Husband wants to take over my gym time- advice

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  • _hi_hat3r_
    _hi_hat3r_ Posts: 423 Member
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    I'm not buying it. This is not just about who can go to the gym and when. I think something else is going on with him, either jealousy, or sabotage.

    You've made the sacrifices and have been successful. He seems annoyed that you're going to the gym twice a day for some reason.

    I do believe in compromise but one that works for both people, not one at the expense of the other.

    If he's that committed, why not split the mornings -- each of you go every other day? You can shake up your routine and still go at night.

    But I'm guessing his real beef is with your success at getting into shape and losing weight. He sounds threatened by it.


    Sounds like sabotage.
  • Theresafinallygetsitright
    Theresafinallygetsitright Posts: 157
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    We pay extra for a gym with childcare so that we can both go when our schedule best allows. I don't think that would fix your problem though as my gym does not have childcare that early in the morning. I agree with all the "alternate day" peeps.
  • PittShkr
    PittShkr Posts: 1,000 Member
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    I have been working out in the mornings for since November and been pretty successful (lost 72 pounds!). I do weight training in the morning (go to the gym from 4:30-6), and sometimes go back at night for cardio. We have young children, so I go to the gym before my husband has to go to work. If I go at night, I go after the kids are in bed.

    Because I've been so successful, I've been posting motivational things on Facebook and everyone around me has been 'catching' the bug to get fit, including my husband. But my husband wants me to stop going to the gym so that he can go. He doesn't like to go at night b/c the gym is too "busy." I don't like to do my weight training at night for the same reason, so I understand that.

    I offered to get up earlier and hit the gym from 3-4:30 but he says an hour and a half is not enough time for him to do what he wants to do in the gym. He has been trying to get back into the gym, and every time hasn't stayed an hour. All last week I asked him if he was going to go the next day. Today I got up early and did the gym, then came home to find him in bed, and he hadn't even set his alarm!

    He was getting upset, because for a while I was going twice a day, everyday. Said that was keeping him from getting to go. I stopped going the second time everyday and he never started going b/c he hatted doing weights at night. I don't think it's fair that I'm on a roll with my weight loss and his starting will slow me down. Especially if he isn't going to follow through when I change my plans for him.

    How do I make him understand that I want to support his getting fit, but don't want to compromise my successful pace? The week he asked me to stop going twice in a day I was loosing a pound a day. I gave up a pound a day trend so that he could NOT go to the gym.

    I'm also thinking a compromise might be to do my cardio in the morning. That has only been a 1/2 hour to 45 min routine and would give him more time in the morning. Then I could do my weights at night. I don't feel like changing my routine if he isn't going to really get up!

    Guess I'll have to see what you all say, and discuss with him at least one more time. Thanks!

    Im sorry i dont have an answer for you... I know things will work out great for both of you and congrats on your amazing success so far. There are a lot of people here to help and are motivated by what you have achieved!
  • pookaness
    pookaness Posts: 15
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    I don't know your gym, but don't alot of gyms have kid services for free with membership? If it has a baby service take your kids. Than you both can go.
  • BarbraP44
    BarbraP44 Posts: 35 Member
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    Alternate days with him. When my husband worked out at the gym, he only went on alternate days. On your off days from the gym, take the children to the park, run and play with them.
  • alexis1201
    alexis1201 Posts: 14
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    I feel as though there should be a "like" button for all these comments...
  • LilynEdensmom
    LilynEdensmom Posts: 612 Member
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    I would compromise like this me - mwf go in the am tth go in the pm him mwf-go in pm and tth in am...The rotate out by the week...If he isn't willing to work with you then he is just being a big dodo head...

    And if he doesn't get up an go within a couple of weeks he looses the morning and just will have to make do in the evenings.
  • nmullins81
    nmullins81 Posts: 35 Member
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    Why don't you just go to the gym at separate times?

    That is pretty much the point of this whole thing. She appears to be looking for ideas for ways that they can.

    Here is a thought I'm throwing out there (and I understand its not the cheapest way)- look at getting a home weight set and maybe a piece of cardio equipment. In the long run it would save money over the gym membership, then he could get up early with you and you could help each other at the same time while the kiddos are asleep.
  • Dragonwolf
    Dragonwolf Posts: 5,600 Member
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    Why do people jump to conclusions about her husband worrying about a changing dynamic, or being jealous? From face value, it sounds like he wants to go to the gym, he doesn't like to go in the evenings, and he wants to try to get there in the mornings.

    Let's work on the issue at hand before making assumptions about someone we don't even know.

    Because the OP already said that when he was given the time slot he said he wanted, he didn't even bother setting his alarm to get up, or appear to make much of an effort to actually go to the gym. That suggests that there might be something more to his complaints.
    The OP did not ask for advice on weightloss, why did you have to chip in with that?

    You also need to re-read the OP's posting because that is EXACTLY what her and her hubby are doing, but he is wanting more time than she can give.

