ladies help! my mom and girlfriend dont like each other
Replies
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They will eventually get along. Just don't get in the middle or make a big deal about it
This.
Then again maybe not. Your girlfriend doesn't have to like your mom to be with you. Neither does your mom have to like your girlfriend. What they have to do is respect each other for the sake of just loving one common thing....ummm person...you.
If you are serious about this girl then maybe your could have warned her about your mother's personality. Instead you allowed her to walk into something she hadn't prepared herself for. Not a good way to play it.
When it comes down to it. No one on this forum is living your life...nor is your mom or your gf. In the end you have to use your best judgement in this situation. Whats the best thing for you? How could you have approached this situation differently? Man up Daaaaaaave!!0 -
JERRY, JERRY, JERRY, JERRY0
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You know your mom is harsh, you know she will have an issue, you should have said something. You could have said, my mom is kinda conservative, do you mind wearing a skirt a little longer, I love it, but she wont.
If they hate each other, it wont change. At some point, you will either have to make a choice or one of them will make it for you.0 -
honestly - i think your mum is really funny - i might not want her as a mother in law but i would for sure go for a coffee or two with her0
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Remind your GF that your mother is your mother and they are going to have to get along.
I disagree. They don't "have" to get along. However, they should be respectful to one another.
Tell GF that your mom is old school and doesn't appreciate club wear...and ask if, for the sake of everyone getting along, she could dress a little more conservatively.
Tell Mom that you appreciate her input but you also care for this girl and could she keep her thoughts to herself.
Easier said than done, I know. Looks like you'll be needing to set some boundaries!0 -
I say if the relationship with your girlfriend has potential to grow into
something even more serious be on her side. I had a sort of similar problem where
my mom in-law and I did not get along and I'm pretty sure I would have broken up with
my now fiancée if he would not have been on my side.0 -
I knew my mother in law before we got married, she loved me. She past away soon after we got married, but I met the rest of his family and his aunt tried to take the place of his mom after she past away and she is insane and acts like I took away her baby?? We get a long as long as we are not in the same room together, or either my hubby or his big uncle are in the room with us. Even with them in the same room she will breakout the potential bride photos and try to get my husband to pick out a bride from their home country.
It is normal for the mother in law to not get a long with the daughter in law especially if your family comes from a village or your mother was raised in a smaller village especially over seas. This is because they believe they will keep her in line and constantly making an effort to earn their approval and please you. Apparently it is normal in my family also (my father explained it to me), just not to that extreme. Again his Aunt is nuts!!!0 -
wow, your mother was out of line on this one, While the short skirt may not have been the most appropriate thing to wear, what about the person on the inside??? Doesn't anyone take time to look beyond the cover anymore to see??? Maybe your girlfriend thought she was looking appropriate for the meeting, maybe her sense of fashion is fun and flirty. Seems like you are a mommas boy and you will allow momma to chase away someone that could have ended up being "the one". You are obviously not a child anymore, so grow up!0
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Ugh, first hand experience.. They will NEVER get along. They may play nice, but they will never be 100%
This. On the one hand, it kinda sounded like mama had her mind made up before the conversation even started. On the other hand, I'd NEVER wear a short, tight skirt to meet my boyfriend's mother for the first time. Honestly, I wouldn't wear one now if I knew I was going to be seeing her, and she loves me like a daughter (she even calls me to complain about my bf lol). Have a talk with both of them separately, try again, and if it's not any better, then it kinda sounds to me like you've got a decision to make (which sucks, but you can't go on playing mediator forever).
As the old saying goes, "If mama ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy."
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I dont see why a GROWN *kitten* WOMAN would wear a short AND tight skirt to meet a dates mom in the first place....moms comment was a little EXTRA.....Just chill and see what their interaction is the next time because they may have just started out on the wrong foot.....I mean geesh what kind of reaction was she looking for with that skirt, she already impressed you.....0
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ETA: Just saw the leav mom is not an option. Yep, if you can't put your GF who could potentially become your WIFE (i.e. #1 woman in your life. Period. End. O. Story.) first in a little thing. You will never put her first. It's your choice to be a momma's boy or to be a man.
