how without upsetting her do i...

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  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,554 Member
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    Show a before picture and comment on how she still looks the same. She'll say "that's BS, I'm overweight". Then you chime in a say, "If you feel that way, we would make it a goal together to lose some weight."

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    This!!

    Yeah. This.

    If you want to die a slow and painful death that is.... or at least to be left without any .... umm... you know what... for quite some time.

    If my husband found a photo of me when i was thinner and told me I looked just the same, I would KNOW he was lying and would KNOW that even though the words coming out of his mouth were "you look just the same" the words in his head were "wow, you are so much fatter now".
    Because, you see... she already knows she's fat! And she probably doesn't feel good about it. You trying (unsuccessfully) to be subtle would not help.

    Cook healthy for her, plan active, fun things to do together and leave her to get healthy in her own time.
  • xNJAx
    xNJAx Posts: 170 Member
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    I definitely wouldn't mention her weight! That's probably a disaster waiting to happen. I think the trick is to find something active she enjoys and then make time to do it together. My hubby went through a real couch potato phase and didn't want to do *anything* active. Then Wimbledon started and while we were watching it he said how great it was and how much he loved playing as a kid. I seized the moment and said we should play ourselves rather than just watch it, and he agreed! Now he's into all sorts of sports and in the summer I can't wrench him away from the surfboard!

    The one sticking point was running - he flat out refused to even contemplate it. I'd go out for my run with the dog every night when he got home from work and when I got back I'd tell him how great it was and how he was missing out because me and Barnaby were having so much fun without him. I also said I wish he'd reconsider because it would be a lovely way to spend some 'family time' at the end of every day rather than him being home and me being out with the dog after already being separated all day. He said he'd give it a go and now he also runs in his lunch breaks at work!

    Good luck! I'm sure if you're sensitive and approach it from a "I'd like to do more with you" stance rather than a "I'm worried about your health/weight" one she'll be more inclined to have a go. :)
  • DogsK
    DogsK Posts: 94
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    Sorry but I think the saying you can lead a horse to water but cant make it drink is quite apt for this situation. I have tried with my wife. No matter what tack I take or how direct or subtle, no matter how many times I point out the benefits or tell her I worry about her health I loose the battle. Best of luck anyhow and if you succeed, let me know
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    You don't say anything. It is out and out rude to comment on another person's weight. What you can do is suggest she come to the gym with you, or that you go for a run together, or a bike ride. Otherwise, as long her weight isn't damaging her health, it would be very stupid to say anything.
  • JadeRabbit08
    JadeRabbit08 Posts: 551 Member
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    Wait until she is out and put all her clothes through the hot tumble dryer then hang them back up before she gets home. Say nothing...
  • downieel
    downieel Posts: 9 Member
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    Tell her honestly, but tread carefully. Plan what you're going to say!
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
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    How with out a heated argument; one that you can not win do I tell my girl she ain't as fit as she use to me and has put on a little weight and want her to come to the gym with me so she becomes more healthier also she eats junk how to make her eat better its a tough conversation to have of course ill love her no matter just want her to love fittness as much as me plus if she's healthier she will have a better life so if u was me how would u go bout it?and have you ever had the convention with your partner to get fitter aha

    You don't. You can't. Don't even approach the subject. The only reason YOU would consider such a conversation is because you are only 22 years old.

    If you are truly concerned:
    -assist in and/or start doing the shopping.
    -start taking an interest in preparation of the meals, or begin doing the cooking and prepare healthy meals.
    -go for walks with her in the evening.
    -get involved in some health partner based activiites.
    -tell her how good she looks.

    At 22, you haven't got the skills to approach a conversation which might discuss her healthy eating, appearance or fitness level. No man does. At any age.

    If she weighed 400 lbs and was trying to squeeze into a size 2 mini skirt and asked you if you thought it made her look fat. Do not hesitate for the slightest moment; Look herstraight in the eye and say "No."
  • Lolli1986
    Lolli1986 Posts: 500 Member
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    Slap her on the *kitten* and tell her that it is a lot more comfortable than it use to be and maybe she should go to the gym with you.:laugh:

    It worked when my wife did it to me, why not fair turn around. You women are so sensitive. :sad: :sad:

    lol...my experience of men is that they're extremely, extremely, unimaginably sensitive when it comes to their bodies. they are so unused to criticism (unlike women) that if you even say something that could possibly be interpreted as criticism it can spiral into a monster.
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,411 Member
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    How with out a heated argument; one that you can not win do I tell my girl she ain't as fit as she use to me and has put on a little weight and want her to come to the gym with me so she becomes more healthier also she eats junk how to make her eat better its a tough conversation to have of course ill love her no matter just want her to love fittness as much as me plus if she's healthier she will have a better life so if u was me how would u go bout it?and have you ever had the convention with your partner to get fitter aha

    You don't. You can't. Don't even approach the subject. The only reason YOU would consider such a conversation is because you are only 22 years old.

    If you are truly concerned:
    -assist in and/or start doing the shopping.
    -start taking an interest in preparation of the meals, or begin doing the cooking and prepare healthy meals.
    -go for walks with her in the evening.
    -get involved in some health partner based activiites.
    -tell her how good she looks.

