Folks who are happily married...
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Dated for two years, married for 5 (in November). There is no one else for me. No doubt, no questioning, nothing. He loves me when I'm crazy, sad, mad, having an ugly day, anything.
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i was in a similar situation - i was with this guy for almost 4 years. and he's wonderful, sweet, funny and smart, there weren't really any inherent issues. and he loved me sooo much - but the problem is, no matter how much he loves you, if you don't love him in that way or if you aren't sure if you want to marry him, then you should make a decision.
i decided to end our relationship in december (there were a few other factors), and while we're still good friends, i think it was the right decision to make. as much as it sucks, and as worried as you are of hurting him, it's the right thing to do. you will find someone who loves you as much or more than this guy. the fact that he keeps mentioning it makes him sound insecure and also makes it sound like he's undermining your confidence...
i wish you all the best.0 -
I've been with my guy since I was 15 (on and off for 10 1/2 years). We're now ready to get married and glad we didn't rush. Throughout the years, we've taken lots of breaks to date other people and do our own things, but we always found ourselves back together. We really know each other well, and basically already feel married. With the divorce rate so extremely high I would say it was worth the wait. I'm NOT saying wait a decade lol but make sure you really know the other person, and understand each others expectations of marriage.0
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I asked these questions in a thread from divorcees:
...how long were you together when you married? Were you 100% certain about the person or having any misgivings? Did your relationship change after marriage?
Just curious...I am pretty scared of marriage and my bf (who is an awesome person) would like me to make some faint decision about whether I'll want to get married in the next few years by June. We have been together 7.5 months so far and he's much more comfortable with talking about marriage and the future than I am.
We were together 6 months when we got married. I wasnt a 100% but the sex was FANTASTIC!! Then he got sick and things did change. But I still love him just as much as ever. We have been married 10 years and we have had to adapt, but the sex is still FANTASTIC!!! 0 -
When you find the one, you know. I hated hearing that before I experienced it firsthand. It sounds more like you are seeking permission to not marry him, and youre just afraid to have that conversation because you know his reaction will be exaggerated and emotional. Don't let his lack of self control dictate how long you will stay in this relationship. It's emotional blackmail, and you will find yourself an unwilling bride if you let it continue. Better to end it now than six months after the wedding.0
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I asked these questions in a thread from divorcees:
...how long were you together when you married? Were you 100% certain about the person or having any misgivings? Did your relationship change after marriage?
Just curious...I am pretty scared of marriage and my bf (who is an awesome person) would like me to make some faint decision about whether I'll want to get married in the next few years by June. We have been together 7.5 months so far and he's much more comfortable with talking about marriage and the future than I am.
Just ask yourself how you see your life unfolding, & if he fits into your dreams & goals.
I knew my (ex)husband for 6 years before we were married & I always had doubts, I think I just wanted a companion, & to have a family. I should not have married him, he was not the one, 9 years later we were divorced.
I am now in a relationship (3 years)living together for 2.5 of those years. 100% without a doubt I want to spend the rest of my life with him, he is my perfect partner in every way.
And I knew this within the first 3 months. 0 -
Dated a year, enganged a year and married 20 years next month. Never a doubt as to right or wrong... probably in her mind but not mine. She wouldnt date me to begin with without it being a double date. My reputation preceedeth me...0
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It's obvious that you don't want to marry.
It's also obvious that you two are good friends.
I didn't see the word love used at all.
The hardest part of this, is you are going to lose your best friend. But, my opinion is that you have to end it. You're keeping him hanging, and you have no intention of moving forward.
He can actually live without you. That's BS.
If you knew that this was right, you wouldn't be here asking.0 -
I never thought that I would get married because I didn't think there would be anyone that I could stand (or could stand me and my strangeness!) for that long! I didn't meet my husband until I was about 25, and I pretty much knew I was going to marry him. I even told my mom after one of our first dates and she was very surprised because the whole family thought I would end up an eccentric old cat lady! (I do have cats, but only two!)
We dated for six months before we were married, then we were engaged for about a year and half. During that time, we moved to a new state and bought a house. We have now been married for 6 years and I am more in love with him every day. We have both changed and grown as a couple, and we've had our ups and downs, but it has made us stronger. Our senses of humor are so in sync (most of the time!) and we share a mutual hatred of the same things (which helps A ALOT in a relationship!)
