Dear I love you but really....

DeniseB0711

I am sooo sick of my DP and his comments about my body. When he met me I was knocking the scales at nearly 200. I lost about 20lbs prior to getting pregnant. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SMALL.
I was born overweight and stayed that way more of my life. Looking back I gained about 25lbs between 8th and 9th grade.
I am 28 years old now, and to hear him talk the idea of me ever getting smaller is impossible. He doesn't understand I am NOT BIG BONED...that's the lie people tell fat girls. your bones aren't big.......I am freaking overweight and telling me my thighs will continue to be the size of the average male waiste isn't motivation.

Then to top it off he doesn't shut up about my diet. I have been supplementign with protein. Without the supplements I'd have to eat double the amount of meat I already do. He complains that it will make me bigger and its a waste of money. Not really true considering a scoop of 25gram protein is about $.50 while 25 grams of protein from Chicken is about $2.
I eat protein bars SOMETIMES. They are my snacks, I get the ones with sugar alcohol in them instead of sugar. He tells me what a waste of money they are and I should just eat fruit instead. I do eat fruit but only 1 to 2 servings a day...and at least 3 servings of vegetables a day.
Then he tells me how miserable I look eating salad. Its true I am sick of mixed greens in a bowl....but I hate most other veggies. And as much as I'd like to eat a 1/4lb hamburger, with fries and a REAL COKE..its not something I can eat right now.
am overweight.
Then he gives me greif about working out. I do P90X..>I am in the first phase. The work outs are about an hour long. Its one stinking hour of the day I am not sitting down in front of the computer or doing house work but he has an opinion of the fact I lift 5lb weights and do push ups.
Why....is he so critical I have no idea. Is he afraid I might actually squeeze fat *kitten* into a bathing suit this summer...I don't know what his motivation is really. I just wished he'd understand and STOP badgering me about it.

melaniecheeks

Maybe he thinks he's helping?

Tandksmommy11

Is he overweight himself? Sounds like he is afraid that when you're rockin a totally hot body, you won't want him anymore. It really sounds like he is insecure. Use everything that he says as motivation to do this for yourself and prove him wrong!

Simone_King

Oh god thats sounds like my parents.

From one over weight person to another: IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT! Stop beating yourself up. At lest your doing something right? Then tell you db to shut up.

Not sure how you would do that. Then tell him frankly, if he wants to help how about he gets up and starts doing what he preaches?

Then i think you're eating good. Frankly, tell him to get lost. So what if you eat engery bars?

It's much better then fast food isn't it?

Jugie12

As much as I hate to admit it, that b.s. is verbal abuse and it's not okay. I finally put my foot down and stood up for myself. I stopped taking the heaps and heaps of blame and am trying my best to not be angry anymore and to get rid of this self-loathing I accumulated every time he had something so hurtful to say or lecture me about. This cannot be about him or anyone else. This is something for you. YOU get to be selfish and take the time to go to the gym or another room or whatever and do a workout that makes you feel good a proud of yourself. YOU get to make a delicious and healthy meal for YOU. If the dishes don't get done, oh well, YOU had something important to do that could not wait. In this situation, you MUST be selfish with that workout time. And every time he opens his mouth to say something ugly, walk away and go do something YOU want to do. If you stand there and listen, it'll keep going. Leave HIM or leave and do something that mkes you feel good, healthy and lovely. Either way, don't put up with that!!

Be YOU and take care of YOU because he's certainly not helping. You're gorgeous, you deserve to feel it and know it.

DeniseB0711

Thanks Ladies.

I just want to finish the program and sadly I ha ve been stupid enough to think I would get more support from him. He did buy me the program, he bought me the hand weights, and the work out clothes AND the food scale.
I do remind myself that he has supported my efforts in this way.

I am off to make a delicious lunch for myself.

Sean_The_IT_Guy

Punch him in the junk.

pitbullmama

Is he overweight himself? Sounds like he is afraid that when you're rockin a totally hot body, you won't want him anymore. It really sounds like he is insecure. Use everything that he says as motivation to do this for yourself and prove him wrong!