    At 22, you haven't got the skills to approach a conversation which might discuss her healthy eating, appearance or fitness level. No man does. At any age.

    If she weighed 400 lbs and was trying to squeeze into a size 2 mini skirt and asked you if you thought it made her look fat. Do not hesitate for the slightest moment; Look herstraight in the eye and say "No."

    Sometimes I think TheRoadDog knows more about women than we do ourselves. :happy:
  • hikezilla
    hikezilla Posts: 174 Member
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    Anytime you feel the need to have that conversation with her, you need to grab a fishing pole and do that instead. You'll be much happier and most likely will enjoy a longer life.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I want my boyfriend to love reading as much as I do. How do I make him like reading?

    Invite your girlfriend to the gym with you and cook for her, but ultimately she's an adult and she knows she's gained weight and she may or may not enjoy working out, but that's her business.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,680 Member
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    Show a before picture and comment on how she still looks the same. She'll say "that's BS, I'm overweight". Then you chime in a say, "If you feel that way, we would make it a goal together to lose some weight."

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    this is actually a great idea. i guess if you're going to do it, you have to get her to say it instead of you.
    Yep. If you mention it then it could resort to an argument. Letting the other person bring it up gives them the feeling you want to help instead of telling them what they should do.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,680 Member
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    You don't say anything..
    Lol, as a man if we do that then the next thing we hear is "You never talk to me about anything"...........we'll never win.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • MaryBowen27
    MaryBowen27 Posts: 132
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    I think all the "honesty is the best policy" and "women need a tougher skin" comments are really not applicable in this case. This is clearly a case of vanity/personal preference, not a life or death situation. If he tells his girlfriend, who is likely in average if not good shape, he's not happy with her gaining a few extra pounds I can only imagine the next few threads:

    -My girlfriend refuses to eat in front of me, what do I do?
    -Why won't my girlfriend have sex with me after I made her feel like a heifer?
    -How do you get your girlfriend back after hurling her into the arms of someone who's not an insensitive *kitten*?

    I think his concern is valid, but the whole "get tough, it shouldn't bother you if your boyfriend essentially tells you he's not as attracted to you!" is insensitive. I'm not an overly sensitive person, but I will say my boyfriend of 2 years started dating me at my heaviest and supports me getting thin, but he says, and truly means, "I love you no matter what" and that is invaluable.
  • Lala20112
    Lala20112 Posts: 72 Member
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    I think you should just ask her,Tell her you would love to have a workout partener and getting fit and healthy would benifit you both,just something else you can do together.. :)
  • madamepsychosis
    madamepsychosis Posts: 472 Member
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    I think all the "honesty is the best policy" and "women need a tougher skin" comments are really not applicable in this case. This is clearly a case of vanity/personal preference, not a life or death situation. If he tells his girlfriend, who is likely in average if not good shape, he's not happy with her gaining a few extra pounds I can only imagine the next few threads:

    -My girlfriend refuses to eat in front of me, what do I do?
    -Why won't my girlfriend have sex with me after I made her feel like a heifer?
    -How do you get your girlfriend back after hurling her into the arms of someone who's not an insensitive *kitten*?

    I think his concern is valid, but the whole "get tough, it shouldn't bother you if your boyfriend essentially tells you he's not as attracted to you!" is insensitive. I'm not an overly sensitive person, but I will say my boyfriend of 2 years started dating me at my heaviest and supports me getting thin, but he says, and truly means, "I love you no matter what" and that is invaluable.

    Yes, this. I really don't get the impression from the original post that the OP's girlfriend is drastically overweight and that her health is at risk, so it seems to be coming from more of a vain/surface level-type place than genuine concern for her welfare. If he said that his wife or girlfriend is on the verge of losing a foot to diabetes or what have you, I would totally advocate a more no-nonsense approach.
  • DavetheHYNIC
    DavetheHYNIC Posts: 318 Member
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    How with out a heated argument; one that you can not win do I tell my girl she ain't as fit as she use to me and has put on a little weight and want her to come to the gym with me so she becomes more healthier also she eats junk how to make her eat better its a tough conversation to have of course ill love her no matter just want her to love fittness as much as me plus if she's healthier she will have a better life so if u was me how would u go bout it?and have you ever had the convention with your partner to get fitter aha

    When you go to the strip club together always point out and show her the chicks with tight fit bodiess .
  • r1ghtpath
    r1ghtpath Posts: 701 Member
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    YES to all of this!!
    I think all the "honesty is the best policy" and "women need a tougher skin" comments are really not applicable in this case. This is clearly a case of vanity/personal preference, not a life or death situation. If he tells his girlfriend, who is likely in average if not good shape, he's not happy with her gaining a few extra pounds I can only imagine the next few threads:

    -My girlfriend refuses to eat in front of me, what do I do?
    -Why won't my girlfriend have sex with me after I made her feel like a heifer?
    -How do you get your girlfriend back after hurling her into the arms of someone who's not an insensitive *kitten*?

    I think his concern is valid, but the whole "get tough, it shouldn't bother you if your boyfriend essentially tells you he's not as attracted to you!" is insensitive. I'm not an overly sensitive person, but I will say my boyfriend of 2 years started dating me at my heaviest and supports me getting thin, but he says, and truly means, "I love you no matter what" and that is invaluable.

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