How has having a child affected your life?

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Apa93
Apa93 Posts: 57 Member
in Chit-Chat
I have no interest in having children at the moment. I have things I would like to achieve before that times comes. But basically, I wanted to know how having children has impacted your life. What hopes and dreams have changed, is there anything you regret not doing? If you were able to, would you go back and change something? My friend and I were talking about it and I was hoping to get some more opinions on the matter.
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Replies

  • PapaverSomniferum
    PapaverSomniferum Posts: 2,677 Member
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    my hopes and dreams became unattainable. my body was ruined. i missed out on my twenties (while all my friends were experiencing freedom and youth, i was changing diapers). i've had to work twice as hard for half the money. relationships are awkward and difficult. i rarely have time to and/or for myself.

    There's also a down side.
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,611 Member
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    Sleep and free time do not exist. The task of taking over the world will have to fall to them because I am now too damned tired.

    I would not change a thing...but I will constantly complain.
  • SkinnyFranchini
    SkinnyFranchini Posts: 30
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    Wow, it really sounds like you resent having children.

    Of course my like has changed since having children. Anyone who says otherwise must have a nanny 24/7 and never spend time with their children. yes, it is harder to find alone time and sometimes it's a pain in the *kitten* to find a sitter at the last minute so I can go do something fun, but that's the price you pay for being a parent.

    I think I'm a damn good mother. I love my kids more than anything in this world and wouldn't want my life to be any other way. Having kids has enriched my life and my relationships with my husband and family.
  • Amberetta82
    Amberetta82 Posts: 153 Member
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    I regret not doing a lot of things but it wasn't because of having kids. I believe that hopes and dream can still be fulfilled. You just have to work harder for them.
    The only thing that I wish I could change... the age at which I started having kids. 19 yrs old was just WAY too young. I will tell my kids the same thing.
    I can't say that having kids has had a negative impact on my life at all. I continually learn from them. They inspire me every day. They are entertaining and make me happy, even though they are pain in the @sses at times.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
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    Having a child made me GROW UP. I was 21 when I got pregnant. I didn't have a real clear career goal or life path figured out, although I was about to graduate from college. I used to party A TON and live the young and reckless lifestyle, but I'm beyond glad I snapped out of that. I finished school, and really the only regret I have is staying in the miserable relationship I was in for as long as I did (with my son's dad, we split before he was 2). Sure, I can't just up and go do things whenever I want, my son is priority, but I thoroughly enjoy my life.

    I still have a social life and get to do fun things with my friends, but I make time with my son a priority. Instead of partying, we opt for daytime things so that I can hang out with my friends AND my son all at the same time! My body's not quite the same, but honestly if I'd just not been such a lazy *kitten* when I was pregnant (and an emotional eater after--during the hellacious relationship), I'd still be in good shape. It was more my fault than anything, and I'm getting back to where I want to be physically.

    Sure, my lifestyle has changed. But I think this lifestyle is way better than the one I was living before :) I'm now a college graduate, with an awesome job, a great relationship, and one kick *kitten* little 5 year old who tells me I should be a model because models are beautiful and I'm beautiful (for real, he said that the other day).

    That being said: kids are not for everyone. One of my best friends in the world has zero plans of ever having children and I can't say I blame her. She's a model/marketing person and is always travelling all over the place, and a child would not really fit into her plan. Different strokes for different folks!
  • heylatimer
    heylatimer Posts: 60 Member
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    How has it changed my life... I now have someone I would die for.
  • opus649
    opus649 Posts: 633 Member
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    I finally have a good reason to get up in the morning...
  • SkinnyFranchini
    SkinnyFranchini Posts: 30
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    How has it changed my life... I now have someone I would die for.


    LIKE!!!!!!
  • Myslissa
    Myslissa Posts: 760 Member
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    How has it changed my life... I now have someone I would die for.

    Exactly this^^^^^^^^^
  • feexme
    feexme Posts: 12
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    Having children are great but they are a lot of work and yes, they give a whole new meaning to tired. And after three c-sections my body is gone. Nothing is your own anymore and you can't even go to the bathroom without someone yelling for you or walking in. I have three and although only one was planned I would never trade my mothering years for my motherless years. Yes, there are days I think I lost out on so much (traveling, a career at a younger age, further schooling...) but when your son runs downstairs because the toothfairy just left him a note and two dollars and he REALLY believes the toothfairy was there, you realize there is more joy living through your children then through your own life. I'm not the person that always wanted to be a mom like so many of my friends did but I am, so I needed to get use to it. They are precious and beautiful and innocent and see the world in such a new way. Mud puddles are beautiful, worms are cool, ants are pets, your flowers in the your garden are always for picking ... I didn't take to being a mom in the begining but by my third I realized it was going to be ok and my life could still be great. When my two year old sits on my lap and puts both of his tiny hands on my cheeks and says "I love you. Your the best mamma ever", that's when you take a breath and say, "I can do this one more day." What I really want to say is, Kids are Wonderful BUT make sure you are ready for them and make darn sure you have the right dad. Once you have children, your life and desires are not your own. You HAVE to think of those little tiny people instead of yourself. But in the end it's worth it.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
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    No one is going to answer ths honestly. If you want the truth, corner a few moms somtime after a couple glasses of wine. Then, you'll get the real deal. Everyone here is going to only answer in a positive way. But, that's not the norm. Those that don't feel all gushy and wonderful will just stay silent. Take my advice and talk to a few moms.
  • nroisland
    nroisland Posts: 254 Member
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    How has it changed my life... I now have someone I would die for.

