men quick question

mandag9008

okay so i have been coming up w reasons why a man wouldnt want to have "relations"...do it....w a woman. My husbands has body image issues and hes totally taking it to far but lately ive been wondering if thats what it really is. s0 here are the reasons ive come up with:
1.affair
2. hes not attracted to me
3. hes tired
4. he hates sex (yea right)
5. he doesnt like the poontang, haha i rarely think its that,


wo please if u have any ideas why guys dont want to well do it please add them. Remember this is from a womans point of view. i need a mans point of view. someone besides the husband,

stephc0711

If he has body image issues, maybe he has some depression going on?
(sorry, not a guy, but just thought I'd give my two cents)

mandag9008

ive thought about that but men are like brick walls it takes a bolder to break down. idk girly its driving me crazy!

Lauren8239

Not a man, but why not just ask him straight out? He may think the same about you. Total misunderstanding. Nobody communicates any more. :flowerforyou:

neverstray

Another reason could be that he's bored or he wants something else, but doesn't tell you. For instance, he really wants to do different things with you but is afraid you'll think he's weird, so he just shuts down. I was that way with my ex. I think she wanted to too because toward the end, she started getting kind of freaky. I wish she would have opened up that way earlier. But, I think after 14 years of marriage, your sex is kind of set, and switching it up too much is difficult if you don't talk openly about that kind of stuff from the very beginning. I have a pattern of that problem. I want to do things with women I am dating, but i'm afraid they'll think I'm weird or won't like it, so instead, I play safe and eventually shut down on them. I didn't have that problem when I was young, it's only been as I got older, I became more conservative in bed, which is not at all what I want.

Also, I don't think you mentioned how long you've been married, but maybe he's just lost interest. That happens.

If he does truly have body issues, maybe he's not comfortable at all being with you.

I don't know, feel like I'm shooting in the dark, there are too many variables.

Rabid_Hamster

okay so i have been coming up w reasons why a man wouldnt want to have "relations"...do it....w a woman. My husbands has body image issues and hes totally taking it to far but lately ive been wondering if thats what it really is. s0 here are the reasons ive come up with:
1.affair
2. hes not attracted to me
3. hes tired
4. he hates sex (yea right)
5. he doesnt like the poontang, haha i rarely think its that,


wo please if u have any ideas why guys dont want to well do it please add them. Remember this is from a womans point of view. i need a mans point of view. someone besides the husband,

I went through a long period of this last year. For me is was a job I hated. I was continuously stressed out and getting very little sleep. Like you, My wife thought something was wrong with her. It wasn't.
For him, it could be one or a combination of things; stress, tired, depression, poor confidence, low self esteem, poor diet, and not to mention any possible medical issues. You didn't mention how old he was. Testosterone levels decline with age after early thirties. (it is the primary driver for your sex drive). If he's overweight, that does increase his estrogen levels in his body, which lowers sex drive. (That's also why guys get "man boobs.")
The point is this, it's most likely NOT you.

JSnover

sorry to say this but maybe its not good enough

mandag9008

trust me when i say this..its goood. hes 24! and im22. been married for 3.5 years. i honestly think hes lost interest. weve had sex 4 times since sep of 2011.
hes told me that im cute but not sexy. . idk im kinda sad / dull at this point. i feel like a nun.
idk why or if it is me bc i get hit on all the time. I have come out and ask him and he starts being immature. im lost.!

mandag9008

@ neverstray
i know. i want to try stuff too but he always shut me down i mean when we were having an active romance thing. he only like spooning or whatever that is called! ive never cheated on him. ever. but i have caught myself wondering.

JSnover

either he's not physiclly attracted to you anymore or he's gay, idk many if any guy that turns down sex this often

Redbird99ky

For me, it was a combination of depression AND body image.

roachhaley

It depends. Is he in a high stress situation at work or school? My boyfriend is currently doing his phd and goes into university at 8am and stays up until 2-3am every night doing work. We had the same problem with sex but as soon as he got some time off it went back to normal.

Just ask him straight up. If not, youre going to think he's cheating on you forever, until it seems real. (that's what i did)

mandag9008

ive actually ask him. he wouldnt respond. i know its not cheating. i would know.(past situation). i think hes to nice to come out and say he isnt into me anymore. but actions speak louder than words.

dinovino_59

It's either number 1 or 2...throw out 4 and 5 because that would be so rare and 3 would just be an excuse for 1 or 2.

sktllmdrhmz

There are a lot of reasons he could be down on sex right now, and the most and least likely ones are you. I bet there's either something that has him feeling down on himself either physically, mentally, or financially...or he can't stand you.

