Husband wants to take over my gym time- advice

jetabear10

How about alternating days? One day you go in the morning and he goes in the evening. The next day he gets to go in the morning. That way, if he doesn't follow through, you are still getting to workout and don't have to give up all your mornings.

THIS totally is a great compromise (and he IS being selfish)

P.S. Congrats on being so super successful! Keep up the good work!

Emancipated_Tai

Compromising in a relationship is key; however, both parties need to be willing. It sounds as if you are the only willing party. I would suggest getting some DVD’s to do at home. This way you can still hit the gym at least once for your weights, and then do cardio at home. I think its best that he takes the latter workout slot because he is not accustom to waking up early in the morning. If he isn’t going to put in the effort to build a regiment that consist of him getting up at the crack of dawn there is no reason for you to give it up since you already have a flow.

neverstray

It seems like everyone is kinda saying similar things, it just sounds like both of you are being a little childish in a way. So what if it's crowded at night. Compromise. Someone has to go at night and someone goes in the morning. You could alternate your schedules once a month or something do someone gets the sucky schedule for a month. That's just how it is. When you are juggling family life, you can't always just do what you want. He sounds like he's being kinda unreasonable, so, I'd say, give him what he wants for a month. If he doesn't take advantage of it, have another talk.

amandamotley

Someone may have already said this, but is there a space where you can do cardio in your home? Maybe invest in a couple of good DVDs so that whoever isn't going to the gym that morning can still get in some cardio?

MommaKit79

I have been working out in the mornings for since November and been pretty successful (lost 72 pounds!). I do weight training in the morning (go to the gym from 4:30-6), and sometimes go back at night for cardio. We have young children, so I go to the gym before my husband has to go to work. If I go at night, I go after the kids are in bed.

Because I've been so successful, I've been posting motivational things on Facebook and everyone around me has been 'catching' the bug to get fit, including my husband. But my husband wants me to stop going to the gym so that he can go. He doesn't like to go at night b/c the gym is too "busy." I don't like to do my weight training at night for the same reason, so I understand that.

I offered to get up earlier and hit the gym from 3-4:30 but he says an hour and a half is not enough time for him to do what he wants to do in the gym. He has been trying to get back into the gym, and every time hasn't stayed an hour. All last week I asked him if he was going to go the next day. Today I got up early and did the gym, then came home to find him in bed, and he hadn't even set his alarm!

He was getting upset, because for a while I was going twice a day, everyday. Said that was keeping him from getting to go. I stopped going the second time everyday and he never started going b/c he hatted doing weights at night. I don't think it's fair that I'm on a roll with my weight loss and his starting will slow me down. Especially if he isn't going to follow through when I change my plans for him.

How do I make him understand that I want to support his getting fit, but don't want to compromise my successful pace? The week he asked me to stop going twice in a day I was loosing a pound a day. I gave up a pound a day trend so that he could NOT go to the gym.

I'm also thinking a compromise might be to do my cardio in the morning. That has only been a 1/2 hour to 45 min routine and would give him more time in the morning. Then I could do my weights at night. I don't feel like changing my routine if he isn't going to really get up!

Guess I'll have to see what you all say, and discuss with him at least one more time. Thanks!

Losing a pound a day isnt great but, it also depends on your body.

Anyway, my husband doesnt do this but, he does something like it and I too give in. I like to come home from work and get my workout in ASAP. He can go pick up the little one and while I am waiting for him to get home, I can walk or whatever. I whines about me doing that sometimes. I have a Zumba class 2 nights a week and on some nights, he says, "Do you really HAVE to go to Zumba tonight?" or on the nights I walk, he says, "Do you have to walk tonight?" Sometimes, he will try to help me out and say, lets go get the little one and eat and we can walk together on the way home (stop at the park) or we can walk when we get home together with the stroller. WELL, most of the time, that doesnt happen...we take to long and it starts getting dark (not too bad now with later sun but...) Then, I end up not walking and then get upset that we dont.

We both need to talk to our husbands and tell them, LOOK, this is what I am doing for me, if you can fit your "fitness" in around mine, OK, and if not, and your serious, we will compromise and make a schedule. BUT, make sure they realize that if they arent serious, that is fine but, we wont compromise until they are SERIOUS about wanting to do this.