This!

BeautyAndTheGeeks

Okay, I've seen this all over the place on here and I really have to ask. What the hell does DP stand for?

crisanderson27

Thanks Ladies.

I just want to finish the program and sadly I ha ve been stupid enough to think I would get more support from him. He did buy me the program, he bought me the hand weights, and the work out clothes AND the food scale.
I do remind myself that he has supported my efforts in this way.

I am off to make a delicious lunch for myself.

This is why I hate giving internet advice on relationships, and hate seeing other people do it too.

He IS supporting your efforts...he's NOT supporting them emotionally. This means he's not the piece of $h!t controlling asshat the 23yr old woman from above is assuming he is. It means he's probably got some real insecurities and doesn't know how to deal with them.

We men can be very immature like that sometimes.

Have you told him his words hurt you? Have you told him you're trying to make positive changes in YOUR life and health, for both of you? If you have, and he's ignoring those attempts to communicate, you guys have other issues that go far beyond your weight loss and his insecurities, and you definitely need help with them, because those things don't get better with time, they almost invariably get worse.

If you (plural, not singular) can't communicate your feelings so that you both understand...what do you really have?

Sean_The_IT_Guy

This is why I hate giving internet advice on relationships, and hate seeing other people do it too.

He IS supporting your efforts...he's NOT supporting them emotionally. This means he's not the piece of $h!t controlling asshat the 23yr old woman from above is assuming he is. It means he's probably got some real insecurities and doesn't know how to deal with them.

We men can be very immature like that sometimes.

Have you told him his words hurt you? Have you told him you're trying to make positive changes in YOUR life and health, for both of you? If you have, and he's ignoring those attempts to communicate, you guys have other issues that go far beyond your weight loss and his insecurities, and you definitely need help with them, because those things don't get better with time, they almost invariably get worse.

If you (plural, not singular) can't communicate your feelings so that you both understand...what do you really have?

This is more constructive than my suggestion.. But don't underestimate the power of a good junk punch now and then.

DANCHAN1

Tell him if he is not part of the solution he is part of the problem. If he cannot be supportive than shut up!

DeniseB0711

Thanks Ladies.

I just want to finish the program and sadly I ha ve been stupid enough to think I would get more support from him. He did buy me the program, he bought me the hand weights, and the work out clothes AND the food scale.
I do remind myself that he has supported my efforts in this way.

I am off to make a delicious lunch for myself.

This is why I hate giving internet advice on relationships, and hate seeing other people do it too.

He IS supporting your efforts...he's NOT supporting them emotionally. This means he's not the piece of $h!t controlling asshat the 23yr old woman from above is assuming he is. It means he's probably got some real insecurities and doesn't know how to deal with them.

We men can be very immature like that sometimes.

Have you told him his words hurt you? Have you told him you're trying to make positive changes in YOUR life and health, for both of you? If you have, and he's ignoring those attempts to communicate, you guys have other issues that go far beyond your weight loss and his insecurities, and you definitely need help with them, because those things don't get better with time, they almost invariably get worse.

If you (plural, not singular) can't communicate your feelings so that you both understand...what do you really have?

Thanks for the male perspective.

I think a lot of comes from the fact he's a man, wasn't raised to be positive ect. He's not the "Good Job" type of guy. But man...its killing me. I just want to say..unless you can say "XYZ to me about what I am doing, please don't say anythign at all."

We've been together Nine years April. Communication channels open and close constantly given our busy lives, kids, and work.

ejechols

As much as I hate to admit it, that b.s. is verbal abuse and it's not okay. I finally put my foot down and stood up for myself. I stopped taking the heaps and heaps of blame and am trying my best to not be angry anymore and to get rid of this self-loathing I accumulated every time he had something so hurtful to say or lecture me about....

Be YOU and take care of YOU because he's certainly not helping. You're gorgeous, you deserve to feel it and know it.

^^^ THIS ^^^

shesapear

Is he overweight himself? Sounds like he is afraid that when you're rockin a totally hot body, you won't want him anymore. It really sounds like he is insecure. Use everything that he says as motivation to do this for yourself and prove him wrong!

