Dear I love you but really....

Sd0510

BTW - "big bones" do exist. People have different frame sizes and their weight goals should (ideally) correspond with their frame size.

Big bones do not nescessarily correspond to a big frame. There are people that actually have 'big bones' but it is about 10% or less of people in the whole world. When people that are overweight say they have big bones, they usually do not unless they actually got x-rays done and a doctor said so himself.

channa007

Try juicing your veggies. I do it every other day for breakfast. Works great.

tdmcmains

I feel like it might help to watch your own words and reactions to things. I am not saying HIS behavior is YOUR fault -- NOT AT ALL. What I mean is... I had a boyfriend a while ago and I used to complain about being deprived or too tired or too fat or too WHATEVER and I think he thought he was helping by telling me not to bother or he would complain about what I was eating because *I* was complaining about what I was eating. Like "then just shut up and eat what you want!". I think he thought he was commiserating but I just took it as picking on me. Like... I wanted him to be the BALANCE to my misery saying "oh, it's not that bad, you're doing great, blah blah blah".
I feel like the best thing to do in cases like this (even if it's hard) is just tell him what you want. I have to do this with my hubby now. "Do you like this dress? The answer is YES". HA. He has been trained to know the answer I want to hear! It's a little embarrassing but it helps our relationship and my sanity. He knows I am trying to get fit and i've pretty much told him that if I choose to have, say, ice cream, I do not want to hear his opinion on it. I am a big girl and I make my own food choices. I don't know if he WOULD criticize but it's perfectly clear that I will not have it. I don't mean to make him sound totally whipped. I think we have a pretty normal relationship... but if there is something I am touchy about, he knows not to comment on it or criticize and so he doesn't. Maybe you just need to be up front with him??

_Elemenopee_

I am sooo sick of my DP and his comments about my body.

DP has always meant something else to me. :blushing: How are you using it here?

Yeah, I have NO idea what DP means here

kaned_ferret

I am going with DP - domestic partner

My version of DP is funner.

I wanna know the funny one!

Tropical_Turtle

From what I remember of intarwebz lingo, DP is Darling Partner. Like DH is Darling Husband, etc.

Read the post above; Domestic Partner, eh? I guess I'm not as up to date as I should be!

From what I read of this guy I would not be putting Darling anything in front of any reference to him!!

MelissR75

I am going with DP - domestic partner

My version of DP is funner.
[/quote]
Must be the same as mine

kpwatson

Is he overweight himself? Sounds like he is afraid that when you're rockin a totally hot body, you won't want him anymore. It really sounds like he is insecure. Use everything that he says as motivation to do this for yourself and prove him wrong!

kpwatson

I agree, sounds insecure to me.

_Elemenopee_

I am going with DP - domestic partner

My version of DP is funner.

I wanna know the funny one!

Me too, now that I understand her version of DP to be darling/domestic partner.

Sd0510

Maybe he's afraid you'll leave him for another guy?
The sorts of things he's saying sounds like someone who would think that.

I would talk to him and tell him exactly what it's doing to you!

This quote and the one about asking if he's overweight is what I thought of at first. My fiance was originally upset with my weight-loss also until I convinced him to join with me. He's not as strict as me, but he has cut back on his calories a lot and works out more now and has lost some weight also. Now that he sees we are losing weight together, he's more comfortable with me losing. Originally, I think it was because he did not want to see me thin when he was still big.

hypallage

I am sooo sick of my DP and his comments about my body.

DP has always meant something else to me. :blushing: How are you using it here?

hahahaha

What on earth does it stand for here!!

plzlbsbegone

Punch him in the junk.

Junk punch! Good solution to any problem with Y chromosome!

_Elemenopee_

I am going with DP - domestic partner

My version of DP is funner.

Must be the same as mine
[/quote]

WHOA I just looked it up on Urban Dictionary :blushing:

xHelloQuincyx

if that was my boyfriend saying that to me i would totally put him in his place. in reality my boyfriend congratulates me on a daily basis on how well im doing, what choices im making, or weight lost. maybe its time for a new man huh?

Sd0510

I am going with DP - domestic partner

My version of DP is funner.

Must be the same as mine

WHOA I just looked it up on Urban Dictionary :blushing:
[/quote]

Haha!! I also looked it up on Urban Dictonary.

LifeChangingExp

ID just tell him to STFU!

Spanaval

In your shoes, I'd sit down and have a talk with him. Tell him that you understand and appreciate that he bought you the workout program and gear, but you aren't really sure where the negativity in his attitude is coming from. Explain how it affects you. Try to couch your concerns in terms of 'I feel...' instead of 'you are doing/saying/acting', which is a sure way to get him defensive. If all you need from him is to say nothing at all, just say it, and see if he can agree to say nothing if he can't find something positive to say.

It does seem like there are some insecurities at work here. Handle him gently, the way you would want to be handled if the roles were reversed, and you for some reason felt like your partner's self improvement will leave you in the dust.

fitzonegirl

Maybe he is jeolous that you are doing P90X and sticking to it....maybe he has tried it and cant work out as well as you do, so he has to make up for it with nasty comments?

mjf0461

DH is Darling Husband
DP maybe Darling Partner

Whatever it is, I think he is sabotaging you not helping you. As several others stated, you really need to just tell him he's hurting you and put your foot down to the negative remarks he is making to you. Nothing like trying to climb a mountain with roller skates on. And to me that's what your trying to do. You have to have support from someone that lives that close in your life. Even if he doesn't have a weight issue he should still understand that whether he feels you need to lose or not it is something your trying to do for you. He should love you enough to help you out in a positive way.