You're kidding, right? You're saying he should abandon the person who gave him life for a relationship that may or may not last???
(I'm not close to my mother at ALL, & I still wouldn't do this. It's stupid. I also wouldn't give up a friendship that's been around longer for a new relationship)0 -
Look, this is a common thing, believe it or not. Some people get along famously with their significant other's mom, others don't. My future mother-in-law is passive aggressive and doesn't like me soley on the fact that she no longer is the only woman in her "baby boy's" life. But we are civil. There's no point in stressing about it, they're both grown ups and when they need to be around each other they can act civil like me and my monster-in-law. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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Sounds like my mom. In my mom's eyes no man is good enough for me and no women is good enough for my brothers. My mom and boyfriend don't like each other but my mother lives on the other side of the country so it's not that big of a deal.
If you're serious about her, you need to take her side. It's obvious that your mom is the instigator in the situation. If your mom insults her again like that I think you should speak up so you're girlfriend doesn't have to and an altercation can be avoided. Plus if your girlfriend knows you have her back she is more likely to be the mature one and turn the other cheek.0 -
ETA: Just saw the leav mom is not an option. Yep, if you can't put your GF who could potentially become your WIFE (i.e. #1 woman in your life. Period. End. O. Story.) first in a little thing. You will never put her first. It's your choice to be a momma's boy or to be a man.
You're kidding, right? You're saying he should abandon the person who gave him life for a relationship that may or may not last???
(I'm not close to my mother at ALL, & I still wouldn't do this. It's stupid. I also wouldn't give up a friendship that's been around longer for a new relationship)
I agree. I know my boyfriend's mom is the #1 woman in his life, and I'm 2nd. And that's totally fine with me---I'm not the one who carried him for 9 months, gave birth, raised him, etc. He is a man, through and through, and he loves his mama. Just happens to work out that his mama loves me too And on the flip side, he knows that my son is the #1 man in my life, then (when he was living) my dad, then him. We don't all have the same relationships with our families, so this may not ring true for everyone, but to me, family comes first. 0 -
No girlfriend and mom ever really get along. Me and my boyfriend's mom got along GREAT until we moved in together, now we're in a constant battle with each other and she did some really f**ked up stuff to me so the boyfriend finally put his foot down with her and she's starting to back off. She acts like I took her baby away, mid you we're 30yrs old. So you have to decide if you can live with it that's all
That's BS - I get along better with my boyfriend's mom than I do with my own.0 -
I don't think you need to give up on either relationship. Just realize that no one will every be perfect for you in your Mom's eye.0
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No girlfriend and mom ever really get along. Me and my boyfriend's mom got along GREAT until we moved in together, now we're in a constant battle with each other and she did some really f**ked up stuff to me so the boyfriend finally put his foot down with her and she's starting to back off. She acts like I took her baby away, mid you we're 30yrs old. So you have to decide if you can live with it that's all
That's BS - I get along better with my boyfriend's mom than I do with my own.
I agree.. My boyfriends mom probably loves me more than she loves him lol. I actually consider her a bestfriend and love her like my own mother.0 -
No girlfriend and mom ever really get along. Me and my boyfriend's mom got along GREAT until we moved in together, now we're in a constant battle with each other and she did some really f**ked up stuff to me so the boyfriend finally put his foot down with her and she's starting to back off. She acts like I took her baby away, mid you we're 30yrs old. So you have to decide if you can live with it that's all
That's BS - I get along better with my boyfriend's mom than I do with my own.
I agree.. My boyfriends mom probably loves me more than she loves him lol. I actually consider her a bestfriend and love her like my own mother.
My bf's mother loves me more than she loves her own daughter *laughs*
& My mom loves my bf more than she loves me (but we've never been close - actually, the whole family is more just a bunch of separates with a bloodline in common)0 -
Kudos to you OP, you are one of my favourite subtle trolls on this site. Your last post about your wife trying to poison you was great entertainment, and provoked the obvious ****storm.
I hope this thread will be as successful.
A+ would read again.
