men quick question
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You forgot one major possiblity. Gay?
^^ this...0 -
Are you working out and he isn't?0
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You forgot one major possiblity. Gay?
This is why talking to men is impossible :laugh:0 -
If you want sex, wait until he is naked (like in the shower) walk in and start giving him oral. A few minutes into it, stop, and tell him you want him to have sex with you. Once a man starts a sexual act, he is almost incapable of not finishing until he orgasms unless a plane crashes into his house or something.
That worked for me .. for a while. But I wasn't getting any pleasure. I mean, I love oral, but he wasn't pleasuring me and after a while it stopped working because he got performence anxiety towards the end.0 -
Most women completely fail to understand that guys need TWO kinds of sex. One is the very attentive and loving kind that women say they want and the other is best described as a QUICKIE. If you don't give your guy about 10 quickies for every "attention session" then he is not getting what he wants.
His desires count too.
.......0 -
You said he has body issues. Is he also working on his health as you are? If not he maybe feeling inadequate or being left behind as you are growing.0
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For me, it was a combination of depression AND body image.
I'm not a man, but I have problems with a low sex drive for reasons including these as well as past sexual trama.0 -
Does he think you've been cheating on him?0
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Oh my!i try to get it all the time. he just does not want to. and i mean i try. i walk around naked, i have bought cute outfits , nice undies, i have hills. curled my hair, got dolled up. and nothing. so the no quicky part or even sex part isnt bc of me.
Does he even realize how lucky he is that you do that for him? Most guys would be ALL OVER you if you did that! LOL 0 -
Also after reading through this entire topic- I personally find the larger issue his refusal to talk about it. In my opinion, communication is of even higher importance than sex in a relationships. I've had enough emotional draining, abusive, immature and ****ty relationships with AMAZING sex that helped me to realize, good sex only gets you so far.
I think regardless of exact cause. The big problem is he doesn't want to make efforts to fix it, or even discuss it. Somethings gotta give, or your relationship will.0 -
Do you have children together? If not, I would be getting out of the relationship FOR SURE. Your husband should not tell you that you are cute, but not sexy. That's bullsh!t. You deserve better.0
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communication is of even higher importance than sex
It could be something, he feels he needs to fix on his own or something he is embarrassed about. And doesn't know of an avenue to take.
Ether way, still agree with the above statement0 -
Are you working out and he isn't?
alot of things have been covered but this one stood out. it's possible he could be jealous/afraid you will look better over time and that you leave him.0 -
How many guys have you propositioned? Sounds like you're speaking from experience.either he's not physiclly attracted to you anymore or he's gay, idk many if any guy that turns down sex this often0 -
thats another thing girls he has noooo problem getting an errection. and he will not go to a counselor. he said and i quote " im mexican i dont need a counselor" idk what that means.
coming from a latino family background to me that just means "I'm too proud to ask for help" it's not just latinos though. some men interpet counseling as a sign of weakness too.0 -
Several possibilities....
just know that most men cheat with less attractive women and if he is it's more of a mental thing.....men are fragile creatures too, and if they don't feel like the king of the castle or "the best most manly" in the world we tend to stray.....
I'm from Dallas.....by the way....0 -
Consider talking to your husband and stop asking strangers what could be the reason he doesn't want to have relations with you. Unless you want to have your head cluttered with a bunch of ideas that may not even be close to whatever the issue is, I seriously suggest you just ask "honey, what's up?" You may find out that just sincerely asking may open the door. Keep in mind, you'll need to put on your "tough skin" suit when you ask. What you may find out is something that maybe not what you want to hear. Hopefully, you too can have a healthy conversation about the issue and move on. You'll gain a great amount of respect if you go to the source rather than reaching for straws on a message board for answers/advice.
I hate when people answer people like that. She is just getting different opinions/ideas; thats all.
Sometimes I will post a question to complete strangers because it feels safer. But who cares what her reasons are for asking compete strangers.
Plus, if she shouldn't be taking the advice of strangers (as you put it) why are you giving your advice? hmm?0 -
Something that nobody has mentioned and is kind of important: drugs.
