Am I using him?

124

Replies

  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    "A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired."
    The "Friend Zone". LOL

    Ladies, if you have a guy friend that will have sex with you if you asked him to.... it's not platonic!
    Even then man...most of them don't think these guys would.

    Do you know how I convinced my ex? I asked her to allow me to send out an email from her account, to ten past random male friends (of HER choosing!), complaining about me, and just BARELY hinting that she had past interest in them and might be interested in pursuing it.

    Know how many bit?

    Ten.
    I have *at least* one straight male friend who has stated that they think I am an attractive woman and has heard complaints about my ex and he has not "bitten" (which is good, but I'm just making a point).

    So I would say this is probably more of a 90% thing instead of an absolute, unless they were just being nice about saying they think I'm attractive.
    Ahh...but Cory! Did you show a hint of interest in him at the same time?

    I'll meet you at 95% though =D.
    I have no idea - maybe? I wouldn't know how to express interest if it hit me in the face, nor would I recognize it unless it was spelled out for me.

    I'm sticking to the 90%

    I've seen this (from your posts in the forums and on my friends walls)...and to be honest, most guys find that pretty cool in a woman. It could easily explain the 10% thing for you...despite how attractive you clearly are.


    ~Edit for spelling...and you just called me SMART!! /sigh!
  • paulaGetshealthy
    paulaGetshealthy Posts: 464
    Did you think we'd all be on your side 100%?

    I think that was pretty much the point behind this post ... hoping people will say it's okay so she doesn't have to actually feel bad for using him and then she could continue the behaviour with a clear conscience.

    wrong.
  • HorrorChix89
    HorrorChix89 Posts: 1,229 Member
    Did you think we'd all be on your side 100%?

    I think that was pretty much the point behind this post ... hoping people will say it's okay so she doesn't have to actually feel bad for using him and then she could continue the behaviour with a clear conscience.

    I think that's the reason behind most "opinion" posts.
  • dpwellman
    dpwellman Posts: 3,271 Member
    Ok. It's settled then.

    The P in MFP stands for "psychoanalysis".

    or panini

    I can never decide.
  • AssembledIncorrectly
    AssembledIncorrectly Posts: 64 Member
    I'm a little too proud to ever have a sugar daddy lol

    but not too proud to string this poor sap on when he could get on with his life and meet a woman who wont use his time and money? Classy the chick using the sugar daddy has more morals.
    ^^^This

    At least with a sugar daddy they know they're being used...unless I missed the point in this post

    I agree!
  • ishallnotwant
    ishallnotwant Posts: 1,210 Member
    There's this guy who has liked me for a while now, but the feeling isn't mutual. Since he likes me, he is pretty much willing to do anything for me, and I was wondering if what I'm doing is considered "using" him.

    I don't use his money or anything like that. It's just that, when none of my friends want to go hiking, or to the river, or to the mall, or wherever, he will drop everything and go with me. I ask him if he wants to come, and I can always count on him saying yes. I have never asked him to pay for anything, or anything like that because I don't want him to think that we're dating (although he sometimes insists on paying.ugh).

    So, should I stop doing this? Am I just getting his hopes up?

    I had a friend like this...we will be celebrating 2 years of marriage in a little over a month. :heart:
  • paulaGetshealthy
    paulaGetshealthy Posts: 464

    I think that's the reason behind most "opinion" posts.

    nope. I see what everyone is saying and I will not invite him anywhere anymore.
  • BarbWhite09
    BarbWhite09 Posts: 1,128 Member
    This is something that nobody can actually give you advice on...You have to tell us, are you using him? Only you can truly answer that.
  • Dimplybutt
    Dimplybutt Posts: 123 Member
    Did you think we'd all be on your side 100%?

    I think that was pretty much the point behind this post ... hoping people will say it's okay so she doesn't have to actually feel bad for using him and then she could continue the behaviour with a clear conscience.

    I think that's the reason behind most "opinion" posts.

    Agreed! :smile:
  • iam_thatdude
    iam_thatdude Posts: 1,266 Member
    Ok. It's settled then.

    The P in MFP stands for "psychoanalysis".

    or panini

    I can never decide.

    its punani lol
  • jaydubbayu
    jaydubbayu Posts: 456
    In my opinion, you're probably passing up the opportunity of a lifetime. I didn't read all 4 pages of the posts, so sorry if I'm repeating someone. But you're probably passing up a guy that worships you and will do anything for you. What's so wrong with being with him? Years from now, you could regret not trying something with him. I never understood that one. What's wrong with this guy?
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    In my opinion, you're probably passing up the opportunity of a lifetime. I didn't read all 4 pages of the posts, so sorry if I'm repeating someone. But you're probably passing up a guy that worships you and will do anything for you. What's so wrong with being with him? Years from now, you could regret not trying something with him. I never understood that one. What's wrong with this guy?