If you are second guessing, it is not the right time and he is not the right one. I've been there, and I know it is hard, but it is easier to break up a with a boyfriend than to have to divorce a husband.0 -
I never thought that I would get married because I didn't think there would be anyone that I could stand (or could stand me and my strangeness!) for that long! I didn't meet my husband until I was about 25, and I pretty much knew I was going to marry him. I even told my mom after one of our first dates and she was very surprised because the whole family thought I would end up an eccentric old cat lady! (I do have cats, but only two!)
We dated for six months before we were married, then we were engaged for about a year and half. During that time, we moved to a new state and bought a house. We have now been married for 6 years and I am more in love with him every day. We have both changed and grown as a couple, and we've had our ups and downs, but it has made us stronger. Our sense of humor's are so in sync (most of the time!) and we share a mutual hatred of the same things (which helps A ALOT in a relationship!)
If you are second guessing, it is not the right time and he is not the right one. I've been there, and I know it is hard, but it is easier to break up a with a boyfriend than to have to divorce a husband.
Yes. When you know, you know and that's it.0 -
I dated my husband for about 4 years. I knew within the first few months that he was the one. We just took our time... 0
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I was with my husband for about 8 years before we got engaged and then we were engaged for another 2-3 years. Been married for 6 and together for 16.
No one is ever 100% sure about anything. There were days where I doubted and days where I didn't but I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. He's my absolute best friend and I can not imagine what life would be like without him in it. Nothing has changed since we got married. In all honesty I sometimes forget that we're actually married.0 -
I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.
I sent you a PM, but I'll ask this here (since it could be relevant to other answers too): Are you questioning marriage in general (to anyone ever), or marriage to your current boyfriend?
I also think you need to decide for yourself if the flaws you described are something you can live with forever, or not. My husband has flaws, but I can accept them as part of his personality, because he has so many other characteristics that I love about him.
I am questioning it with him specifically. I would like to get married one day.0 -
i was in a similar situation - i was with this guy for almost 4 years. and he's wonderful, sweet, funny and smart, there weren't really any inherent issues. and he loved me sooo much - but the problem is, no matter how much he loves you, if you don't love him in that way or if you aren't sure if you want to marry him, then you should make a decision.
i decided to end our relationship in december (there were a few other factors), and while we're still good friends, i think it was the right decision to make. as much as it sucks, and as worried as you are of hurting him, it's the right thing to do. you will find someone who loves you as much or more than this guy. the fact that he keeps mentioning it makes him sound insecure and also makes it sound like he's undermining your confidence...
i wish you all the best.
This helps so much!
I finally spoke with my dad (I've been keeping my feelings a secret) and he said he feels very uncomfortable about how manipulative my bf is being (even though it might not be intentional). I realized that he is trying to put it all on ME, but really HE is the one who needs to make the decision.0 -
When you find the one, you know. I hated hearing that before I experienced it firsthand. It sounds more like you are seeking permission to not marry him, and youre just afraid to have that conversation because you know his reaction will be exaggerated and emotional. Don't let his lack of self control dictate how long you will stay in this relationship. It's emotional blackmail, and you will find yourself an unwilling bride if you let it continue. Better to end it now than six months after the wedding.
Thank you so much. This was so poignant.0 -
But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.
I read your post and read about your background and honestly did not get the "I'm in love" vibe from it at all.
Then I saw the quoted text and realized why: you clearly love him in the way that you would love family or close friends but you aren't IN love with him (as trite and cliche as that sentence sounds).
If you already know that you don't want to marry him then why are you prolonging things?
It's not fair to him or you for that matter - in the long run it will end up hurting you both pretty badly.
To answer your question; my hubby and I have been together 10 years this year and married for 2 years this year.
Our relationship went through tough times but it made us stronger and we both knew that getting married was totally right for us.
As others have said - you'll know when you want to make that commitment with someone.
I wish you all the best :flowerforyou:0 -
But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.
I read your post and read about your background and honestly did not get the "I'm in love" vibe from it at all.
Then I saw the quoted text and realized why: you clearly love him in the way that you would love family or close friends but you aren't IN love with him (as trite and cliche as that sentence sounds).
