grandpa 76). my dad hugs my hubby (hubby is still adjusting 6 years later) but he recognizes the value of teaching your kids empathy and wants that for our 2 year old son as well.
additionally, we have a 5 year old daughter and our son loves to play with her "girl" toys. who the hell cares? if he is going to be a gay adult male, it will be because he was born that way...not because he played with a barbie or put his sister's tutu on once. and if he were gay, we wouldn't love him a single ounce less for it. you held it together way better than i would have....0 -
I don't know how you maintained your cool, but I really like your response. What a bunch of ****s.0
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Wouldn't it have been fun to pick up the basketball, and while standing within a foot or so of him - slammed it into his face and then said "oh come on - suck it up and get back out there!!!"
FTW!!!
I DO love that
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Those guys are beyond ignorant and obviously scared they may be gay.0
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People do that to me a lot concerning my 6 year old son. I'm a single mom and will raise him the way I see fit. People can f* off if they don't like it.
& Loved your response!0 -
I'd have rather taken a ridge hand straight to his trachea.
Tae Kwon Do? Lol
Yeah, you can't "turn him into a homo". SIGH.... I'm all about toughening up young men, but he's FIVE! I think you did a smash up job of handling the situation. But the ridge hand to the trachea... that would've been way cool! 0 -
Tell them Chuck Norris's Mom hugged him when he got hurt, Til he was 35..NOW WHAT!0
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Many seem to think they can do a better job parenting...with no proven test results. Children need to be hugged, loved, and reassured. This is how we raise responsible, loving and caring parents for our grandchildren.0
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Hmmmmm. I'm glad I read some of the reponses before reponding. I dont' share the general sentiment here on this thread. But, would be better discussed one on one so I could make my intentions clear and be understood rather than being taken way out of context.0
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My husband, at the ripe old age of 36 developed a severe case of pneumonia. He tried to tough it out, but on the final day, he crawls on his hands and knees into the kitchen, and says to me, "Call my mom" I got on the phone, called my mother in law, and she went with us to the ER, and she occasionally held his hand as they were doing various tests.
I can assure your "friends" a few things: my husband is NOT a girly man, he is very much a man, and is a great husband and father. Having his mom at the ER did not turn him gay, as they seem to think. My husband is a tough as nails guy, could probably beat the *kitten* of most men twice his size.
You keep on doing what you're doing. Sounds to me like you're a great mom, and you are raising a great kid!!0 -
Hmmmmm. I'm glad I read some of the reponses before reponding. I dont' share the general sentiment here on this thread. But, would be better discussed one on one so I could make my intentions clear and be understood rather than being taken way out of context.
You don't have to agree with the general sentiment. You raise your children (if you have them) the way you see fit... I'll raise mine as I see fit.0 -
Let me first state... I effing hate unsolicited advice. Just so we're clear on that.
This weekend, friends and I gather with our children ranging in age from 5-15. My son is 5. He got hit in the face with a basketball - rather hard, his cheek is still blue with a bruise. He comes in crying, I put him on my lap, hug him, someone gives me an ice pack, I tell him he's going to be just fine, etc... About 5-10 minutes later, he's back outside playing.
Two men of the group begin to tell me how I need to make a man out of him and tell him he's fine and to shake it off, not hug him or "coddle him" when this happens. I sit quietly as they continue to discuss this insulting me to my face, stating things like "Seriously, what does he play with dolls and barbies too? You're making him into a homo!"
Now, one of these men is 44, single, with no children, and abused as a child. Frankly, I don't like him at all, but that's not the point. He particularly has no right dispensing advice.
After remaining silent, there's a lull and I simply say, "That was fun, I hope you enjoyed yourself. But I'm not taking parenting advice today. Probably not tomorrow, either, just so you're aware." Smiled, and walked away. I'd have rather taken a ridge hand straight to his trachea.
I will parent as I see fit. I do not need anyone's opinion on how I choose to raise my child. Not only that, but It's insulting to think that how I behave has any bearing on whether or not my child is going to be gay... and I'd love him just as much regardless.
