Dealing with an abusive person...

randa_behnam

you have every right to report this, do you have a union or a person higher up that you can go to? im sure you arent the first person he has bullied and you certainly wont be the last.

you need to get yourself better and you did the right thing but not sticking around! something good will come up, dont worry )

saragato

I know how you feel to a degree. I'm Bipolar and have an anxiety disorder that not only caused me to fail 4 school grades, repeating only 1 thank God, but had me barred from the school campus and put on what they call "homebound" my Senior year because I was deemed too unstable to be around others after I had a meltdown and went through several psychiatrists and outpatient facilities (and nearly two inpatient ones) at 17. My dad had screwed me up so it was a lot of work emotionally, though I can't compare that struggle to yours since your mom committed suicide.

Anyway even though I was put on disability I wanted to get a job because I wanted to get my life back and try to gain some normalcy. That and I had lost all my friends and I was hoping a job would find me some in coworkers, but that's beside the point. I applied for jobs for about 4 months and no one was taking me either because of my weight or because I had no previous experience running retail or anything else that didn't require a degree. I finally got a job at a local coffee shop chain and luckily my manager, the woman who hired me, was a sweetheart. Unfortunately the people training me were not. The first one who trained me was tolerant because, hey, I was new. The rest of the crew on shift yelled at me if I stood still too long. My second day when the manager was gone I had the lead barista who was supposed to train me. And y'know I get it, you need to show the new person you can't twiddle your thumbs but she would show me maybe the first two steps of how things were done then tell me to finish it. I'm 5'2" and was ordered to refill one of the machines with beans and I was verbally threatened about if I spilled even ONE bean. The machine was a good 6 inches taller than me and no one was willing to give me a stool. I spilled maybe a cup of the beans, got yelled at. I was told to mark the cups as the orders came in (and we all know they have special letter and symbol combos which I had not learned) and after 3 cups she yelled at me that I was "wasting product" and just told me to hand her the receipts. I took too long sweeping outside, I took too long cleaning the tables and chairs, I packed the sugar packets wrong, I couldn't slice lemon wedges that big what was I stupid I was wasting the company's money, I get put on bathroom cleaning duty and get yelled at for taking too long because not only did I have to pick up an actual turd and then sanitize the floor but I dared to wait for a customer (who unknowingly was a company inspector) to finish to clean the other bathroom and holy hell I didn't tell someone to cover the register there had been a line out the door when in reality there had been three people that another coworker (who hated me because she was apparently the designated register girl) had taken care of for me, and I had the audacity to tell her I was now running 15 minutes into overtime because she threw me in the stock room to stock about 12 boxes worth of coffee bean bags that were for store use and retail and organize them.

After an 8 hour shift (and mind you I signed up for part time, aka 4 hour shifts) with no break whatsoever (the company policy stated for every 4 hours worked an employee got a 15 minute break, the only time I sat down that day was when I used bathroom duty as an excuse to finally USE the bathroom) I went home in both physical and emotional pain because I had basically been treated like crap by a woman who had dared come in 20 minutes late for her shift and then spend the first 15, on the clock mind you, on her cellphone cursing like a sailor with her headset set on Universal, meaning the Drive-Thru customers heard her filthy mouth and we had to give away drinks. It also happened that I dislocated my left knee from that shift and had to spend a week on crutches, 2 months in physical therapy, and 3 months using a cane. After only 2 days of working I had to quit because I could not handle treatment like that and beside the point, I could barely walk.

I felt like crap because even though my manager said she would recommend me if I put them on any application and that I was guaranteed my job back if I ever wanted it, there was no way I could tell another potential employer I'd worked two days and quit. What's worse was when my knee healed I took a job at the animal control center and quit an hour before my first day's shift ended. I wasn't being harassed but the emotional trauma of seeing the animals in the conditions they were in (long story short no one there cared so dogs sat in concrete kennels roasting in their own urine, some animals were in rooms with no A/C or lights, and one room had a leaking unit that had the filthy water collecting in an unused litter pan which the cats were drinking from and, not surprisingly, were all sick from) and when I went in to tell my manager I had to quit, she treated me like an idiot and basically told me "if you're unable to handle physical activity," as I had lied and said my asthma couldn't take the urine and feces odor that permeated the kennel area which you had to walk through to get anywhere, "you shouldn't have even applied." Basically implying I was too fat to work.

I cried for days. Weeks probably. (and yes I reported them, 3 weeks later the ASPCA smacked them around) I felt like a failure, like an idiot for being unable to hold a job. I felt like there was something wrong with me, that maybe I really did just need to be in the nuthouse and eat jell-o all day in a straitjacket.

