Husband wants to take over my gym time- advice

jenmfpal

I have been working out in the mornings for since November and been pretty successful (lost 72 pounds!). I do weight training in the morning (go to the gym from 4:30-6), and sometimes go back at night for cardio. We have young children, so I go to the gym before my husband has to go to work. If I go at night, I go after the kids are in bed.

Because I've been so successful, I've been posting motivational things on Facebook and everyone around me has been 'catching' the bug to get fit, including my husband. But my husband wants me to stop going to the gym so that he can go. He doesn't like to go at night b/c the gym is too "busy." I don't like to do my weight training at night for the same reason, so I understand that.

I offered to get up earlier and hit the gym from 3-4:30 but he says an hour and a half is not enough time for him to do what he wants to do in the gym. He has been trying to get back into the gym, and every time hasn't stayed an hour. All last week I asked him if he was going to go the next day. Today I got up early and did the gym, then came home to find him in bed, and he hadn't even set his alarm!

He was getting upset, because for a while I was going twice a day, everyday. Said that was keeping him from getting to go. I stopped going the second time everyday and he never started going b/c he hatted doing weights at night. I don't think it's fair that I'm on a roll with my weight loss and his starting will slow me down. Especially if he isn't going to follow through when I change my plans for him.

How do I make him understand that I want to support his getting fit, but don't want to compromise my successful pace? The week he asked me to stop going twice in a day I was loosing a pound a day. I gave up a pound a day trend so that he could NOT go to the gym.

I'm also thinking a compromise might be to do my cardio in the morning. That has only been a 1/2 hour to 45 min routine and would give him more time in the morning. Then I could do my weights at night. I don't feel like changing my routine if he isn't going to really get up!

Guess I'll have to see what you all say, and discuss with him at least one more time. Thanks!

roachhaley

Losing a pound a day isn't healthy...

Why don't you just go to the gym at separate times?

cramernh

This is going to sound crass so please hang in there..

Did you tell your husband to stop being so damn selfish and perhaps learn to COMPROMISE? Come up with something that you BOTH can do that doesnt impede on either one's workout time?

Is there someone that can take the kids so you BOTH can go? I dont know how old they are, but are they old enough to be left alone for about an hour?

Im sorry but hubby sounds like he needs to learn to give and take, the same way you have been giving and taking...

deadbeatsummer

Sounds like he's being selfish. This has been your time to go to the gym and you should stick to that - if he wants to also start going to the gym, fine, he just needs to find another slot to go in. He cannot interruppt what you are doing. It's unfair.

impyimpyaj

I agree, a pound a day isn't healthy, so I'm glad you stopped that trend.

Can you guys alternate days? Since you both hate to go in the evenings, but there's only so much morning to go around, perhaps you can alternate. You go in the mornings on MWF, and in the evenings on T/TH. He goes the opposite times. Then you both get to enjoy some mornings in the gym, but nobody's having to get up at 3 in the morning. And if he gets to the point that he's not getting up to go on his mornings, you can re-visit the situation and talk about getting your mornings back since he doesn't want to get up.

myak623

This is going to sound crass so please hang in there..

Did you tell your husband to stop being so damn selfish and perhaps learn to COMPROMISE? Come up with something that you BOTH can do that doesnt impede on either one's workout time?

^^Yep!

luvnthenewme

How about alternating days? One day you go in the morning and he goes in the evening. The next day he gets to go in the morning. That way, if he doesn't follow through, you are still getting to workout and don't have to give up all your mornings.

samra2012

yes... he's being selfish... just like mine did but .... in my case I said: or you get use to it or byeeeeeee!!! :explode: anyway he is sleeping now!!! and Im working out!!!!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: its my health and have two boys to take care ! thats what I think maybe you should talk to him and wait...

guardian419

Going off of supposition with little knowledge of your home life... it sounds like he is jealous of your weight loss...

With that said, he might be trying to get into working out, but is discouraged because you've done so well, and he may just need encouragement... at the same time, you can't stop your 'roll' so to speak, so as always a compromise is in order. Maybe he can take a slightly longer lunch and work out during that? Or can you do your cardio over lunch?

george29223

I agree, a pound a day isn't healthy, so I'm glad you stopped that trend.

