Folks who are happily married...

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Replies

  • Vegan_Runner
    Vegan_Runner Posts: 133 Member
    We were together for a year before me married.

    Of course I had misgivings, it is a big decision.

    We are closer now and more content then we were then.

    We have been married for 13 years.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    The question is do you not want to get married? Or do you not want to get married to this person?
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    My husband and I met 5 years ago, and we got married two years ago in June, so we were dating/engaged for 3 years.

    The difference between him and every other guy was like night and day. The relationship was easy. There was never a question about trust. I could talk to him about everything so easily and knew I could trust him. I don't have to try super hard to make it work either. We do have to work at it, but it's not like it's a full time job like some people's marriages are. I love being around him. He makes me laugh, and I can't stay mad at him no matter how hard I try. He lights up my life.

    That's how I knew he was it for me.

    Some people just know, but others it takes time.

    7.5 months is just not long enough to know for sure, so I would give it more time. Live together a while first. You learn way more about someone when you live with them than when you're just dating.

    We have been living together unofficially for a while, but at 6 months my 'gift' to him was letting him move in (which he wanted at 3 months). Definitely should have waited before moving in together just because it was a pain in the butt to move!
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
    We have been living together unofficially for a while, but at 6 months my 'gift' to him was letting him move in (which he wanted at 3 months). Definitely should have waited before moving in together just because it was a pain in the butt to move!

    Sounds like you should be more patient and ask him to be also. If you do want to get married, it's forever so no rush to get into it. Don't go in thinking you have a way out. It's a lifetime commitment, so just stick with it. Enjoy yourselves, and relax on the marriage question until later.
  • taso42
    taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
    We were together 6 or 7 years beforehand. Yes, we were 100% certain when we finally did it. Nothing really changed afterwards, but the weeks that followed were extra special. We were sort of giddy and it felt kind of surreal. I had this fear deep inside that things would be sort of anti-climatic or something, but on the contrary, it was a new spark of excitement.

    So far I'm a big fan of marraige and highly recommend it. But 7.5 months may be too soon for some people. You should definitely not be feeling pressured into it.
  • k0nfyo0zed
    k0nfyo0zed Posts: 313 Member
    I was with my husband for two and a half years before we got married. And we will celebrate our first anniversary in a month.

    I was sure within 4 months of meeting him that I wanted to marry him. What convinced me was one little thing: I didn't want to change him at all, but I wanted to change *for* him to be the best person I could be around him, I wanted to be sure I was good enough for him.

    If you can't picture a huge chunk of the foreseeable future with him *just as he is* without cringing, then he's not the one you should be signing a life time contract with.
  • alias1001
    alias1001 Posts: 634 Member
    Been with my boyfriend for 6 years. We're both in grad school and not making tons of money, and this is the only reason we haven't married already. If we hit the lottery, a wedding would be high on the list.

    We've been through a lot together, not in our relationship but our lives. Death, family problems, people losing jobs, and health issues. Yet all those things has only made the relationship stronger. I can't imagine my life without him.

    Ultimately, I see a wedding as a social event that confirms the relationship that already exists. I know however that things can change, so I never take anything for granted.
  • Not my business but as you asked....Sounds like he worships the ground "he" walks on as well...it's only been 7 months. My husband and I were together 3 years before we got married and only started talking about marriage at about the 18 month mark. Marriage is hard work even when you adore each other..... I always question those that toot their own horn though...Be careful.
  • zacksnana
    zacksnana Posts: 3,230 Member
    It sounds like you feel like you SHOULD love him because he worships the ground you walk on. In my opinion you should gently remove yourself from this relationship and wait until you meet someone that you feel deep love for as well as him having deep love for you. You list a few annoying traits he has. Do you really want to be with him day in and day out for the next 50 years? That is what he is asking of you. Sometimes people forget that and don't think further than the wedding day. Life isnt a movie and the credits don't roll to a sappy love song and you don't live happily ever after. You are young. Go have FUN!!!!
  • ShalisaClam
    ShalisaClam Posts: 190
    Wait. It sounds like he's pushing for a committment that you are not ready to make. What's the rush? I met my husband when I was 20. We dated for 2 years and then moved in together. We got married 10 years after that. Yeah, I knew he was the one for me. But - he wasn't ready until he was ready. And I wasn't going to tell him that he had to be ready on MY TERMS, and not his, when this is a decision that affected both our lives. I think you already know the answer to this...

    P.S. - love your profile pic. Do you use NROLFW? I just ordered it a few days ago. =)
  • Jmstill300
    Jmstill300 Posts: 239 Member
    I actually met my current wife while I was in the process of getting divorced from my ex. We weren't exactly warm to each other at first, but we ended up on a bowling team together (something we both love to do) and warmed up a little after that. At the time, I was dating another girl right after my divorce and things just didn't click there so the other gal and I split up so, on a whim, one day while we were at work, I asked her out to dinner and she said yes. We spent the next week talking on the phone when we weren't at work and on April 13, 2007, we went out on our first date. She was impressed that I opened doors for her, we had a great dinner and saw a crappy movie (we both laugh about that now!) and I even asked her if I could kiss her goodnight. Her folks were staying with her since they were in from out of town that weekend and she told them that "I'm going to marry that boy". Things went from there, we were engaged 2 months later, she got pregnant right after we moved in together, we were married May 10, 2008 and had our son 2 months later. Now, almost 4 years later, I haven't looked back! We both know the things that make each other happy and what pisses each of us off and we feed off each other. They say you should marry your best friend and I did!
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    It sounds like you feel like you SHOULD love him because he worships the ground you walk on. In my opinion you should gently remove yourself from this relationship and wait until you meet someone that you feel deep love for as well as him having deep love for you. You list a few annoying traits he has. Do you really want to be with him day in and day out for the next 50 years? That is what he is asking of you. Sometimes people forget that and don't think further than the wedding day. Life isnt a movie and the credits don't roll to a sappy love song and you don't live happily ever after. You are young. Go have FUN!!!!

    Oh my goodness. It's like you're reading my mind. Everything you write is spot-on!
  • lisapr123
    lisapr123 Posts: 863 Member
    How long were you together when you married?
    --Engaged after 7 months, married 2 years after our first date.

    Were you 100% certain about the person or having any misgivings?
    --I had no misgivings about him. Lots about his family. They're controlling and conservative and we never really hit it off. We've been married going on 14 years now and still don't exactly get along.

    Did your relationship change after marriage?
    --Yes, for the better. We weren't living together prior to our wedding so that was the biggest change. Many of our friends have grown apart, somehow we've grown closer. I can't say why or how. Maybe we're just lucky.

    I don't buy into the "you just know" mindset. I am a risk-taker and find the biggest risks yield the biggest rewards. I will say that things did feel good with him. I felt safe and comfortable in a way I hadn't been in previous relationships. Things were never complicated or dramatic with us.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    Wait. It sounds like he's pushing for a committment that you are not ready to make. What's the rush? I met my husband when I was 20. We dated for 2 years and then moved in together. We got married 10 years after that. Yeah, I knew he was the one for me. But - he wasn't ready until he was ready. And I wasn't going to tell him that he had to be ready on MY TERMS, and not his, when this is a decision that affected both our lives. I think you already know the answer to this...

    P.S. - love your profile pic. Do you use NROLFW? I just ordered it a few days ago. =)

    Thanks! I actually don't adhere to any specific plan. I am thinking of signing on with a personal trainer to shed the last '10'. :)
  • sherrirb
    sherrirb Posts: 1,714 Member
    And some background:

    He tells me how he's such a great guy and he's a catch and there won't be another guy like him around...and he's probably right. I mean he worships the ground I walk on, he would do anything for me, and wants commitment and a family. We have a TON of stuff in common--music, hobbies, love for animals, values.

    Basically, I'm dating myself, but from 3 years ago. I was also very clingy, demanding, emotional, and sensitive. I don't know what to do when he cries! Which happens often! And he babytalks the animals which drives me nuts. And he passes gas around me even though he knows I can't stand it. And he used to throw tantrums but thankfully he's stopped that.

    I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.


    Ok.. here is another red flag. You say, "He tells me how he's such a great guy..." etc. Why arent YOU saying this?

    Dear, I pray you don't have a stalker in the making with how clingy he is and how he tells you what a catch you have in him.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    And some background:

    He tells me how he's such a great guy and he's a catch and there won't be another guy like him around...and he's probably right. I mean he worships the ground I walk on, he would do anything for me, and wants commitment and a family. We have a TON of stuff in common--music, hobbies, love for animals, values.

    Basically, I'm dating myself, but from 3 years ago. I was also very clingy, demanding, emotional, and sensitive. I don't know what to do when he cries! Which happens often! And he babytalks the animals which drives me nuts. And he passes gas around me even though he knows I can't stand it. And he used to throw tantrums but thankfully he's stopped that.

    I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.


    Yes!!!!! That's what I need to avoid. It was stupid to let him move in at 6 months when I didn't really WANT it.

    Ok.. here is another red flag. You say, "He tells me how he's such a great guy..." etc. Why arent YOU saying this?

    Dear, I pray you don't have a stalker in the making with how clingy he is and how he tells you what a catch you have in him.

    Haha...well I know he is a great boyfriend. Perfect 'on paper', you know? Weird though that he doesn't say what a catch I am! :P

    I don't think he would stalk me...I'm pretty sure we'd try to avoid crossing paths.
  • bloodbank
    bloodbank Posts: 468 Member
    My husband & I were together for 10 years before getting married (we've been married 4 years this coming Halloween) - we lived together for 4 years prior to getting married. I think we were both totally sure we wanted to commit for the long haul about 6 months in, haha, but neither of us cared much about making it legally binding. We did buy each other fancy shmancy rings about 3 years in, but otherwise didn't care much. At the end of September '08 I was like "dude, let's get MARRIED!" and he was like "Why not?!", and we did it up a month later.

    Edited to add: people don't tend to make sudden personality changes after getting married. If he's clingy and whatever else right now, that's not likely to change because of a piece of paper.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    My husband & I were together for 10 years before getting married (we've been married 4 years this coming Halloween) - we lived together for 4 years prior to getting married. I think we were both totally sure we wanted to commit for the long haul about 6 months in, haha, but neither of us cared much about making it legally binding. We did buy each other fancy shmancy rings about 3 years in, but otherwise didn't care much. At the end of September '08 I was like "dude, let's get MARRIED!" and he was like "Why not?!", and we did it up a month later.

    Halloween wedding, cool!!
  • HelloSweetie4
    HelloSweetie4 Posts: 1,214 Member
    My husband and I were together for four years before we got married and we were engaged for two years before marriage. I knew that he was the one the first time I met him (yeah I know that sounds cheesey, but its the truth). Absolutely nothing changed after we got married. But we were in an odd relationship situation from the begining. His mother had kicked him out when she was having an episode (she's bi-polar) and we had only been dating for 6 months. My parents loved him the first time they met him and couldn't stand to know that he was going to have to live in his car because of his psycho mother so they let him sleep on our couch for 6 months. Eventually he moved into the spare room and we've been living together ever since. (we've moved out of my parents house since then lol).

    I was always the one that wanted to rush into marriage and all that stuff, but he wanted to take things slow... all in all I'm glad we did take it slow. I love the life we have and I can't see myself with anyone else.
  • Lisammy
    Lisammy Posts: 35
    "clingy, demanding, emotional, and sensitive." All things that you have to ask yourself if you really want that in a husband...People do not change, and you cannot change people. It's hard enough to change ourselves ;) With that being said....My husband and I knew each other since I was 13 and dated off and on for many years. We got married when I was 21 yrs. old. We'll be celebrating our 16th Anniversary this summer. We've been through a lot over the years, and he's still the same person I married in the beginning. That's what I loved about him, his "original" qualities. He's very strong minded, very sure of himself, generous, honest, a hard worker, etc. He's not the sensitive type, but that's what I love about him. And I just have to add in that in all the 16 yrs. we've been married...if he has to pass gas, he goes to the bathroom. He won't do that in front of me. His Dad taught him manners that I am very thankful for ;) Best of luck to you....follow your heart, but don't ignore that gut feeling you have about it. Only you know what you want and need :)
  • Rhea30
    Rhea30 Posts: 625 Member
    And some background:

    He tells me how he's such a great guy and he's a catch and there won't be another guy like him around...and he's probably right. I mean he worships the ground I walk on, he would do anything for me, and wants commitment and a family. We have a TON of stuff in common--music, hobbies, love for animals, values.

    Basically, I'm dating myself, but from 3 years ago. I was also very clingy, demanding, emotional, and sensitive. I don't know what to do when he cries! Which happens often! And he babytalks the animals which drives me nuts. And he passes gas around me even though he knows I can't stand it. And he used to throw tantrums but thankfully he's stopped that.

    I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.


    Yes!!!!! That's what I need to avoid. It was stupid to let him move in at 6 months when I didn't really WANT it.

    Ok.. here is another red flag. You say, "He tells me how he's such a great guy..." etc. Why arent YOU saying this?

    Dear, I pray you don't have a stalker in the making with how clingy he is and how he tells you what a catch you have in him.

    Haha...well I know he is a great boyfriend. Perfect 'on paper', you know? Weird though that he doesn't say what a catch I am! :P

    I don't think he would stalk me...I'm pretty sure we'd try to avoid crossing paths.

    These are really red flags. He may not say what a catch you are because he wants you to feel lower then him so you feel you must be with him. Those are the type of controlling issues I was referring too and looks like he might had already started I hate to say. :/ . He may not even be aware is he doing that if he is very insecure.