Dear I love you but really....

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1235789

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  • rsmblue
    rsmblue Posts: 353 Member
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    Punch him in the junk.

    This! lmao
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    I really hope this lovely lady can re-invigorate her relationship as they've built a lot together and I know she loves him. But I hope that it doesn't come at the expense of who she is and how she feels about herself and her progress and efforts.

    This, I agree with completely.

    I LOVE your answers....some girl is very lucky. I bet you are an AWESOME partner.

    If you meant me...I'm single.../sigh.

    Women don't seem to like single Dads who have custody of their kids, combined with traditional values (there's a thread on this...but in short, it doesn't mean you're a second class citizen lol, if anything...it means the opposite), and a desire to share virtually every aspect of your combined lives.

    Go figure lol.

    Yep, you. Us single moms have it hard too ;)

    I know you do...and it sucks. I've had sole legal and physical custody of my daughter for 14yrs, and have sole physical custody of my sons as well. It's not easy at all. As a single parent, you've got to be Dad and Mom both...and if you're any sort of decent person, it teaches you a whole lot about how the shoe feels on the other foot.

    That doesn't even add dating into the mix, lol.
  • cristileigh
    cristileigh Posts: 158 Member
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    Is he overweight himself? Sounds like he is afraid that when you're rockin a totally hot body, you won't want him anymore. It really sounds like he is insecure. Use everything that he says as motivation to do this for yourself and prove him wrong!

    AGREE!!!
  • zambodiare
    zambodiare Posts: 62
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    Punch him in the junk.


    YES!!! DO IT!!!!
  • VanessaGS
    VanessaGS Posts: 514 Member
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    My boyfriend would critique me on the food I was eating in the morning and he was right. I was eating Toaster Strudels and Coffee. So I took it to the forum and asked MFP users their opinions. Many agreed it wasn't beneficial so I switched my meals up. I've cut out coffee and am now drinking herbal tea. I cut out regular milk and am now drinking Organic Vanilla Soy Milk. It helps. I mean I am putting better things into my body now. Maybe your man is just trying to act macho. My BF also tries to show me up during workout videos. Of course he can do lots of push ups....he's a damn Marine. I on the other hand am working up to it. I just tell him to go away and leave me alone lol.
  • leslisa
    leslisa Posts: 1,350 Member
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    Thanks for the male perspective.

    I think a lot of comes from the fact he's a man, wasn't raised to be positive ect. He's not the "Good Job" type of guy. But man...its killing me. I just want to say..unless you can say "XYZ to me about what I am doing, please don't say anythign at all."

    We've been together Nine years April. Communication channels open and close constantly given our busy lives, kids, and work.

    I agree about relationship advice. Hard as anything to offer it without knowing folks.

    For instance, perhaps he does not want to see you be disappointed. I know my hubby (sweetheart he is), hates to see me fail, almost as much as I hate to see me fail. His answer is often just don't do it (and then I do it anyway). This doesn't just apply to my body, but also to decorating (he doesn't want me disappointed if room doesn't look like I envision), buying a new car, all sorts of unusual things. Some might think he's unsupportive, but it's more that he's miserable when I'm miserable. We are that close. He is my best friend.
  • WhittRak
    WhittRak Posts: 572 Member
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    For the record. I tinks yer purdy :flowerforyou:
  • jallen1955
    jallen1955 Posts: 121
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    I am going with DP - domestic partner
    and here I thought it stood for dumb prick
  • hawaii86442
    hawaii86442 Posts: 167
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    Hello--I was with a man like this for 17 years-it took a stark day for me to realize that he was a bully, a jerk, and just not a nice person. I know he is the father of your child-but, take a long hard look--maybe the best weight loss you need is --His weight!!
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
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    One thing I know for sure about relationships in general is this... When your partner wants to make a big change, it is natural to want to resist it. Change means YOU have to find acceptance and it usually means being kind of uncomfortable. He is uncomfortable with the idea that you're changing your body. It makes him feel threatened. When he criticises you, it's his insecurity speaking very loudly: "I'm not comfortable with what you're doing and it makes me feel like less of a human being so in order to feel like I still have the upper hand on you, I'm going to criticise you".

