ladies help! my mom and girlfriend dont like each other
Replies
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Your mother seems like an extremely rude person. Invites someone too her house and then belittles them in what is a very sensitive situation.
Tell your mother not to speak to your partner that way and that if she persists with her narrow minded comments she will only end up being lonely as you will distance yourself from her.0 -
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How can you say that, when you don't know her??? His mom is just being honest..Obviously she wants a good woman for her son..No female should dress that way meeting the parents the first time...(in my opinion) Im not saying his girlfriend can dress how she wants, because maybe thats her style, but at the same time maybe wear something that isn't so tight and short. But to call his mom a ***** and you don't know her is ****ed up..Wow your mom's a b****.
But Dave, maybe talk with your mom about it..Explain to her how you feel about the girl, and ask her to try and respect her.Also talk to your girlfriend.. If you really care about this chic, then your mom will respect your wishes and same as the girlfriend..But hopefully they get along sooner than later..Other wise that would be hard.0 -
Hahahahahahaha good luck. I USED to like my bf's mom and once her son and I started dating... she started hating me. Now, we hate each other. We can't be anywhere near each other. Its just best that we don't talk at all. I have told her off twice already. Pure hatred for this woman. so yea... GOOD LUCK.0
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Let your gf know that you understand that your mom hurt her feelings, but your mom will ALWAYS be part of your life. Ask her if she can deal with that. If the answer is no, hug her and tell her goodbye. If the answer is yes, ask her if she wants a heads up if you see any potential clashes between them or to just let them deal with them her way. Then observe and see if YOU can deal with the way your mom and gf treat one another. If you can't, then determine if you can have your mom part of your life without her being part of your serious gf's life (and if your gf is the kind who will give you a hard time for not shunning your mom) . You also need to communicate to your mom that she has to treat your gf with respect no matter how she dresses, out of love for you, or she will miss fun times, like having lunch with the both of you on a regular basis.
You need to communicate with the ladies in your life before you actually DO anything. Give them the opportunity to choose to make it work or not. If they choose not, AND your gf wants you to avoid your Mom, then gf has to go. You already said ditching your mom is not an option. (BTW, I wouldn't approve at all if it was. :flowerforyou: Moms are special, even senile ones...Though I would approve of walking out with gf every time your mom insults her just to show your mom you mean business... That IS another option if you are too serious with gf to EVER consider breaking up, or if your mom does this kind of thing to anyone you date...)0 -
Wow. Your mother could be my mother-in-law. With 30 years of experience on the subject, I can offer some simple advice. Your mother loves you very much. Your girlfriend is seen as a threat, so your mother is feeling defensive. She's acting offensive and may not realize it. Did your mother have a mother-in-law? This situation will be worse if she doesn't/didn't. She has no idea how if feels to be on the receiving end. My husband always took my side, which was somewhat helpful but it made his mother act up behind his back. When I would tell him about it, she would deny it. I had to develop my own strategy - with his support. I let her know that she was not to be rude to me and I would do the same. My opinion carried as much weight as hers. Let GF know that your mother will NOT be directing the relationship. Examine your mother's control over your life. Let her know that you love her and that nothing will ever change that. ALSO that you are grown now and will be in charge of your own life. Keep it simple and consistent. We ended up living 300 miles away. I would highly recommend it.0
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They will eventually get along. Just don't get in the middle or make a big deal about it
Don't agree with this. My MIL and I still don't get along.
And PLEASE tell me you told your mother that her comment was completely inappropriate. If you can't stand up to your mother now, you never will. If your GF were asking for advice, I'd tell her to run for the hills if you didn't stand up for her.
ETA: Just saw the leav mom is not an option. Yep, if you can't put your GF who could potentially become your WIFE (i.e. #1 woman in your life. Period. End. O. Story.) first in a little thing. You will never put her first. It's your choice to be a momma's boy or to be a man.
THIS^^^0 -
Speak to each of them about being respectful to each other and stay out of it. Two adults need to just work it out.0
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Sorry to hear that. It must be sooo difficult to be in between. To be honest, no mum is ever going to really like any of their son's girlfriends. I know my mum is a real pain in the butt when it comes to my both sister-in-laws and tries and find them flaws all the time like their way of dressing, their cooking, the way they behave with my brothers and I could go on and on and on.