    It's kind of been said...but you're still right. The thing is she made it clear she's not interested, so we're sort of going off of that lol.
  • orangelillypad
    orangelillypad Posts: 7 Member
    Have mercy on the guy and let him lose. Tell him that you will NEVER EVER feel that way about him. I hate being on the chain of "maybe in the future". Even if you feel that in the future you might change your mind, for now just tell him that there is no way you'll ever be with him and cut him lose completely. Dont call him unless you want to date him
  • iam_thatdude
    iam_thatdude Posts: 1,266 Member
    In my opinion, you're probably passing up the opportunity of a lifetime. I didn't read all 4 pages of the posts, so sorry if I'm repeating someone. But you're probably passing up a guy that worships you and will do anything for you. What's so wrong with being with him? Years from now, you could regret not trying something with him. I never understood that one. What's wrong with this guy?

    It's kind of been said...but you're still right. The thing is she made it clear she's not interested, so we're sort of going off of that lol.

    well this opens another can of worms, but if he started treating her like cr@p she might get interested. Women dont want nice guys, they want bad boys they can turn into nice guys.
  • jaydubbayu
    jaydubbayu Posts: 456
    In my opinion, you're probably passing up the opportunity of a lifetime. I didn't read all 4 pages of the posts, so sorry if I'm repeating someone. But you're probably passing up a guy that worships you and will do anything for you. What's so wrong with being with him? Years from now, you could regret not trying something with him. I never understood that one. What's wrong with this guy?

    It's kind of been said...but you're still right. The thing is she made it clear she's not interested, so we're sort of going off of that lol.

    well this opens another can of worms, but if he started treating her like cr@p she might get interested. Women dont want nice guys, they want bad boys they can turn into nice guys.

    Yup if he was a total prick she'd already be married to him and have 3 of his @ssh0le children!
  • iam_thatdude
    iam_thatdude Posts: 1,266 Member
    In my opinion, you're probably passing up the opportunity of a lifetime. I didn't read all 4 pages of the posts, so sorry if I'm repeating someone. But you're probably passing up a guy that worships you and will do anything for you. What's so wrong with being with him? Years from now, you could regret not trying something with him. I never understood that one. What's wrong with this guy?

    It's kind of been said...but you're still right. The thing is she made it clear she's not interested, so we're sort of going off of that lol.

    well this opens another can of worms, but if he started treating her like cr@p she might get interested. Women dont want nice guys, they want bad boys they can turn into nice guys.

    Yup if he was a total prick she'd already be married to him and have 3 of his @ssh0le children!

    I think you mean her ahole children, BUT....I wouldnt go that far, she would probably move him out of the friend zone at least.
  • HorrorChix89
    HorrorChix89 Posts: 1,229 Member
    In my opinion, you're probably passing up the opportunity of a lifetime. I didn't read all 4 pages of the posts, so sorry if I'm repeating someone. But you're probably passing up a guy that worships you and will do anything for you. What's so wrong with being with him? Years from now, you could regret not trying something with him. I never understood that one. What's wrong with this guy?

    It's kind of been said...but you're still right. The thing is she made it clear she's not interested, so we're sort of going off of that lol.

    well this opens another can of worms, but if he started treating her like cr@p she might get interested. Women dont want nice guys, they want bad boys they can turn into nice guys.
    I find nothing wrong with nice guys.

    With that being said, there's a difference between a man with confidence and the ability to take care of what's his and a jerkface who just likes treating women like crap cause he can.

    I avoid confident men though due to my own lack of confidence.
  • robot_potato
    robot_potato Posts: 1,535 Member
    Make your intentions clear, then if he still wants to hang with you, do it. I've found some of my best friends, male and female, that way. And they know there is no chance, ever of anything like hat happening with me.
  • jaydubbayu
    jaydubbayu Posts: 456
    Yeah I guess so.. I think she's hiking on her own from now on, or at least should. She should hook her up with some slut, quite frankly so he can get himself a little action.. Then he'll realize that he can get some action somewhere else, too. She probably wouldn't do that though.. She'll claim that it's WEIRD!!!
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    In my opinion, you're probably passing up the opportunity of a lifetime. I didn't read all 4 pages of the posts, so sorry if I'm repeating someone. But you're probably passing up a guy that worships you and will do anything for you. What's so wrong with being with him? Years from now, you could regret not trying something with him. I never understood that one. What's wrong with this guy?

    It's kind of been said...but you're still right. The thing is she made it clear she's not interested, so we're sort of going off of that lol.

    well this opens another can of worms, but if he started treating her like cr@p she might get interested. Women dont want nice guys, they want bad boys they can turn into nice guys.

    Definitely another can of worms lol.

    But, I will say this...there are no bad boys you can turn into nice guys. Any bad boy that becomes a nice guy was always a nice guy...he just wised up to the fact that nice guys finish last...and switched sides awhile!
  • paulaGetshealthy
    paulaGetshealthy Posts: 464
    What did I learn today?

