Home school vs public school?

Marla64

I do'nt think anybody said that formal schooling was horrible. Just that homeschooling is also a valid option.

I disagree - many people on here have said that formal school was "horrible, and the worst experience of my life", painting a broad brush of discontent all over this thread. It gives the impression that there are NO good teachers out there, teachers hate kids, don't deal with bullies, want to snoop into childrens' lives, etc.

Anecdotal experience. These are certain individual's experience with the system. Because some found public school to be ht worst experience of their lives, doesn't mean everyone will find it that way. For me, the public school was the best thing that ever happened to me. But that was before the Teachers' Union, No Child Left Behind, and governmental mandates that mucked up the whole educational system.

I'm just here to put in a good word for the profession. I am very proud to be a teacher, and I hold my head up high every day, despite overly involved helicopter parents who demand their children be placed on some undeserving pedestal, demand lessons that are "fun and engaging" every day, demand we discipline them (or don't discipline them as harshly because little Johnny got his feelings hurt because he was asked to do chores -- the HORROR!) because "they won't listen to me", expect us to make ZERO mistakes, complain to the principal at the drop of a hat, etc. etc. etc.

It's actually almost funny that "professional teachers" blame the non-involvement of parents when a school fails. Always. I have seen it each and every time. But then, when a parent is actually involved they are "overly involved helicopter parents." Well, I am an involved helicopter parent, and I am damn proud of it! My first responsibility in life is to see that my kids get what they need to succeed. That is why I home school. That is why my son got accepted into law school at age 19, because I didn't trust someone else to do the job.

And when said parents don't get their demands met, they blame the teachers for not doing their jobs and yank them out of school because "only I know what's good for my child". Of course those of us who have trained for years to learn all sorts of valuable information about the raising and educating of children (many of us parents ourselves) KNOW NOTHING.

Yup.

Booyah-- out of the park, Rex.

VegesaurusRex

As a certified, licensed school teacher, I am always concerned when parents pull their children out of regular school and say they will be "homeschooling" their child from that point forward. I will share my reasons below:

1. Qualifications/educational level of parents - Can a parent reach and teach their child the important things that child needs to know? Do they know what "developmentally appropriate" is for their child's age? Are the parents knowledgeable enough about the curriculum to present it in ways the child understands?

2. Is the curriculum relevant? Is the child learning what should be learned, versus what the parents want that child to learn? (some HS programs offer "revisionist" history, where important truths are conveniently left out - eg, slavery, holocaust, etc) There are certain skill sets/requirements all children MUST know in order to be well rounded adults. Slanted or inaccurate information can negatively affect a child's future.

3. Is the parent willing to sit by their child, invest the time, and hold their children accountable for their school work? Many parents nowadays have to work, and trusting their young child to stay home and do their school work all on line is a recipe for disaster. My daughter's friend is now being homeschooled (due to bullying) and guess what? This girl only gets 5 hours of weekly school work, which is less than one full day's worth of schooling. In a WEEK.

4. Schools provide the opportunity for children to learn HOW to get along with others, even if the children are being bullied. Instead of retreating into a "safe" world, it is better to learn how to handle the bullying and work on developing self esteem. Running away from it doesn't build self confidence, it only pushes the real issues aside.

I hope this provides you with some real information to make a very educated choice. I'm not anti-HS, I am against homeschool programs that end up causing more harm than good. Make sure your child is being monitored on a regular, weekly basis, by qualified school teachers, and is learning STATE curriculum standards. If those criteria are met, then a HS program should be okay overall.

As a fellow educator, I 100% agree.

You know, only a professional educator could agree with all that. Every single statement there is incorrect.

1. I have seen a not very well educated janitor homeschool his daugter, and she thrived. She hated public school, and loved home school. The home school community got her personal attention and social contacts she never would have otherwise had. In school she was a misfit. In the home school community she had a positive identity.

2. The last thing a public school teacher should preach about is curriculum. The curriculum is aimed at the middle. High achievig kids get bored. Low achieving kids can't keep up. The public school curriculum is one size fits all. And to boot, it is the government who decides what is right an wrong. If you think that is a good thing, I pity your students.

