cheating and in-love, mutually exclusive or no?

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  • opus649
    opus649 Posts: 633 Member
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    Ok, what about this situation. I have a friend that is bi and is happily married. She has been with a woman outside of her marriage, with her husband's consent. Is this cheating, or just filling a need that the opposite gender can't fill? (no this isn't me, it is an actual friend). Those of you that are going to give me the "homosexuality" is wrong speech, please don't respond...I really want a thought out answer, because I don't know how I feel about this myself.

    I think the key there is, "...with her husband's consent."
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    Ok, what about this situation. I have a friend that is bi and is happily married. She has been with a woman outside of her marriage, with her husband's consent. Is this cheating, or just filling a need that the opposite gender can't fill? (no this isn't me, it is an actual friend). Those of you that are going to give me the "homosexuality" is wrong speech, please don't respond...I really want a thought out answer, because I don't know how I feel about this myself.

    I would have to say yes it's still cheating. Cheating with consent is still cheating. If a person wants to lower their standards based on what they want at the time, then they are the sole beneficiaries of the choices they make.

    You would be wrong. Because you can't cheat on someone who knows exactly what you're doing and accepts it.

    If I say you can have my candy bar, you can have it. It isn't stealing.
  • lour441
    lour441 Posts: 543 Member
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    will this help me lose weight?
    Cheating burns calories so yes.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    will this help me lose weight?

    no that's why its in the Chat-Chat section
  • aproc
    aproc Posts: 1,033 Member
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    I think you can cheat even if you really love someone. You can love them and yet still find attracted sexually to another. Just comes down to the type of person you are with whether you will act on those desires.
  • bethgames
    bethgames Posts: 534 Member
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    I think that cheating has more to do with being 'unsatisfied' rather than love. I loved my ex-husband (still do), but I was not happy with our sex life. My husband now, on the other hand, after 10 years can still rock my world and I wouldnt dream of going elsewhere. Heck if he left me, I would still beg for the booty calls. Huh, sad but true. :embarassed:
  • hdroddy
    hdroddy Posts: 122
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    My personal code of behavior? Cheating and being in love are most definitely mutually exclusive.

    Having said that, if a couple discusses it and agrees upon it... openness and honesty is key. Respect and consideration are key. If those exist, a couple should make their own rules.

    My definition of "love" and "relationship" differ from those others may have, and vice versa.

    When pain and betrayal are the result, way wrong. Otherwise? To each their own.
  • littlepinkhearts
    littlepinkhearts Posts: 1,055 Member
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    All interesting responses, but lets pose a scenario

    Guy gets in accident and is paralyzed from neck down.

    Wife is fully devoted to him, loves him, prays for him, waits on him hand n foot....

    And she truly, truly loves him....

    But she wants to get physical attention and has a one night stamd, no emotions just physical....

    Isnt that cheating n being IN love?

    Does his tongue still work :tongue:
    There are other options so yes...it is still cheating.

    Yes, but my point is its cheating AND being in love, which many ppl said isnt possible

    Speaking for myself, I could not see saying that you're in love and still do that to the person you're supposedly in love with. If you're gonna put your own physical satisfaction before the emotional well-being of the person your'e in love with then I would have to say you're not as in love as you thought you were?
  • galegetsthin
    galegetsthin Posts: 1,352 Member
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    will this help me lose weight?


    If you are having enough sex it will................
  • ThePhoenixRose
    ThePhoenixRose Posts: 1,985 Member
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    i think it's possible. I also think it's possible to love more than one person at a time, in the same way. BUT, i tend to think if that is the case, the one you're cheating with is likely filling needs the spouse isn't meeting. That's the case in my personal experience anyway...
  • lorac321
    lorac321 Posts: 627 Member
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    Sure you can. Doesn't say much for your commitment and character, though.

