why do women seem to want WHO they can't have?
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Honestly I think when you are with some one you are happy and confident and people pick up on that.
that would make complete sense actually.0 -
er, isn't it the husbands fault for cheating on his future wife?
I never said anything about cheating actually. Just because she wants him doesn't mean that he's going to indulge her and give in.
In your sexist little rant,2 of my closest friends SCREWED one of our other best friend's now husband
They both shagged another girls guy once each, but he cheated on her twice.
I think that story says more about him than them.
And maybe you just pick really ****ty friends?
I can't think why better people don't wanna be friends with you, you're clearly such an open minded, intelligent individual.
point taken. the bottom line is NOT cheating--that was just one example. He didn't solicit the sex--they did. He acted on the opportunity. He still sucks and is awful BUT the fact of the matter is that it wouldn't have happened had the other 2 girls not openly offered themselves to him.0 -
Guys do the same thing. It's a competition. A game. For guys, stealing another guy's woman is ego-points. Means he's the alpha.
Status games be status games.0 -
because women in general (not all but A LOT ) are a bunch of backstabing dirty over competive hookers
i also agree with this. especially the "overcompetitive" part. How many women have you heard say "I hate women/girls/females." Or "i don't have female friends."
Why do you think that's the case?
I have no idea,but ive had many female friends that once a man was around it became a big contest to see who could get the most attention0 -
2 of my closest friends SCREWED one of our other best friend's now husbandThey both shagged another girls guy once each, but he cheated on her twice.
I think that story says more about him than them.
^ I agree with this part.0 -
because women in general (not all but A LOT ) are a bunch of backstabing dirty over competive hookers
i also agree with this. especially the "overcompetitive" part. How many women have you heard say "I hate women/girls/females." Or "i don't have female friends."
Why do you think that's the case?
And women who say that annoy me as well. They too are making negative generalizations about their own sex. They obviously haven't taken the time to get to know a good amount of women in order to find women who are like them. None of female friends that are catty, competitive or into drama. Why? Because there are a lot of women are NOT that way, and I take the time to find that out (and actually it's not that hard to find in the right groups). Women need to stop being prejudice against other women, plain and simple.
well, i don't disagree with you but the fact of the matter is that there are a crapton of women who feel this way and say those very things. Take a poll tomorrow if you'd like to see it in action. Ask women if they have many other female friends OR ask if they prefer males or females as friends. I am confident that 50% or more will say they don't have/want female friends.0 -
the best way to pick up a girl at a bar or someplace like that is to arrive with a female. It instantly draws more attention to him
so that, is what I am doing wrong....0 -
I have personally never wanted a guy more because he was with some one or even suddenly thought how great he was when he started dating someone else and I can't say I've ever witnessed any of my friends act this way but I have seen women hit on my husband knowing he is married. It's like they like the challenge or maybe they just like trying to mess with me.
It's fun for me though because my husband is so blunt to annoying women like that, right to their faces. He straight up calls them out in front of everyone. It equals embarassment for them and entertainment for me.LOL!
That's exactly what I mean. women TRY when they know he's taken but that doesn't mean the man actually gives in and cheats on his wife/GF. thanks for sharing. Glad you've got a good man.0 -
It's my main mission in life to bang all your husbands and boyfriends.
this really made me laugh out loud. :laugh:0 -
rule #1- never try to figure out women, you will be wrong
Actually I think its people ... sometimes you just can figure people0 -
I'd say it definitely goes both ways. I would never hit on a taken guy, because, well karma tends to be kind of a *****...
However, the ONLY time guys show ANY interest in me is when I'm in a serious relationship... it's pretty ridiculous...0 -
My husband comments to me that he notices many more women flirting with him now that he's married. And this is not when I'm on his arm either... it's when he's out alone working, etc. He thinks it's because he's happy, confident and isn't looking at them. I think the women want him because now he's just not interested in them.
ETA: And I agree with a previous poster... we certainly don't need another woman bashing woman thread.
I think you really hit the nail correctly with your comment. "It is because he is happy, confident and isn't interested." I experienced the same thing when I was married. It was common for women to hit on me in the supermarket. They would just suddenly happen to show up right next to me in the aisle and smile. We would say "hi" and I would comment on something and next thing you know we are like two Chatty Kathy's in the aisle. Now, that I am divorced, things have changed a lot. I have even tried wearing the wedding ring just to see how I am treated at the supermarket. It's still different. The bottom line, the ring has nothing to do with it. It is the attitude that women are interested in and they can see it a mile away whether they know you are available or not. I think it comes down to desperation. There is no bigger turn-off for a woman than a man who seems desperate. Naturally, you would be attracted to the opposite of desperate which is confident, without neediness, uninterested. It becomes a challenge and most women love a challenge.0 -
So from MY PERSPECTIVE it seems that women always seem to want the man who's taken. All of a sudden the once invisible guy has a girlfriend and then he's hotsh!t.