Your girlfriend should ahve worn something different to start with, but hey it's just a bloody skirt at the end of the day.
You should make it very clear to your mum from the beggining, if it's not too late, that you will not stand that kind of non-sense and she should get a grip. You love your girlfriend and will stay with her, short skirt or no short skirt! She will probably grumble something but as long as you don't let her influence you and get into your relationship, you are on the safe side! AH, and don't try to make them be "friends". It's not gonna work. More like try and make them behave and be civilized, That should work.
good luck!0 -
This is just my personal opinion of course, but - you GF should not have to dress to impress your Mama. You obviously love her for who she is - and if a tight skirt is what she feels most comfortable in - then by all means, let her wear the damn skirt. You were right not to say anything. As for both of the women in your life - if YOU are serious about the relationship - then it's time to have a serious talk - with both of them. Explain to the GF how much your Mama means to you, and if she could just play nice, and try to get along, how much it would mean to you. Same thing with your Mama. Tell her how much this new GF means to you, and ask for her love a support - and the same thing - to try to play nice. With both women on their best behavior around the other - they may actually have a chance to get to know one another. And...... wait for it..... They might actually like each other.0
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To the people saying the GF dressed like a skank, the OP does not define what "short" means in this case. I mean, was it a skirt that was almost a belt or was it three inches above her knees? And how long are her legs, because if she has very long legs a skirt that isn't actually all that short will appear to be because it will show more leg.
I think the OP is just trying to stir things up, personally, especially since he never bothered to even respond in a previous thread. But to assume "short skirt" means she dressed inappropriately or that the mother wasn't out of line is stupid without having all the facts -- and we don't.0 -
Kudos to you OP, you are one of my favourite subtle trolls on this site. Your last post about your wife trying to poison you was great entertainment, and provoked the obvious ****storm.
I hope this thread will be as successful.
A+ would read again.0 -
To the people saying the GF dressed like a skank, the OP does not define what "short" means in this case. I mean, was it a skirt that was almost a belt or was it three inches above her knees? And how long are her legs, because if she has very long legs a skirt that isn't actually all that short will appear to be because it will show more leg.
I think the OP is just trying to stir things up, personally, especially since he never bothered to even respond in a previous thread. But to assume "short skirt" means she dressed inappropriately or that the mother wasn't out of line is stupid without having all the facts -- and we don't.
I was just going to post something like this! We have no idea what this skirt was actually like. Kinda short and tight for me may be completely different for someone else.0 -
I think your gf should have had better judgement with the skirt, maybe next time you can tell her that your mom is a little more conservative so a longer skirt or pants would be good (but I'm sure she got the hint after your mothers rude comment)! And as for your mom goes, I know that family is very important, but I would never let one of my family members talk to someone I care about like! That is completely out of line! I think you owe it to your girlfriend to approach you mom and say if you don't her for her personalitly that's one thing, but to comment about her outfit and call her a hooker is completely out of line! She needs to keep her comments to herself!0
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Kudos to you OP, you are one of my favourite subtle trolls on this site. Your last post about your wife trying to poison you was great entertainment, and provoked the obvious ****storm.
I hope this thread will be as successful.
A+ would read again.
:flowerforyou:0 -
They will eventually get along. Just don't get in the middle or make a big deal about it
deff this
i been with my husband since Oct 1999 .. i met his mom wearing pants and a t-shirt (she picked me up from the bus station as hubby got stuck at work - the day i moved to his state)
me and his mom had some bumps at 1st .. but i love her like she is my own mom
(i dont blame her either, i was some girl he met on the internet and was 20 at the time :laugh: )0 -
When meeting someone you are dating's mom for the first time, usually the girl would want to make a good impression. You should have given your gf a warning of sorts letting her know that your mother was so conservative. Maybe you gf would have made that decision on her own.
I hope you stood up for your gf to your mother. Maybe she was just trying to see your reaction.0 -
First...she shouldn't have worn that short *kitten* skirt.....she was going to meet your mother for cryin out loud.
Start watching the show "Everybody Loves Raymond"......it's quite funny..might even give you some pointers on how to handle a strained MIL/DIL situation.0 -
It shouldn't matter what your girlfriend wears... she is an adult and allowed to wear what she wants... however, your mother had no right to say such inappropriate, disrespectful things.... to anyone.... ever.
That you are making excuses for her behavior shows that you think it is ok to treat someone like that... which says both a lot about how your mama raised you and you, as a man.....
if your girlfriend is smart she will run..... far.... far... far away.0 -
DO NOT tell your Mom what your GF said and don't tell your GF what your Mom said. I'm not saying lie to them, I don't believe in lying, period. You also don't have to tell them every detail of what the other has said. While I love my family and am close to them, I do not need their approval on who I date. A relationship is about two people, and if those two people love each other and are a good fit for one another, that's what matters. If their families/friends really love them, they will make the effort to accept the person they choose to be with.0
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This is just my personal opinion of course, but - you GF should not have to dress to impress your Mama. You obviously love her for who she is - and if a tight skirt is what she feels most comfortable in - then by all means, let her wear the damn skirt.
So you mean it is OK to wear a bikini top & a short shorts on a first meet-up if that is what you're comfortable with? Just because you're comfy to wear it doesn't mean you can do it. I have nothing against wearing a tight skirt but there is a right time & place to wear it. Would you show up in a job interview in a fortune 500 co in a sweat pants or short shorts just because that's what you find most comfortable? I don't think so.0 -
They will eventually get along. Just don't get in the middle or make a big deal about it
Don't agree with this. My MIL and I still don't get along.
And PLEASE tell me you told your mother that her comment was completely inappropriate. If you can't stand up to your mother now, you never will. If your GF were asking for advice, I'd tell her to run for the hills if you didn't stand up for her.
ETA: Just saw the leav mom is not an option. Yep, if you can't put your GF who could potentially become your WIFE (i.e. #1 woman in your life. Period. End. O. Story.) first in a little thing. You will never put her first. It's your choice to be a momma's boy or to be a man.
^^I agree whole heartedly. I've been with my husband for 14 yrs, married for 9 yrs. I've never gotten along with my MIL. My husband chooses to be a momma's boy and will side with her EVERY time. It causes a lot of tension and arguments in our marriage. To the point where divorce has been on the table more than once.0 -
So Im taking my girlfriend to meet my mom for the first time and I notice that her skirt is kinda short and tight. I know my mom will notice this too but after a previous post I did on mfp where I was called a jerk several hundred times I decide not to mention anything to the girlfriend about her attire. At the dinner my mom says to the gf "so what do u do?" The gf says "I'm a project mgr for a fortune 500 co." My mom says " well with a skirt that tight and a Butt that big I bet u could make a fortune in the projects as a Hooker, hahaha " ( my mom like me lacks tact and is kinda getting senile). My gf is extremely offended and when we leave she says "I don't think I'm going to like your mom". My mom text me and says "your gf is a stick in the mud who dresses like a tramp I'm quite sure I'm not going to like her".
How should I go forward? Do I try to get them together again, leave the girlfriend, leave my mom (this is actually not an option) or not really care?
I just want to apologize for everyone that clearly disrespected your mother on this message board! Maybe she was a little harsh what she said to your girl's face, but older people are known for NOT giving a **** about what comes out of their mouth. My dad is a Vietnam Veteran and will cuss you out in a heartbeat for anything. LOL! He is also a laugh riot. She should have known better though than to wear that! You steer on the conservative side when trying to make first impressions (common sense) and I don't know who said you shouldn't have told her anything, but you should have. I bet she would NOT have worn that to an interview and essentially meeting your mom was an interview (she was trying to make a good impression and get the "job" [the good graces of a person who love and adore]). I think both parties should apologize and move on. Your girl should apologize for wearing that attire and ultimately disrespecting your mother and her beliefs. Older people have a way of being extra offended about ANYTHING! Also, your mom should apologize for hurting your girl's feelings (even though she obviously meant what she said)! She may be reluctant to, but if she loves you, wants the best for you, and wants to see you happy then maybe she will make this exception and your girl to. I do wish you luck. Tough situation to be in, but believe me, I've been there.0 -
It shouldn't matter what your girlfriend wears... she is an adult and allowed to wear what she wants... however, your mother had no right to say such inappropriate, disrespectful things.... to anyone.... ever.