    Bingo!
  • adrian_indy
    adrian_indy Posts: 1,444 Member
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    This whole "I love you, I'm just not "in love" with you craze has got to go. Romance novels and romcoms have ruined our minds to think that relationships are supposed to stay like they are in the beginning. Yeah, righ. Quit being tween girls and realize that relationships are work and passion ebs and flows through out a relationship. Any real relationship between two people that last any consider amount of time is going to have days, weeks, and months where you actually think about smothering the other person with a pillow, let alone cheating. The key is working through those times. If being "in love" is the barometer in which you gauge how your relationship is going, be prepared to go through many.
  • chachita7
    chachita7 Posts: 996 Member
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    I think that there is a big difference in loving someone and being IN LOVE with someone - when you are IN LOVE you only have eyes for that person and that person alone, you are that much more considerate, that much more respectful...
  • ThePhoenixRose
    ThePhoenixRose Posts: 1,985 Member
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    This whole "I love you, I'm just not "in love" with you craze has got to go. Romance novels and romcoms have ruined our minds to think that relationships are supposed to stay like they are in the beginning. Yeah, righ. Quit being tween girls and realize that relationships are work and passion ebs and flows through out a relationship. Any real relationship between two people that last any consider amount of time is going to have days, weeks, and months where you actually think about smothering the other person with a pillow, let alone cheating. The key is working through those times. If being "in love" is the barometer in which you gauge how your relationship is going, be prepared to go through many.
    A seriously thoughtful post from you?? This changes my view on you... I'm so confused.
  • _Timmeh_
    _Timmeh_ Posts: 2,096 Member
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    Define cheating.
    To some on here, believe it or not simply looking at an adult video is cheating....or even looking at another woman and admiring her is cheating.
  • love4fitnesslove4food_wechange
    love4fitnesslove4food_wechange Posts: 6,897 Member
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    This whole "I love you, I'm just not "in love" with you craze has got to go. Romance novels and romcoms have ruined our minds to think that relationships are supposed to stay like they are in the beginning. Yeah, righ. Quit being tween girls and realize that relationships are work and passion ebs and flows through out a relationship. Any real relationship between two people that last any consider amount of time is going to have days, weeks, and months where you actually think about smothering the other person with a pillow, let alone cheating. The key is working through those times. If being "in love" is the barometer in which you gauge how your relationship is going, be prepared to go through many.

    well said. people expect relationships to be all sunshines and rainbows and when it gets hard they stray or walk away. that's not how love works and that's why the divorce rates are insanely high in today's day and age.
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
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    I do think that you can be in love with somebody and still cheat on them. However, to me, if you're truely in love with your partner you wouldn't purposefully do anything that would cause them pain. So unless the partner was ok with it (open relationships etc), I couldn't see how you can be in love with somebody, as well as have an affair with somebody else, knowing that you're hurting your partner.
    One night stands are different, I still think you know what you're doing, therefore you're willingly betraying your partner by doing so, however, some people may disagree and say that it could be a true mistake / lack of judgement. I still doubt I could forgive it though if it happened.

    IMO it shows more love and respect for a person, for whom you may not be getting what you need from the relationship, to leave the relationship before starting a new one. Although, I understand that it may not always be easy if you're married w/ kids and still love that person.

    Basically: It's complicated, it's not the same for everyone, and you can't say for sure another person is/isn't in love because of something like cheating. It goes further than that.
  • Bonita_Lynne_58
    Bonita_Lynne_58 Posts: 2,845 Member
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    I may get flammed for this...but here goes.

    Many (not most) men and women don't equate love and sex together. So for some people it is possible to be in love and cheat. Not saying it's right or wrong. Just stating what I've observed.
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
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    Can you cheat on someone you love? Or is that NOT love at all? Discuss. :)

    If you are in a committed relationship with someone, and you really love them, you should have enough respect for them to be clear about your needs and desires. If you can't handle monogamy, then the other person should know that going in so he/she can decide if this is something they can or cannot live with. You should respect whatever their decision is.

    There's really no excuse for cheating. It's a betrayal of trust more than anything, and for me, it's a stab in the back. The damage is not the physical act, but the lying and the deceit.

    I have never cheated, but I've been cheated on, and it's incredibly painful.
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
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    I can't define "love" for someone else. It's very personal and can be different even in the same person. I've "loved" two men in my life but the emotions involved were/are very different.

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