What's the deal? I mean from an evolutionary perspective it makes sense (If another woman is with him then maybe she has access to information regarding his ability to provide for his future offspring so you're more likely to want to mate with him as well). But damn aren't we EVOLVED?
One of my male friends jokes (but not really joking at all) that the best way to pick up a girl at a bar or someplace like that is to arrive with a female. It instantly draws more attention to him I guess.
Now don't get me wrong...I'm not saying there aren't men who do the same thing and go after taken women BUT I think it's more prevalent in women FROM WHAT I'VE OBSERVED. I've never seen men trying to go after their best friend's GF but I have seen women do it! In fact, 2 of my closest friends SCREWED one of our other best friend's now husband. True story and quite sad that she still married him KNOWING what he did.
Isn't there a CODE FOR WOMEN? It seems that guys are more likely to back off when a girl is taken and respect the other guy in that way. Maybe it's just me though.
What are your thoughts?
Men follow the "Rule of the Jungle" too. Have you seen 2 Stallions in a corral with a Mare or Philly ; it AIN'T pretty! The Stallions will KILL each other to "be" with the Mare...or any other situation like that in nature. Men KNOW to mess with another man's woman will probably mean some type of violent confrontation, and they have to decide if she is worth dying or getting a butt kikkin for or doing those things to another man. NATURE KICKS In, NO matter the species, horse or human, male or female. Nature will for the most part trump evolution relative to sex...and that's a good thing!
Oh, the guy your friend married had the GREATER RESPONSIBILITY to be faithful (if he was with your friend at the time he sexed those 2 women.)0 -
er, isn't it the husbands fault for cheating on his future wife?
I never said anything about cheating actually. Just because she wants him doesn't mean that he's going to indulge her and give in.
In your sexist little rant,2 of my closest friends SCREWED one of our other best friend's now husband
They both shagged another girls guy once each, but he cheated on her twice.
I think that story says more about him than them.
And maybe you just pick really ****ty friends?
I can't think why better people don't wanna be friends with you, you're clearly such an open minded, intelligent individual.
point taken. the bottom line is NOT cheating--that was just one example. He didn't solicit the sex--they did. He acted on the opportunity. He still sucks and is awful BUT the fact of the matter is that it wouldn't have happened had the other 2 girls not openly offered themselves to him.
If he acted on an opportunity it doesn't matter who solicited the sex. He would have acted on any opportunity that would have presented itself.0 -
My husband comments to me that he notices many more women flirting with him now that he's married. And this is not when I'm on his arm either... it's when he's out alone working, etc. He thinks it's because he's happy, confident and isn't looking at them. I think the women want him because now he's just not interested in them.
ETA: And I agree with a previous poster... we certainly don't need another woman bashing woman thread.
Well, regardless--the phenomenon is one that your husband, at least, has witnessed. that's my point. I'm not trying to "bash" women. I am a woman if you haven't noticed.
I did notice you're a woman. That doesn't mean you aren't capable of woman bashing.
It's a very simple "phenomenon" of HUMAN (not gender specific) nature that people are drawn to happy, confident people.0 -
because women in general (not all but A LOT ) are a bunch of backstabing dirty over competive hookers
i also agree with this. especially the "overcompetitive" part. How many women have you heard say "I hate women/girls/females." Or "i don't have female friends."
Why do you think that's the case?
And women who say that annoy me as well. They too are making negative generalizations about their own sex. They obviously haven't taken the time to get to know a good amount of women in order to find women who are like them. None of female friends that are catty, competitive or into drama. Why? Because there are a lot of women are NOT that way, and I take the time to find that out (and actually it's not that hard to find in the right groups). Women need to stop being prejudice against other women, plain and simple.
well, i don't disagree with you but the fact of the matter is that there are a crapton of women who feel this way and say those very things. Take a poll tomorrow if you'd like to see it in action. Ask women if they have many other female friends OR ask if they prefer males or females as friends. I am confident that 50% or more will say they don't have/want female friends.