Can you guys alternate days? Since you both hate to go in the evenings, but there's only so much morning to go around, perhaps you can alternate. You go in the mornings on MWF, and in the evenings on T/TH. He goes the opposite times. Then you both get to enjoy some mornings in the gym, but nobody's having to get up at 3 in the morning. And if he gets to the point that he's not getting up to go on his mornings, you can re-visit the situation and talk about getting your mornings back since he doesn't want to get up.

that really really good advice

Martucha123

alternate days
you do not need to go to the gym every day
go 3 times a week, he can go 3 times aweek
do your lifting at the gym, and cardio at home (maybe you can by a stationary bike?)

juicemoogan

Get a sitter, or find a gym with child care.

cloud2011

I'm not buying it. This is not just about who can go to the gym and when. I think something else is going on with him, either jealousy, or sabotage.

You've made the sacrifices and have been successful. He seems annoyed that you're going to the gym twice a day for some reason.

I do believe in compromise but one that works for both people, not one at the expense of the other.

If he's that committed, why not split the mornings -- each of you go every other day? You can shake up your routine and still go at night.

But I'm guessing his real beef is with your success at getting into shape and losing weight. He sounds threatened by it.

Eleanorjanethinner

Oh dear... sounds like husband is noticing the changing dynamics in your relationship and doesn't like them. He sounds like he's sub consciously trying to control/ restrict you.

The two of you need to compromise and he needs to work out what's going on in his head. Is he feeling insecure now you're so successful? Does he want attention to be focussed back on him and the kids where maybe it used to be? Do the two of you need to spend more quality time?

Good luck, keep talking and don't be the one to do all the compromising!

PittShkr

Losing a pound a day isn't healthy...

Why don't you just go to the gym at separate times?

When a person is 30lbs or more overweight,losing a pound a day can be done without major complications. As long as the person is not malnourished and does not have any underlying health issues.

cramernh

Losing a pound a day isn't healthy...

Why don't you just go to the gym at separate times?

When a person is 30lbs or more overweight,losing a pound a day can be done without major complications. As long as the person is not malnourished and does not have any underlying health issues.

agreed

impyimpyaj

Why do people jump to conclusions about her husband worrying about a changing dynamic, or being jealous? From face value, it sounds like he wants to go to the gym, he doesn't like to go in the evenings, and he wants to try to get there in the mornings.

Let's work on the issue at hand before making assumptions about someone we don't even know.

Di3012

Losing a pound a day isn't healthy...

Why don't you just go to the gym at separate times?

The OP did not ask for advice on weightloss, why did you have to chip in with that?

You also need to re-read the OP's posting because that is EXACTLY what her and her hubby are doing, but he is wanting more time than she can give.

roachhaley

Losing a pound a day isn't healthy...

Why don't you just go to the gym at separate times?

The OP did not ask for advice on weightloss, why did you have to chip in with that?

You also need to re-read the OP's posting because that is EXACTLY what her and her hubby are doing, but he is wanting more time than she can give.

Because dat first amendment.

microwoman999

Losing a pound a day isn't healthy...

Why don't you just go to the gym at separate times?

When a person is 30lbs or more overweight,losing a pound a day can be done without major complications. As long as the person is not malnourished and does not have any underlying health issues.

This!

19steph88

Sounds like compromise is in order. And it also sounds like your husband may be a tad jealous of your success. (It probably tooK you awhile to get truly motivated & serious about weight loss--most likely it will be the same for your husband) Maybe work out a schedule (you go at night some times, he goes at other) and just stick to the plan. If he doesn't utilize his time, that is his fault and you can just stick to your plan. Working out at home occasionally would be a good idea too. And also, do you have to wait until the kids go to bed before exercising? Maybe you could rotate that also. (Dad has a couple hours with the kids one evening, you do the same another ?) Don't know how many kids you have but if you only have two (and they are little), perhaps you could find a used jogging stroller and take them out with you sometimes...One last random thought, my husband goes to the gym right after work. It's a good stress reliever for him and he knows that if he gets home & gets too comfortable, that is where he will stay. He doesn't do it every night, but that is just another idea. Good luck to you and congrats on your weight loss! :-)

_hi_hat3r_

I'm not buying it. This is not just about who can go to the gym and when. I think something else is going on with him, either jealousy, or sabotage.

You've made the sacrifices and have been successful. He seems annoyed that you're going to the gym twice a day for some reason.

I do believe in compromise but one that works for both people, not one at the expense of the other.

If he's that committed, why not split the mornings -- each of you go every other day? You can shake up your routine and still go at night.

But I'm guessing his real beef is with your success at getting into shape and losing weight. He sounds threatened by it.

Sounds like sabotage.

Theresafinallygetsitright

We pay extra for a gym with childcare so that we can both go when our schedule best allows. I don't think that would fix your problem though as my gym does not have childcare that early in the morning. I agree with all the "alternate day" peeps.