That you are making excuses for her behavior shows that you think it is ok to treat someone like that... which says both a lot about how your mama raised you and you, as a man.....
if your girlfriend is smart she will run..... far.... far... far away.
WOW!!!! SMDH0 -
Kudos to you OP, you are one of my favourite subtle trolls on this site. Your last post about your wife trying to poison you was great entertainment, and provoked the obvious ****storm.
I hope this thread will be as successful.
A+ would read again.
Oh dear! I missed that one.0 -
First off, you shouldn't let your mother disrespect your girlfriend like that.
Second, If you really like this woman and are in it for the long haul both ladies are going to have to learn to tolerate each other. They do not necessarily have to like one another, but respect is due on both sides. You can't marry your mother, so don't let her scare your girlfriend away... or you will be alone the rest of your life!0 -
Kudos to you OP, you are one of my favourite subtle trolls on this site. Your last post about your wife trying to poison you was great entertainment, and provoked the obvious ****storm.
I hope this thread will be as successful.
A+ would read again.
damn!! I KNEW he looked familiar...0 -
You should just have a baby with her. Then mom will become grandma, and will be to busy spoiling her grandchild.
your Gf won't be able to wear tight skirts for a wile either.
Problem solved.
You always give the best advice.
I do. This is also 100% true!0 -
So Im taking my girlfriend to meet my mom for the first time and I notice that her skirt is kinda short and tight. I know my mom will notice this too but after a previous post I did on mfp where I was called a jerk several hundred times I decide not to mention anything to the girlfriend about her attire. At the dinner my mom says to the gf "so what do u do?" The gf says "I'm a project mgr for a fortune 500 co." My mom says " well with a skirt that tight and a Butt that big I bet u could make a fortune in the projects as a Hooker, hahaha " ( my mom like me lacks tact and is kinda getting senile). My gf is extremely offended and when we leave she says "I don't think I'm going to like your mom". My mom text me and says "your gf is a stick in the mud who dresses like a tramp I'm quite sure I'm not going to like her".
How should I go forward? Do I try to get them together again, leave the girlfriend, leave my mom (this is actually not an option) or not really care?
I just want to apologize for everyone that clearly disrespected your mother on this message board! Maybe she was a little harsh what she said to your girl's face, but older people are known for NOT giving a **** about what comes out of their mouth. My dad is a Vietnam Veteran and will cuss you out in a heartbeat for anything. LOL! He is also a laugh riot. She should have known better though than to wear that! You steer on the conservative side when trying to make first impressions (common sense) and I don't know who said you shouldn't have told her anything, but you should have. I bet she would NOT have worn that to an interview and essentially meeting your mom was an interview (she was trying to make a good impression and get the "job" [the good graces of a person who love and adore]). I think both parties should apologize and move on. Your girl should apologize for wearing that attire and ultimately disrespecting your mother and her beliefs. Older people have a way of being extra offended about ANYTHING! Also, your mom should apologize for hurting your girl's feelings (even though she obviously meant what she said)! She may be reluctant to, but if she loves you, wants the best for you, and wants to see you happy then maybe she will make this exception and your girl to. I do wish you luck. Tough situation to be in, but believe me, I've been there.
DEFINITELY THIS^^^^ FINALLY, someone who is not disrespecting his mother..0 -
Unfortunately I am like your mother. When my son is old enough to bring a girl home she BETTA NOT be dressed inappropriately or she will get called out and maybe even kicked out. I think you should have fun in this relationship but keep your eyes open to determine if she is really right for you. No man has a chance being with me long term if my family doesn't like him, that may be harsh but my family loves me and wants the best for me and I trust their taste. So I side with your mom. Date the girl but by all means DON't marry her!
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