3. The unnschooling model works, although we did not use it. Kids are naturally curious, and they seek out and explore their own interests and end up learning quite a lot, much more in my opinion than they would normally learn in a classroom environment where teachers are teaching to the test, and most of the work is busy work.

4. Schools provide an opportunity to be bullied. laughed at and made fun of. You know, there is essentially only one place where you have to endure bullies: school. You could also argue that is true of the military. However, if you don't go into the military and you home school, you may never see a bully in your life, except on television.

These four points are all garbage, and although I am not saying that nobody benefits from government schools, I can say that based on what I have seen, if your child is brighter than normal, you will do better by him homeschooling.

impyimpyaj

I'm seeing a lot of immature, thin-skinned, self-absorbed people with crappy social skills who can't spell all over the forums this morning (not this thread). I guess they were probably all home-schooled. :laugh:

Marla64

I'm seeing a lot of immature, thin-skinned, self-absorbed people with crappy social skills who can't spell all over the forums this morning (not this thread). I guess they were probably all home-schooled. :laugh:

Undoubtedly. :laugh:

Marla64

I'm seeing a lot of immature, thin-skinned, self-absorbed people with crappy social skills who can't spell all over the forums this morning (not this thread). I guess they were probably all home-schooled. :laugh:

And if they haven't showered, bet the ranch they're home schooled. :noway:

CrazyTrackLady

I do'nt think anybody said that formal schooling was horrible. Just that homeschooling is also a valid option.

I disagree - many people on here have said that formal school was "horrible, and the worst experience of my life", painting a broad brush of discontent all over this thread. It gives the impression that there are NO good teachers out there, teachers hate kids, don't deal with bullies, want to snoop into childrens' lives, etc.

Anecdotal experience. These are certain individual's experience with the system. Because some found public school to be ht worst experience of their lives, doesn't mean everyone will find it that way. For me, the public school was the best thing that ever happened to me. But that was before the Teachers' Union, No Child Left Behind, and governmental mandates that mucked up the whole educational system.

I'm just here to put in a good word for the profession. I am very proud to be a teacher, and I hold my head up high every day, despite overly involved helicopter parents who demand their children be placed on some undeserving pedestal, demand lessons that are "fun and engaging" every day, demand we discipline them (or don't discipline them as harshly because little Johnny got his feelings hurt because he was asked to do chores -- the HORROR!) because "they won't listen to me", expect us to make ZERO mistakes, complain to the principal at the drop of a hat, etc. etc. etc.
[/quote]

It's actually almost funny that "professional teachers" blame the non-involvement of parents when a school fails. Always. I have seen it each and every time. But then, when a parent is actually involved they are "overly involved helicopter parents." Well, I am an involved helicopter parent, and I am damn proud of it! My first responsibility in life is to see that my kids get what they need to succeed. That is why I home school. That is why my son got accepted into law school at age 19, because I didn't trust someone else to do the job.

[/quote]
And when said parents don't get their demands met, they blame the teachers for not doing their jobs and yank them out of school because "only I know what's good for my child". Of course those of us who have trained for years to learn all sorts of valuable information about the raising and educating of children (many of us parents ourselves) KNOW NOTHING.
[/quote]

Yup.
[/quote]

I don't blame the parents when a school fails, I blame the lack of leadership and administration for not managing their money, having poor teachers, etc. I blame a lot of parents who are so self absorbed in their own worlds that they don't CARE about their child's grades, they ***** and complain - but NEVER schedule conferences, never attend any of the child's events at school, open houses, etc, never look at their child's grades, don't get them the school materials they need to be successful, and NEVER return phone calls or emails when the teacher is TRYING to help their child, but then have the nerve to get upset and scream at the teachers when their child fails a class. Public school didn't fail your child, YOU did.

trailsinlife

Home schooling is not something I would do with my daughter but she does go to a private school. As long as I can afford it I will keep her in the private school setting!

Marla64

Wordnerd-- I don't doubt for a minute that your job is infinitely harder these days than it was "in my day." We know society has had a breakdown in parenting.

Personally, without meaning to start another heated discussion, I think it could be tied to the throngs of mothers back in the workforce. When I was a kid, stay-at-home moms were the norm.

But, regardless of my opinion, it is undeniable that far too many parents simply don't want to parent. You see it at restaurants with parents sitting cluelessly while their precious little angels run around bothering everybody. You hear words such as, "I know someone who demanded to be sent back to public school. He refused to do his work," on this thread.

Man-- that'd be the day when my kid would 'demand' or 'refuse' anything. But, too many parents are letting little Johnny run the show, and don't mind that schools and government (in an effort, no doubt, to bridge the gap) are stepping in. I'm sure they welcome it-- means less work for them.

I'm sure you're faced with more undisciplined kids and clueless parents more than ever.

And to be truthful, that's part of the reason why I homeschool. I see the parents in my own neighborhood with completely beastly, undisciplined kids. You know, no thanks-- not interested in having my kids sit and try to learn in an environment that includes these kids.

I do have respect for teachers-- the ones who really love their profession, and don't want to simply get a great Christmas vacation, spring break and summers off. And edited to add-- I have respect for the ones who realize they're helpers to the parents, not the children's final authority, and don't get off on a power trip.

CrazyTrackLady

Wordnerd-- I don't doubt for a minute that your job is infinitely harder these days than it was "in my day." We know society has had a breakdown in parenting.

Personally, without meaning to start another heated discussion, I think it could be tied to the throngs of mothers back in the workforce. When I was a kid, stay-at-home moms were the norm.

But, regardless of my opinion, it is undeniable that far too many parents simply don't want to parent. You see it at restaurants with parents sitting cluelessly while their precious little angels run around bothering everybody. You hear words such as, "I know someone who demanded to be sent back to public school. He refused to do his work," on this thread.

Man-- that'd be the day when my kid would 'demand' or 'refuse' anything. But, too many parents are letting little Johnny run the show, and don't mind that schools and government (in an effort, no doubt, to bridge the gap) are stepping in. I'm sure they welcome it-- means less work for them.

I'm sure you're faced with more undisciplined kids and clueless parents more than ever.

And to be truthful, that's part of the reason why I homeschool. I see the parents in my own neighborhood with completely beastly, undisciplined kids. You know, no thanks-- not interested in having my kids sit and try to learn in an environment that includes these kids.

I do have respect for teachers-- the ones who really love their profession, and don't want to simply get a great Christmas vacation, spring break and summers off. And edited to add-- I have respect for the ones who realize they're helpers to the parents, not the children's final authority, and don't get off on a power trip.

I agree wholeheartedly with everything you've said. Kids are being empowered too much these days in the wrong things. UGH. (Not MY kids tho)

bmqbonnie

I have close friends and family that were homeschooled or are homeschooling their children, and personally I've gone to both public and private schools. All are well adjusted and have a pretty well rounded education.

I don't think shyness is a very good reason to homeschool. I am also very shy and yeah, school sucked for a really long time, but it does somewhat force you to push through it. Life begins outside of your comfort zone, and I think homeschooling a kid with anxiety would be somewhat enabling.

Done right, homeschooling is great. My best friend's family homeschooled their kids and now my sister homeschools hers. My friend is in undergrad to be an eye doctor and her brother got a full ride scholarship to get a PhD in some sort of laser engineering that I don't even know how to describe haha. Socially we joke around and say "your homeschooling is showing!" but ultimately they aren't sheltered. They did 4H, swim team, etc.

Personally I think a blend is best. Send your kids to school so there aren't big gaps in their education (i'm terrible at math so I know I would be useless teaching my kids anything past the 3rd grade level haha) but encourage education outside of school too. Encourage reading, watch educational shows and documentaries, go to museums, etc. Don't leave it all up to the school.

I am saying this as someone who lives around a pretty good public school system though. Things might be different if I lived in an area notorious for bad education.

CrazyTrackLady

I do'nt think anybody said that formal schooling was horrible. Just that homeschooling is also a valid option.

I disagree - many people on here have said that formal school was "horrible, and the worst experience of my life", painting a broad brush of discontent all over this thread. It gives the impression that there are NO good teachers out there, teachers hate kids, don't deal with bullies, want to snoop into childrens' lives, etc.

