Am I using him?

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paulaGetshealthy
paulaGetshealthy Posts: 464
in Chit-Chat
There's this guy who has liked me for a while now, but the feeling isn't mutual. Since he likes me, he is pretty much willing to do anything for me, and I was wondering if what I'm doing is considered "using" him.

I don't use his money or anything like that. It's just that, when none of my friends want to go hiking, or to the river, or to the mall, or wherever, he will drop everything and go with me. I ask him if he wants to come, and I can always count on him saying yes. I have never asked him to pay for anything, or anything like that because I don't want him to think that we're dating (although he sometimes insists on paying.ugh).

So, should I stop doing this? Am I just getting his hopes up?
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Replies

  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    There's this guy who has liked me for a while now, but the feeling isn't mutual. Since he likes me, he is pretty much willing to do anything for me, and I was wondering if what I'm doing is considered "using" him.

    I don't use his money or anything like that. It's just that, when none of my friends want to go hiking, or to the river, or to the mall, or wherever, he will drop everything and go with me. I ask him if he wants to come, and I can always count on him saying yes. I have never asked him to pay for anything, or anything like that because I don't want him to think that we're dating (although he sometimes insists on paying.ugh).

    So, should I stop doing this? Am I just getting his hopes up?

    Yes, and yes.
  • bear_nakey
    bear_nakey Posts: 367 Member
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    Well I say if your clear on the notion that you aren't dating, then whats the problem?! But on another note, if you really don't care for him, even as a friend, then thats not cool either....
  • creature275
    creature275 Posts: 348 Member
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    There's this guy who has liked me for a while now, but the feeling isn't mutual. Since he likes me, he is pretty much willing to do anything for me, and I was wondering if what I'm doing is considered "using" him.

    I don't use his money or anything like that. It's just that, when none of my friends want to go hiking, or to the river, or to the mall, or wherever, he will drop everything and go with me. I ask him if he wants to come, and I can always count on him saying yes. I have never asked him to pay for anything, or anything like that because I don't want him to think that we're dating (although he sometimes insists on paying.ugh).

    So, should I stop doing this? Am I just getting his hopes up?

    Yes, and yes.

    I second him
  • djhero123
    djhero123 Posts: 20
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    i was in this situation with a girl in sixth grade just tell him that you dont like him and ask if you can be friends
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    Well I say if your clear on the notion that you aren't dating, then whats the problem?! But on another note, if you really don't care for him, even as a friend, then thats not cool either....

    It doesn't matter how clear she is. She can say it EVERY time they're together...but if she's paying attention to him, he's going to take it as hope. She knows this already. Just her response when she commented about him paying speaks volumes about the situation.
  • paulaGetshealthy
    paulaGetshealthy Posts: 464
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    Well I've told him many times before that I don't like him in any way other than friends, but he doesn't care...

    One time he had planned on going with a few of his friends to a club where his friend was DJing for the first time, and he ditched them to hang out with me. I told him we could just hang out another time, but he said it was fine. so...
  • paulaGetshealthy
    paulaGetshealthy Posts: 464
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    Anyway, I see where you guys are coming from. So I should just stop talking to him altogether?
  • TinaS88
    TinaS88 Posts: 817 Member
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    I would be very honest with him and lay it out flat for him. Don't let him think there is a chance if there really isn't. If you value his friendship at all, you would tell him you look at him as only a friend and that's it!
  • TinaS88
    TinaS88 Posts: 817 Member
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    Anyway, I see where you guys are coming from. So I should just stop talking to him altogether?


    No, you shouldn't stop if you truly do enjoy spending time with him. But if it is only to keep away boredom then yeah that is wrong, and not a good friend.
  • militarydreams
    militarydreams Posts: 198 Member
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    There's this guy who has liked me for a while now, but the feeling isn't mutual. Since he likes me, he is pretty much willing to do anything for me, and I was wondering if what I'm doing is considered "using" him.