Are there other issues in your relationship? Does he feel trapped? Burdened? Does he feel like he can't live up to you?

Basically I think either he is really hurting or you're driving him nuts. Does he avoid you generally or just with sex?

roachhaley

ive actually ask him. he wouldnt respond. i know its not cheating. i would know.(past situation). i think hes to nice to come out and say he isnt into me anymore. but actions speak louder than words.

Not to be crude, but men are into almost anything. Just keep asking. Act upset about it. You can probably figure it out from there by how he reacts.

hikezilla

Is he taking any prescriptions? Check out the side effects.

adrian_indy

If you want sex, wait until he is naked (like in the shower) walk in and start giving him oral. A few minutes into it, stop, and tell him you want him to have sex with you. Once a man starts a sexual act, he is almost incapable of not finishing until he orgasms unless a plane crashes into his house or something.

NicolePatriot

I find it interesting that the FIRST reason you list, is an affair.

dmpizza

Most women completely fail to understand that guys need TWO kinds of sex. One is the very attentive and loving kind that women say they want and the other is best described as a QUICKIE. If you don't give your guy about 10 quickies for every "attention session" then he is not getting what he wants.
His desires count too.

mandag9008

if i am hurting him idk how. i mean we see each other in the morning and at night bc i work from 10:30-8 every day and work out from 8 am to 930 and again from 8pm to 9. i never ask him to clean or do house work, i never ask him to anything actually and thats not sugar coated. he says the only way i want to touch him is sexually?? which isnt true. he justdoesnt like being touched.

i dont know if he feels trapped or burdened. he might but i dont know why?
financially were in good standings we make the same amount of money, so thats not a problem.

i was using the nuva ring at one time befor they called it off the market for a few months and had got an infection, well he got it too but we both took medicine and got better. but since then hes been saying thats why but to be honest he just milking it. im a nurse i would know and i have ask him once in a while how he feels there and he says the same thing, but when i suggest a dr he shrugs it off and gets mad.

spade117

Number 3 would be my only answer.

adrian_indy

You forgot one major possiblity. Gay?

meggonkgonk

This is something to discuss with your hubby and/or a therapist. People here really aren't qualified to give you insight into how he's feeling and what he's thinking.

Quickly - speaking as someone with high confidence and an SO without, you really need to try to open your mind to how severely self-consciousness can effect that part of your relationship. Sex is about so, so much more than attraction and hormones. If you feel unworthy of that level of enjoyment, or alienated, or any number of other things, it really will kill libido. Don't think that just because he's a guy he has to be wanting sex first and foremost. There are other pieces to this puzzle that seem to me to be more important.

mandag9008

i try to get it all the time. he just does not want to. and i mean i try. i walk around naked, i have bought cute outfits , nice undies, i have hills. curled my hair, got dolled up. and nothing. so the no quicky part or even sex part isnt bc of me.

ScatteredThoughts

ive actually ask him. he wouldnt respond. i know its not cheating. i would know.(past situation). i think hes to nice to come out and say he isnt into me anymore. but actions speak louder than words.

Not to be crude, but men are into almost anything. Just keep asking. Act upset about it. You can probably figure it out from there by how he reacts.

*speechless*

mandag9008

he wouldnt go to a therapist. i have ask time and time again. i ask here bc i wanted another mans opinion maybe to open my eyes to another spectrum.

MFPAddict

I think you can narrow it down to 2 answers. He is getting it elsewhere or he is gay.

meggonkgonk

Most women completely fail to understand that guys need TWO kinds of sex. One is the very attentive and loving kind that women say they want and the other is best described as a QUICKIE. If you don't give your guy about 10 quickies for every "attention session" then he is not getting what he wants.
His desires count too.

This is a ludicrous generalization. His desires do count too, but this sounds really specific- not all men and not all women are this polar opposite in their sexual preferences- and there are a bunch of shades between quickie and "attention session".

adrian_indy

i try to get it all the time. he just does not want to. and i mean i try. i walk around naked, i have bought cute outfits , nice undies, i have hills. curled my hair, got dolled up. and nothing. so the no quicky part or even sex part isnt bc of me.

Maybe it's the outfits you are wearing or the way they fit you. Take some pics with you in them and send them too me. I will give you an honest guy opinion.

mandag9008

Most women completely fail to understand that guys need TWO kinds of sex. One is the very attentive and loving kind that women say they want and the other is best described as a QUICKIE. If you don't give your guy about 10 quickies for every "attention session" then he is not getting what he wants.
His desires count too.

This is a ludicrous generalization. His desires do count too, but this sounds really specific- not all men and not all women are this polar opposite in their sexual preferences- and there are a bunch of shades between quickie and "attention session".

true