Big boned women do exist, when you can't put your figures around your wrist and touch them you are considered a big framed woman. I know because that's me.

Sonnie124

Thanks Ladies.

I just want to finish the program and sadly I ha ve been stupid enough to think I would get more support from him. He did buy me the program, he bought me the hand weights, and the work out clothes AND the food scale.
I do remind myself that he has supported my efforts in this way.

I am off to make a delicious lunch for myself.

Honey, he is an *kitten*!! Mental Abuse is real and happening to you! Walk, NO RUN as far as possible. You will have lost atleast 200 lbs if you do!

MinnieInMaine

DH made some sideways comments to me when I first started but instead of making an argument about it or just tell him to shut up - I decided to make a positive thing about it and try to share my knowledge with him. It's made for some interesting conversations and although his eating habits are still pretty iffy and exercise is unheard of, he's made some vast improvements.

Also, as that other poster mentioned, it could be a matter of guy speak vs girl speak. Your mother or girlfriend might not talk that way but think about how guys talk to each other. The stereotypcial male just doesn't have that filter that we ladies have when we're trying to give gentle supportive advice to our friends. Honestly, I prefer it - he's giving it to me straight and it's usually something I need to hear (like, "I thought you said you were going for a run today?") so I shut down the little girl in my head for a minute and tune into my guy translator and figure out that he's being really supportive in the only way he knows how.

When it really comes down to it, sometimes a good heart to heart can help. If you need a different kind of support from him, ask for it - he's not going to figure it out for himself.

infamousmk

Folks, for those of us that don't use "Darling ___" monikers, DP means Double Penetration. Please don't report me for saying Double Penetration. I'm trying to spread useful information.

When someone asks you if you'd like a DP, please don't assume they mean "Dr. Pepper", either.

Jugie12

Thanks Ladies.

I just want to finish the program and sadly I ha ve been stupid enough to think I would get more support from him. He did buy me the program, he bought me the hand weights, and the work out clothes AND the food scale.
I do remind myself that he has supported my efforts in this way.

I am off to make a delicious lunch for myself.

This is why I hate giving internet advice on relationships, and hate seeing other people do it too.

He IS supporting your efforts...he's NOT supporting them emotionally. This means he's not the piece of $h!t controlling asshat the 23yr old woman from above is assuming he is. It means he's probably got some real insecurities and doesn't know how to deal with them.

We men can be very immature like that sometimes.

Have you told him his words hurt you? Have you told him you're trying to make positive changes in YOUR life and health, for both of you? If you have, and he's ignoring those attempts to communicate, you guys have other issues that go far beyond your weight loss and his insecurities, and you definitely need help with them, because those things don't get better with time, they almost invariably get worse.

If you (plural, not singular) can't communicate your feelings so that you both understand...what do you really have?

Everyone has different ways of showing support, I'll totally agree. Males and females are encouraged and motivated by different things, ideas and whatnot, absolutely and I also agree with you that if communicating the problem does nothing, that the issues are deeper than "weight".

That being said, his buying her the program and things to go with it just doesn't negate the fact that what he dished out was verbally and emotionally abusive and that flies in the face of his actions. I had a boyfriend who bought me an awesome workout DVD I really wanted... then proceeded to tell me that I needed to be "hotter" because that's what he "deserved" as a good-looking guy. I lost 75 pounds and he told me flat-out "you're not good enough for me." Did he work out with me? Sure. Did he get me a program? yep. But bottom line is that he was abusive when no one else could hear what he had to say to me and no matter how great I got, there was always something that he had to complain about, many of which the OP mentioned in her post.

I really hope this lovely lady can re-invigorate her relationship as they've built a lot together and I know she loves him. But I hope that it doesn't come at the expense of who she is and how she feels about herself and her progress and efforts.

crisanderson27

if that was my boyfriend saying that to me i would totally put him in his place. in reality my boyfriend congratulates me on a daily basis on how well im doing, what choices im making, or weight lost. maybe its time for a new man huh?

^^^

Case in point.

Honestly I just felt there needed to be an honest counter point to all the 'He's worthless and abusive and controlling and probably cheating on you! Tie him to the bed, take the kids and go...and make sure the curtains are burning nicely before you drive away!' responses that always come with these kinds of threads :l.

Helenatrandom

Perhaps he thinks you are doing this to look good for him, and you already look good to him so he is discouraging you from putting yourself through all this work.
Make it clear that this is about YOUR health and YOUR desire to do more things, wear different clothes, whatever your own goals are. Maybe then he won't feel like he has to put his two cents in...
I hope I'm right and I wish you well!

crisanderson27

Folks, for those of us that don't use "Darling ___" monikers, DP means Double Penetration. Please don't report me for saying Double Penetration. I'm trying to spread useful information.

When someone asks you if you'd like a DP, please don't assume they mean "Dr. Pepper", either.

That misskortney girl knows what's up. Listen to her.

kattbyrd67

I don't know, but I'd guess he's insecure. My husband is sort of the same way. I was big when I met him, and got bigger when I was pregnant with our daughter. He's always said he doesn't care what size I am, but this is a lie...he wants me to stay fat. Whenever I'm logging my food, he always asks me, "Are you still fat? Can you eat something else?" I just want to smack him...of course I'm still fat...don't you have eyes?! He also tells me all the time that I've lost too much weight and need to stop, and I haven't even quite reached the healthy BMI zone. I just tune him out and keep doing what I need to do for me, and he'll just have to find a way to deal with it!

melinda200208

I think you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel. Tell him you have goals for a healthier life and would appreciate him to be more supportive of it. Stick with it!! You can do it!

auroranflash

DOUBLE PANDA

I say dump him and tell him to go find some new bamboo.