So if 50% of women don't like "typical" women behavior, why can't those 50% of women be friends with each other? I don't like competitive superficial, drama creating/ attracting people (not just women). I'm not friends with these people, yet I still have women friends. These women friends also do not like competitive, drama people either. Instead of writing off women as a whole, I've taken the time to find those who are like me. It's not hard.0 -
A little reading. Apparently my perspective isn't all that crazy after all.
What You Need To Know
"Girls want what other girls have."
Here’s the scenario: You've been single for a while and no matter how you try to woo the ladies, your suave pickup lines and quips bear no fruit. Then, one evening when your dignity has all but bottomed out, you make nice with a jaw-dropper and soon find yourself in a new relationship. Things progress beautifully, and as they do, you notice that you’re getting an abnormally high number of bicep-squeezes, do-me eyes and knee-slapping laughs from attractive women who aren’t yours to bring home. In an unlikely turn of events, it seems that your success with one woman has made you successful with all women. So what gives?
Like a moth to a flame, single women are drawn to a man in a relationship. It’s a fascinating coincidence -- one that is frustrating and unfair for the newly tied-down gentleman. Just when the gettin’s good, he’s not allowed to get. Nevertheless, the reasoning behind this phenomenon will help you be a better man, whether you’re single or taken.
Women want what’s off limits
In the Garden of Eden, Eve sinks her teeth into the one piece of fruit that God instructed her to avoid -- so began a long line of women who wanted, oh so badly, what they could not have. We see the same trend continue today with women staring longingly at designer shoes, fawning over limited-edition jewelry and above all, chasing after already spoken-for men. Be it human or handbag, the more tantalizingly out of reach it is, the more appealing it becomes.
Women think taken men are safe
Women, at least those in good stead with the girlfriend, have the green light to pick the brain of a taken man. They can discuss their romantic strategies, seek advice and flirt without fear of repercussion. A guy who is off the market is, after all, harmless. We know how this movie ends though. Before long, she has fallen for him. Her infatuation comes to light in a moment of devastating clarity. When she’s not supposed to, she far outdoes the girlfriend (“Box seats at Yankee Stadium -- you shouldn’t have!”), at which point the gig is up. Lo and behold, the safety of his relationship status is what lured her in all along.
Women hear good things about taken men
Significant others are a reflection of the people they date. That’s why it’s in a girl’s best interest to act like her boyfriend’s PR rep: to mention whenever possible that he studied at Harvard -- oh, and he plays in a band. When she boasts, her listeners see him through the rose-colored glasses that she wears. By the time she gets to the part about his volunteer firefighting, it’s obvious that he’s a major stud and consequently, she’s his female equivalent. Unfortunately, the girls, now in agreement, want to steal her title away.
Too many women have gotten past the clamor of insincere compliments, kind gestures and sweet nothings only to find a broken record playing at a single man’s core. It repeats, “get some.” Thus, the most well-intentioned actions of single men still have women scrutinizing between the lines. Men who are in a relationship (and respectful of that commitment) don’t use women as a means to an end. Once they settle into something serious, their behavior undergoes purification and the selfish sexual intentions are removed. In turn, women lower their guard.
Women like what is popular
This one is fairly straightforward. Girls want what other girls have. To women, the simple fact that a guy is someone’s favorite flavor makes him worth a try. A guy in a relationship is wanted by at least one person -- the girl on his arm, who confirms that he has been tested and approved as boyfriend material -- and therefore attracts the buzz of many others.
More reasons why single women want you now that you're taken after the jump...
Women want an ego boost
Man or woman, the ultimate ego boost is the knowledge that you’re not just hot, but irresistibly hot. Consider this: If a man risks his entire relationship -- commitment be damned -- for one exceptionally steamy night with another woman, that other woman will go home feeling like she has one-upped Helen of Troy. That’s bragging rights to the max. A shot of confidence like that could make up for a long dry spell of celibacy or jump-start a love life. Plus, if she’s unable to win him over, there’s a net to catch her: “Of course he’s not interested in me; he’s in a relationship.”
Women see taken men as having desirable qualities
To help you further understand how women perceive the dating pool, think of men like parking spaces surrounding a popular restaurant on a Friday evening. The best ones, meaning the ones closest to the restaurant, will be occupied almost solidly until closing. But as one gets farther from the front door, the parking spots aren’t as good, so they open up with greater regularity or, in some cases, remain open permanently. In short, women believe that men who are single are single for a reason. Backward as it may sound, the ones who aren’t available are the ones worth going for.