I'm just here to put in a good word for the profession. I am very proud to be a teacher, and I hold my head up high every day, despite overly involved helicopter parents who demand their children be placed on some undeserving pedestal, demand lessons that are "fun and engaging" every day, demand we discipline them (or don't discipline them as harshly because little Johnny got his feelings hurt because he was asked to do chores -- the HORROR!) because "they won't listen to me", expect us to make ZERO mistakes, complain to the principal at the drop of a hat, etc. etc. etc.

And when said parents don't get their demands met, they blame the teachers for not doing their jobs and yank them out of school because "only I know what's good for my child". Of course those of us who have trained for years to learn all sorts of valuable information about the raising and educating of children (many of us parents ourselves) KNOW NOTHING.

You should be proud of your profession! And I do understand your frustration with some parents. But just as you want parents to understand that you are a trained professional and you have a lot of knowledge about education, you also need to realize that parents also want that same respect. And sometimes, if a parent believes that homeschooling is best for her child, it's ok for a professional teacher to step back and respect that decision. Because as a teacher, I'm sure you realize that not all children are alike. Some really do have different needs, and sometimes those needs aren't being met by the school district, not because the teachers are bad, but because sometimes the bureaucracy and the regulations prevent teachers from doing everything they'd like to do. And sometimes a child's anxiety gets in the way of his education, so it might be best for that child to not be in that school environment, at least for a while. And sometimes the parents just really want to take charge of the child's education, and that's ok. The important thing should be what's best for the individual child, without getting bent out of shape because we feel slighted that a parent thinks they know better than the teacher. It doesn't always have to be a pissing contest between teachers and parents. Sometimes it is, and the parents set it up that way. But it doesn't have to be about that. It SHOULD be about the child, always. And if that means homeschooling, that's not a slight on teachers everywhere. It just means that for this child, this family, in this situation, homeschooling makes more sense than public school. Period.

You are absolutely correct, which is why I get so angry when broad brush generalizations are made about education - be it home school or institutionalized. The CHILD is the focus here, always has been and always will be, in my eyes. Whether it's your child or mine, it is all about what is in THEIR best interest.

Which is exactly why I don't understand the sweeping generalizations of homeschooling and unschooling, namely that homeschooled kids will grow up with no social skills and a one-dimensional education. I think that's just as bad as saying that all public schools are awful. You can't get upset about one stereotype while perpetuating another. I mean, I guess you can, but it doesn't make much sense, IMO.

My public school experience was a poor one. I think I would have been better off homeschooled than to go to that school. THAT school. Not just ANY school. So even though my personal experience was difficult, I'm working toward my teaching certification, and plan to work in a public school. Because I do believe in public schools, when they're working. But they don't always work. My daughter had a HORRIBLE time with social anxiety this year in kindergarten, to the point that she was having a breakdown every day after school. Luckily, she had an awesome teacher and principal who worked with her and helped her overcome it, and now she's thriving in school. But if she'd had a teacher who wasn't willing to work with her, I would have had to take her out of that school, because allowing her to feel that every day with no help would have been damaging. There are SO many awesome teachers out there, and there are so many awesome schools and districts. But not everyone is so blessed to have wonderful teachers and administration helping them out. And even if they do, public schooling is still not right for every child.

I can't imagine ANY teacher not willing to help a kindergartner with social anxiety. That comes with training and is an expectation of the role of teacher. My age group of students (middle school) come with a different set of psycho-social requirements, that being understanding about puberty, hormones, sexual changes, mood swings, self image, etc. We are trained in child development to recognize what each child needs at the ages we teach. That is the primary focus of teacher training - content is secondary, in my opinion.

impyimpyaj

I can't imagine ANY teacher not willing to help a kindergartner with social anxiety. That comes with training and is an expectation of the role of teacher. My age group of students (middle school) come with a different set of psycho-social requirements, that being understanding about puberty, hormones, sexual changes, mood swings, self image, etc. We are trained in child development to recognize what each child needs at the ages we teach. That is the primary focus of teacher training - content is secondary, in my opinion.

You can't imagine it? Well I had one. I had another one in first grade.

I know my experience is not the norm. But it does happen. So in a situation like that, if the school is unwilling or unable to help, homeschooling ROCKS.

CrazyTrackLady

I can't imagine ANY teacher not willing to help a kindergartner with social anxiety. That comes with training and is an expectation of the role of teacher. My age group of students (middle school) come with a different set of psycho-social requirements, that being understanding about puberty, hormones, sexual changes, mood swings, self image, etc. We are trained in child development to recognize what each child needs at the ages we teach. That is the primary focus of teacher training - content is secondary, in my opinion.

You can't imagine it? Well I had one. I had another one in first grade.

I know my experience is not the norm. But it does happen. So in a situation like that, if the school is unwilling or unable to help, homeschooling ROCKS.

Again, I don't understand why folks keep coming back to an "us versus them" point of view. All I said was that I can't believe a kindergarten teacher would do that, and even a first grade teacher. However, by 6th grade, those behaviors need to be addressed. Harsh? Not really. I have a student this year (6th grade) who is the most needy, whiny, wimpy cry baby I've ever met. Try to correct him? He pouts, puts his head down on his desk and bursts into tears. Try to critique his writing in a good way? "My teacher hates me! Wah, wah wah!" He has been mollycoddled his whole life and now that he is older and those behaviors are starting to affect his relationships, he is having tremendous social problems. Is it my job to help him through this? Yes, but only so far. The rest is up to him -- he needs to stop acting like a four year old and thinking he can get away with it with me - because he is old enough to know better and old enough to change his behaviors.

k8blujay2

I can't imagine ANY teacher not willing to help a kindergartner with social anxiety. That comes with training and is an expectation of the role of teacher. My age group of students (middle school) come with a different set of psycho-social requirements, that being understanding about puberty, hormones, sexual changes, mood swings, self image, etc. We are trained in child development to recognize what each child needs at the ages we teach. That is the primary focus of teacher training - content is secondary, in my opinion.

You can't imagine it? Well I had one. I had another one in first grade.

I know my experience is not the norm. But it does happen. So in a situation like that, if the school is unwilling or unable to help, homeschooling ROCKS.

Again, I don't understand why folks keep coming back to an "us versus them" point of view. All I said was that I can't believe a kindergarten teacher would do that, and even a first grade teacher. However, by 6th grade, those behaviors need to be addressed. Harsh? Not really. I have a student this year (6th grade) who is the most needy, whiny, wimpy cry baby I've ever met. Try to correct him? He pouts, puts his head down on his desk and bursts into tears. Try to critique his writing in a good way? "My teacher hates me! Wah, wah wah!" He has been mollycoddled his whole life and now that he is older and those behaviors are starting to affect his relationships, he is having tremendous social problems. Is it my job to help him through this? Yes, but only so far. The rest is up to him -- he needs to stop acting like a four year old and thinking he can get away with it with me - because he is old enough to know better and old enough to change his behaviors.

It's probably because homeschooling families are often stigmatized (as can be seen here on this very thread) and the families that opt to homeschool use it as a defense mechanism... or maybe it's because the schools in this country are no where near as perfect as those in the educational establishment like to believe or think.... or it could be a combination of both (which is where I lie, opinion wise)... It's because of the educational establishment proverbially looking down on those that choose an alternative form of schooling, that that those that do opt for alternative forms must defend it tooth and nail. We are all stigmatized as "ignorant", "bible-thumpers" (even though athiests also homeschool as do pagans, and people from many other religious (or non) sects and beliefs), "socially-awkward", and the list goes on, all the time. Thus we feel that we also must stigmatize the establishment. That's not to say in either instance the views aren't true... I had HORRIBLE teachers for first, second, and third grade... I had teachers that one would swear they are smoking crack... male teachers that hated girls... teachers that would take the sides of the kids that had the more powerful parents, regardless of who was in the right.... Then, when we moved back stateside and my parents were getting ready to put us into the public school system again, they heard stories of knifings and other acts of violence in the school we were about to enter (never mind the fact that none of my friends where involved even after 6 degrees of seperation) and they got scared... Thankfully, it turned into a Texas Robin Tax success story (which there aren't many of those sadly) and it is one of the better schools in the area, but by then it was too late.

Now at this very moment we do plan on putting our children into the public school systems... I have even voted in favor of our schools when it came to bond elections (and will continue to do so when necessary)... We live in one of the better school districts in the State. But, if there ever comes a time when my children are not getting what they need from our school system or they feel in anyway uncomfortable at school, I will not hesitate to teach my child(ren) at home. Because I (along with most every other parent that teaches at home) want whats best for my child(ren).

impyimpyaj

I can't imagine ANY teacher not willing to help a kindergartner with social anxiety. That comes with training and is an expectation of the role of teacher. My age group of students (middle school) come with a different set of psycho-social requirements, that being understanding about puberty, hormones, sexual changes, mood swings, self image, etc. We are trained in child development to recognize what each child needs at the ages we teach. That is the primary focus of teacher training - content is secondary, in my opinion.

You can't imagine it? Well I had one. I had another one in first grade.

I know my experience is not the norm. But it does happen. So in a situation like that, if the school is unwilling or unable to help, homeschooling ROCKS.

Again, I don't understand why folks keep coming back to an "us versus them" point of view. All I said was that I can't believe a kindergarten teacher would do that, and even a first grade teacher. However, by 6th grade, those behaviors need to be addressed. Harsh? Not really. I have a student this year (6th grade) who is the most needy, whiny, wimpy cry baby I've ever met. Try to correct him? He pouts, puts his head down on his desk and bursts into tears. Try to critique his writing in a good way? "My teacher hates me! Wah, wah wah!" He has been mollycoddled his whole life and now that he is older and those behaviors are starting to affect his relationships, he is having tremendous social problems. Is it my job to help him through this? Yes, but only so far. The rest is up to him -- he needs to stop acting like a four year old and thinking he can get away with it with me - because he is old enough to know better and old enough to change his behaviors.

I wasn't trying to go back to an "us vs. them." I kind of assumed you'd remember my other posts in which I've said, numerous times, that I support public schooling and private schooling, that I'm studying to become a teacher myself, that my child attends a public school that I love. I was simply pointing out that sometimes, SOMETIMES, schools fail. Sometimes teachers fail. Sometimes a student just isnt' cut out for public school. SOMETIMES. And homeschooling is a viable option for those times.

As far as your "cry baby" -- I get you, to an extent. But have you thought that maybe there's something else going on there? And no, it's not your job to fix everything. But it is your job to be understanding and make an attempt. By being firm but loving, which I'm sure you do, and by talking with his parents if necessary, which I'm sure you also do. You can't fix everything, but you also can't assume that his behavior is due to his being mollycoddled. Kids are born with personalities, and sometimes nothing you do as parent OR teacher will change things. For instance, my son has a real anger problem. We do the best we can to address it, but his first reaction to an upsetting situation is still instant rage. He didn't learn it, he was born with it. So now my job is not to change his personality, but to teach him to manage his anger and channel it in a productive, reasonable way.

CrazyTrackLady

I can't imagine ANY teacher not willing to help a kindergartner with social anxiety. That comes with training and is an expectation of the role of teacher. My age group of students (middle school) come with a different set of psycho-social requirements, that being understanding about puberty, hormones, sexual changes, mood swings, self image, etc. We are trained in child development to recognize what each child needs at the ages we teach. That is the primary focus of teacher training - content is secondary, in my opinion.

You can't imagine it? Well I had one. I had another one in first grade.

I know my experience is not the norm. But it does happen. So in a situation like that, if the school is unwilling or unable to help, homeschooling ROCKS.

Again, I don't understand why folks keep coming back to an "us versus them" point of view. All I said was that I can't believe a kindergarten teacher would do that, and even a first grade teacher. However, by 6th grade, those behaviors need to be addressed. Harsh? Not really. I have a student this year (6th grade) who is the most needy, whiny, wimpy cry baby I've ever met. Try to correct him? He pouts, puts his head down on his desk and bursts into tears. Try to critique his writing in a good way? "My teacher hates me! Wah, wah wah!" He has been mollycoddled his whole life and now that he is older and those behaviors are starting to affect his relationships, he is having tremendous social problems. Is it my job to help him through this? Yes, but only so far. The rest is up to him -- he needs to stop acting like a four year old and thinking he can get away with it with me - because he is old enough to know better and old enough to change his behaviors.

