Am I using him?

crisanderson27

Well if nice guys came with 30ft of rope and a ball gag then maybe I'd be more incline to subduing to their every need. But sadly nice guys don't believe in tying tiny women up and teaching them to be a good little sub girl

Some do...if that's what you're into lol.

A real nice guy wouldn't be drawing lines as to what's acceptable bedroom behavior, unless it involved excessive pain, or could land him in jail =p.

My...

How this thread has evolved...

HorrorChix89

Well if nice guys came with 30ft of rope and a ball gag then maybe I'd be more incline to subduing to their every need. But sadly nice guys don't believe in tying tiny women up and teaching them to be a good little sub girl

Some do...if that's what you're into lol.

A real nice guy wouldn't be drawing lines as to what's acceptable bedroom behavior, unless it involved excessive pain, or could land him in jail =p.

I don't like pain. I have sensitive skin and even a butt slap makes me tear up lol. A little choking isn't bad though but don't turn me blue :laugh:

BTW: You won't end up in jail if you have a safe word. And no.... NO is NOT a safe word.

paulaGetshealthy

All right, well, I think I'm done here. My friend is waiting in bed for me...

Just kidding

Natx83

As long as you've been up front with him, he completely understands it's platonic friendship,

It will never be a platonic relationship if he's into her.

This, 100%.

I'll be very honest here...if a girl is attractive, she's got two kinds of friends, women, and men that would definitely at least entertain having sex with her given the opportunity.

Now before you women center the crosshairs lol, there are exceptions of course...male friends who are absolutely insanely in love with their significant others are usually among them...but seriously, I'm not wrong here. Add to that him actually being emotionally attached, and it will never be platonic.

Totally :laugh:

crisanderson27

All right, well, I think I'm done here. My friend is waiting in bed for me...

Just kidding

Lol...goodnight!

Be sure to come back with more entertainment for us tomorrow!

Lolli1986

This is the kind of thing women usually hate men for when the situation's reversed lol (granted with men it usually involves sex...but it's the same thing)

whoa, what? asking a guy who is a friend who knows you only like him as a friend if he wants to do something with you is the same as a guy using a girl who really likes him (possibly loves him) only for sex.

what, what what?

who knew men are such sensitive flowers? - if you think those two things feel even slightly similar then you must hit your emotional-pain maximum at an extremely low value on the spectrum.

if the two things were even at varying ends of the same spectrum of the same general concept, i might agree, but they're not. she wants to do stuff, she wants to do it with him. not the same as a guy who wants sex and will have it with she who is available at whatever cost to her. if she wanted to do stuff, physically could not do it alone, and asked him to do it with her even though she doesn't like him at all, then you could say it's the same thing.

my mind has successfully been blown.

crisanderson27

This is the kind of thing women usually hate men for when the situation's reversed lol (granted with men it usually involves sex...but it's the same thing)

whoa, what? asking a guy who is a friend who knows you only like him as a friend if he wants to do something with you is the same as a guy using a girl who really likes him (possibly loves him) only for sex.

what, what what?

who knew men are such sensitive flowers? - if you think those two things feel even slightly similar then you must hit your emotional-pain maximum at an extremely low value on the spectrum.

if the two things were even at varying ends of the same spectrum of the same general concept, i might agree, but they're not. she wants to do stuff, she wants to do it with him. not the same as a guy who wants sex and will have it with she who is available at whatever cost to her. if she wanted to do stuff, physically could not do it alone, and asked him to do it with her even though she doesn't like him at all, then you could say it's the same thing.

my mind has successfully been blown.

Umm...I think you took some of my post, and blew it a bit out of proportion maybe.

Or it could be my fault, for not explaining what I meant with no loopholes for misunderstanding.

For a guy who's clearly as into a girl as the OP's explanation says...it's much the same. Seeing her hurts. Not seeing her hurts. What he's giving up isn't the same (which I freaking said, yeah?)...but the end result for him is the same kind of emotional roller coaster.

My point, which you missed I think, was...add sex, and the behavior is the same. I was comparing the people using, not the people being used.

/sigh...projection...sucks =l.

Lissakaye81

There's this guy who has liked me for a while now, but the feeling isn't mutual. Since he likes me, he is pretty much willing to do anything for me, and I was wondering if what I'm doing is considered "using" him.

I don't use his money or anything like that. It's just that, when none of my friends want to go hiking, or to the river, or to the mall, or wherever, he will drop everything and go with me. I ask him if he wants to come, and I can always count on him saying yes. I have never asked him to pay for anything, or anything like that because I don't want him to think that we're dating (although he sometimes insists on paying.ugh).

So, should I stop doing this? Am I just getting his hopes up?

Yes, and yes.

I second him

I'll Third this.

You're using him as your back-up plan when your real friends aren't available, and since he's into you, you're taking advantage of his availability and eagerness.

Yep, I've had many male friends, some I've been into, others that I am just friends with, but they have never been back up plans. The fact that you call him when no one else will go....that is not a friend, that is using him.
Would you stop by and see him if you were close to his place, do you invite him over when other people are hanging out with you, is he on any of your party lists? If the answer is no then it is time to stop using him. He is probably hoping for you to start to actually care for him, and fall for him.

lickmybaconcakes

Set him free from his emotions.

crisanderson27

Set him free from his emotions.