Women like a challenge
Women who demonstrate the right combination of warmth and affection can bag a single guy like candy on Halloween. Taken men, on the other hand, are tougher to get. For starters, they’re probably content with their current girlfriend and not too keen on gambling that relationship. You’d think this would deter an aggressive girl, but no. With two hearts that stand to gain (and only one to be crushed as collateral damage), the stakes are too high to back out. Also, what if he’s not as happy as he looks? Women know a man loves to be fought over, and there’s potential that his girlfriend under-delivers. Hello window of opportunity!
Women want to screw over other women
Then there are those women who simply have it out for their own gender. In grade school, they pulled pigtails; now that they’re older, they pull boyfriends. Some are out for revenge, others make a sport of seeing if they “can get him,” whatever the emotional cost. Women size up their competition and somehow rationalize that her boyfriend is begging to be with a real woman -- no offense to the tramp he’s with. Remember, too, that women aren’t always down with waiting patiently for a taken man to free up. They want results, and they want them yesterday.
Taken men have confidence
The next time you go out, take a look around. The most confident guy in the room isn’t the one usurping attention or emptying his wallet on drinks for the gang. The man exuding confidence like perspiration in a sweat lodge has his arm blissfully around his bombshell of a girlfriend -- and in case you didn’t notice, she’s all about him. What better proof exists that he is successful, intelligent and endlessly charming? Men who enjoy this luxury are infinitely more natural, comfortable and cool. They worry little, stress out even less. This all adds up to a man with incredible romantic gravity who pulls women into his orbit.
http://m.askmen.com/top_10/dating_200/213_why-do-single-women-like-taken-men.html0 -
There are a lot of people taking a couple lines of what you said and just blasting you rather than keeping in mind all you wrote haha. Anyway, regardless of gender, some people are more principled, while others are simply out for themselves.0
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~ The only time anybody is " available " .... is if they want to be. It doesn't matter who is looking or even talking .. unless that person wants to be seen or approached ... that is when it happens.
I know from experience that many people will use " friendly " conversation to " feel out " the situation ... and perhaps it is a game to some to see if they can " steal " the person from the current relationship ... BUT, if one is committed ... I would like to believe that it doesn't matter what game somebody else is playing ... that it truly takes two to tango.
Now on the other side of the coin ... if two people are in a relationship and one or both has doubts about the situation ... then by all means the game is on. Unfortunately, too many stay in relationships for the wrong reasons and end up " settling " ... which eventually turns into wanting something more out of life.
Better to be honest ... than to hurt somebody with false hope. I would love to believe that many successful marriages are based on honesty and trust ... and if so, it doesn't matter what game somebody else tries to play ... they're happy right where they belong ... with the person they love.
I know in my life ... I am close to where I belong ... and I wouldn't trade this " moment " for anybody else !
:flowerforyou:0 -
AskMen Magazine... hmmm.0
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because women in general (not all but A LOT ) are a bunch of backstabing dirty over competive hookers
i also agree with this. especially the "overcompetitive" part. How many women have you heard say "I hate women/girls/females." Or "i don't have female friends."
Why do you think that's the case?
And women who say that annoy me as well. They too are making negative generalizations about their own sex. They obviously haven't taken the time to get to know a good amount of women in order to find women who are like them. None of female friends that are catty, competitive or into drama. Why? Because there are a lot of women are NOT that way, and I take the time to find that out (and actually it's not that hard to find in the right groups). Women need to stop being prejudice against other women, plain and simple.
which is why I say NOT ALL but a lot. I think in 35 years I have known a fair amount of women since I have not spent that time living under a rock0 -
AskMen Magazine... hmmm.
How's NY Times for You?
Do Single Women Seek Attached Men?
By JOHN TIERNEY
Researchers have debated for years whether men or women are likelier to engage in “mate poaching.” Some surveys indicated that men had a stronger tendency to go after other people’s partners, but was that just because men were more likely to admit engaging in this behavior? Now there’s experimental evidence that single women are particularly drawn to other people’s partners, according to a report in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology by two social psychologists, Melissa Burkley and Jessica Parker of Oklahoma State University.
Noting that single women often complain that “all the good men are taken,” the psychologists wondered if “this perception is really based on the fact that taken men are perceived as good.” To investigate, the researchers quizzed male and female undergraduates — some involved in romantic relationships, some unattached — about their ideal romantic partner.
Next, each of the experimental subjects was told that he or she had been matched by a computer with a like-minded partner, and each was shown a photo of an attractive person of the opposite sex. (All the women saw the same photo, as did all the men.) Half of the subjects were told that their match was already romantically involved with someone else, while the other half were told that their match was unattached. Then the subjects were all asked how interested they were in their match.