If he is doing any kind of drugs, illegal or otherwise, this can and WILL affect his sex drive/interest.0 -
kinda leaning towards this too.. especially with a past of it. (or 3rd drugs maybe? even RX drugs BUT not all drugs will affect sex drive there is a lot of first hand knowledge of this in my family with both RX and not)i cant ever see my husband not wanting it for that long no matter how tired or stressed etc he gets (he is starting his own company so we know all too well about all of that right now) if he wont go to counseling that would make me personally back away and possibly leave. if he wont talk to me, or to a counselor, its like he is pushing away and doesnt want to work out whatever it is. maybe you should still go see a counselor, maybe the two of you can work on you!? maybe come up with something. but still if he isn't open with you after that short of time i would seriously think about what the future holds with him (i am 24 and my hubby is 25 we have been married for 3 years, have two kids and were high school sweeties and went through LOTS in that time but communication has always been very key)I think you can narrow it down to 2 answers. He is getting it elsewhere or he is gay.0 -
Some men have a problem talking about past issues. This would have nothing to do with you, but have you considered maybe a past trauma has been bothering him? I don't know, maybe being sexually abused or something in the past? Many times a guy's "machismo" puts up that wall and makes it difficult to speak about things. The fear of anybody finding out is sometimes more difficult than bringing it out in the open. Just a thought as I haven't seen it mentioned yet.
Something is obviously bothering him and he is suffering. Not that you aren't. Without his side of the story and his ability to defend himself it is hard to say.0 -
kinda leaning towards this too..I think you can narrow it down to 2 answers. He is getting it elsewhere or he is gay.
This is unreal to me. I can't believe people's first thoughts on lack of sex drive is cheating or sexuality related. I think this is such a general ignorant response. I'm not saying it's not an option, but this whole attitude that if men don't want sex, it's just unthinkable so they MUST be cheating or gay. There is no one size fits all for sexual issues, and these two issues are very 'day time tv' perspectives on real life issue that have many different triggers and causes.0 -
kinda leaning towards this too..I think you can narrow it down to 2 answers. He is getting it elsewhere or he is gay.
This is unreal to me. I can't believe people's first thoughts on lack of sex drive is cheating or sexuality related. I think this is such a general ignorant response. I'm not saying it's not an option, but this whole attitude that if men don't want sex, it's just unthinkable so they MUST be cheating or gay. There is no one size fits all for sexual issues, and these two issues are very 'day time tv' perspectives on real life issue that have many different triggers and causes.
I stand by my statement, and the OP's responses to other questions confirms my opinion.0 -
bump..I'm in the same boat :grumble:0
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okay so i have been coming up w reasons why a man wouldnt want to have "relations"...do it....w a woman. My husbands has body image issues and hes totally taking it to far but lately ive been wondering if thats what it really is. s0 here are the reasons ive come up with:
1.affair
2. hes not attracted to me
3. hes tired
4. he hates sex (yea right)
5. he doesnt like the poontang, haha i rarely think its that,
wo please if u have any ideas why guys dont want to well do it please add them. Remember this is from a womans point of view. i need a mans point of view. someone besides the husband,
I went through a long period of this last year. For me is was a job I hated. I was continuously stressed out and getting very little sleep. Like you, My wife thought something was wrong with her. It wasn't.
For him, it could be one or a combination of things; stress, tired, depression, poor confidence, low self esteem, poor diet, and not to mention any possible medical issues. You didn't mention how old he was. Testosterone levels decline with age after early thirties. (it is the primary driver for your sex drive). If he's overweight, that does increase his estrogen levels in his body, which lowers sex drive. (That's also why guys get "man boobs.")
The point is this, it's most likely NOT you.
^^^ this!! Think about when you don't feel like sex - whats your reason for not wanting it? I think you need to talk to him and see if there are any underlying issues. Good luck xx0 -
sry went to work out.
answers:
1.yes we work out together. we diet together, everyday.
2. no drugs.0 -
If it's only been four times since 9/2011, it may not be cheating (as even cheaters-men&woman-still have sex with their partners) it probably is some sort of stress in his life (job, health,etc) or in your relationship.
You may have brought it up already, but does he actually know how much this hurts you? That you came to random sources because you are so at a loss? You even thought he could be cheating? All I can suggest is try again to talk to him--this time do what you can to make him listen, even if it takes saying you are so fed up you're ready to walk. Let's face it--you deserve better.0 -
I think all of the internet psychologists have no idea what's really going on, because the only one that really knows whats going on is your husband. There can be any number of reasons why he's denying sex. Without knowing the man, which none of us do, none of us can say with any certainty what that reason is.
Ask him. If he's not into you anymore, time to move on.0 -
I didnt read all the replies, but all of your reasons could be right, none of them, a mix, or 50 others. Didnt really give us enouh info for an informed answer,,,,,,you need to ask him, not us. But ambivalence to sex is a MAJOR indicator of something being wrong, with him or otherwise.0
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he is bored... what you may think is good might not be enticing enough to him and adventurous enough for him...0
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Having read the replies, I have come to the conclusion he is in love with a ferret. its as logical as any of the replies left here. None of us know. And it could be so many things, my concern is that one persons post speaks to you, yet its so far off its dangerous. Talk to your man. NOW>0
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