Folks who are happily married...

Rhea30

My husband and I knew each other for 6 months and then eloped, we've been married for 11 years now going on 12 but there was no hesitation in deciding, we both wanted it. If you're unsure then you got your answer, you'll know when you're ready. I haven't seen a marriage last in my circle of my friends when they were hesitant before hand.

Darlingir

Been with my husband since i was 18 ...i am now 43, We are happily married and are two people who totally get each other...long after the tingles or butterflies where off.

catpow2

Married 13 years next month. There's a big difference between being nervous about getting married (everyone's nervous about getting married) and having doubts about marrying him. If you're not 100% sure, don't do it. Do not be fooled. Marriage is hard work even when you want to be married to the other person. If you can't see yourself as his wife for the next 30 years, then don't do it.

budhandy

happly married=oxymoron j/k me and wife have a really great marriage

ARMom8251

I have been married to the most wonderful man in the world for almost 11 years, and let me tell you it hasn't been all roses, hardly any relationship is perfect. As you grow and become different people you adjust to that. Marriage is a constant state of change and work, but rewarding just the same. I dated my husband for a whole 4 months and we were married, but I say that to say I did know him for many many years prior to that...he was my first love and its funny how it worked out but he will be my last love to. I love him with everything I am good and bad, and he loves me despite my flaws. You will know if he's right for you, and if he is hold on to him good guys are hard to find!

Rhea30

I think the worst part is that he's so sweet to me all the time. There's really no reason why I shouldn't want to marry him, and I thought I wanted to in the beginning, but then he became totally dependent on me. He's so focused on being with someone I feel bad for him. He's afraid of being alone but I'm not, and he knows it, and it upsets him. He's very romantic and I'm more realistic. He thinks I need to seek therapy because I'm uncomfortable around him when he cries and I don't want to think about marriage now.

Just read the rest of the posts. I wouldn't marry him if he is clingy, that can lead down drama road and also can lead to controlling issues. He's got to be able to be confident with himself and his independence before committing to another person I think.

delilah47

I gave one answer on the other thread. I said if you had any serious doubts....

You DO have serious doubts. Things will not get better. You have been with this guy for 7.5 months, and there is still some "getting to know you time". If you have one independent bone in your body, you will regret marrying this guy within 2-3 months.

Judging ONLY from what you have said here, I would get out now. You are like me, you want your man to be stronger than you. There is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes the sensitive guys are better off left to someone more understanding than you or me. Be gentle and resist when he begs you not to go. Don't let him "guilt" you into staying. He will be hurt, but will get over it.

feltlikesound

My wife and I were together about seven months before we got married, andI was 100% certain. We have an amazing marriage, and sure relationships "change", but they change and grow whether you are married or not. Marriage certainly hasn't *hurt* our relationship, or any part of it, and there isn't a day goes by that I am not thankful for the commitment we've made to eachother.

sherrirb

I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.

I think you have your answe right there hun ^^^

^^^^^^^ Agreed, 100%!

If there are things you cant stand about him, meaning its beyond just being an annoyance, then DONT get married. Marriage exacerbates things like that and you will regret it one day.

Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime. Divorce was never meant to be an option. If you dont want to end up divorced, dont marry someone you aren't 100% in LOVE (not lust) with. PERIOD!

- engaged less than 5 months after meeting, married 4 months later. Just celebrated 6 year anniversary yesterday - VERY happily Married, but it takes work.

dmpizza

We met in college and a few years after college we got married. That will be 24 years ago, next month.
When did I know? I have always said "Don't get married until you are married".

Linbo93

You described a lot about your bf, but you never said whether you love him or not.

So, the most important thing is, do you love him?

I'm engaged, and have been with my fiancee for 5 years. I loved him to death at 9 months, a year, 2 years, etc. But i never would have dreamed of marrying him before 3-4 years of dating. We both knew we wanted it, so we took our time getting there.

For me, the difference between my fiancee and every other guy I've been with in the past is that I feel like we can take our time with the relationship, because we have our whole lives.

Don't rush into something, especially if you feel like you're not ready. Your message screams "This isn't what I want." Listen to your gut, it's what drove you to reach out to MFP people, and its where you'll find your answers.

2kidzlater

As my mother always said, "It's easy to get married, but hard to get out of it". Emotionally and financialy. Gotta be 100% on both sides. Don't keep him hanging if you don't want the same things. I survived a breakup after many years together and I was the one that got dumped. I am so greatful that things didn't work out because I'm married to the man of my dreams for 9 years now.

songbyrdsweet

I think the worst part is that he's so sweet to me all the time. There's really no reason why I shouldn't want to marry him, and I thought I wanted to in the beginning, but then he became totally dependent on me. He's so focused on being with someone I feel bad for him. He's afraid of being alone but I'm not, and he knows it, and it upsets him. He's very romantic and I'm more realistic. He thinks I need to seek therapy because I'm uncomfortable around him when he cries and I don't want to think about marriage now.