My personal sob story aside... you quit, regardless of how long you were there. You don't even have to put them on your applications or resume if you don't want and there's no record that would say anything negative against you in that case. You had every right to leave and you did the right thing. No matter what anyone tells you, if you are not comfortable or you feel harassed or threatened by a fellow employee or any superior, you do not need to stay there. The pain you would get from that is worse than any you'd feel from quitting, I can say that with certainty. My mother had a job for three years and from day one a fellow employee in the same rank as her harassed her in a passive aggressive manner. When they hired a new boss for her department, this coworker told lies about her and both he and the coworker conspired to get my mother to quit. Her workload was increased, her hours went from an 8-5 on weekdays to 10+ hours 6-7 days a week because everything had to be done "immediately" or she would be fired. My mother ended up having a double bypass and heart valve replacement surgery and was put on an antidepressant and an anti-anxiety pill. She was even forced into group therapy for a month because these people had messed her up with their abuse and the constant "threat" that if she wasn't bending over backwards needlessly she'd be let go. Eventually she quit and for a month had nightmares about that job.

We're all going to have moments where we feel like crap or feel stupid or go so far as to hate ourselves even if we did the right thing, God knows I've experienced that way too much in my life and even now I feel like maybe there is something that wrong with me that I can't hold down a job. But you know what? We're not crap, we're not stupid, and we don't deserve hate even from ourselves over anything, especially when it concerns people and situations that put us in the position to make the decision we did. You did right and frankly you're stronger than you think you are for even having the guts to quit. It takes a lot of strength to be assertive and say "no, I will not do this because I am not comfortable." I know I've rambled but I just really wanted to tell you that you're a brand of awesome and you can get through your pain, your loss, your own mind's blackhole and you can get your life back on track. I mean hey you're on this site, aren't you? That's a start.

You have an awesome day. I just sent you a mental high-five and a hug.

slyast

Don't worry about it. Future employers won't care. When I was underemployed I quit probably 10+ jobs in two years - I am not willing to work for an employer who doesn't respect labor laws. I now have a federal job with a security clearance- it never came up in any interview ever.

You did the right thing.

NICOLED73

Why do you need to mention this in job interview? You didn't actually work there so it doesn't need to go on your resume.

Is this a large firm? You should contact the Head Office or if they are a small firm the HR department and report this person for his behaviour.

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

^^ THIS! Absolutely!!

Ironman2be

you need to report him and his unprofessional behavior. You did the right thing-I would never work for someone that treated me like that!

This ^^^ and if it's a large company with people above him, you should write them a polite letter and inform them of your experience. I'm sure they would love to hear how one of their Managers is treating people!!

TinkrBelz

You did the right thing. Do not feel bad about it. You can not work in that sort of environment.

My SIL got hired for a job, THEN he told her that he wanted her to work a week for free to "see if she liked it!!! " Ya, my brother and I told her to quit! What an A-Hole! I think he just wanted to see how far he could push her and then would push her more...she is a sweet, young, and pretty girl...I was actually afraid for her safety!

I would not put that down on a resume since you really did not work there. Do not stress over this at all...just know you did the right thing!! ((hugs))

CaribbeanQueen5

You absolutely did the right thing!!! If he went on a rant because you asked him a simple question in an orientation, imagine his reaction if you questioned something later on. You don't need to work for someone like that. Just keep sending out your resume and don't mention that experience at all. Put it behind you.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

That was amazing and so strong of you to stand up for yourself! I want you to understand that $7.25/hour is federal minimum wage, so any job must pay you at least that, and many companies will pay more. Again, you are walking away from a minimum wage position, any job must pay you at least that so you are not losing out on anything. Go some where else, and keep going until you find a job where you are respected, many managers value their employees and eveyone deserves that.

On another note, if i were you I would call hr and file a complaint regarding his harrassment. It's important for companies to know what sort of people they have in their employ, some know and some don't but they may never know unless someone tells them.

fbmandy55

You definitely did the right thing. I dealt with a terrible boss once and karma has come back to bite him.

I worked for this very family oriented medical service, the woman who owned it started it out in her basement and expanded to several offices across the state. We were all treated like family. About a year into my job, she sold the company to a Lebanese man. He fired 50 stafff immediately and bought new office furniture and company Range Rover. :grumble: I believe the way he treated us was due to his cultural beliefs but mostly because he was just an *kitten*. He brought men in from a differnt company to take the management positions. Would make comments about the female employees being fat and ugly. He was taking money out of our checks for our benefits but pocketed all the money and never paid our premiums! One by one we quit. The day I got my new job I sent him a nasty email and walked out. The company is now bankrupt, closed and he has hundreds of thousand to pay to the state for workforce violations and fines!

PaigeStephenson

I feel for you and in this situation you WERE strong!! Telling him you didn't want to work there WAS strong. You decided it wasn't for you and you stood up for yourself. All I could think of while reading your post was "please don't let her keep this job": Consider this - if this was your FIRST DAY ... imagine what he'd be like in a month!

Near escape. Don't worry about explaining it in an upcoming interview. It was simply not the place for you - that's all you have to say.