Rant over. /sigh
Congratulations to you on keeping your calm I think you handled it extremely well. I'm like you, I absolutely hate unsolicited parenting advice. Hugging your son and taking care of him after he got hurt is not going to make him a sissy. My son is now 25 years old and as a single mom, I used to do the same thing you did. My son also played with dolls, not so much Barbie dolls but baby dolls. I always said he would grow up to be a good daddy some day. Playing with dolls and getting hugs from me when he got hurt didn't make him gay. He's straight. He's not a daddy but he has a younger neice and nephew that adores their Uncle Steve. So you keep right on raising your son the way you feel is the right way and he will grow up to be just fine.0 -
I will comfort my kids no matter how old they are! And who ever doesnt like it can fk off!! (:0
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Wow. What a couple of offensive jerks. I love how you handled them though - you didnt let them get away with it and you schooled them with a lot of style and class. GOOD for YOU!!
I really dislike the use of the terms "homo" or "gay" as insults. My sons (ages 15, 12, 8) use them from time to time against each other - I think its something they pick up from their friends - and I'm frequently telling them, "being gay does not make you a bad person ... "0 -
Hmmmmm. I'm glad I read some of the reponses before reponding. I dont' share the general sentiment here on this thread. But, would be better discussed one on one so I could make my intentions clear and be understood rather than being taken way out of context.
You don't have to agree with the general sentiment. You raise your children (if you have them) the way you see fit... I'll raise mine as I see fit.
That's fine. I was wondering though if you took it the wrong way. i wasn't there, so I don't know. But, it sounds like something I might say to you as a mom, but not really mean that's what you do. It's just macho guy BS. That's all. If I said that, and you got all offended, I'd be werided out by that, because that's not how I would intend that conversation to end up.
I think in our society, people are way way way way way too sensitive about things. I'm not saying you are. Again, I wasn't there. I just don't see it as a big deal at all. If it was me, I would have laughed and joked with the guys about it while I was coddling my 5-year-old son. I don't take things so personally as others do because I think that most poepl ein general are full of *kitten* anyway. So, it doesn't mean anything.
the only time I really take things personally is when I care about someone, and they are delivering a difficult message to me about something, like telling me I've been a jerk or a bad friend lately or something. then, I'll feel bad and take it personally. But, if some a$$hat is making a comment like that, I'd just just joke with them and let it roll. I don't see the big deal with it. that's all.0 -
Hey I got plenty of mommy hugs when I was a kid and I think I'm a pretty tough SOB. I also think because of my mom and her mommy love, I became a very loving father that loves and one hand and discipline with the other and would stand strong in the face of any devil to protect them. There are times that as a parent you have to "coddle" as you say and there are times you look them in the eye and tell them to suck it up. He is 5 years old, I think basketball in the face that left a bruise warrants mommy love by all means. Sound like a couple of losers giving advice. Wish I were there, I would gladley have said something to them.0
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I am a big fan of the brush it off and get back on the horse method of dealing with minor injuries. Whether you get a little cuddling in too is usually a matter of what the child needs at the moment. The important part is getting back out there and not letting it get the best of you. You so did the right thing. IMHO,
Oh yeah, and telling those *kitten* clowns off was a good move too.0 -
Tell them Chuck Norris's Mom hugged him when he got hurt, Til he was 35..NOW WHAT!
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Love that!!0 -
You hate unsolicited advice but give unsolicited opinions freely.....hmm.
That's the thing about opinions....they don't HAVE to be solicited.
The "Snarky and Passive-Aggressive" section is down the hall and to the left.0 -
Ugh, I HATE people who assume boys should have the emotions of a steel bar, especially when they assume that of young children. Your boys are NOT 'sissy' for crying - they are human. And to the *kitten*, even if they do/did play with barbies and 'girl toys', that means nothing. Absolutely nothing. Masculinity/femininity is somewhat subjective and usually based on ridiculous and small minded ideals.0
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Oh, and OP, you dealt with your son's upset perfectly. You didn't 'coddle' him. That would have been making a huge fuss and making him come inside to sit on the couch while you wait on him hand and foot.0
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The only thing witholding love will accomplish is turning your child into an emotionally detached messed up kid.
^^^Spot on. I am a big fan of attachment parenting, and this is one of the main basis' for the philosophy. Detaching from your child doesn't create a secure and strong child. It just doesn't. Children need security, particulary in their early years, as it shapes their world and allows them to develop emotionally/socially/intellectually without having to be 'grown up' all the time.0 -
Let me first state... I effing hate unsolicited advice. Just so we're clear on that.