AHH! This part bothers me. I would make him get some friends, or encourage him to go out with the ones he has. Have a no contact weekend... He needs to have his own life or it's never going to work IMO

Bothers me too! I told him to pursue other friendships and he said he's fine with just hanging out with me. That being said, he does hang out with people at the gym after he's done working out.

Stylistntenn

I started dating my now husband when we were seniors in high school. We got married a year and a half later at 19 years old. To say I didn't have misgivings would be a lie. I sometimes still do! ha! But, I believe the doubt is just human nature. I think if you are crazy over the moon with no concerns, then you are naive. That's just my opinion. Because even if you have a wondeful loving trustworthy husband, marriage is HARD. But I know that my husband is who God has for me. He worked it all out for us like a well made puzzle. We have been through so much together (financial troubles, building a house, a hard pregnancy and birth of a child) so I think we can make it through anything!! Best of luck to you!! Hopefully you will figure out what is best for you. :flowerforyou:

zaithyr

I asked these questions in a thread from divorcees:

...how long were you together when you married? Were you 100% certain about the person or having any misgivings? Did your relationship change after marriage?

Just curious...I am pretty scared of marriage and my bf (who is an awesome person) would like me to make some faint decision about whether I'll want to get married in the next few years by June. We have been together 7.5 months so far and he's much more comfortable with talking about marriage and the future than I am.

I've been married for almost 8 years now and I knew he was the man I wanted to marry. I still had times of nervousness before actually walking down the aisle but I know it was the right decision. I would say our relationship has changed since we've been married- I think all relationships do because overtime you go through highs and lows and dry times. We are more relaxed around eachother than we used to be. We know eachother on a deeper level. I know I can't sleep at night without him and vice versa. There have been times when I wanted to strangle him and where we hit rough patches but we are committed and made it through just fine. You just have to remember that being married isn't a bed of roses because you're both human, neither of you are perfect, and every relationship goes through different phases. And true love is not just a frilly emotion- it's a commitment. At the end of the day though, I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else!

mrschappet

And some background:

He tells me how he's such a great guy and he's a catch and there won't be another guy like him around...and he's probably right. I mean he worships the ground I walk on, he would do anything for me, and wants commitment and a family. We have a TON of stuff in common--music, hobbies, love for animals, values.

Basically, I'm dating myself, but from 3 years ago. I was also very clingy, demanding, emotional, and sensitive. I don't know what to do when he cries! Which happens often! And he babytalks the animals which drives me nuts. And he passes gas around me even though he knows I can't stand it. And he used to throw tantrums but thankfully he's stopped that.

I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.

[/quote] I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.[/quote]

sounds to me like you already know what you want.....

songbyrdsweet

We met in college and a few years after college we got married. That will be 24 years ago, next month.
When did I know? I have always said "Don't get married until you are married".

Yes!!!!! That's what I need to avoid. It was stupid to let him move in at 6 months when I didn't really WANT it.

crise40g

The fact that you posted this is reason enough to NOT get married to this dude.

People take marriage too lightly nowadays. They think that they can just divorce someone down the road if it doesn't "work" out.

You'll know when the person is right for you. You won't feel the need to post this question again.

Elizabeth_C34

My husband and I met 5 years ago, and we got married two years ago in June, so we were dating/engaged for 3 years.

The difference between him and every other guy was like night and day. The relationship was easy. There was never a question about trust. I could talk to him about everything so easily and knew I could trust him. I don't have to try super hard to make it work either. We do have to work at it, but it's not like it's a full time job like some people's marriages are. I love being around him. He makes me laugh, and I can't stay mad at him no matter how hard I try. He lights up my life.

That's how I knew he was it for me.

Some people just know, but others it takes time.

7.5 months is just not long enough to know for sure, so I would give it more time. Live together a while first. You learn way more about someone when you live with them than when you're just dating.

LifeOnMars_

I was with my husband for a year and 2 months, then he proposed, and six months later we were married. Our 2nd anniversary is coming up next Monday! It was love at first sight. He is my best friend and lover. What more could I ask for!

Vegan_Runner

We were together for a year before me married.

Of course I had misgivings, it is a big decision.

We are closer now and more content then we were then.

We have been married for 13 years.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The question is do you not want to get married? Or do you not want to get married to this person?

songbyrdsweet

My husband and I met 5 years ago, and we got married two years ago in June, so we were dating/engaged for 3 years.

The difference between him and every other guy was like night and day. The relationship was easy. There was never a question about trust. I could talk to him about everything so easily and knew I could trust him. I don't have to try super hard to make it work either. We do have to work at it, but it's not like it's a full time job like some people's marriages are. I love being around him. He makes me laugh, and I can't stay mad at him no matter how hard I try. He lights up my life.

That's how I knew he was it for me.

Some people just know, but others it takes time.

7.5 months is just not long enough to know for sure, so I would give it more time. Live together a while first. You learn way more about someone when you live with them than when you're just dating.

We have been living together unofficially for a while, but at 6 months my 'gift' to him was letting him move in (which he wanted at 3 months). Definitely should have waited before moving in together just because it was a pain in the butt to move!

Elizabeth_C34

We have been living together unofficially for a while, but at 6 months my 'gift' to him was letting him move in (which he wanted at 3 months). Definitely should have waited before moving in together just because it was a pain in the butt to move!

Sounds like you should be more patient and ask him to be also. If you do want to get married, it's forever so no rush to get into it. Don't go in thinking you have a way out. It's a lifetime commitment, so just stick with it. Enjoy yourselves, and relax on the marriage question until later.

taso42

We were together 6 or 7 years beforehand. Yes, we were 100% certain when we finally did it. Nothing really changed afterwards, but the weeks that followed were extra special. We were sort of giddy and it felt kind of surreal. I had this fear deep inside that things would be sort of anti-climatic or something, but on the contrary, it was a new spark of excitement.

So far I'm a big fan of marraige and highly recommend it. But 7.5 months may be too soon for some people. You should definitely not be feeling pressured into it.

k0nfyo0zed

I was with my husband for two and a half years before we got married. And we will celebrate our first anniversary in a month.

I was sure within 4 months of meeting him that I wanted to marry him. What convinced me was one little thing: I didn't want to change him at all, but I wanted to change *for* him to be the best person I could be around him, I wanted to be sure I was good enough for him.

If you can't picture a huge chunk of the foreseeable future with him *just as he is* without cringing, then he's not the one you should be signing a life time contract with.

alias1001

Been with my boyfriend for 6 years. We're both in grad school and not making tons of money, and this is the only reason we haven't married already. If we hit the lottery, a wedding would be high on the list.

We've been through a lot together, not in our relationship but our lives. Death, family problems, people losing jobs, and health issues. Yet all those things has only made the relationship stronger. I can't imagine my life without him.

Ultimately, I see a wedding as a social event that confirms the relationship that already exists. I know however that things can change, so I never take anything for granted.

mwheatonchaston

Not my business but as you asked....Sounds like he worships the ground "he" walks on as well...it's only been 7 months. My husband and I were together 3 years before we got married and only started talking about marriage at about the 18 month mark. Marriage is hard work even when you adore each other..... I always question those that toot their own horn though...Be careful.

zacksnana

It sounds like you feel like you SHOULD love him because he worships the ground you walk on. In my opinion you should gently remove yourself from this relationship and wait until you meet someone that you feel deep love for as well as him having deep love for you. You list a few annoying traits he has. Do you really want to be with him day in and day out for the next 50 years? That is what he is asking of you. Sometimes people forget that and don't think further than the wedding day. Life isnt a movie and the credits don't roll to a sappy love song and you don't live happily ever after. You are young. Go have FUN!!!!

ShalisaClam

Wait. It sounds like he's pushing for a committment that you are not ready to make. What's the rush? I met my husband when I was 20. We dated for 2 years and then moved in together. We got married 10 years after that. Yeah, I knew he was the one for me. But - he wasn't ready until he was ready. And I wasn't going to tell him that he had to be ready on MY TERMS, and not his, when this is a decision that affected both our lives. I think you already know the answer to this...

P.S. - love your profile pic. Do you use NROLFW? I just ordered it a few days ago.

Jmstill300

I actually met my current wife while I was in the process of getting divorced from my ex. We weren't exactly warm to each other at first, but we ended up on a bowling team together (something we both love to do) and warmed up a little after that. At the time, I was dating another girl right after my divorce and things just didn't click there so the other gal and I split up so, on a whim, one day while we were at work, I asked her out to dinner and she said yes. We spent the next week talking on the phone when we weren't at work and on April 13, 2007, we went out on our first date. She was impressed that I opened doors for her, we had a great dinner and saw a crappy movie (we both laugh about that now!) and I even asked her if I could kiss her goodnight. Her folks were staying with her since they were in from out of town that weekend and she told them that "I'm going to marry that boy". Things went from there, we were engaged 2 months later, she got pregnant right after we moved in together, we were married May 10, 2008 and had our son 2 months later. Now, almost 4 years later, I haven't looked back! We both know the things that make each other happy and what pisses each of us off and we feed off each other. They say you should marry your best friend and I did!