Husband is constant opposition!!

Cold_Steel

[...]

My only advice to you is to put up with what you can put up with and focus more on your own joy in changing your life. So his meal is all shades of brown and orange and white. Yours is a rainbow and probably some beautiful subtle savory flavors that you can be proud of creating. I would throw myself into making even more amazing and bautiful and healthy meals for mself and just give him his three favorite meals on repeat.

if he has to have spaghetti every damn day, after a while he may start looking harder at your plat which you are thoroughly enjoying.

Succeed in spite of him. Yo are worth the effort, no matter what names and insults he slides your way.

Best of luck honey!!

@yoovie, You are awesome. Three favorite meals on repeat? LMAO!!

Obviously there is a severe lack of understanding here.

If I was this womans husband and she made me my three favorite meals every day I would call that heaven.

What ? You mean every night I get a choice between a Burger and Fries, Pizza and Mexican food ? Where do I sign up I would say?

Yeah not effective not advised. If it was the same meal every day yeah sure that might get old but I could eat pizza every day in my former fatter self.

ArroganceInStep

Obviously there is a severe lack of understanding here.

If I was this womans husband and she made me my three favorite meals every day I would call that heaven.

What ? You mean every night I get a choice between a Burger and Fries, Pizza and Mexican food ? Where do I sign up I would say?

Yeah not effective not advised. If it was the same meal every day yeah sure that might get old but I could eat pizza every day in my former fatter self.

I disagree, the idea would be that if the spouse is unwilling to change, she should make things he does like that won't break the bank, since budget is a concern of hers. It's not her responsibility to make him eat healthier, just like it's not his responsibility to let her boss him around and take away his debit card or throw out food he purchased or other such nonsense. Being a spouse != being a parent. Your job is to support each other, not dictate how the other lives their life.

littlelaura

I use to feel this way about my family constantly sabotaging my ability to eat healthyby bringing unhealthy foods into the house or on nights and weekends, monopolizing my exercise times. I finally had to accept this was never going to stop, I could give into them and give up on myself, I could try to hide by running away and move out (this thought did cross my mind several times), neither were viable solutions. So, in the end I decided I would just suck it up and tough it out, its 100% up to me, sure there will always be the valid emergency and you wont have time to prepare properly for those and one day off track wont ruin anything but overall you have complete control over your own life if you decide to take it. Keep doing this for youl, eat healthy, workout, and let husbands, children, other family and friends, know you love them but that you are putting you first and they are going to have to pitch in and take care of themselves and eachother, however they see fit. They will hate it, they will complain and keep bringing home junk, they will try to get in your way, just keep marching on and never look back and you will get to your goals, feeling proud and happy you did, never stop, they will still love you in the end. Gotta fight the good fight even when you get hit hard from the last place you expected it, home. Good Luck!

RDawn7

Hi,
It seems like right now you can only help yourself. In any relationship the couple tend to project their own feeings onto others instead of introspecting and seeing themselves for who they are. Your husband isn't really oppossing you per say. He's opposed to eating healthy and changing his lifestyle in any way. Because you are changing and trying to lead a healthier lifeystyle he feels threatened by you. You can't control him, and you can't control the fact that he has a lot of years of bad eating habits carried down probably for generations in his family. All you have real control of is yourself. Don't get discouraged. Hang in there. Let him eat whatever he wants, don't nag at him. It only drives him further away, and it only makes you feel sad and frustrated. Make the two meals if you have to, to keep the peace. I believe that he will eventually see your progress as something good and he will role model your behavior. Focus on the people that do support what you are trying to accomplish. Good luck.

TeaRexParty

There's alot of good advice in this thread but I also alot of comments I had to cringe at. Honestly anyone not having this problem with a mate/spouse should count themselves lucky. It's VERY common and definitely not something you just ditch your mate over.

That said I don't think there is one simple solution. I offered by advice about freezer cooking but by that I just meant do what you can to make this easier on yourself. I also agree with having him keep his junk food out of the way in one place.

One thing I want to point out is no matter how much somebody may want to lose weight, most people resist if they feel like they are being forced into somebody elses journey. I used to feel like this with my mom....I wanted to lose but I wanted it to be MY idea and I wanted the credit for it. Not sure I'm explaining this well but my husband has always been more supportive when I wasn't pushing. He's my best friend and a wonderful husband but he's stubborn like that.

So here's my other thoughts and advice of things I tried that worked:

1) Like other people said, have him go with you shopping for himself. But I don't mean make him go buy all his own food. With my husband we'd shop together and then I asked him to go grab whatever snacks and things he wanted that I don't eat. Some may see this as enabling but my husband ate less junk when given a CHOICE.

You'll also save money on him not going to the corner store.

2) Also like suggested, ask him to put all his junk food in one place as much as possible and out of your sight. Obviously freezer stuff is harder.

