Stay at home parents- (kind of long)

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  • iam_thatdude
    iam_thatdude Posts: 1,279 Member
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    I would say Im a hugely successful parent in the sense that I am great, plus I only beat them when they do something really bad, like talk when im trying to watch TV.

    Also, I give them money, sometimes.

    Also, folllow this.
  • taylmarie
    taylmarie Posts: 161
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    I would say Im a hugely successful parent in the sense that I am great, plus I only beat them when they do something really bad, like talk when im trying to watch TV.

    Also, I give them money, sometimes.

    Ha ha. Dad of the year!
  • taylmarie
    taylmarie Posts: 161
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    Both have allowed her to provide for the family (and other families) in different ways - by giving input and effort into resources that many kids can enjoy and benefit from (including ours)

    wonderful!
  • bm99
    bm99 Posts: 597 Member
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    I would consider myself a success at parenting. We sacrifice financially so that I can stay home with the kids. Exactly what part of that is unsuccessful?

    We can't have it all. You can't work 60 hours a week and expect to be there for your child as well. Make your choice. Something will always suffer, you are only one person. I think the worst thing "feminism" ever did was devalue the role of being a mother.



    I wouldn't call it unsuccessful at all! Parenting is a difficult and rewarding job. My point was that I think it is hard that we are expected to do so much that we could never really give 100% in every area. We have to sacrifice somewhere. And I agree about the "feminism" thing. I told my husband that of chivalry really is dead, women killed it!

    But I do love to vote, and when I work I like the equal pay lol They should have stopped there!

    It is terrible that a woman loses no matter what. I feel very blessed that I was able to see all their firsts and that I get to be there for them. And when they're in school I'll get my career going. But if you work and send your child to daycare you are judged because someone else is "raising" your child. If you're a stay at home mom you're selfish and lazy. Everyone loses. Do what makes you happiest and what you think is best for your family.

    One hard thing about being a stay at home parent is the social part. It's very easy to feel trapped in your house with young kids. It's a lot of work to maintain a social life, but so important. Especially if most of your friends are in the workforce you may feel left out a little bit (and they may not understand just how awesome it is that little Johnny can say bahbah, ya know?). Adult conversation will keep you feeling like you, especially since you are educated. I think that was the very hardest for me.

    Good luck! :happy:
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
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    I stayed home for the first year. Well, I had a part time radio job that was like 1 or 2 days on air per week on the weekends, but basically, I stayed home. It wasn't my choice, as my son's father believed that my "place" was in the home. Yeah. We split up before my son turned 2. I personally did not enjoy being a stay at home mom. Don't get me wrong, my son is the love of my life, and I cherish every moment I have with him. But I missed being at work every day. I missed making my own money. I missed being around other adults every day.

    Both my parents worked, but I don't have any memories of either of them being "absent" or anything. They were both at every school function, volunteering for field trips, making cupcakes for the class on my birthday, etc. Now that I look back, I have no idea how my mom did it, really. When I was in 1st grade she worked full time, was pregnant with my sister, was in graduate school at Johns Hopkins, and still had dinner on the table at night. I suspect she had a clone.

    I really think it's up to the individual. I would not choose to be a stay at home parent. First of all, my son is in school now, so there's not really a reason for me to be home all day, and secondly, it does not make me as happy and fulfilled as working AND parenting do. I love my career. I love making my own money. I love meeting new people through my job. And I love leaving work, picking up my son, and taking him to the gym with me, or to t-ball practice/games, or home to hang out. I love going to the park with him on the weekends and taking him to church on Sundays. That's what works for our family best, and my son will not grow up and think "gee, my mom sure wasn't around much." His dad on the other hand....well that's another story for another thread lol

    My best friend from high school, however, is OVERJOYED at being able to stay home with her kids. It's like she was born to be a stay at home mom. I just never wanted that for myself. I don't see one as being better than the other, just different for every person.
  • lorforde
    lorforde Posts: 68 Member
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    I am! bump for later x
  • KareninCanada
    KareninCanada Posts: 795 Member
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    I am a stay at home mom. If I wasn't, I would be wishing I was. I work hard to make sure that I can continue to be. I do have some of "my own" money, but we don't differentiate his/hers anyway. It all goes into the same pot.