    I don't use his money or anything like that. It's just that, when none of my friends want to go hiking, or to the river, or to the mall, or wherever, he will drop everything and go with me. I ask him if he wants to come, and I can always count on him saying yes. I have never asked him to pay for anything, or anything like that because I don't want him to think that we're dating (although he sometimes insists on paying.ugh).

    So, should I stop doing this? Am I just getting his hopes up?

    Yes, and yes.

    Agreed, let the guy move on already... you wanting some company isn't a decent enough reason.
  • iam_thatdude
    iam_thatdude Posts: 1,279 Member
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    BASED on how women are answering this thread and the OP and women wonder why we treat woment he way we do?
  • Natx83
    Natx83 Posts: 1,308 Member
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    Yeah let the guy become a one and only to someone who wants him too!

    You should be dead honest with him, if he decides to hang around then it is on is head not your's but it sounds he likes you for sure so you at least owe it too him to set him straight.
  • paulaGetshealthy
    paulaGetshealthy Posts: 464
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    BASED on how women are answering this thread and the OP and women wonder why we treat woment he way we do?

    what do you mean? I've let him know I don't like him as more than a friend. I don't tell him to ditch his friends for me; he chooses to. How am I responsible for how he chooses to act/react?
  • Trail_Addict
    Trail_Addict Posts: 1,350 Member
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    There's this guy who has liked me for a while now, but the feeling isn't mutual. Since he likes me, he is pretty much willing to do anything for me, and I was wondering if what I'm doing is considered "using" him.

    I don't use his money or anything like that. It's just that, when none of my friends want to go hiking, or to the river, or to the mall, or wherever, he will drop everything and go with me. I ask him if he wants to come, and I can always count on him saying yes. I have never asked him to pay for anything, or anything like that because I don't want him to think that we're dating (although he sometimes insists on paying.ugh).

    So, should I stop doing this? Am I just getting his hopes up?

    Yes, and yes.

    I second him

    I'll Third this.

    You're using him as your back-up plan when your real friends aren't available, and since he's into you, you're taking advantage of his availability and eagerness.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    Anyway, I see where you guys are coming from. So I should just stop talking to him altogether?

    I would say yes hun, sorry.
    I would be very honest with him and lay it out flat for him. Don't let him think there is a chance if there really isn't. If you value his friendship at all, you would tell him you look at him as only a friend and that's it!

    Trust me, in order to say it enough that it actually sinks in, it'll have to be the only thing she says to him, over and over, forever. He already knows...the problem is, it doesn't matter. He'll just keep torturing himself over it, and in the end, that's never...ever good (for either of them).

    To the OP...I just wanted to be clear that I'm not down on you for it at all...I just know where the guys coming from, and where you are as well. This is the kind of thing women usually hate men for when the situation's reversed lol (granted with men it usually involves sex...but it's the same thing).
  • HorrorChix89
    HorrorChix89 Posts: 1,229 Member
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    You're leading him on no matter what you say to him. As someone else said, the longer you give him attention the more hope he'll have that you'll come around to liking him.
  • kurenaikumo
    kurenaikumo Posts: 271 Member
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    As long as you've been up front with him, he completely understands it's platonic friendship, and he enjoys your company as friends, what's the problem? That said, it sounds like he's unable to accept that, and in that case, if you do care about his feelings, you may want to step back to let him move along.
  • dpwellman
    dpwellman Posts: 3,271 Member
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    If he doesn't care, fine.

    When in doubt, invoke the "golden rule". Asking the question however, suggests you suspect you're believe you might be doing something wrong.
  • paulaGetshealthy
    paulaGetshealthy Posts: 464
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    For the record, I'm not trying to sound like I'm "all that." I'm really not all that special, but this guy seems to think I am for reasons I can't understand.
  • Trail_Addict
    Trail_Addict Posts: 1,350 Member
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    As long as you've been up front with him, he completely understands it's platonic friendship,

    It will never be a platonic relationship if he's into her.

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