I wasn't trying to go back to an "us vs. them." I kind of assumed you'd remember my other posts in which I've said, numerous times, that I support public schooling and private schooling, that I'm studying to become a teacher myself, that my child attends a public school that I love. I was simply pointing out that sometimes, SOMETIMES, schools fail. Sometimes teachers fail. Sometimes a student just isnt' cut out for public school. SOMETIMES. And homeschooling is a viable option for those times.

As far as your "cry baby" -- I get you, to an extent. But have you thought that maybe there's something else going on there? And no, it's not your job to fix everything. But it is your job to be understanding and make an attempt. By being firm but loving, which I'm sure you do, and by talking with his parents if necessary, which I'm sure you also do. You can't fix everything, but you also can't assume that his behavior is due to his being mollycoddled. Kids are born with personalities, and sometimes nothing you do as parent OR teacher will change things. For instance, my son has a real anger problem. We do the best we can to address it, but his first reaction to an upsetting situation is still instant rage. He didn't learn it, he was born with it. So now my job is not to change his personality, but to teach him to manage his anger and channel it in a productive, reasonable way.

I've been working with the parents all year long, and we've agreed that something is going on here that needs to be addressed in therapy. I can't make such suggestions like that, as it is not my place or call (not a nurse or a therapist). The best I can do is continue to let his parents know about his behavior so they can talk to him about it.

Not to be rude, but I'm curious to know how a baby is "born" with anger issues. Children are blank tablets, and unless there is genetic cause for it, it is my understanding that anger is a learned behavior, not an inherited one. I could be entirely wrong though.

impyimpyaj

I've been working with the parents all year long, and we've agreed that something is going on here that needs to be addressed in therapy. I can't make such suggestions like that, as it is not my place or call (not a nurse or a therapist). The best I can do is continue to let his parents know about his behavior so they can talk to him about it.

Not to be rude, but I'm curious to know how a baby is "born" with anger issues. Children are blank tablets, and unless there is genetic cause for it, it is my understanding that anger is a learned behavior, not an inherited one. I could be entirely wrong though.

Children are not blank tablets. Some portion of personality and behavior is genetic. Which is why my oldest has been a pleaser from day one, always smiling, but nervous with new people (hence the social anxiety). And why my son is a ray of sunshine, until he's unhappy and then it's all rage, all the time, and has always been that way. John Locke's "tabula rasa" theory, while valuable in many ways, has been largely discredited by numerous child psychologists through the years, and most believe that personality is a combination of nature AND nurture, not one or the other. And as far as the anger, anger is a real emotion that everyone has, and people express anger differently. He happens to express it often, and sometimes violently. He used to bite. Nobody bit him, so obviously he didn't learn it from us. Now he no longer bites, and he's stopped throwing and hitting, because WE have taught him to get it under control. But he still feels the rage. It's just a feeling. Everybody has them.

oldbaptistadam

To the "professional education" fans who have dismissed the credentials of a mother's ability to educate her children at home, I'll remind them that while they have four to six years of collegiate instruction in general instruction methods, a stay-at-home mother has six years of very specialized instruction regarding how THAT child learns and the best way to instruct THAT child to learn the required material.

I have great respect for teachers, and their ability to teach a classroom full of average children en masse, but they also need to have respect for the time and years that a mother has put into learning how to teach her child in particular.

My two cents on the whole "credential" thing...

_VoV

If children come into the world as 'blank slates', my daughter came in as a howling, discontented one. To this day, when things are unexpected or not to her liking, she tends to react quickly and often assumes the worst. In retrospect, a maternity nurse tried to warn me as diplomatically as possible, but I didn't realize this until years later. I do believe temperament is strongly influenced by genetics and can be apparent from early infancy.

Marla64

If children come into the world as 'blank slates', my daughter came in as a howling, discontented one. To this day, when things are unexpected or not to her liking, she tends to react quickly and often assumes the worst. In retrospect, a maternity nurse tried to warn me as diplomatically as possible, but I didn't realize this until years later. I do believe temperament is strongly influenced by genetics and can be apparent from early infancy.

Ditto, sister-- holy Hannah-- thank God HE he had mercy on me. I had nine children, and every other one, like clockwork, was super high maintenance right out of the chute. Easygoing infant/terror/easygoing/terror-- right down to my last one... Easygoing.

I couldn't have handled 9 terrors!