Folks who are happily married...
songbyrdsweet
Posts: 5,691 Member
in Chit-Chat
I asked these questions in a thread from divorcees:
...how long were you together when you married? Were you 100% certain about the person or having any misgivings? Did your relationship change after marriage?
Just curious...I am pretty scared of marriage and my bf (who is an awesome person) would like me to make some faint decision about whether I'll want to get married in the next few years by June. We have been together 7.5 months so far and he's much more comfortable with talking about marriage and the future than I am.
...how long were you together when you married? Were you 100% certain about the person or having any misgivings? Did your relationship change after marriage?
Just curious...I am pretty scared of marriage and my bf (who is an awesome person) would like me to make some faint decision about whether I'll want to get married in the next few years by June. We have been together 7.5 months so far and he's much more comfortable with talking about marriage and the future than I am.
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And some background:
He tells me how he's such a great guy and he's a catch and there won't be another guy like him around...and he's probably right. I mean he worships the ground I walk on, he would do anything for me, and wants commitment and a family. We have a TON of stuff in common--music, hobbies, love for animals, values.
Basically, I'm dating myself, but from 3 years ago. I was also very clingy, demanding, emotional, and sensitive. I don't know what to do when he cries! Which happens often! And he babytalks the animals which drives me nuts. And he passes gas around me even though he knows I can't stand it. And he used to throw tantrums but thankfully he's stopped that.
I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.0 -
I think the worst part is that he's so sweet to me all the time. There's really no reason why I shouldn't want to marry him, and I thought I wanted to in the beginning, but then he became totally dependent on me. He's so focused on being with someone I feel bad for him. He's afraid of being alone but I'm not, and he knows it, and it upsets him. He's very romantic and I'm more realistic. He thinks I need to seek therapy because I'm uncomfortable around him when he cries and I don't want to think about marriage now.0
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I asked these questions in a thread from divorcees:
...how long were you together when you married? Were you 100% certain about the person or having any misgivings? Did your relationship change after marriage?
Just curious...I am pretty scared of marriage and my bf (who is an awesome person) would like me to make some faint decision about whether I'll want to get married in the next few years by June. We have been together 7.5 months so far and he's much more comfortable with talking about marriage and the future than I am.
I was with my husband for 3 years before we married. I was 110% certain he was the right person for me at the time.. our relationship hasn't changed at all. We are still the same people afterall x0 -
I asked these questions in a thread from divorcees:
...how long were you together when you married? Were you 100% certain about the person or having any misgivings? Did your relationship change after marriage?
Just curious...I am pretty scared of marriage and my bf (who is an awesome person) would like me to make some faint decision about whether I'll want to get married in the next few years by June. We have been together 7.5 months so far and he's much more comfortable with talking about marriage and the future than I am.
We knew each other six months before he proposed. I was 100% certain...no misgivings. We've been married for 19 years. Over time the relationship changed because we grew older and wiser (I was 21/he was 23 when we married). But it changed for the better. A long time ago I read an article about a couple that had been married over 50 years. When asked what was their secret, the husband responded...we never fell out of love with each other at the same time. So true, because everyone goes through rough spots. BTW...my husband still passess gas around me, lol0 -
Hmmm let's see... Met my husband when I was just 15, he was 19 - got married when I was 22. That was June 9th of 2007. So we were together just over 7 years before we got married. I was definitely 100% certain about my husband at that point, yes. lol. Our relationship changed very little after that, if anything I would say it made our bonds stronger and we have both come to mature more as partners. We both tend to take decisions regarding the family and our future a lot more seriously now too. I think you should take your time, hon. There should definitely be no rush when it comes to getting married.
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I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.
I think you have your answe right there hun ^^^0 -
I've been happily married for almost 21 years. We knew each other for almost 3 years before I proposed. We had dated for a little over a year before I proposed. I was 100% certain I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. The best answer I can give you is that if you have reservations about wanting to spend the rest of your life with this person then you are not ready for marriage. All relationships change after marriage. That is the nature of life. Marriage is a LOT of work but very much worth it.0
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Make sure you know the person for atleast 2 years, live with them or know how they are with a roomate, have hobbies without AND with them, know how to talk to them about ANYTHING...they should be your best friend. Be honest, do you ever want to get married? If no, let him know. If you do, but you arent sure about him, let him know. This is just worked for me. Communication is key. You should be able to talk to him about anything and everything.0
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My husband and I have been married 3 years. We were together just shy of 8 months when we got married. We were engaged a little over 3 months after we met. I have been blessed that so far he has continued to grow into everything I wanted.0
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BINGO!! You should be 100% sure...its for the rest of your life! You dont sign up for something for the rest of your life unless you are 100% sure.0
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Make sure you know the person for atleast 2 years, live with them or know how they are with a roomate, have hobbies without AND with them, know how to talk to them about ANYTHING...they should be your best friend. Be honest, do you ever want to get married? If no, let him know. If you do, but you arent sure about him, let him know. This is just worked for me. Communication is key. You should be able to talk to him about anything and everything.
He is like my best friend. Which I think is part of the problem. You know how you get with a really close friend of the opposite sex when you hang out all the time and never mess around? A platonic relationship. :P0 -
It's pretty obvious you don't want to marry him, which is okay, but you should probably just end the relationship.0
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My husband and I (married 15 yrs this June) started dating in Oct, got engaged in April the following Spring, and married the lfollowing year in June.
Yes, our relationship has changed - for the better. We are in sync about a lot of things, and 'get' each others' sense of humor. Sure there are things that bug me about him (and I'm sure he feels the same about me), but we are both willing to accept this things about each other.
My first husband was very clingy, and said he could not live without me in his life. I won't go into the details, but I swore I would never marry another man who could not live comfortably by himself - both emotionally and financially. And I didn't.0 -
My first husband was very clingy, and said he could not live without me in his life. I won't go into the details, but I swore I would never marry another man who could not live comfortably by himself - both emotionally and financially. And I didn't.
I have gotten this too. It's a little scary to me. I mean if I weren't with him I'd be sad for a bit but I'd continue my normal life.0 -
My whole relationship went in fast forward.
We moved in together and were engaged within a month.
Married at 8 months.
Got pregnant 6 months after we were married.
Will be celebrating our 2 year anniversary next month.
I just kinda knew when I met him. I litterly left his house going that's the guy I'm gonna marry.
Nothing changed when we got married. Things are a little more hectic now because we have 3 kids (2 from previous relationships) we don't get as much time together because we have a new baby. But our relationship hasn't changed at all. He's still the goofy guy I fell in love with.0 -
Dated my husband for 5 years before we married. We have been married 10 years now. I agree, if you are unsure then you arent ready. You will know 100% when the time is right.0
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It sounds to me like you aren't ready to get married, so maybe you shouldn't. There is nothing wrong with that. If that's a deal breaker for him, then you have to decide if this is really the kind of person you want to be with.
Coming from someone who is around the same age as you and has been in a very happy, committed relationship for over 7 years now to someone who is not clingy and emotionally unstable (and as someone who has chosen not to get married), I say... you have plenty of time in your life to decide, and you can be committed and faithful to someone without that piece of paper and ring.
It's not just a question of marriage or having a wedding even, it's a question of whether or not this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Getting married is a different decision, I think. And from the issues you describe, it sounds like you're not ready to make either decision, or you really already know your decision and you are perhaps just afraid of what that could mean. I've been in a relationship before where I was only afraid to leave because I was afraid to leave him alone. I wouldn't suggest staying in a relationship if that's the reason you're in it.0 -
My husband and I dated about two years, lived together a year and a half, when we got married. When we met, online, I was 27 and he was 25, and it was long distance to start. He was planning on moving to PA from MD... just not THIS far north... before we met. When we realized that what we had was something special, he started looking for a job around here and when he found one, he moved in with me.
Never any doubts. We would have gotten married sooner, but we were trying to plan and save up for the "perfect" wedding, something that would be good for his friends and family in Maryland and mine here. Then we realized that the DAY of the wedding didn't really matter. All that mattered was making a public official declaration of our love for each other. Once we decided, we were married at the courthouse within two weeks. And it was perfect.
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We will be married for 18 years in June, got married at the age of 24 and had been together for 4 years before we got married. We have only one child due to timings and other issues.
What has made our marriage work is that even though we sometimes fight like cats and dogs we are prepared to listen to each other. We have moved to 5 different countries over the years which has also added additional stress with our latest move being to Canada after living in Australia for 11 years.
I don't believe that we are dependent on each other as we have our own interests yet are prepared to to spend time with each other doing those interests. In terms of sex, I think most married couples go through the hot and heavies and then the dry spells( read dry spell), but know that this will change and we will move on.0 -
Yea...I expect that when married. But I'm starting to feel like an elderly married couple already.0
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If you are entertaining any of these thoughts, it's best to wait. And HE'S telling YOU what a great catch he is??? Um, that's a little weird...I think that's a conclusion you need to draw on your own. I almost feel he's telling you get me while you can, to rush you into making a decision you might not be ready for. If you have ANY doubts whatsoever, and if he truly loves you, he'll wait. I think you are being real smart by asking questions. Do what is best for you!! Good luck, I know this can't be easy.0
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My first husband was very clingy, and said he could not live without me in his life. I won't go into the details, but I swore I would never marry another man who could not live comfortably by himself - both emotionally and financially. And I didn't.
I have gotten this too. It's a little scary to me. I mean if I weren't with him I'd be sad for a bit but I'd continue my normal life.
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If either of you feels like you MUST have another person in your life to feel whole, then, IMO, you shouldn't get married. You need to be happy and stable on your own before you can be a part of someone else life. The purpose of marriage is to enrich your and another person's life, not suck the life out of it.0 -
My husband and I got engaged after 3 months, married another 3 months later. We will be married 18 years in Aug. and we have 6 beautiful kids. We are best friends, but function fine on our own, which is a really good thing since we are military and have done many years apart, and even now I only get to see him on weekends because of his current schedule. I just knew he was the one. He told me after our first date he was going to marry me. If you have to ask the question then I think you probably already know the answer......0
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My first husband was very clingy, and said he could not live without me in his life. I won't go into the details, but I swore I would never marry another man who could not live comfortably by himself - both emotionally and financially. And I didn't.
I have gotten this too. It's a little scary to me. I mean if I weren't with him I'd be sad for a bit but I'd continue my normal life.
If either of you feels like you MUST have another person in your life to feel whole, then, IMO, you shouldn't get married. You need to be happy and stable on your own before you can be a part of someone else life. The purpose of marriage is to enrich your and another person's life, not suck the life out of it.
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I keep telling him that! He thinks he needs to find a woman to feel fulfilled. He was single for 5 years before me and it really negatively affected him. He took it so personally. I average about 10 months between my relationships. I have just this year realized how vital it is to be okay just being YOU on your own!0 -
I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.
I sent you a PM, but I'll ask this here (since it could be relevant to other answers too): Are you questioning marriage in general (to anyone ever), or marriage to your current boyfriend?
I also think you need to decide for yourself if the flaws you described are something you can live with forever, or not. My husband has flaws, but I can accept them as part of his personality, because he has so many other characteristics that I love about him.0 -
My hubby and I were together for 6 years (High school sweethearts) before we got married. We were engaged for 2 of those years. We've now been married for 14 years and together for 20. I knew he was the one for me, he was my best friend first.0
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It's pretty obvious you don't want to marry him, which is okay, but you should probably just end the relationship.
This. I think marriage is great for those who are really compatible, in love and have great passion for each other. You guys don't seem to fit this description.0 -
Been married for 27 yrs. We knew each other in school. Her first husband was a great friend to me growing up. We joined the Marines a year apart. He was killed in Lebanon in 1983 and I escorted his remains home upon request of his( now my ) wife. I kept in touch with her after he was buried and we would go out together when I came home on leave. 2 years later I asked her to marry me, she said yes, and here we are 27 yrs later with 3 kids in their 20's. I guess you are never sure if it will be right but we workrd on our marriage and still do. We are very compatible but also very different. I like rock and roll, she like country and R&B. but we compliment each other well. Good luck. hope this helps you!!0
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I met my husband in November 2002 when I was 18 and he just turned 23. We started dating December 2002 and got engaged May 2003. we were engaged for 13 months and married in June 2004, a month after I turned 20. I was and still am extremely certain he is the one for me. The only thing that changed in our marriage was an unexpected pregnancy (antibiotics mixed with my BC after 1 dr and 2 pharms told me they were safe to take HA!) which happened the month after we got married so that put a bit of a damper on the whole newlywed experience. June will be 8 years married and December will be 10 years together and I wouldn't trade it for anything!0
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Dated for 6mths then engaged for 1yr ...and happily married for 17yrs. We were young when we got married (20yr &21yr) not only was i totally 100% sure so was he!! No second guessing here!! What we did tho was promised each other that we would let one another grow into the person we wanted to be.
Still love hanging together...He truly is my best friend.....and i wouldn't change it for the world.0
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