I read it as fiction too. 0 -
your gf knew she was meeting your mom and wore a short skirt? Maybe your gf has no long term intentions for your relationship. When I met my in-laws I had just got off the plane after a 24 hour journey but I stopped at the bathroom to freshen up my make up and brush my hair before I met them. They were picking us up from the airport.
My parents hate my husband. They made it very clear. But he's a wonderful guy and my mom is a control freak that didn't want me to get married because that meant that I couldn't live with her and take care of her. We got married and then she realized she wasn't going to win, that I wasn't moving back home (EVER!!!) and that I am not her caretaker she insists that she's always loved him that she has no idea why he hates her and what a great guy he is for taking care of me etc. Since your mom doesn't sound like that I don't know what to say. Your gf will call you a mama's boy and probably leave you if you don't stand up for her but doing so will probably hurt your mom's feelings. Fine line your walking. Good luck.0 -
So Im taking my girlfriend to meet my mom for the first time and I notice that her skirt is kinda short and tight. I know my mom will notice this too but after a previous post I did on mfp where I was called a jerk several hundred times I decide not to mention anything to the girlfriend about her attire. At the dinner my mom says to the gf "so what do u do?" The gf says "I'm a project mgr for a fortune 500 co." My mom says " well with a skirt that tight and a Butt that big I bet u could make a fortune in the projects as a Hooker, hahaha " ( my mom like me lacks tact and is kinda getting senile). My gf is extremely offended and when we leave she says "I don't think I'm going to like your mom". My mom text me and says "your gf is a stick in the mud who dresses like a tramp I'm quite sure I'm not going to like her".
How should I go forward? Do I try to get them together again, leave the girlfriend, leave my mom (this is actually not an option) or not really care?
I just want to apologize for everyone that clearly disrespected your mother on this message board! Maybe she was a little harsh what she said to your girl's face, but older people are known for NOT giving a **** about what comes out of their mouth. My dad is a Vietnam Veteran and will cuss you out in a heartbeat for anything. LOL! He is also a laugh riot. She should have known better though than to wear that! You steer on the conservative side when trying to make first impressions (common sense) and I don't know who said you shouldn't have told her anything, but you should have. I bet she would NOT have worn that to an interview and essentially meeting your mom was an interview (she was trying to make a good impression and get the "job" [the good graces of a person who love and adore]). I think both parties should apologize and move on. Your girl should apologize for wearing that attire and ultimately disrespecting your mother and her beliefs. Older people have a way of being extra offended about ANYTHING! Also, your mom should apologize for hurting your girl's feelings (even though she obviously meant what she said)! She may be reluctant to, but if she loves you, wants the best for you, and wants to see you happy then maybe she will make this exception and your girl to. I do wish you luck. Tough situation to be in, but believe me, I've been there.
Respect is earned! And his mother clearly doesn't deserve respect if she "doesn't give a s*** about what comes out of her mouth.
To be honest, the girl brought it on herself when she showed up to that woman's house inappropriately dressed. No, she didn't deserve to be reamed like that, but you kinda open yourself up when you wear that around older people, especially your boyfriend's mom. I'm from Louisiana, the ultimate conservative deep south, and you respect your elders to the utmost and wearing inappropriate clothing is something that will get a Bible thrown at you. LOL!
and I would throw it right back!
Hmmm...maybe because you don't deserve any respect.
and you are clearly related to his mother! Birds of a feather....0 -
Bahahaha, I like your mom's sense of humor.
Well, at least it was funny to me, though she was maybe serious about it..
Sorry, I don't have any advice and I'm not a lady.0 -
To the people saying the GF dressed like a skank, the OP does not define what "short" means in this case. I mean, was it a skirt that was almost a belt or was it three inches above her knees? And how long are her legs, because if she has very long legs a skirt that isn't actually all that short will appear to be because it will show more leg.
I think the OP is just trying to stir things up, personally, especially since he never bothered to even respond in a previous thread. But to assume "short skirt" means she dressed inappropriately or that the mother wasn't out of line is stupid without having all the facts -- and we don't.