This weekend, friends and I gather with our children ranging in age from 5-15. My son is 5. He got hit in the face with a basketball - rather hard, his cheek is still blue with a bruise. He comes in crying, I put him on my lap, hug him, someone gives me an ice pack, I tell him he's going to be just fine, etc... About 5-10 minutes later, he's back outside playing.
Two men of the group begin to tell me how I need to make a man out of him and tell him he's fine and to shake it off, not hug him or "coddle him" when this happens. I sit quietly as they continue to discuss this insulting me to my face, stating things like "Seriously, what does he play with dolls and barbies too? You're making him into a homo!"
Now, one of these men is 44, single, with no children, and abused as a child. Frankly, I don't like him at all, but that's not the point. He particularly has no right dispensing advice.
After remaining silent, there's a lull and I simply say, "That was fun, I hope you enjoyed yourself. But I'm not taking parenting advice today. Probably not tomorrow, either, just so you're aware." Smiled, and walked away. I'd have rather taken a ridge hand straight to his trachea.
I will parent as I see fit. I do not need anyone's opinion on how I choose to raise my child. Not only that, but It's insulting to think that how I behave has any bearing on whether or not my child is going to be gay... and I'd love him just as much regardless.
Rant over. /sigh
haha thats how my mom was too, if my dad was around he wouldnt give a damn lol. the mom is always nice, caring, loving etc. and the dad is always a **** thats how boys grow up... er atleast how i grew up. and its a good balance0 -
You hate unsolicited advice but give unsolicited opinions freely.....hmm.
That's the thing about opinions....they don't HAVE to be solicited.
The "Snarky and Passive-Aggressive" section is down the hall and to the left.
Sista! I feel like we haven't talked in ages!! *smooches*0 -
A good "Go *kitten* Yourself" would have been fantastic.0
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This may not have been about your parenting or your son's future orientation...I think that they were probably a bit envious!
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My sister in law's (now ex) boyfriend was telling her not to baby my son while she was babysitting him. Apparently it was too girly that he wanted to pick a bouquet of dandelions to surprise me with. My son was 2!!!
Please don't ruin my kid's generous and caring heart, thanks.0 -
OP, you did right.
All children need affection and comfort. It doesn't matter how old.
I have two girls. They are independent (age appropriately of course) and confident at ages 8 and 12. One of my hubby's coworkers told him long ago that they are confident because we gave them lots of cuddles and comfort when they were little. When they cried we held them. When they were shy, we didn't force them. Now they can venture into the world knowing that they have us to come back to at any time if things get overwhelming. And yes, we still cuddle them and comfort them and hug them and tell them we love them. My hubby regularly cuddles up on the couch to spend time with one or the other of them.
The other day my 8 year old came home from school saying "I don't want to talk about my day. I just want to go to my room." She was sobbing in her room. My hubby knocked on the door and said she didn't have to talk, he wondered if she wanted a hug. My hubby rocks!!
A few weeks ago, my 8 year old lost control of her scooter on a hill. Arms and legs everywhere. She landed on her head. Her bicycle helmet broke from the impact. I was walking a ways behind her. I ran to her. I am so grateful to the kind young women who stopped to see if she was alright until I got to her. Strangers comforted my child. By the way, she just had a couple of scrapes on her shoulder and face. Thank goodness for the helmet. I was able to phone Grandma to pick us up even though my girl was willing to walk the 2 miles home.
I was upset about a mistake I made the other day and my hubby hugged me and comforted me. Did I say he rocks?
Anyway, the point is that showing love and caring to people is the right thing to do. My hubby, his dad and his brother are men's men. So are my 3 brothers. Every one of them would go out of his way to comfort a child in pain. They are not afraid to show love and caring to their kids or spouses. It doesn't have to be mushy but a hug, a kind word, a band-aid a cuddle or a joke to distract from the pain when needed are totally the right thing to do.0 -
I think you did the right thing! Ignore idiots, don't let them bother you.0
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Oh, and in case you think my kids are girly girls... My 12 year old will take on most kids her age in paintball or laser tag and win. She has excellent aim. Dad has been teaching her paintball since she was 3 and hit every target on the range. And yet, she is very kind and empathetic and competent to care for babies.
So there. Boys can do anything girls can do. Girls can do anything boys can do. It says nothing about your sexuality.0
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