Keep your chin up - you did great!

p

ps - feel free to add me if you like.

xHelloQuincyx

dont.
go.
back.
i put up with a crappy job for 3 years and only got a 75 cent raise. he would often take 30-40 dollars off our pay checks, and they would always be late.
i found a new job in 2 weeks that pays 8 per hour and is so much better conditions. just keep looking.

futuresize8

Don't fret...it's all gonna be okay.

Report this guy...he is a lunatic!

And, no need to disclose this on future job interviews/your resume. You didn't "really" work there. And if you wanted to share that you were hired there, you could always say, "The job was misrepresented to me and after reporting for orientation, I realized it wasn't a proper fit and voluntarily resigned."

I'm glad for you that you aren't working there! The right job is right around the corner...and make sure it's one that is worthy of YOU!

Be well...

stormieweather

No one deserves this, and a bad day does NOT excuse this. He didn't just snap at her, he repeated the pattern of mistreatment and control. Cheating her on the agreed-to salary, illegally requiring her to train on her own time, ranting and raving at her, and then hanging up on her THE NEXT DAY! This is not simply a bad day, this is an ***hole who routinely abuses people, even brand new employees.

Personally, he isn't worth any more of your time. I wouldn't even bother reporting or otherwise making any moves that might prolong contact. A harrassment case or wage case could mean testimony, court etc. for you. Maybe a little letter to HR or the company president, leaving your personal information out. But honestly, I would move on and forget this little experience completely. Don't include on any resumes or applications. I don't even include a job I had for 3 months.

Good for you for deciding not to go back!! :flowerforyou:

darcie81

Well what he did is illegal. Of course the company is paying for the training so you know what the hell you are doing. If you didn't have a job there you wouldn't need to know the info. You should be paid for it. I had a manager who treated me the same way and destroyed my self esteem i worked for her for 8 months crying daily. Finally I walked out on her but I should have reported her. What he did was abuse and against many companies conduct codes and h i p a laws if you are in the US. CALL A HEAD OFFICE IF YOU CAN!!! And do not be upset with yourself you did what is right for you and he will continue to loose people over he is a prick and no one wants to work like that. I have managed places before and I went by what my grandfather taught me, never ask someone to do something you would not do yourself. I was tough I was a woman in a mans world but the staff all liked me because I was not above any job and if I wouldn't do it for free I did not expect someone making 5 less an hour than me to do it for free either!

I TOTALLY AGREE!!!

abigailm83

It's called a hostile work enviroment honey and you didn't do anything wrong. If fact you handled it a lot better than a many would including myself. I do NOT do well with supervisor/managers that act that way and thing they can treat people like that and do not blame you for your decision. As far as furture employment goes, I agree with everyone else that said not to mention it. Hope everything works out for you and keep your head up.

Definition

A hostile work environment is an environment in which an employee, due to actions by co-workers or the employer, does not feel comfortable performing duties. In extremely hostile work environments, the employee may not feel comfortable even coming into the work facility.



Read more: What Is a Hostile Work Environment? | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/about_5079366_hostile-work-environment.html#ixzz1t3hzdwt5

BunnyFat

I know you've had a lot of responses, but I just wanted to share that I had a very similar situation several years ago. I went through orientation for a job that was horrible and demeaning. Even though I was told I wouldn't be working any night shifts when I was hired, my schedule had me working until 1 and 2am several nights a week. I worked there for one day and the next day when I was supposed to go back, I called and told them I would not be coming in and that the job was not for me. They weren't too pleased, but I actually got a paycheck for the 1 day I worked. Since then I've never put that job on any applications and it's never come up. If it did, I would just explain what happened. I don't think anyone would blame you for what you did. That was not going to be a place that would be good for you (or anyone it sounds like) to work. Good job on standing up and doing what you knew you had to - people don't deserve that kind of treatment.

Dudagarcia

((Hugs)) to you and you did the right thing. I'm proud of you for taking your stand!! I would have told my grown children not to take the job! First of all, you don't need to work for a jerk like that. If he was like that to you and you hadn't even started working there, imagine he would be treating you like the other employees. There are plenty of jobs out there and you'll find the right one for you.

mgpage

Why do you need to mention this in job interview? You didn't actually work there so it doesn't need to go on your resume.

Is this a large firm? You should contact the Head Office or if they are a small firm the HR department and report this person for his behaviour.

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

^^THIS^^

ericabrothers

It is illegal for a company to even let you work for free. You can't do anything work related and not get paid for it. The labor board says that and I'm pretty sure that prick doesn't want to take on the labor board.

PlainJade13

Sweetheart, I hope you get through this.

I actually quit my job after working for a month. My anxiety was high and I couldn't handle working with boys who were very disrespectful to me...One of my managers was very rude also. I kept having anxiety attacks about going back to work so I just called them one day and quit.

Don't feel bad about it, love. If you're uncomfortable, you're uncomfortable and you shouldn't feel bad about it. I wouldn't want to work for that guy either!