Of course I'm trying to stir things up! But I'm to busy supporting my pals to answer every post, I made an exception for that chick who called my mother a ***** tho.......if u would like to be my pal plz submit a friend request. And I may be missing something but EXACTLY what is your question?0 -
From one guy to another...why do you even care? Do you need the drama? Probably not. My mom and my now wife, did not hit it off from the very beginning...we got married anyway, and had a couple of sprouts, and very soon after the wedding my mom liked my wife more than she did me.
I know almost nothing about women. I don't even try to learn anything about women anymore. Life is already too short, I am not going to spend my time worrying about how a woman thinks or why she does what she does. When I start to wonder about women things...I go fishing and forget about it.
Get something sparkly.0 -
My Mother in Law likes me better than she likes her son, and she lives on the other side of the Atlantic to me, so it's a win win situation, and she would like me to wear short skits, she thinks I have great legs and her son is lucky to have me.....0
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I honestly can't believe some of the comment's I have read on here. I didn't realize so many of my Pals were so judgemental!!! People calling his mom a *****, others calling his GF a **** or a skank....
You don't know the man that posted this, or his mom, or his GF. What if he didn't tell the GF that his mother's house is where they were having dinner.... (he likes to start **** here, maybe he likes to do it at home too....) ? What if the GF was wearing a knee length pencil skirt - but the mom thinks anything above the calf is too short, and anything form fitting is too tight? What if the GF had a different outfit on, and the guy told her to change, to wear his favorite outfit? After all, he admits he knew they were going to his moms, and that the skirt was "too short" - but kept his mouth shut on purpose. Maybe this whole conversation has been taken out of context. My point is - none of us have any idea what the real story is here. Next time maybe you should try to look at something objectively, instead of being so judgemental.
The audacity of some people just amaze me - someone asks you for advice, and you call his mom a *****, and his girlfriend a skank. Stay Classy MFPs.0 -
As a mother of a boy (he's only 3) I really do not look forward to the day he starts dating and bringing girls to meet me. I am hoping he finds someone that truly loves him and will be an equal partner in the relationship. But, we will see; I am not looking forward to it AT ALL. Because let's face it, no one is ever really good enough for our children. Sometimes you just have to grin and bear it.0
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They will eventually get along. Just don't get in the middle or make a big deal about it
Don't agree with this. My MIL and I still don't get along.
And PLEASE tell me you told your mother that her comment was completely inappropriate. If you can't stand up to your mother now, you never will. If your GF were asking for advice, I'd tell her to run for the hills if you didn't stand up for her.
ETA: Just saw the leav mom is not an option. Yep, if you can't put your GF who could potentially become your WIFE (i.e. #1 woman in your life. Period. End. O. Story.) first in a little thing. You will never put her first. It's your choice to be a momma's boy or to be a man.
^^I agree whole heartedly. I've been with my husband for 14 yrs, married for 9 yrs. I've never gotten along with my MIL. My husband chooses to be a momma's boy and will side with her EVERY time. It causes a lot of tension and arguments in our marriage. To the point where divorce has been on the table more than once.
That's pathetic0 -
Clearly you have to kill one of them.....
How tight is your mom's skirt?0 -
They will eventually get along. Just don't get in the middle or make a big deal about it
Don't agree with this. My MIL and I still don't get along.
And PLEASE tell me you told your mother that her comment was completely inappropriate. If you can't stand up to your mother now, you never will. If your GF were asking for advice, I'd tell her to run for the hills if you didn't stand up for her.
ETA: Just saw the leav mom is not an option. Yep, if you can't put your GF who could potentially become your WIFE (i.e. #1 woman in your life. Period. End. O. Story.) first in a little thing. You will never put her first. It's your choice to be a momma's boy or to be a man.
^^I agree whole heartedly. I've been with my husband for 14 yrs, married for 9 yrs. I've never gotten along with my MIL. My husband chooses to be a momma's boy and will side with her EVERY time. It causes a lot of tension and arguments in our marriage. To the point where divorce has been on the table more than once.
That's pathetic
I agree... Choke slam her.
Bet she steps out.0
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