PittShkr

I have been working out in the mornings for since November and been pretty successful (lost 72 pounds!). I do weight training in the morning (go to the gym from 4:30-6), and sometimes go back at night for cardio. We have young children, so I go to the gym before my husband has to go to work. If I go at night, I go after the kids are in bed.

Because I've been so successful, I've been posting motivational things on Facebook and everyone around me has been 'catching' the bug to get fit, including my husband. But my husband wants me to stop going to the gym so that he can go. He doesn't like to go at night b/c the gym is too "busy." I don't like to do my weight training at night for the same reason, so I understand that.

I offered to get up earlier and hit the gym from 3-4:30 but he says an hour and a half is not enough time for him to do what he wants to do in the gym. He has been trying to get back into the gym, and every time hasn't stayed an hour. All last week I asked him if he was going to go the next day. Today I got up early and did the gym, then came home to find him in bed, and he hadn't even set his alarm!

He was getting upset, because for a while I was going twice a day, everyday. Said that was keeping him from getting to go. I stopped going the second time everyday and he never started going b/c he hatted doing weights at night. I don't think it's fair that I'm on a roll with my weight loss and his starting will slow me down. Especially if he isn't going to follow through when I change my plans for him.

How do I make him understand that I want to support his getting fit, but don't want to compromise my successful pace? The week he asked me to stop going twice in a day I was loosing a pound a day. I gave up a pound a day trend so that he could NOT go to the gym.

I'm also thinking a compromise might be to do my cardio in the morning. That has only been a 1/2 hour to 45 min routine and would give him more time in the morning. Then I could do my weights at night. I don't feel like changing my routine if he isn't going to really get up!

Guess I'll have to see what you all say, and discuss with him at least one more time. Thanks!

Im sorry i dont have an answer for you... I know things will work out great for both of you and congrats on your amazing success so far. There are a lot of people here to help and are motivated by what you have achieved!

pookaness

I don't know your gym, but don't alot of gyms have kid services for free with membership? If it has a baby service take your kids. Than you both can go.

BarbraP44

Alternate days with him. When my husband worked out at the gym, he only went on alternate days. On your off days from the gym, take the children to the park, run and play with them.

alexis1201

I feel as though there should be a "like" button for all these comments...

LilynEdensmom

I would compromise like this me - mwf go in the am tth go in the pm him mwf-go in pm and tth in am...The rotate out by the week...If he isn't willing to work with you then he is just being a big dodo head...

And if he doesn't get up an go within a couple of weeks he looses the morning and just will have to make do in the evenings.

nmullins81

Why don't you just go to the gym at separate times?

That is pretty much the point of this whole thing. She appears to be looking for ideas for ways that they can.

Here is a thought I'm throwing out there (and I understand its not the cheapest way)- look at getting a home weight set and maybe a piece of cardio equipment. In the long run it would save money over the gym membership, then he could get up early with you and you could help each other at the same time while the kiddos are asleep.

Dragonwolf

Why do people jump to conclusions about her husband worrying about a changing dynamic, or being jealous? From face value, it sounds like he wants to go to the gym, he doesn't like to go in the evenings, and he wants to try to get there in the mornings.

Let's work on the issue at hand before making assumptions about someone we don't even know.

Because the OP already said that when he was given the time slot he said he wanted, he didn't even bother setting his alarm to get up, or appear to make much of an effort to actually go to the gym. That suggests that there might be something more to his complaints.

The OP did not ask for advice on weightloss, why did you have to chip in with that?

You also need to re-read the OP's posting because that is EXACTLY what her and her hubby are doing, but he is wanting more time than she can give.

This site supports healthy weight loss (or gains, for that matter). Losing a pound a day (7lbs/week) is generally neither healthy nor sustainable unless you're under a medical supervision or really know what you're doing.

Cruz2Fit

Why do people jump to conclusions about her husband worrying about a changing dynamic, or being jealous? From face value, it sounds like he wants to go to the gym, he doesn't like to go in the evenings, and he wants to try to get there in the mornings.

Let's work on the issue at hand before making assumptions about someone we don't even know.

I agree. I would be careful about getting advise here regarding disputes with my hubby. Marriage is a complicated and delicate thing. It's difficult to get ALL the facts here and the consequences can be serious. Besides, you don't know much about the qualifications of those giving you advise. As a happily married person of 15 years I say PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE and discuss this issue further with your hubby. If you cannot find a solution, seek help from someone who knows and cares for you both, such as your minister, a mature married friend, etc...