    There's nothing saying that a stay at home parent has to be engulfed by the stereotypes, either... you can stay up to date on world events, work on your education part-time by correspondence, and have a get-together with like-minded friends on a fairly regular basis so you're not completely out of the loop. I have two kids who I homeschool, but we're hardly homebound. :o)

    Incidentally, when I ran the numbers we realized that if I did go get a full-time job, we'd actually be in the hole by about $2000 per year. And that was based on making $15/hr. Instead, I generate income from home - I do web design, I babysit, I teach piano, I do move-out cleaning for people... a little of this and a little of that and it all adds up nicely but without the hassle of having a boss or co-workers, and there are none of those nasty payroll deductions to worry about. I don't start paying income tax until I've actually earned enough to require it, I'm not EI-eligible, no pensions or dues, etc. Plus there are business-use-of-home deductions that help a LOT with the final income tax tally.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
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    I've been a SAHM for the last 7 years and like anything it has it's ups and downs.

    I worked hard on my education, got a MA in Psych and had a career that I loved. But my husband and I agreed that I would stay home once we had kids. My parents always worked and I was your classic latch-key kid so I wanted something different for my children. My husband's mother stayed home and he has such fond memories

    I don't feel like I'm completely financially dependent on my husband because while we have a savings and checking account together, we each also maintain our own savings account. Most of my money comes from what I put away before I stopped working and then I do earn money here and there from blogging.

    It doesn't feel strange to me at all to live off one income, probably because my husband has never made me feel like it's HIS money. I don't have to ask for money, I spend whenever I need or want to (wisely, of course). I'm actually way more frugal than he is!!

    As far as whether to pursue furthering your education now or later, well, I guess you have to think about which years are most important to you in terms of raising your children.

    Do you want to be there for them more now during their formative years....or is it more important to you to be there for them in their teenage years?

    While obviously your first priority is your family, you also have to make sure you put yourself at the top of the list and not get completely caught up in motherhood or career. You just have to find a healthy balance. My MIL completely dedicated her life to her children and now that my husband and his brother are grown up with families of their own, she kind of stumbles through life, unsure of how to spend her days.

    I love being a SAHM but I also don't want to completely lose myself in the process.

    So yeah....lots of food for though and many things to consider but ultimately you just have to make the decision that feels right for you!

    That's awesome advice, I'm not a SAHM, but I totally agree, there are ups and downs to both, so you just have to decide which one works better for you and your family.
  • taylmarie
    taylmarie Posts: 161
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    Sure, we would love to drive a nicer car, live in a nicer home, go on vacations but the benefits our son gets from having his mom at home with him are worth way more than that.

    Well said :)
  • angieleighbyrd
    angieleighbyrd Posts: 989 Member
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    I've been on both sides of the fence. I worked up until my son was 12. I was a single parent and had no choice though. I hated it. I missed a lot of important things. I felt like he was being raised by babysitters and day care. If I could have stayed home more I would have.

    We just had another baby 9 months ago and I quit working while I was pregnant due to complications. I miss having the extra income, and a life outside of the house. But nothing will ever replace seeing my daughter first crawl, talk, use a cup (that happened today actually!!!) Now that I am married and can stay at home. I don't want to work. I miss my kids too much to leave. Now I can be more involved in my sons life too. Even though he's 13 and doesn't necessarily want his mom anymore LOL

    If we decide not to have anymore (still on the fence about it) I may go back to work once she reaches school age. But I refuse to miss out on everything with her that I did with her brother. Jobs are hard to come by, but if I can't find something flexible that will allow me to go to school events and such then no I won't go to work. My husband doesn't want me working anyways. Hell if it were up to him I'd be pregnant again already.
  • Ashley_Panda
    Ashley_Panda Posts: 1,404 Member
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    Why don't you study online for your master's when you start staying at home?

    I love being at home with my kids but once both of them are in school I'd like to be able to do something for me too. :)
  • taylmarie
    taylmarie Posts: 161
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    While obviously your first priority is your family, you also have to make sure you put yourself at the top of the list and not get completely caught up in motherhood or career. You just have to find a healthy balance. My MIL completely dedicated her life to her children and now that my husband and his brother are grown up with families of their own, she kind of stumbles through life, unsure of how to spend her days.

    I love being a SAHM but I also don't want to completely lose myself in the process.

    I def know it will be important to make sure I don't lose myself. I know if I stay home I would volunteer or after I get in awesome shape maybe I could instruct a few classes while my little one is at school :)
  • taylmarie
    taylmarie Posts: 161
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    On the other hand, I know lots of working mommies who think that they are better mommies because they don't stay home. That's a valid position as well.

    This is very true. I don't take anything away from a parent who works or does not work. It is a personal choice.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,829 Member
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    I feel like such a weirdo here! Am I the only woman alive who has zero interest in being a stay at home mom???
  • taylmarie
    taylmarie Posts: 161
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    As much as I enjoy my job and the fulfillment that I get, I would much rather be at home when they are home and already have the household chores done so that I had more quality time with my children. I think it's a personal choice though that each parent should make on his/her own.