GOOD LUCK to the both of us!!

JennaM222

If you have the spare funds, could you purchase some free weights and do them at home? I know I find the gym alot more motivating though.

I wish you luck!!!!!

secretlobster

Have you considered that maybe this isn't about scheduling, it's about envy and/or control?

SPNLuver83

maybe you guys can alternate days and on your "off" day you can do a video at home.

brendansmom1

Personally, I think going to the gym 2x a day is not necessary....switch off...you go at night and let him go in the morning...you can always do a video in the morning while he is at the gym. Compromise is so important...and this is really a no brainer

Tanny3

Losing a pound a day isn't healthy...

Why don't you just go to the gym at separate times?

not so easy when you have kids and thats what they are trying to do!

VanessaGS

How old are your kids? Doesn't the gym offer people to watch your kids while you are there? That could be an idea. Or maybe switch off. Buy a weight training workout video. Let him go to the gym one morning and then ya'll alternate. You can still get your workout in with a video. And then if you see that he still isn't going then get your gym time back. He needs to not stop pushing you to go when he doesn't even push himself to wake up. But at the same time if he also wants to lose weight then I think you should also motivate him. Ya'll just need to find a way to compromise.

BPayton27

You guys need to compromise, but that being said....your husband is being selfish. You offered to go to the gym from 3a-4:30 and that's not good enough because he needs longer than 1.5 hrs in the gym? Give me a break. He does not need more time than that. If you use your time wisely in the gym, ANY amount of time is helpful.

Maybe you could invest in your own weight set up at home so that you can both do strength training whenever you want. Then you'd only have to workout cardio times at your gym. You could also alternate days or times. One person goes in the am and the other person goes in the pm. If you have to cut out 2-a-days for a while so be it. If he doesn't follow through (he likely won't), I would go right back to my previous schedule.

roachhaley

Losing a pound a day is not necessarily unhealthy if you are doing it the right way. Look at the people on the Biggest Loser. All those huge weekly weight drops are encouraged by and overseen by professional trainers and doctors. On the other hand, if you are doing something off the wall that is not medically accepted, that's another story.

Contestants on the bigger loser are on a very restricted diet and probably burn more than they consume. That isn't healthy.

k2charmed4u

Do the gym offer a cresh? Then you could go together before the kids are in bed. If not can they not go to family or friends for a few hours every other day so he can get his workout in?

cygnetpro

Could you guys invest in a weight system/gym equipment for home? That might solve a lot of the issues.

hosegirl

Your husband in jealous. He is jealous, of your dedication and making the commitment to get healthy. Did he go to the gym before? The only thing keeping him from the gym is himself. He can’t get to the gym because you have the perfect time to go. You have adjusted your schedule and routine so that he could go. But he can’t seem to get the energy to go. Sorry, but that is another excuse for him to blame you why he can’t go. Maybe if you could find someone to watch the kids while you are at the gym. Is there a babysitting service at the gym that you could use? If so, I would look into it for at least a week. See if he takes the opportunity to go if not then I would continue with your time. Because it is your time.

jjblogs

I think you're both being selfish. Just alternate days like people are suggesting. simple. If you want to do more...go for a run on days that it's not your gym time...or slip in a dvd.

DMUND

I agree, a pound a day isn't healthy, so I'm glad you stopped that trend.

Can you guys alternate days? Since you both hate to go in the evenings, but there's only so much morning to go around, perhaps you can alternate. You go in the mornings on MWF, and in the evenings on T/TH. He goes the opposite times. Then you both get to enjoy some mornings in the gym, but nobody's having to get up at 3 in the morning. And if he gets to the point that he's not getting up to go on his mornings, you can re-visit the situation and talk about getting your mornings back since he doesn't want to get up.

I was going to say the same thing!! Compromise and alternate days. Your muscles do need a break sometimes too. Keep up the great work, hang in there and tell your hubby to start appreciating all the hard work you are doing and since you figured out what works for you, he will have to figure out what works for him! Again, did I say compromise and alternate mornings???

KickassAugust

1. Why not with your new fit physique, wrestle him to the ground, get him in a head lock and keep squeezing him untill he submits?

or

2. