Folks who are happily married...

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  • mdsjmom98
    mdsjmom98 Posts: 333 Member
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    If you are entertaining any of these thoughts, it's best to wait. And HE'S telling YOU what a great catch he is??? Um, that's a little weird...I think that's a conclusion you need to draw on your own. I almost feel he's telling you get me while you can, to rush you into making a decision you might not be ready for. If you have ANY doubts whatsoever, and if he truly loves you, he'll wait. I think you are being real smart by asking questions. Do what is best for you!! Good luck, I know this can't be easy.
  • JoolieW68
    JoolieW68 Posts: 1,879 Member
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    My first husband was very clingy, and said he could not live without me in his life. I won't go into the details, but I swore I would never marry another man who could not live comfortably by himself - both emotionally and financially. And I didn't.

    I have gotten this too. It's a little scary to me. I mean if I weren't with him I'd be sad for a bit but I'd continue my normal life.
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    If either of you feels like you MUST have another person in your life to feel whole, then, IMO, you shouldn't get married. You need to be happy and stable on your own before you can be a part of someone else life. The purpose of marriage is to enrich your and another person's life, not suck the life out of it.
  • mabear74
    mabear74 Posts: 248
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    My husband and I got engaged after 3 months, married another 3 months later. We will be married 18 years in Aug. and we have 6 beautiful kids. We are best friends, but function fine on our own, which is a really good thing since we are military and have done many years apart, and even now I only get to see him on weekends because of his current schedule. I just knew he was the one. He told me after our first date he was going to marry me. If you have to ask the question then I think you probably already know the answer......
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    My first husband was very clingy, and said he could not live without me in his life. I won't go into the details, but I swore I would never marry another man who could not live comfortably by himself - both emotionally and financially. And I didn't.

    I have gotten this too. It's a little scary to me. I mean if I weren't with him I'd be sad for a bit but I'd continue my normal life.

    If either of you feels like you MUST have another person in your life to feel whole, then, IMO, you shouldn't get married. You need to be happy and stable on your own before you can be a part of someone else life. The purpose of marriage is to enrich your and another person's life, not suck the life out of it.
    [/quote]

    I keep telling him that! He thinks he needs to find a woman to feel fulfilled. He was single for 5 years before me and it really negatively affected him. He took it so personally. I average about 10 months between my relationships. I have just this year realized how vital it is to be okay just being YOU on your own!
  • jljohnson
    jljohnson Posts: 719 Member
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    I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.

    I sent you a PM, but I'll ask this here (since it could be relevant to other answers too): Are you questioning marriage in general (to anyone ever), or marriage to your current boyfriend?

    I also think you need to decide for yourself if the flaws you described are something you can live with forever, or not. My husband has flaws, but I can accept them as part of his personality, because he has so many other characteristics that I love about him.
  • bethc370
    bethc370 Posts: 41 Member
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    My hubby and I were together for 6 years (High school sweethearts) before we got married. We were engaged for 2 of those years. We've now been married for 14 years and together for 20. I knew he was the one for me, he was my best friend first.
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
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    It's pretty obvious you don't want to marry him, which is okay, but you should probably just end the relationship.

    This. I think marriage is great for those who are really compatible, in love and have great passion for each other. You guys don't seem to fit this description.
  • good2bthaking
    good2bthaking Posts: 325 Member
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    Been married for 27 yrs. We knew each other in school. Her first husband was a great friend to me growing up. We joined the Marines a year apart. He was killed in Lebanon in 1983 and I escorted his remains home upon request of his( now my ) wife. I kept in touch with her after he was buried and we would go out together when I came home on leave. 2 years later I asked her to marry me, she said yes, and here we are 27 yrs later with 3 kids in their 20's. I guess you are never sure if it will be right but we workrd on our marriage and still do. We are very compatible but also very different. I like rock and roll, she like country and R&B. but we compliment each other well. Good luck. hope this helps you!!
  • Dtho5159
    Dtho5159 Posts: 1,054 Member
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    I met my husband in November 2002 when I was 18 and he just turned 23. We started dating December 2002 and got engaged May 2003. we were engaged for 13 months and married in June 2004, a month after I turned 20. I was and still am extremely certain he is the one for me. The only thing that changed in our marriage was an unexpected pregnancy (antibiotics mixed with my BC after 1 dr and 2 pharms told me they were safe to take HA!) which happened the month after we got married so that put a bit of a damper on the whole newlywed experience. June will be 8 years married and December will be 10 years together and I wouldn't trade it for anything!
  • cufirst84
    cufirst84 Posts: 127 Member
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    Dated for 6mths then engaged for 1yr ...and happily married for 17yrs. We were young when we got married (20yr &21yr) not only was i totally 100% sure so was he!! No second guessing here!! What we did tho was promised each other that we would let one another grow into the person we wanted to be.
    Still love hanging together...He truly is my best friend.....and i wouldn't change it for the world.
  • Ashley_Panda
    Ashley_Panda Posts: 1,404 Member
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    Dated for two years, married for 5 (in November). There is no one else for me. No doubt, no questioning, nothing. He loves me when I'm crazy, sad, mad, having an ugly day, anything. :)
  • myurav
    myurav Posts: 165 Member
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    i was in a similar situation - i was with this guy for almost 4 years. and he's wonderful, sweet, funny and smart, there weren't really any inherent issues. and he loved me sooo much - but the problem is, no matter how much he loves you, if you don't love him in that way or if you aren't sure if you want to marry him, then you should make a decision.

    i decided to end our relationship in december (there were a few other factors), and while we're still good friends, i think it was the right decision to make. as much as it sucks, and as worried as you are of hurting him, it's the right thing to do. you will find someone who loves you as much or more than this guy. the fact that he keeps mentioning it makes him sound insecure and also makes it sound like he's undermining your confidence...

    i wish you all the best.
  • NSQuintana
    NSQuintana Posts: 207
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    I've been with my guy since I was 15 (on and off for 10 1/2 years). We're now ready to get married and glad we didn't rush. Throughout the years, we've taken lots of breaks to date other people and do our own things, but we always found ourselves back together. We really know each other well, and basically already feel married. With the divorce rate so extremely high I would say it was worth the wait. I'm NOT saying wait a decade lol but make sure you really know the other person, and understand each others expectations of marriage.
  • bethgames
    bethgames Posts: 534 Member
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    I asked these questions in a thread from divorcees:

    ...how long were you together when you married? Were you 100% certain about the person or having any misgivings? Did your relationship change after marriage?

    Just curious...I am pretty scared of marriage and my bf (who is an awesome person) would like me to make some faint decision about whether I'll want to get married in the next few years by June. We have been together 7.5 months so far and he's much more comfortable with talking about marriage and the future than I am.

    We were together 6 months when we got married. I wasnt a 100% but the sex was FANTASTIC!! Then he got sick and things did change. But I still love him just as much as ever. We have been married 10 years and we have had to adapt, but the sex is still FANTASTIC!!! :)
  • WifeNMama
    WifeNMama Posts: 2,876 Member
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    When you find the one, you know. I hated hearing that before I experienced it firsthand. It sounds more like you are seeking permission to not marry him, and youre just afraid to have that conversation because you know his reaction will be exaggerated and emotional. Don't let his lack of self control dictate how long you will stay in this relationship. It's emotional blackmail, and you will find yourself an unwilling bride if you let it continue. Better to end it now than six months after the wedding.
  • MrsLVF
    MrsLVF Posts: 787 Member
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    I asked these questions in a thread from divorcees:

    ...how long were you together when you married? Were you 100% certain about the person or having any misgivings? Did your relationship change after marriage?

    Just curious...I am pretty scared of marriage and my bf (who is an awesome person) would like me to make some faint decision about whether I'll want to get married in the next few years by June. We have been together 7.5 months so far and he's much more comfortable with talking about marriage and the future than I am.

    Just ask yourself how you see your life unfolding, & if he fits into your dreams & goals.

    I knew my (ex)husband for 6 years before we were married & I always had doubts, I think I just wanted a companion, & to have a family. I should not have married him, he was not the one, 9 years later we were divorced.

    I am now in a relationship (3 years)living together for 2.5 of those years. 100% without a doubt I want to spend the rest of my life with him, he is my perfect partner in every way.:heart: And I knew this within the first 3 months.
  • bikermike5094
    bikermike5094 Posts: 1,752 Member
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    Dated a year, enganged a year and married 20 years next month. Never a doubt as to right or wrong... probably in her mind but not mine. She wouldnt date me to begin with without it being a double date. My reputation preceedeth me...
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
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    It's obvious that you don't want to marry.

    It's also obvious that you two are good friends.

    I didn't see the word love used at all.

    The hardest part of this, is you are going to lose your best friend. But, my opinion is that you have to end it. You're keeping him hanging, and you have no intention of moving forward.

    He can actually live without you. That's BS.

    If you knew that this was right, you wouldn't be here asking.
  • rachleb
    rachleb Posts: 59 Member
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    I never thought that I would get married because I didn't think there would be anyone that I could stand (or could stand me and my strangeness!) for that long! I didn't meet my husband until I was about 25, and I pretty much knew I was going to marry him. I even told my mom after one of our first dates and she was very surprised because the whole family thought I would end up an eccentric old cat lady! (I do have cats, but only two!)

    We dated for six months before we were married, then we were engaged for about a year and half. During that time, we moved to a new state and bought a house. We have now been married for 6 years and I am more in love with him every day. We have both changed and grown as a couple, and we've had our ups and downs, but it has made us stronger. Our senses of humor are so in sync (most of the time!) and we share a mutual hatred of the same things (which helps A ALOT in a relationship!)

    If you are second guessing, it is not the right time and he is not the right one. I've been there, and I know it is hard, but it is easier to break up a with a boyfriend than to have to divorce a husband.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
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    I never thought that I would get married because I didn't think there would be anyone that I could stand (or could stand me and my strangeness!) for that long! I didn't meet my husband until I was about 25, and I pretty much knew I was going to marry him. I even told my mom after one of our first dates and she was very surprised because the whole family thought I would end up an eccentric old cat lady! (I do have cats, but only two!)

    We dated for six months before we were married, then we were engaged for about a year and half. During that time, we moved to a new state and bought a house. We have now been married for 6 years and I am more in love with him every day. We have both changed and grown as a couple, and we've had our ups and downs, but it has made us stronger. Our sense of humor's are so in sync (most of the time!) and we share a mutual hatred of the same things (which helps A ALOT in a relationship!)

    If you are second guessing, it is not the right time and he is not the right one. I've been there, and I know it is hard, but it is easier to break up a with a boyfriend than to have to divorce a husband.

    Yes. When you know, you know and that's it.

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