3) The one thing I would try to push him on, the ONLY thing, is the water. Pick one battle and this one you can justify. It's taken me several years but I finally got my husband to drink water and he finally chose to cut out soda on his OWN. He drinks it on occasion but it is the one thing I did stop putting in the house.

4) This may not be possible with schedules but if there is anyway you can get him to eat a meal earlier in the day this will help ALOT. Even if you served the equivalent to a denny's grand slam breakfast, he's still better off than going all day without eating and making up for it at the end of the day.

So yea....work on him eating earlier and drinking water and the rest just do your best to work around. Trust me, you just gotta throw alot of love on the situation and take it a day at a time because a power struggle over this will only hurt you both and most likely wear you down till you are thrown off track.

Brechin89

This is a rather easy fix... If he won't eat what you cook and goes and spends more money on food from a gas station... Big problem....

Solution A : take his debit card or take the money out of the bank or take the money and put it in a savings account....

Solution B : Don't give him no play... I don't care who it is, if your old lady isn't putting out your going to do what it takes to get some... Its called MALE INSTINCT

Yes, because being a thieving, manipulative, tyrannical, uncommunicative, frigid sociopath is the answer.

Exactly!!!!!!!!

AngelaP2012

It sounds like you are very fustrated. I would suggest to get creative with meals that would satisfy the both of you. Buy potato chips that are sweet potato, make vegetable lasagna, or pizza with tons of vegetables. Are they any vegetables that he does enjoy? Work with what vegetables and fruit that he will eat. However, he may not be ready to make a change just yet, but talk with him to see an agreement of healthy foods that you both enjoy so you will not have to spend so much money on buying groceries.

rockinright

One thing I know I wouldn't do in this situation: I wouldn't enable this kind of behavior.

I know it's tough. My husband is rather similar. I told my husband point blank that I intend to eat healthier, lose weight, and gain muscle so I can be a fit individual who lives a long and happy life. He says he is on board but... I get the sighing and the nit picking at the meals, too. I don't feel sorry for him. I told him that if he wanted to eat unhealthy foods he had to make his own meal plans, go to the grocery store, buy his own foods, and prepare his own meals - while still working and supporting this family. Also, there will be less money for hobbies - no video games, no movie night with the guys, whatever. It's not my job to support his bad habits, if he wants to act that way he can make his own sacrifices to do it. Make him work for his unhealthy lifestyle and realize just how much you really do for him.

Luckily, my husband isn't as verbal with his insecurities as yours is. Saying you're a health nazi and that you're obsessed with your health while implying that isn't any way to live is only him putting his own problems onto you. He's scared. I would seek therapy so that you can work on communicating through this and hopefully bring him to the realization that if he just lets you help him while helping yourself it can benefit him greatly in the long run.

I guess I certainly have been an enabler. I guess it made me feel guilty to not provide any food for him, but I do. I provide him with healthy food, which I'm sure any person on this site would love to have someone cook them healthy meals every night! I admire your standing your ground with your husband. I need to take note.

Let me pose THIS question, just to play "Devil's Advocate" here.

Outside of food issues, have you changed? In other words, do you reach the point where you no longer like to do the activities you used to, because of the concern that unhealthy food will be there?

A lot of guys oppose a wife/girlfriend eating healthier, because it means she won't want to hang out at the bar, or go out to eat at favorite places, etc. anymore.

What it boils down to, is a lot of guys would rather have a fat girl who is fun to be with than a thin girl who doesn't want to do anything fun.

rockinright

Dude. Can I RELATE. lol. We are married to the same guy, it seems. I too have to have two grocery lists...you're nicer than me, though. I make ONE healthy dinner, and if he doesn't want it he can cook something for himself or starve. I don't care. haha. I know that's not nice, but I refuse to make macaroni and cheese and hot dogs when I can't eat it. It's just unnecessary temptation. I can tell you this though: After over a year of keeping up healthy habits, mine has finally started to accept that I'm not the fast food-craving, junk food-hoarding, unhealthy girl that I was when we met. Good luck to you...I hope it gets better.

I'm not saying he's right, but maybe he LIKED that girl.

My wife and I are doing this together, which makes it a LOT easier. See some of my other posts, but I think a lot of guys fear that the woman they love is going to turn into someone they don't like, or who doesn't like them. It's not just the "she's gonna leave me for a hotter dude" fear, it's far more than that.

IF my wife were doing this and I weren't, or vice versa, I could see that being an issue.

Perhaps reassuring him that, aside from food, you're still the same person could help?

rockinright

Explain to him that the path he is on will lead to ED. That will wake him up.

