Folks who are happily married...

songbyrdsweet

I asked these questions in a thread from divorcees:

...how long were you together when you married? Were you 100% certain about the person or having any misgivings? Did your relationship change after marriage?

Just curious...I am pretty scared of marriage and my bf (who is an awesome person) would like me to make some faint decision about whether I'll want to get married in the next few years by June. We have been together 7.5 months so far and he's much more comfortable with talking about marriage and the future than I am.

songbyrdsweet

And some background:

He tells me how he's such a great guy and he's a catch and there won't be another guy like him around...and he's probably right. I mean he worships the ground I walk on, he would do anything for me, and wants commitment and a family. We have a TON of stuff in common--music, hobbies, love for animals, values.

Basically, I'm dating myself, but from 3 years ago. I was also very clingy, demanding, emotional, and sensitive. I don't know what to do when he cries! Which happens often! And he babytalks the animals which drives me nuts. And he passes gas around me even though he knows I can't stand it. And he used to throw tantrums but thankfully he's stopped that.

I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.

songbyrdsweet

I think the worst part is that he's so sweet to me all the time. There's really no reason why I shouldn't want to marry him, and I thought I wanted to in the beginning, but then he became totally dependent on me. He's so focused on being with someone I feel bad for him. He's afraid of being alone but I'm not, and he knows it, and it upsets him. He's very romantic and I'm more realistic. He thinks I need to seek therapy because I'm uncomfortable around him when he cries and I don't want to think about marriage now.

GailEMac

I asked these questions in a thread from divorcees:

...how long were you together when you married? Were you 100% certain about the person or having any misgivings? Did your relationship change after marriage?

Just curious...I am pretty scared of marriage and my bf (who is an awesome person) would like me to make some faint decision about whether I'll want to get married in the next few years by June. We have been together 7.5 months so far and he's much more comfortable with talking about marriage and the future than I am.

I was with my husband for 3 years before we married. I was 110% certain he was the right person for me at the time.. our relationship hasn't changed at all. We are still the same people afterall x

camelotss

I asked these questions in a thread from divorcees:

...how long were you together when you married? Were you 100% certain about the person or having any misgivings? Did your relationship change after marriage?

Just curious...I am pretty scared of marriage and my bf (who is an awesome person) would like me to make some faint decision about whether I'll want to get married in the next few years by June. We have been together 7.5 months so far and he's much more comfortable with talking about marriage and the future than I am.

We knew each other six months before he proposed. I was 100% certain...no misgivings. We've been married for 19 years. Over time the relationship changed because we grew older and wiser (I was 21/he was 23 when we married). But it changed for the better. A long time ago I read an article about a couple that had been married over 50 years. When asked what was their secret, the husband responded...we never fell out of love with each other at the same time. So true, because everyone goes through rough spots. BTW...my husband still passess gas around me, lol

Beezil

Hmmm let's see... Met my husband when I was just 15, he was 19 - got married when I was 22. That was June 9th of 2007. So we were together just over 7 years before we got married. I was definitely 100% certain about my husband at that point, yes. lol. Our relationship changed very little after that, if anything I would say it made our bonds stronger and we have both come to mature more as partners. We both tend to take decisions regarding the family and our future a lot more seriously now too. I think you should take your time, hon. There should definitely be no rush when it comes to getting married.

GailEMac

I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.

I think you have your answe right there hun ^^^

mrandolph69

I've been happily married for almost 21 years. We knew each other for almost 3 years before I proposed. We had dated for a little over a year before I proposed. I was 100% certain I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. The best answer I can give you is that if you have reservations about wanting to spend the rest of your life with this person then you are not ready for marriage. All relationships change after marriage. That is the nature of life. Marriage is a LOT of work but very much worth it.

zsaoosh

Make sure you know the person for atleast 2 years, live with them or know how they are with a roomate, have hobbies without AND with them, know how to talk to them about ANYTHING...they should be your best friend. Be honest, do you ever want to get married? If no, let him know. If you do, but you arent sure about him, let him know. This is just worked for me. Communication is key. You should be able to talk to him about anything and everything.

tbhoover

My husband and I have been married 3 years. We were together just shy of 8 months when we got married. We were engaged a little over 3 months after we met. I have been blessed that so far he has continued to grow into everything I wanted.

zsaoosh

BINGO!! You should be 100% sure...its for the rest of your life! You dont sign up for something for the rest of your life unless you are 100% sure.

songbyrdsweet

Make sure you know the person for atleast 2 years, live with them or know how they are with a roomate, have hobbies without AND with them, know how to talk to them about ANYTHING...they should be your best friend. Be honest, do you ever want to get married? If no, let him know. If you do, but you arent sure about him, let him know. This is just worked for me. Communication is key. You should be able to talk to him about anything and everything.