    1. Even though it wasn't my intention, I'm using my friend
    2. I'm a douche for it
    3. I'd be a more decent person had I just had a sugar daddy
    4. apparently I'm into bad boys and it's not possible to simply not be interested in this guy because he's not my type; it MUST be because he's nice
    5. I only posted this so that people could tell me that what I'm doing is okay, and so that I can keep using my friend
    6. Even though I've decided to stop hanging out with him, number 5 still applies
    7. Flying squirrels are, in fact, real (but this one was from the discovery channel)
  • HorrorChix89
    HorrorChix89 Posts: 1,229 Member
    Yeah I guess so.. I think she's hiking on her own from now on, or at least should. She should hook her up with some slut, quite frankly so he can get himself a little action.. Then he'll realize that he can get some action somewhere else, too. She probably wouldn't do that though.. She'll claim that it's WEIRD!!!
    This is why I'm friends with you lol
  • Trail_Addict
    Trail_Addict Posts: 1,340 Member
    In my opinion, you're probably passing up the opportunity of a lifetime. I didn't read all 4 pages of the posts, so sorry if I'm repeating someone. But you're probably passing up a guy that worships you and will do anything for you. What's so wrong with being with him? Years from now, you could regret not trying something with him. I never understood that one. What's wrong with this guy?

    It's kind of been said...but you're still right. The thing is she made it clear she's not interested, so we're sort of going off of that lol.

    well this opens another can of worms, but if he started treating her like cr@p she might get interested. Women dont want nice guys, they want bad boys they can turn into nice guys.

    Definitely another can of worms lol.

    But, I will say this...there are no bad boys you can turn into nice guys. Any bad boy that becomes a nice guy was always a nice guy...he just wised up to the fact that nice guys finish last...and switched sides awhile!

    The nice guys get sidelined into the "Friend Zone", out of the game... and then the women complain when they can't find any nice guys in the game.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    What did I learn today?

    1. Even though it wasn't my intention, I'm using my friend
    2. I'm a douche for it
    3. I'd be a more decent person had I just had a sugar daddy
    4. apparently I'm into bad boys and it's not possible to simply not be interested in this guy because he's not my type; it MUST be because he's nice
    5. I only posted this so that people could tell me that what I'm doing is okay, and so that I can keep using my friend
    6. Even though I've decided to stop hanging out with him, number 5 still applies
    7. Flying squirrels are, in fact, real (but this one was from the discovery channel)

    LOL =D.

    You forgot one:

    '8. crisanderson27 has faith in me'

    =p
  • iam_thatdude
    iam_thatdude Posts: 1,266 Member
    What did I learn today?

    1. Even though it wasn't my intention, I'm using my friend
    2. I'm a douche for it
    3. I'd be a more decent person had I just had a sugar daddy
    4. apparently I'm into bad boys and it's not possible to simply not be interested in this guy because he's not my type; it MUST be because he's nice
    5. I only posted this so that people could tell me that what I'm doing is okay, and so that I can keep using my friend
    6. Even though I've decided to stop hanging out with him, number 5 still applies
    7. Flying squirrels are, in fact, real (but this one was from the discovery channel)


    FANTASTIC #7...I have to admit I spit out my water laughing
  • ishallnotwant
    ishallnotwant Posts: 1,210 Member
    In my opinion, you're probably passing up the opportunity of a lifetime. I didn't read all 4 pages of the posts, so sorry if I'm repeating someone. But you're probably passing up a guy that worships you and will do anything for you. What's so wrong with being with him? Years from now, you could regret not trying something with him. I never understood that one. What's wrong with this guy?

    I agree wholeheartedly! My husband was just like the friend you are describing, OP, and he treats me like a queen and I can't imagine anyone possibly loving me more than he does. Maybe you should think about going on some sort of actual "date" with this guy...it does sound like you enjoy his company...:flowerforyou:
  • dpwellman
    dpwellman Posts: 3,271 Member
    <Insert kitchen joke here>
  • HorrorChix89
    HorrorChix89 Posts: 1,229 Member
    Well if nice guys came with 30ft of rope and a ball gag then maybe I'd be more incline to subduing to their every need. But sadly nice guys don't believe in tying tiny women up and teaching them to be a good little sub girl
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    well this opens another can of worms, but if he started treating her like cr@p she might get interested. Women dont want nice guys, they want bad boys they can turn into nice guys.

    Definitely another can of worms lol.

    But, I will say this...there are no bad boys you can turn into nice guys. Any bad boy that becomes a nice guy was always a nice guy...he just wised up to the fact that nice guys finish last...and switched sides awhile!

    The nice guys get sidelined into the "Friend Zone", out of the game... and then the women complain when they can't find any nice guys in the game.
    Wrong. I married a nice guy. It wasn't worth it.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Well if nice guys came with 30ft of rope and a ball gag then maybe I'd be more incline to subduing to their every need. But sadly nice guys don't believe in tying tiny women up and teaching them to be a good little sub girl

    Some do...if that's what you're into lol.

    A real nice guy wouldn't be drawing lines as to what's acceptable bedroom behavior, unless it involved excessive pain, or could land him in jail =p.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories