Men gamers..
Replies
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After the sex what is he going to do for the other 23 hours 55 minutes of the day? Play video games of course.
more like 23 hours 30 minutes left to the day... and if he'd just do it first thing in the morning, he could game the rest of the day away in peace, but since he won't, i'll nag ALL DAY!!!!!!!!0 -
I bet there are plenty of men willing to satisfy. Maybe it's time to find someone new.0
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haha, he chooses xbox over your box?
sorry hun. time to dump that dude. Life is too short
^^^^^^ this0 -
There needs to be set times for certain things such as hobbies, me time, and games. I think guys get burned out by who they are with and disconnect themselves from other by doing something that is fun and it not inolving their woman. SOmetimes guys feel smothered to death. From what many say is they just run out of energy trying to meet their woman needs and attention needs, work, kids, and chores. Its perfectly fine to playing games and have his me time but he cant ignore his woman either and stop being physical. Also, women, it cant always be about you either, some of you demand so much attention that is makes your man miserable and then he just doesnt try or care anymore and then you cant get him away from the tv. Its all about balance and communication. Maybe instead of fussing about him playing games, ask to play sometime and dont critisize and have fun and then you both do what you want. Its about being involved in each other's life even if you think its stupid.0
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O_o oh ohThere needs to be set times for certain things such as hobbies, me time, and games. I think guys get burned out by who they are with and disconnect themselves from other by doing something that is fun and it not inolving their woman. SOmetimes guys feel smothered to death. From what many say is they just run out of energy trying to meet their woman needs and attention needs, work, kids, and chores. Its perfectly fine to playing games and have his me time but he cant ignore his woman either and stop being physical. Also, women, it cant always be about you either, some of you demand so much attention that is makes your man miserable and then he just doesnt try or care anymore and then you cant get him away from the tv. Its all about balance and communication. Maybe instead of fussing about him playing games, ask to play sometime and dont critisize and have fun and then you both do what you want. Its about being involved in each other's life even if you think its stupid.0 -
@calvert6183 I like your advice. I wish I could play his games with him, we have a tendency to be competitive and I am no good at controlling the camera which drives him insane. If it's about the feeling tired thing I understand it, I've left him alone for hours so that he can relax and have his time after work. I try not to bother him, it just seems that 6 hours behind the controller is a little much for relaxing time every day. The communication problem is a constant because it's always put off (relax first talk later) then if talks do happen it's all about blame on one thing or the other not ever working out how things could be better for both.
I guess it doesn't hurt to try again though.0 -
There needs to be set times for certain things such as hobbies, me time, and games. I think guys get burned out by who they are with and disconnect themselves from other by doing something that is fun and it not inolving their woman. SOmetimes guys feel smothered to death. From what many say is they just run out of energy trying to meet their woman needs and attention needs, work, kids, and chores. Its perfectly fine to playing games and have his me time but he cant ignore his woman either and stop being physical. Also, women, it cant always be about you either, some of you demand so much attention that is makes your man miserable and then he just doesnt try or care anymore and then you cant get him away from the tv. Its all about balance and communication. Maybe instead of fussing about him playing games, ask to play sometime and dont critisize and have fun and then you both do what you want. Its about being involved in each other's life even if you think its stupid.
I wouldn't recommend asking to play. If the issue is "his" time, then don't try to step in on that. Talk to him away from said game and calmly ask to schedule game nights and date nights. Don't force it but calmly explain how you feel and what you want.0 -
so .. how much is too much then.. he will play at least 2 hours a day. i know as soon as i leave the house.. he gets back on (kids tell me).. they are ignored as well most of the time. he puts gaming infront of work, me and pretty much anything. weekends he doesn;t leave the bedroom.. he plays xbox or "works" on the computer.. i have lost interest in trying. not to mention the weight gain he has since sitting on his butt for the last 3 years. he refuses to go to conceling.. because he feels there is no problem. he has low t but takes meds (per me chatting with his doctor) but that hasnt helped. and he takes a heavy dose of perscripts..