He is like my best friend. Which I think is part of the problem. You know how you get with a really close friend of the opposite sex when you hang out all the time and never mess around? A platonic relationship. :P

Il_DaniD_lI

It's pretty obvious you don't want to marry him, which is okay, but you should probably just end the relationship.

JoolieW68

My husband and I (married 15 yrs this June) started dating in Oct, got engaged in April the following Spring, and married the lfollowing year in June.

Yes, our relationship has changed - for the better. We are in sync about a lot of things, and 'get' each others' sense of humor. Sure there are things that bug me about him (and I'm sure he feels the same about me), but we are both willing to accept this things about each other.

My first husband was very clingy, and said he could not live without me in his life. I won't go into the details, but I swore I would never marry another man who could not live comfortably by himself - both emotionally and financially. And I didn't.

songbyrdsweet

My first husband was very clingy, and said he could not live without me in his life. I won't go into the details, but I swore I would never marry another man who could not live comfortably by himself - both emotionally and financially. And I didn't.

I have gotten this too. It's a little scary to me. I mean if I weren't with him I'd be sad for a bit but I'd continue my normal life.

angieleighbyrd

My whole relationship went in fast forward.

We moved in together and were engaged within a month.

Married at 8 months.

Got pregnant 6 months after we were married.

Will be celebrating our 2 year anniversary next month.

I just kinda knew when I met him. I litterly left his house going that's the guy I'm gonna marry.

Nothing changed when we got married. Things are a little more hectic now because we have 3 kids (2 from previous relationships) we don't get as much time together because we have a new baby. But our relationship hasn't changed at all. He's still the goofy guy I fell in love with.

ChristyP0303

Dated my husband for 5 years before we married. We have been married 10 years now. I agree, if you are unsure then you arent ready. You will know 100% when the time is right.

_GlaDOS_

It sounds to me like you aren't ready to get married, so maybe you shouldn't. There is nothing wrong with that. If that's a deal breaker for him, then you have to decide if this is really the kind of person you want to be with.

Coming from someone who is around the same age as you and has been in a very happy, committed relationship for over 7 years now to someone who is not clingy and emotionally unstable (and as someone who has chosen not to get married), I say... you have plenty of time in your life to decide, and you can be committed and faithful to someone without that piece of paper and ring.

It's not just a question of marriage or having a wedding even, it's a question of whether or not this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Getting married is a different decision, I think. And from the issues you describe, it sounds like you're not ready to make either decision, or you really already know your decision and you are perhaps just afraid of what that could mean. I've been in a relationship before where I was only afraid to leave because I was afraid to leave him alone. I wouldn't suggest staying in a relationship if that's the reason you're in it.

LorinaLynn

My husband and I dated about two years, lived together a year and a half, when we got married. When we met, online, I was 27 and he was 25, and it was long distance to start. He was planning on moving to PA from MD... just not THIS far north... before we met. When we realized that what we had was something special, he started looking for a job around here and when he found one, he moved in with me.

Never any doubts. We would have gotten married sooner, but we were trying to plan and save up for the "perfect" wedding, something that would be good for his friends and family in Maryland and mine here. Then we realized that the DAY of the wedding didn't really matter. All that mattered was making a public official declaration of our love for each other. Once we decided, we were married at the courthouse within two weeks. And it was perfect.

Kupe

We will be married for 18 years in June, got married at the age of 24 and had been together for 4 years before we got married. We have only one child due to timings and other issues.

What has made our marriage work is that even though we sometimes fight like cats and dogs we are prepared to listen to each other. We have moved to 5 different countries over the years which has also added additional stress with our latest move being to Canada after living in Australia for 11 years.

I don't believe that we are dependent on each other as we have our own interests yet are prepared to to spend time with each other doing those interests. In terms of sex, I think most married couples go through the hot and heavies and then the dry spells( read dry spell), but know that this will change and we will move on.

songbyrdsweet

Yea...I expect that when married. But I'm starting to feel like an elderly married couple already.