    Many partners will get over it and learn how to find that acceptance. I really hope he does.
  • hawaii86442
    hawaii86442 Posts: 167
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    Verbul abuse is ABUSE--and it is detrimental !!! I was also married previously for 17 years and ya know-abuse whether it is from his mouth or his fist-is ABUSE.
  • jpuderbaugh
    jpuderbaugh Posts: 318 Member
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    What the hell does DP stand for?

    I would like to know too! LOL

    I haven't read all the comments, but in case somebody else didn't comment about this, if I'm figuring correctly, I think DP stands for Domestic Partner? that's all I can figure it means.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    Hello--I was with a man like this for 17 years-it took a stark day for me to realize that he was a bully, a jerk, and just not a nice person. I know he is the father of your child-but, take a long hard look--maybe the best weight loss you need is --His weight!!

    Project much?
  • rockinright
    rockinright Posts: 241
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    I really don't like the "abuse" card being played. You're jumping to conclusions here.

    It's no wonder so many relationships break up. The OP has admitted she "wants" to say something to him but won't.

    He probably has no idea what he's doing.

    Here's a thought: TALK TO HIM!

    THEN determine if he is just "doing it wrong" or is truly a d-bag.
  • AntShanny
    AntShanny Posts: 366 Member
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    I'd dump his *kitten*...that's quite a bit of weight you'd lose...
  • LMP18
    LMP18 Posts: 81 Member
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    How much does your man weigh? Lets say 200 lbs - you could quickly lose 200 lbs by dumping his insensitive *kitten*. Sounds like a jerk off to me!
  • natalie412
    natalie412 Posts: 1,039 Member
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    I really hope this lovely lady can re-invigorate her relationship as they've built a lot together and I know she loves him. But I hope that it doesn't come at the expense of who she is and how she feels about herself and her progress and efforts.

    This, I agree with completely.

    I LOVE your answers....some girl is very lucky. I bet you are an AWESOME partner.

    If you meant me...I'm single.../sigh.

    Women don't seem to like single Dads who have custody of their kids, combined with traditional values (there's a thread on this...but in short, it doesn't mean you're a second class citizen lol, if anything...it means the opposite), and a desire to share virtually every aspect of your combined lives.

    Go figure lol.

    OMG -you ARE perfect. Single ladies -- start lining up....
  • tofinochris
    tofinochris Posts: 5
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    What the hell does DP stand for?

    I would like to know too! LOL

    I haven't read all the comments, but in case somebody else didn't comment about this, if I'm figuring correctly, I think DP stands for Domestic Partner? that's all I can figure it means.

    That was driving me mad because all I could think about for a DP definition was "when a man and a man and a woman love each other verrrry much..." :p

    To the OP, why not sit down with your partner and explain your issues? If you're hurt by what he's saying then he should know. Maybe he doesn't realize he's doing it as much as he is, or maybe he thinks it's motivating somehow. My wife and I have been married 16 years and the biggest reason why we're still successful after all that time is that we tell each other what we're feeling and make sure we're both following the same "plan".

    And when we've got fit it's always been WAY easier together, but even if that's not going to happen, you need that support there and you need him to know what you're thinking. Even a simple "I'm trying hard to get fitter and it would be super awesome if you have any ideas about meals or working out. Maybe we could even do it together!"

    Of course if this doesn't work, there is always the kick to the junk. :D
  • andreanicole686
    andreanicole686 Posts: 406 Member
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    It sounds like he's scared your going to lose weight and leave him.
  • mary_kate23
    mary_kate23 Posts: 156
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    1. this is not ok - this kind of behavior isn't helping you, and you need positive influences in your life. and..

    2. maybe he's insecure about himself, and thinks if you do get that booty into a bathing suit this summer, you'd find someone better than him. for your sake: hope you do find someone who treats you the way you should be treated!

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