Very true. This has taken me some time to realize. I feel that we were meant to be friends...we knew each other from the gym for about a year before we started dating but we didn't know each other very well.0 -
Marriage is severly over rated. If u can't stand him now, imagine when ur around him 24/7. if he's ur real friend he will understand where ur coming from0
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We were together for 6 years 10 months before he asked me to marry him. I was and still am 100% sure about him. I never doubted it or second guessed my decision. Our relationship is stronger than before now.0
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me and hubby knew each other 6 months online/phone coversations
then met for a couple hours in person .. the next day he asked me to move in .. a few days later i did
we were a couple for 1 yr 6 months b4 getting married (2 years since we met online)
we just celebrated our 11th anniversary ..
we have had our ups and downs (what couple doesn't) .. but he has been my rock and i wouldn't change a thing
i knew from the moment i saw him, i wanted to spend my life with him ( just something sparked, it was different than anyone else)
to me if your having doubts, then dont get married .. wait till your sure
for me, i wouldn't change 1 single thing .. i love my baby with all my heart0 -
If he is the one for you...then don't rush before you are ready. He will still be around. I dated my husband for 8 years before we got married. We have been married now for 9 years. Our relationship changes every year, but not because we are married. Just because who we are changes as we get older. I met my husband when I was pretty young, but I would imagine the same holds true for most people. Good luck!0
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...how long were you together when you married? Were you 100% certain about the person or having any misgivings? Did your relationship change after marriage?
Before we were married we were together for about 2 years. Honestly, no not 100%. It's not like the fairy tales where it was this can't eat,can't sleep, kinda thing. I love him and knew I wanted to spend my life with him, but wondered if there was something else out there. This Oct we will celebrate our 3rd anniversary, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else.0 -
Met my husband and was pregnant within 1 month... we were not together as a couple when my son was born. We married when our son was 15 months old..not for each other but for our son... We have since been married for 27 years this coming August! We have a wonderful son, daughter and grandson...We have grown over the years and love each other now more then we could have ever dreamed of. Everyone gave us 6 months... they are all now divorced at least once and some twice and we are still going strong! I have heard multipe times... "I wish I could find what you and Bill have"....It's was not found... it was created.0
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You've been together less than a YEAR and he's pressuring you? If you're not sure, you're not sure. No one should be pressuring you. My boyfriend and I have been together 2.5 years and we were both sure from the BEGINNING we wanted to be together forever - whether that was "common law living" or marriage. I think your bf sounds like a douche for thinking you should have an answer for him by June when you've not been together that long. If you're not sure, that could be your sign right there.0
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I met my husband when I was 6 and he was 11. We became really good friends and he was my best friend for a few years before we started dating. We got engaged after dating for a year and were married 9 months later. We've been married for 7 years now and he's still my best friend.
Having that friendship at the base of our relationship was key. We've been through some stressful situations in our marriage: his dad was very ill and died, his mom remarried, we were both laid off within a month of each other. But at the end of the day, there is no one who makes me laugh as much or makes me feel as safe as my husband does.
Our relationship has changed. Life changes and you change with it, you just have to make sure you're changing at a similar rate in a similar direction as your partner. One of the biggest changes was having kids. To go from a 2 income, no kids, fairly free lifestyle to coparenting on less money and less sleep...it's a challenge. But again, there's no one I'd rather be with.0 -
I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.
Answered your own question here0 -
No reason you HAVE to get married. Why should one piece of paper change any commitment two people have to each other. I was married once. Divorced. Been dating a guy for 4 years, and at first he wanted to get married once in his life. Now, he understands what I mean. Why should one piece of paper change anything.0
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We have known each other 30 years but have been maried 24 years this July 1st
Every day feels like the first day I set eyes on her. I knew she was THE one for me.0 -
I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.
I think you have your answe right there hun ^^^
deff ,,, do not marry him :noway: .. he needs a woman who will love him and wants to be with him .. farts an all ..0 -
I think the worst part is that he's so sweet to me all the time. There's really no reason why I shouldn't want to marry him, and I thought I wanted to in the beginning, but then he became totally dependent on me. He's so focused on being with someone I feel bad for him. He's afraid of being alone but I'm not, and he knows it, and it upsets him. He's very romantic and I'm more realistic. He thinks I need to seek therapy because I'm uncomfortable around him when he cries and I don't want to think about marriage now.
AHH! This part bothers me. I would make him get some friends, or encourage him to go out with the ones he has. Have a no contact weekend... He needs to have his own life or it's never going to work IMO0
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