i have even gone so far as to ask for an open marrage just to take care of my needs..
i have never met someone as non-sexual as him.. very very frustrating to say the least.0 -
so .. how much is too much then.. he will play at least 2 hours a day. i know as soon as i leave the house.. he gets back on (kids tell me).. they are ignored as well most of the time. he puts gaming infront of work, me and pretty much anything. weekends he doesn;t leave the bedroom.. he plays xbox or "works" on the computer.. i have lost interest in trying. not to mention the weight gain he has since sitting on his butt for the last 3 years. he refuses to go to conceling.. because he feels there is no problem. he has low t but takes meds (per me chatting with his doctor) but that hasnt helped. and he takes a heavy dose of perscripts..
i have even gone so far as to ask for an open marrage just to take care of my needs..
i have never met someone as non-sexual as him.. very very frustrating to say the least.
This smacks of addiction or self medicating. If he has low T, perhaps it hit him a bit harder than he wants to admit.0 -
so .. how much is too much then.. he will play at least 2 hours a day. i know as soon as i leave the house.. he gets back on (kids tell me).. they are ignored as well most of the time. he puts gaming infront of work, me and pretty much anything. weekends he doesn;t leave the bedroom.. he plays xbox or "works" on the computer.. i have lost interest in trying. not to mention the weight gain he has since sitting on his butt for the last 3 years. he refuses to go to conceling.. because he feels there is no problem. he has low t but takes meds (per me chatting with his doctor) but that hasnt helped. and he takes a heavy dose of perscripts..
i have even gone so far as to ask for an open marrage just to take care of my needs..
i have never met someone as non-sexual as him.. very very frustrating to say the least.
Did he say no about the open marrage? Maybe you should just cheat on him. Is that something you think you could do? Maybe it would force him to open his eyes, or at least put the nail in the coffin of an otherwise dismal sounding marrage. ( No offense)0 -
haha, he chooses xbox over your box?
sorry hun. time to dump that dude. Life is too short
^^
Maybe that isnt the only thing that is too short.... lmao!!!!!0 -
Damn, that man is messed.
Im a gamer and im horny all the time! lol0 -
Weird. I'm a gamer (met my wife playing WoW, for crying out loud), but I have never failed to instantly turn off the PC or Xbox when she mentions she's in the mood. Damn internet connection always seems to die at just that moment! :laugh:0
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what would you pick.. computer/xbox games... or having fun with your sig other? Really.. i can't seem to understand why a grown man would rather play computer games than sex? someone please explain this to me!!
Being a gamer and being addicted to gaming are two different things. If he would rather game then spend time with you he is addicted. How would it affect your relationship if he were addicted to drugs or gambling? It is similar.
It won't get better until he accepts it and deals with it. Sadly I have lots of experience.
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well, i would have to say he is pretty addicted then.. he "has" to have his time on the xbox.. and gets really cranky if one of the kids want to use it. when he is not on the xbox, he is on the computer or watching tv. i go to bed alone.. and wake up alone. i have no idea where he is this morning.
i have worked very hard to get my body in shape over the last two years and have gone from a size 16 to a 6. i am tired of being ignored.0 -
Why not both? haha!
You win.
OP: It's difficult to tell sometimes if the games are just a hobby or a real addiction. but it Sounds like he is addicted.. and its probably a hint that there's something more wrong than just liking games. Talk to him, find out what is going on. Game addiction is like any other addiction, you use it to escape something else. Have a talk with him, find out what he's trying to avoid.0 -
I know this is going to sound weird but... play with him! I believe men (and a lot of women - including myself) play games as a form of escapism and relaxation. Try it, it might be fun. And couples SHOULD have fun together.
If you simply can't force yourself, try other types of play. Does he like sports? Could you play racquetball together? Or tennis? Or just shoot hoops? Not a sports guy? Try board games or cards. Anything to get your both having fun and being relaxed around one another. I think sometimes (not saying this is you specifically), couples stop associating each other with fun. Their spouse is there when its time to clean the house, or pick up the kids, or pay the bills. But when its time to have FUN, that's what the blinkly electronic screen is for.