Just don't use anything bladed...or that involves a firing pin.

That could turn out badly for both of you.

HorrorChix89

Set him free from his emotions.

Just don't use anything bladed...or that involves a firing pin.

That could turn out badly for both of you.

So a bat or crowbar works? Okay cool

crisanderson27

Set him free from his emotions.

Just don't use anything bladed...or that involves a firing pin.

That could turn out badly for both of you.

So a bat or crowbar works? Okay cool

As long as you can claim self defense, sure.

HorrorChix89

Set him free from his emotions.

Just don't use anything bladed...or that involves a firing pin.

That could turn out badly for both of you.

So a bat or crowbar works? Okay cool

As long as you can claim self defense, sure.

As small as I am, it's usually self defense lol

SweetProgression

we girls over think things... If you told him and he rather hang its HIS choice! Now if it makes you feel guilty that's a whole different story... Don't ask him to hang if it makes you feel bad otherwise enjoy your friendship and your friend

elcyclista

I agree with cris.

jaydubbayu

I told you the solution... hook him up with a slut.

Musikelektronik

What did I learn today?

1. Even though it wasn't my intention, I'm using my friend
2. I'm a douche for it
3. I'd be a more decent person had I just had a sugar daddy
4. apparently I'm into bad boys and it's not possible to simply not be interested in this guy because he's not my type; it MUST be because he's nice
5. I only posted this so that people could tell me that what I'm doing is okay, and so that I can keep using my friend
6. Even though I've decided to stop hanging out with him, number 5 still applies
7. Flying squirrels are, in fact, real (but this one was from the discovery channel)

You act like this is all a big surprise to you. Come on, you knew you were going to get shredded by the men on this forum, right? I mean, seriously, you didn't see that coming? :noway:

chrishgt4

BASED on how women are answering this thread and the OP and women wonder why we treat woment he way we do?

what do you mean? I've let him know I don't like him as more than a friend. I don't tell him to ditch his friends for me; he chooses to. How am I responsible for how he chooses to act/react?

You're responsible as you say you know he will drop everything and come running when you say so.
So if you call, knowing what the consequences will be.

He is making a decision on what he thinks will be best for him, and he thinks you guys will get together (or at least hopefully get drunk and hook up).

chrishgt4

What did I learn today?

1. Even though it wasn't my intention, I'm using my friend
2. I'm a douche for it
3. I'd be a more decent person had I just had a sugar daddy
4. apparently I'm into bad boys and it's not possible to simply not be interested in this guy because he's not my type; it MUST be because he's nice
5. I only posted this so that people could tell me that what I'm doing is okay, and so that I can keep using my friend
6. Even though I've decided to stop hanging out with him, number 5 still applies
7. Flying squirrels are, in fact, real (but this one was from the discovery channel)

1. You posted a forum asking if you were. If you had to ask you probably thought that you were
2. You're not a douche, but given point 1, you're being a bit inconsiderate. But we all are from time to time...

suziecue66

I had more then a couple of these in my lifetime...the last one was real needy..he even bought me a car in hopes to "change my mind" Needless to say I still have the car and he's history....OH and after me he met another girl and bought her a big pair of boobs..So I don't see it as taking advantage I think he was just being nice...lol

You shouldnt have kept the car.

TheRoadDog

There's this guy who has liked me for a while now, but the feeling isn't mutual. Since he likes me, he is pretty much willing to do anything for me, and I was wondering if what I'm doing is considered "using" him.

I don't use his money or anything like that. It's just that, when none of my friends want to go hiking, or to the river, or to the mall, or wherever, he will drop everything and go with me. I ask him if he wants to come, and I can always count on him saying yes. I have never asked him to pay for anything, or anything like that because I don't want him to think that we're dating (although he sometimes insists on paying.ugh).

So, should I stop doing this? Am I just getting his hopes up?

Of course you're using him.

dpwellman

You know, I just realized: I've the same problem with my cat.

mrseelmerfudd

yep to both questions!

thomassd1969

Well I say if your clear on the notion that you aren't dating, then whats the problem?! But on another note, if you really don't care for him, even as a friend, then thats not cool either....

Totally agree; be honest

Roadie2000

What did I learn today?

1. Even though it wasn't my intention, I'm using my friend
2. I'm a douche for it
3. I'd be a more decent person had I just had a sugar daddy
4. apparently I'm into bad boys and it's not possible to simply not be interested in this guy because he's not my type; it MUST be because he's nice
5. I only posted this so that people could tell me that what I'm doing is okay, and so that I can keep using my friend
6. Even though I've decided to stop hanging out with him, number 5 still applies
7. Flying squirrels are, in fact, real (but this one was from the discovery channel)

:laugh:

You just have to realize that when us guys are really into someone it makes us a little crazy. He's probably trying to tell himself that hanging out with you as just friends is worth it, because it's better than not hanging out with you at all. But in all reality it will probably be very tough for him to move on and find a nice girl while you are still in the picture.

And I'm sure you want to date other guys too, right? That could get messy if this dude is still hanging around, not to mention it will probably devastate him.