    I actually didn't consider how nice it would be to have time to do chores during the day so that evenings and weekends could be spent having quality family time. Great point!
  • morgansmama
    morgansmama Posts: 23 Member
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    I've been a SAHM since my daughter was born which was last February. I had worked since I was 14 at high intensity jobs that required me to stay on my feet for the majority of the day. I have always wanted to be a SAHM so when I became pregnant, my husband and I sat down and talked about it. We went over the financial aspects and found out that if I had continued to work and sent our daughter to a daycare, we would actually be losing money due to high costs in our area, and my lack of education. At first, I had a little depression just because I had gone from walking all day and doing stuff to keep me busy (all the way up until two days before I gave birth) to being at home all day, cleaning and taking care of our newborn. As she grew though, our Parents as Teachers consultant told us that she was EXTREMELY advanced in every area. She started walking at 8 and a half months and problem solving well before a year. She has excelled in everything and for a 15 month old, she's extremely smart and talented. It's been rough, obviously, and we've had to work through some hard times financially but I wouldn't trade these years for anything! We plan on me staying home with our children until they get into all day school. Then I will go back to college and get a job to keep me busy, but just enough so I don't miss any aspect of their life. My parents were and continue to be workaholics and it made me incredibly mad when other parents took more responsibility for me during school events than they did. So I want to be there for all of their events and school functions. :) It's an incredibly rewarding experience so I would say that if you feel that you want to stay home, stay home and experience your children. If you don't think you could handle it, then it might be best to ease into it with a part time job. Some people just can't handle being around their children 24/7 and it's not a bad thing. :) Hope it helps!
  • taylmarie
    taylmarie Posts: 161
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    I have a friend who is fond of saying "When my kids were little I needed to be home to make sure that they didn't play in the medicine cabinet...now that they're teens, I need to be here to make sure they don't play in the medicine cabinet" (She is saying this tongue in cheek as she has amazing kids, but its still true)

    Not having "your own" $ may be a bit of an adjustment but if you and hubby and both on the same page, write up a budget, and stick with what you agree to that might help to pre-empt any difficulties. Good Luck with your descision!

    Ha, how funny! Thanks for your advice about making a plan together to prevent issues, makes great sense!
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    From a personal standpoint I would love to be a stay at home parent.....Spending every day with my kids and watching them grow........From a social aspect I am 100% sure that our kids going to daycare has been great for them and there are no regrets. I know I am generalizing but most kids with SAH parents are not as well socialized (there are exceptions I said most). Also recently we did kindergarten registration recently and of the sampling that we heard while we were there the kids not enrolled in school scored significantly lower than those in school.

    All that said what is your overall goal? Do you want to keep them home and home school them forever or will they go to public schools at 5? If public schools what is so different about years 1-5 as 5-18?

    Again....Just my opinions and they obviously differ from most posting in here......
  • TheFitHooker
    TheFitHooker Posts: 3,358 Member
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    I was a stay at home mom for 8 years, I recently started working a part time job, but I'm still home with my daughter during the day and my husband is home with the kids at night. We have 2, my son is nearly 9, and my daughter is 16 months old. I refuse to do day cares.

    Honestly I love being with my kids, but at the same time for the past 8 years I didn't have "Me Time" and it put me into a depression which caused a lot of my weight issues. I am not blaming being a stay at home for my poor choices, I'm just saying that not having a life out side my kids caused me to not care. Now that I work I have more, I mean I love being with my kids, they are the world to me, but I now have friends, extra money so I can go do things once in awhile. I don't feel trapped in the house all the time.

    My husband and I both agree that the money that is made between him and I is our money not his and not mine. We both pay bills, our money goes into 1 account and that is that. It's not weird at all, after 10 years together nearly 9 married, I think its a great thing. We only have 1 car, so he works days and I work nights.

    My husband would prefer me to stay home, I made the choice to go back to work, he is hoping for a raise at work, but he thinks if he gets one, I'll quit my job, I don't want to quit my job. Me having a job isn't about money, it's about getting out of the house a few nights a week, being around people my own age, and being able to keep my sanity lol. I spent the past 8 years a SAHM and while I loved being with my kids and tending to the house, I still do that, it's a never ending job, and it's nice to have that little bit of "Me" time. I'm also thinking about going back to school soon.
  • taylmarie
    taylmarie Posts: 161
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    I look back and LOVE the fact I was able to walk them to/from school, have lunch with them, have play dates, and just in general, be there for them. You choose to have a career, and you choose to have kids, only one of them are you really happy about when you look back on your life.

    :) reading this literally made me smile!

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