LOL! And...each 15lb lost increases "organ" length by an inch!

http://voices.yahoo.com/size-matters-weight-affect-penis-size-568388.html

OK, well from experience I *KNOW* that's BS!

temsabi

Relax. I was trying to be tongue-in-cheek. Obviously I can be as insensitive as the next person.

glovepuppet

i was too lazy to read the whole thread, but i vote he cooks his own damn dinner if he doesn't like what you're making. you're pandering to him. he's not a child and if he wants to eat junk then let him make it and eat it himself.

if he had a booze problem would you fetch him drinks all night?
if he was on crack would you fill and light his pipe?

Polly758

First off, accept that you can't change him.

Once you get past that, the way I see it, it comes down to money and your time-- money spent on food and your time spent preparing it. I would suggest separate bank accounts. Both of you contribute to the join account-- bills, mortgage, etc, then discretionary funds in separate accounts. He can buy his own food, watch his own budget. You do your thing. At the beginning you can both contribute food money to the join account as insurance for when he blows all his money because he doesn't understand how much it's costing But it sounds like he really needs a personalized hands-on picture of what his eating habits are costing you as a couple.

Also consider counseling. If his health gets bad enough someday in the future, and you really can't take it any more, you may want to consider divorce, as in, I love you too much to watch you die from your own fat *kitten*, you have to lose weight in a year or I'm out. Maybe that sounds extreme but I bet it will make perfect sense someday.

AmyM713

He is an adult and can make his own decisions, which also means he can cook his own meals. You've tried he won't listen, oh well, do you and let him do what he wants. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. I'm in the same position as you trying to revamp my husbands eating habits but he doesn't raise a fuss like it sounds your husband is. He does on occasion put unhealthy additions to a healthy meal I make but that is his decision. It angers me to sit here and read your post because he sounds like hes acting like a child. Good luck and please don't give up on what you want because hes to selfish to bend a little for you.

ArroganceInStep

First off, accept that you can't change him.

Once you get past that, the way I see it, it comes down to money and your time-- money spent on food and your time spent preparing it. I would suggest separate bank accounts. Both of you contribute to the join account-- bills, mortgage, etc, then discretionary funds in separate accounts. He can buy his own food, watch his own budget. You do your thing. At the beginning you can both contribute food money to the join account as insurance for when he blows all his money because he doesn't understand how much it's costing But it sounds like he really needs a personalized hands-on picture of what his eating habits are costing you as a couple.

Also consider counseling. If his health gets bad enough someday in the future, and you really can't take it any more, you may want to consider divorce, as in, I love you too much to watch you die from your own fat *kitten*, you have to lose weight in a year or I'm out. Maybe that sounds extreme but I bet it will make perfect sense someday.

That doesn't just sound extreme...

creativephoenix

That's a tough situation - but it sounds as though he has no desire to change his eating habits, so trying to force him today what you eat is only going to cause friction.

If it was me I would just stop discussing it - do what you need to do, don't put any pressure on him to change. If he wants to add or takeaway from the meal, thats his decision. At least by cooking healthy meals you are providing the option for him to change when he is ready to.

This is really quite good Ruby! I have a husband who eats really crappy with lots of fast food/junk food, but he is supportive of my efforts to lose weight. I find that it's easier to let him eat the way he wants (he's also Cajun, which doesn't help), although sometimes I express to him that I worry about his eating habits and how I want him to be around for a long time to see our three year old son grow up. My husband is constantly tired and sick, and I truly feel this has to do with his poor eating habits. Maybe as he gets older he may eventually try what I'm having.... Good luck!

Polly758

Also consider counseling. If his health gets bad enough someday in the future, and you really can't take it any more, you may want to consider divorce, as in, I love you too much to watch you die from your own fat *kitten*, you have to lose weight in a year or I'm out. Maybe that sounds extreme but I bet it will make perfect sense someday.

That doesn't just sound extreme...

I've been married. It got so ugly at the end that staying married was the extreme option. What do you know about it?

ArroganceInStep

I've been married. It got so ugly at the end that staying married was the extreme option. What do you know about it?

And in the same way I couldn't possibly know everything that went into your decision to end the marriage, how could you possibly know enough to suggest divorce as a viable option based on one side of a tiny part of the whole story?

Tzippy7

It may sound mean but I would suggest you start shopping separetly and if he wants something different to what you've cooked let him cook it.Try to make him realise just how difficult planning and preparing a meal can be.

Talking to him clearly isn't working from what you've said, so take action and make him take action. I am sorry I can't offer any other advise it sounds like a very unfair situation.

this

meldaniel

Not much you can do. My husband refused to give up fast food and junk until he was diagnosed with a bad kind of cholesterol and had to start medication for his liver. He is not even overweight...he just ate too much fat for his body to process and it had damaged his liver. He saw the light then and little by little he has become much healthier and makes better choices now. Usually you have to let people figure it out on their own...especially men! haha! Most will revert into childish, rebellious behaviour if they feel nagged or told what to do too often. Oh well! Just keep making healthy meals and hope that he gets on board one day.