Rather than focus on the sex, focus on the relationship and the fun factor, sex should follow. If not, then at the very least, he may be more receptive to talking about why it is a problem.
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Why not both? haha!
You win.
OP: It's difficult to tell sometimes if the games are just a hobby or a real addiction. but it Sounds like he is addicted.. and its probably a hint that there's something more wrong than just liking games. Talk to him, find out what is going on. Game addiction is like any other addiction, you use it to escape something else. Have a talk with him, find out what he's trying to avoid.
gaming addiction is very real. it contributed to my weight gain and being almost 500 lbs. in the past. I still enjoy gaming but I don't play as much as I did in the past. I for one would choose sex over games. I hope you can work things out.0 -
well, i would have to say he is pretty addicted then.. he "has" to have his time on the xbox.. and gets really cranky if one of the kids want to use it. when he is not on the xbox, he is on the computer or watching tv. i go to bed alone.. and wake up alone. i have no idea where he is this morning.
i have worked very hard to get my body in shape over the last two years and have gone from a size 16 to a 6. i am tired of being ignored.
so... why are you even with him?0 -
what would you pick.. computer/xbox games... or having fun with your sig other? Really.. i can't seem to understand why a grown man would rather play computer games than sex? someone please explain this to me!!
If SEX is the option, I take sex 100% of the time, sex comes first0 -
well, i would have to say he is pretty addicted then.. he "has" to have his time on the xbox.. and gets really cranky if one of the kids want to use it. when he is not on the xbox, he is on the computer or watching tv. i go to bed alone.. and wake up alone. i have no idea where he is this morning.
i have worked very hard to get my body in shape over the last two years and have gone from a size 16 to a 6. i am tired of being ignored.
so... why are you even with him?
i have no idea anymore. i guess i just thought he would change (we did do marrage counceling two years ago and he said he would work on it.. it lasted a few weeks)0 -
Being a gamer myself, I can understand it. Don't you have times when there's something you'd rather do? That said, if he never wants it, then there is definitely a problem. Time for counseling or a little blue pill.0
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< Not a guy as you can tell but I was a hard core girl gamer for like 6 years, so was my husband. We played like 8-16 hours a day to stay competitive.
Okay, IMO there are 2 reason why this might be happening: 1.He truly loves the games and wants to play them, it has nothing to do with you. He is just being a guy. They don't think about things like that. 2. He is escaping from something. If that is ALL he does and he is ignoring your completely and takes no time for you, maybe there are underlying issues that you are or not aware of. I dont believe in "all or nothing". I am sure there is more of a gray area.0 -
I have tried everything mentioned above. Asked him to set certain times he can play, it lasts about 3 days. After we started counseling he cut back, but again it didn't last long. He normally gets up at 5:30am, logs on until we need to leave to see my son and as soon as we get home he logs on again until 11pm. If I am busy trying to cook and need help with the kids or the kids ask for anything he snaps at them. They have stopped asking and come to me for everything. The kids have made comments about daddy and his game, how he's too busy to do anything with them.
I have stopped competing with the game. Per the advice of a former WoW addict, I now take the kids and go do things with them. I don't ask anymore, we just go. In the evening I watch the shows we used to watch together and he either takes his headphones off so he can hear, but doesn't log off, or he noticed half way through the show and gets irritated because I started without him. Oh well.
He admitted he is no longer attracted to me, despite the fact I have lost weight. Divorce is not a practical option right now because of financial reasons and the fact we have a child in the hospital for long term care. I just get frustrated.0 -
what would you pick.. computer/xbox games... or having fun with your sig other? Really.. i can't seem to understand why a grown man would rather play computer games than sex? someone please explain this to me!!
Hell no! NOT I!0 -
I think gaming is like a form of sex. What does sex give you, a high, a rush, an adrenaline rush. I know it's not the same, but it is addictive and some people just don't find sex that appealing, for whatever reason. My adult daughter is an adult gamer, has little or no life outside of gaming. She has issues that make gaming more appealing to her. It is an escape from reality, a dream world where you can be the master of your world.