    This site supports healthy weight loss (or gains, for that matter). Losing a pound a day (7lbs/week) is generally neither healthy nor sustainable unless you're under a medical supervision or really know what you're doing.
  • Cruz2Fit
    Cruz2Fit Posts: 159 Member
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    Why do people jump to conclusions about her husband worrying about a changing dynamic, or being jealous? From face value, it sounds like he wants to go to the gym, he doesn't like to go in the evenings, and he wants to try to get there in the mornings.

    Let's work on the issue at hand before making assumptions about someone we don't even know.
    I agree. I would be careful about getting advise here regarding disputes with my hubby. Marriage is a complicated and delicate thing. It's difficult to get ALL the facts here and the consequences can be serious. Besides, you don't know much about the qualifications of those giving you advise. As a happily married person of 15 years I say PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE and discuss this issue further with your hubby. If you cannot find a solution, seek help from someone who knows and cares for you both, such as your minister, a mature married friend, etc...
  • Siannah
    Siannah Posts: 456 Member
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    When do you guys actually sleep and relax? :noway:

    I guess all you can do is take turns, pick three days each that you and him are "allowed" to get up at crazy early hours and do your thing.
  • curlygirly80
    curlygirly80 Posts: 176
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    Why do people jump to conclusions about her husband worrying about a changing dynamic, or being jealous? From face value, it sounds like he wants to go to the gym, he doesn't like to go in the evenings, and he wants to try to get there in the mornings.

    Let's work on the issue at hand before making assumptions about someone we don't even know.

    But she has given him the opportunity to go in the morning, but when she adjusts her schedule for him, he still fails to get up and go. If he really wanted to go he would set his alarm and be ready when she gets home.
  • jkleon86
    jkleon86 Posts: 245 Member
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    Why not set your weight training for the gym and get an exercise bike or workout dvd's to do at home while he is at the gym. I have to work around my hubby not that he is trying to get fit its just when I am making progress he seems to always find a way to interfere with it. I constantly have to readjust my workout times. I also have to act like I am just not trying and that I just don't care sometimes to get him to let up but continue in secret as long as I can til he catches on.
  • stephenatl09
    stephenatl09 Posts: 186 Member
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    IMO, it has nothing to do with him going to the gym. He just is feeling ignored, inadequate or something since you are going and having very good success. In the 1st place, he should be able to get a good workout in 45 minutes. I say go 3 - 4:30 then come home and wake his *kitten* up and call his bluff. Do this about a week, then see how he feels about going and/or complaining about you going. Good Luck, I really feel he is just trying to sabotage you for some selfish reason, whether it be wanting attention or whatever.
  • jenny95662
    jenny95662 Posts: 997 Member
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    i have no answers because my hubby is lazy and i go to the gym when there is daycare but i am still wondering when you sleep lmao i have to say you got great motivation to get up so early good for you!!!!
  • hemlock2010
    hemlock2010 Posts: 422 Member
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    Here is a thought I'm throwing out there (and I understand its not the cheapest way)- look at getting a home weight set and maybe a piece of cardio equipment. In the long run it would save money over the gym membership, then he could get up early with you and you could help each other at the same time while the kiddos are asleep.

    This. Or invest in some dvds? Turbo Jam and Powerstrike for cardio and P90X (plus pull bar and weights) for resistance. The problem with this might be that you would need a second tv if the non-exerciser is using that evening time to watch tv. On the other hand, maybe you could do it at the same time? If you are pretty good friends aside from this one issue of timing, doing it together might be fun.
  • impyimpyaj
    impyimpyaj Posts: 1,073 Member
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    Why do people jump to conclusions about her husband worrying about a changing dynamic, or being jealous? From face value, it sounds like he wants to go to the gym, he doesn't like to go in the evenings, and he wants to try to get there in the mornings.

    Let's work on the issue at hand before making assumptions about someone we don't even know.

    But she has given him the opportunity to go in the morning, but when she adjusts her schedule for him, he still fails to get up and go. If he really wanted to go he would set his alarm and be ready when she gets home.

    Or maybe he forgot. Or maybe it's hard getting motivated in the beginning. Like nobody else has struggled with getting into a workout routine, especially early in the morning?
  • HunterKiller_wechange
    HunterKiller_wechange Posts: 369 Member
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    1. Why not with your new fit physique, wrestle him to the ground, get him in a head lock and keep squeezing him untill he submits?

    or

    2. Sit down together and come up with a compromise that suits you both.

    I prefer option 1 as he sounds like he's being a bit of a d**k. Not an easy situation but you need to get him to understand that he can't just push you about like that. You have done fantastically well so why should you give it up just because he decides so?! Good luck, i hope you sort it out. x
  • wolfi622
    wolfi622 Posts: 206
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    I would think a marriage is more important than the speed of one's weight loss.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    I agree with going on alternate days. There's plenty of at exercise you can each do at home on non-gym days... DVDs, video "games," going for a run, walk or bike ride. Both of you could take the kids to a neighborhood park, and one can take turns playing with the little ones while the other does laps.

    And just my personal opinion, but trying to exercise for over an hour a day most days of the week sounds like a great plan for an overuse injury or just plain burnout. Exercise is important, but so is rest. And weight loss has more to do with your calorie deficit than anything else.

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