^^This

roachhaley

BTW - "big bones" do exist. People have different frame sizes and their weight goals should (ideally) correspond with their frame size.

GasMasterFlash

I am sooo sick of my DP and his comments about my body.

DP has always meant something else to me. :blushing: How are you using it here?

ninaquelinda

Punch him in the junk.

LMAO :laugh:

medaglia_06

What the hell does DP stand for?

I would like to know too! LOL

dmpizza

I don't know what "DP"means, but it must mean boyfriend.

Obviously he thought he could make you thinner when he should not have assumed that, also you seem very resigned to your size when maybe you don't have to be.

infamousmk

That crisanderson guy knows what's up. Listen to him.

mzhokie

maybe he is afraid you will look so good that you will leave him for someone else. I think you need to talk to him sincerely, tell him how what he says isn't helping you and it's hurting you. Be gentle with him because he might just be worried that you don't need him anymore or you are moving on without him. You might have told him before but he didn't hear it.

PeaceCorpsKat

I find many guys are critical because it is thier way to control women.

crisanderson27

Thanks Ladies.

I just want to finish the program and sadly I ha ve been stupid enough to think I would get more support from him. He did buy me the program, he bought me the hand weights, and the work out clothes AND the food scale.
I do remind myself that he has supported my efforts in this way.

I am off to make a delicious lunch for myself.

This is why I hate giving internet advice on relationships, and hate seeing other people do it too.

He IS supporting your efforts...he's NOT supporting them emotionally. This means he's not the piece of $h!t controlling asshat the 23yr old woman from above is assuming he is. It means he's probably got some real insecurities and doesn't know how to deal with them.

We men can be very immature like that sometimes.

Have you told him his words hurt you? Have you told him you're trying to make positive changes in YOUR life and health, for both of you? If you have, and he's ignoring those attempts to communicate, you guys have other issues that go far beyond your weight loss and his insecurities, and you definitely need help with them, because those things don't get better with time, they almost invariably get worse.

If you (plural, not singular) can't communicate your feelings so that you both understand...what do you really have?

Thanks for the male perspective.

I think a lot of comes from the fact he's a man, wasn't raised to be positive ect. He's not the "Good Job" type of guy. But man...its killing me. I just want to say..unless you can say "XYZ to me about what I am doing, please don't say anythign at all."

We've been together Nine years April. Communication channels open and close constantly given our busy lives, kids, and work.

I understand, and appreciate your open mind...and I do think the key to this is communication (like it is to most things). Only after that's been completely exhausted is it time for more drastic measures.

Honestly I just felt there needed to be an honest counter point to all the 'He's worthless and abusive and controlling and probably cheating on you! Tie him to the bed, take the kids and go...and make sure the curtains are burning nicely before you drive away!' responses that always come with these kinds of threads :l.

Tropical_Turtle

I am going with DP - domestic partner

deadstarsunburn

Maybe he's afraid you'll leave him for another guy?
The sorts of things he's saying sounds like someone who would think that.

I would talk to him and tell him exactly what it's doing to you!

medaglia_06

My fiancé started out by nitpicking things I wasn't doing correctly (he thought he was helping). When I pointed out that it isn't helping and I let him know what I would like instead, he has been super supportive and fantastic. I think it's all about communication.

GasMasterFlash

I am going with DP - domestic partner

My version of DP is funner.

crisanderson27

That crisanderson guy knows what's up. Listen to him.

:blushing:

:flowerforyou:

icandoit203

Let him be your motivation to get better for your health.....Take some classes and meet other people that can also motivate you if you have someone in your house that is super negative you need positive people around you so that you can stay sane. Ask him to join you
maybe he wants to and doesn't understand how you have the strength or motivation to start this journey. Hope this helps.

TeachTheGirl

From what I remember of intarwebz lingo, DP is Darling Partner. Like DH is Darling Husband, etc.

Read the post above; Domestic Partner, eh? I guess I'm not as up to date as I should be!