    ^so true^

    How has it changed?
    No I can not do what I want when I want, but I do get to wake up to two smiling faces everyday and I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.
  • grinch031
    grinch031 Posts: 1,679
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    My values changed. I like having the opportunity to do things to make others happy (ie. my kids) instead of doing everything for myself. For instance going to the zoo, chucky cheese, or the playground would be really boring to me if I didn't have kids. But since I know my kids will have fun, its exciting to do these activities. Same goes for holidays and family gatherings...they were lame to me until I had kids and now they are fun.

    The hardest part for me about having kids is that I can't just go do whatever I want whenever I want because I need to make sure somebody is always watching the kids. So we miss out on things that some of our childless friends get to do.

    The only regrets I have are not being better financially prepared to deal with having kids. I regret making a home purchase when I did, because it has set me back tremendously.
  • heylatimer
    heylatimer Posts: 60 Member
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    Mud puddles are beautiful, worms are cool, ants are pets, your flowers in the your garden are always for picking ...

    This is so true. We get so stuck on the anxieties of life. Children can turn your attention to the simple things and the anxiety can melt away. IF you take the time.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
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    No one is going to answer ths honestly. If you want the truth, corner a few moms somtime after a couple glasses of wine. Then, you'll get the real deal. Everyone here is going to only answer in a positive way. But, that's not the norm. Those that don't feel all gushy and wonderful will just stay silent. Take my advice and talk to a few moms.

    I answered totally honestly. I know people who have totally different views than I do, who think "I have had a child now, I have to stop enjoying everything I enjoyed before and have no life because my child is all I'm allowed to focus on now" and to me, that's no way to live.

    Edited to add, I have been VERY fortunate though to have so much support and so many people around to help out. I haven't experienced the "all our child-less friends got to go to this awesome concert and we couldn't find a sitter" too often because of all the family we have nearby ready and willing to have some quality time with the kiddo. I get calls from my boyfriend's mom ASKING to watch my son for us when we don't even have plans or anything!
  • 315Solid
    315Solid Posts: 6
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    I went from Party Animal Iive for the night to Daddy animal live for his smiles..I wouldnt trade it for all the money in the world.
  • grinch031
    grinch031 Posts: 1,679
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    No one is going to answer ths honestly. If you want the truth, corner a few moms somtime after a couple glasses of wine. Then, you'll get the real deal. Everyone here is going to only answer in a positive way. But, that's not the norm. Those that don't feel all gushy and wonderful will just stay silent. Take my advice and talk to a few moms.

    Do you have kids? What truth do you think people are omitting? Most people are saying that having children is hard, and you have to make sacrifices, but in the end it is worth it. That IS the truth.
  • Myslissa
    Myslissa Posts: 760 Member
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    No one is going to answer ths honestly. If you want the truth, corner a few moms somtime after a couple glasses of wine. Then, you'll get the real deal. Everyone here is going to only answer in a positive way. But, that's not the norm. Those that don't feel all gushy and wonderful will just stay silent. Take my advice and talk to a few moms.

    I answered honestly. A child is the only unconditional love you will ever feel.
  • WickedGarden
    WickedGarden Posts: 944 Member
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    No one is going to answer ths honestly. If you want the truth, corner a few moms somtime after a couple glasses of wine. Then, you'll get the real deal. Everyone here is going to only answer in a positive way. But, that's not the norm. Those that don't feel all gushy and wonderful will just stay silent. Take my advice and talk to a few moms.

    Do you have kids? What truth do you think people are omitting? Most people are saying that having children is hard, and you have to make sacrifices, but in the end it is worth it. That IS the truth.

    I have several friends who are moms, and after a few drinks they tell me 'everything' (why people pour their hearts out to me I don't know...they just start rambling). I knew a long time ago I never wanted kids, and the things they told me just solidified the reasons I had about having kids.

    this is all I'm gonna say about this because I can see this thread turning into a fight and getting locked.
  • leika79
    leika79 Posts: 114
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    I finally have a good reason to get up in the morning...
    How has it changed my life... I now have someone I would die for

    this and this along with, i finally grew up sorted out my life, and became happier than i have ever been before.
    sure there are downsides to parenthood and belive me i have something to moan about every day, and the responsibility that goes with it is overwhelming-but one smile, cheeky giggle or inpromtu hug and my heart melts every time

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