To the men in the experiment, and to the women who were already in relationships, it didn’t make a significant difference whether their match was single or attached. But single women showed a distinct preference for mate poaching. When the man was described as unattached, 59 percent of the single women were interested in pursuing him. When that same man was described as being in a committed relationship, 90 percent were interested. The researchers write:
According to a recent poll, most women who engage in mate poaching do not think the attached status of the target played a role in their poaching decision, but our study shows this belief to be false. Single women in this study were significantly more interested in the target when he was attached. This may be because an attached man has demonstrated his ability to commit and in some ways his qualities have already been ‘‘pre-screened” by another woman.
Well, that makes sense. But I asked Dr. Burkley, a professor of social psychology at Oklahoma State, if the correlation could also be due to another factor at work in some women: fear of intimacy. Could their interest in unavailable guys be what was keeping them single in the first place?
Maybe, Dr. Burkley replied. “There are many possible explanations for our results,” she told me, “and future research needs to identify exactly why single women prefer taken men. Our lab is currently conducting studies to try and tease apart the different potential explanations for our findings, but your explanation seems quite plausible.”
What’s your explanation? And do you have any data — anecdotal or otherwise — to offer?
http://tierneylab.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/08/13/do-single-women-seek-attached-men/0 -
Guys do the same thing. It's a competition. A game. For guys, stealing another guy's woman is ego-points. Means he's the alpha.
Status games be status games.
yep, been on the receiving end of a few of those when I was younger I'm sad to say0 -
Ya know what? It doesn't really matter if 75% of women do this, or 90% of women. What matters is that you said "women" as in ALL women. This is the problem. We need to stop making big generalizations especially when it just contributes to prejudiced against ourselves.0
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Ya know what? It doesn't really matter if 75% of women do this, or 90% of women. What matters is that you said "women" as in ALL women. This is the problem. We need to stop making big generalizations especially when it just contributes to prejudiced against ourselves.
I think it very well does matter. If something is the rule rather than the exception then it's quite efficient to be aware of that rule, don't you think?0 -
Could be my age and the fact I have been married (to the same guy) for 43 years.....but I am more attracted to peach ice cream right now as it is something I know I can't have as I can't stop at a 1/2 gallon.
LOL I can totally relate!:bigsmile:0 -
i agree that both do sh!tty things from time to time--but this ONE BEHAVIOR seems TO ME to be more prevalent in women than men. I've never seen men trying to go after their best friend's GF but I have seen women do it!
Baby, that's because us men follow the G-Code, "Bros before Hoes"!
Where is Scott to back me up?!?
And women aren't cool like that, they be all about themselves, digging for gold!0 -
OP, I agree with you that SOME women tend to revert to loving their little drama and having such insecurity issues that they need to 'take' someone's boyfriend to give themselves 'attractive' points. I know a few women like this who actually admit that they go after married men or boyfriends! Some (note that I'm not generalizing the gender, PC nazis!) women are very catty and don't care whom they hurt to get their self-esteem up.
HOWEVER....I have had more men hit on me now that I have a boyfriend than I did when I was single. It works both ways. And yes, in front of my boyfriend too! This one guy started to be belligerent towards my boyfriend and put his arm around me and asked him what he was going to do about that! My boyfriend laughed and said, more the merrier
The guy slunk off and we had ourselves a nice chuckle.
Moral? The grass may seem greener on the other side....but really. Take care of your own grass and it too shall be nice and green
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Yea I dont get this... I am always single and no girl is interested. As soon as I magically get a girlfriend, half the girls around me want me?? it is quite annoying0
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OP, I agree with you that SOME women tend to revert to loving their little drama and having such insecurity issues that they need to 'take' someone's boyfriend to give themselves 'attractive' points. I know a few women like this who actually admit that they go after married men or boyfriends! Some (note that I'm not generalizing the gender, PC nazis!) women are very catty and don't care whom they hurt to get their self-esteem up.
HOWEVER....I have had more men hit on me now that I have a boyfriend than I did when I was single. It works both ways. And yes, in front of my boyfriend too! This one guy started to be belligerent towards my boyfriend and put his arm around me and asked him what he was going to do about that! My boyfriend laughed and said, more the merrier The guy slunk off and we had ourselves a nice chuckle.
Moral? The grass may seem greener on the other side....but really. Take care of your own grass and it too shall be nice and green
I love how you BF handled that situation LOL! I probably would have been taken away in a squad car for roundhouse kicking the douche bag's head off LOL!0
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