I have no answer for your defunct relationship. Sometimes it is better just to move on beyond the relationship. Sometimes you can't change the other person, unless they want to change. I got divorced many years ago for very similar reasons, my wife was married to her job, and everything else was pushed to the wayside, I tried to get her involved in other things to no avail, so my only option was to leave the relationship that no longer existed. We still talk, spend Xmas together for the sake of the kids, but there is nothing beyond that. I now live 200 miles away, so the distance provides me with a level of comfort. One adult child lives with the x-wife and the other adult child lives with me. That is what happens when the relationship crashes.0 -
I play a lot of video games. I thoroughly enjoy playing them on Xbox or PC. However, nothing on this forsaken lump of rock floating in the Milkyway quite compares to good sex, so my preference is most definitely sex.
Either he has a genuine gaming addiction, his sex drive truly is non-existent or you don't arouse or excite him any more.
Also, I find it much more exciting when my girlfriend initiates it. It's that much better when both parties seem keen for it and not like it's a chore.0 -
If I remember correctly playing a video game produces dopamine up by 100%. Having sex releases around the same amount. Eating food increases the level by another 50%, normally one is snacking while playing. Basically his body is saying no thanks due to a high dopamine level already. Best bet get him before he starts because his body needs a dopamine fix.0
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To those telling the women to "just play with him", "blow him while playing", or "get him before he starts playing", or worse "hide the games" ...if there is a real addiction going on this will NOT help.
If the person is at the point of snapping at any interuption, then this *is* a bigger problem and you *should* aproach it as any other addiction.
I've been in these shoes - that any game was more interesting than *anything* else. Be it sex, cooking, going out with friends.. It was very tough to get through, especially since the games are *our* hobbies. So finding where things shift from normal hobby time to addiction time is tough. Especially since a spouse is someone you cannot treat like a child. You can't "just take the toys away". The spouse needs to be *willing* to change.
For non gamers it is probably even more difficult to find the difference between addiction playing and hobby playing. "get to the nearest safe point" or "wait till this dungeon is over" are both very valid responses - depending on the game ofc, but you might have allot of effort lost if you dont reach the safe point, and it is possible other people are dependant on him finishing the dungeon. "Just a little more grinding" on the other hand is not a valid excuse :P
In our case, talking helped. It took *allot* of trying to talk, but once we got to the real answer to "why are you spending so much time on the computer" things could start moving forward. It was very important *not* to make it about me, to make it about *him*. The lack of attention I was getting was a sideproduct of the addiction, so fixing the addiction has to come first.
If you want to aproach the gamer, be sure to do that in a convenient spot. Check if they are grouped (if this is a MMO), ask if there's far till next safe point, or when the match is done. It helps to show that you are not interupting without thinking, and if you get a snap back for that there is obviously more wrong and things have gotten very serious.
It also helped for me to realise that some of the game time is *his* time. Making sure to give him time in peace - and letting him know I am giving him peace, not just not bothering with him. Being able to say "hey I left you alone for 3 hours, now its time to do something together" gives me leverage :glasses:
Part of getting our lifes back to normal was not just always nagging and saying "do this or that housechore" but suggesting things to do we both enjoy. Making sure that we were building our relationship, not just taking care of business Its not just about sex, its about companionship.
Anyway, good luck with finding a way to get through to them.0 -
well, i would have to say he is pretty addicted then.. he "has" to have his time on the xbox.. and gets really cranky if one of the kids want to use it. when he is not on the xbox, he is on the computer or watching tv. i go to bed alone.. and wake up alone. i have no idea where he is this morning.
i have worked very hard to get my body in shape over the last two years and have gone from a size 16 to a 6. i am tired of being ignored.
so... why are you even with him?
i have no idea anymore. i guess i just thought he would change (we did do marrage counceling two years ago and he said he would work on it.. it lasted a few weeks)
You really need to rethink your self worth. You're working your *kitten* off, to be ignored, your family ignored, and all that. That's not right, or good in any way.0
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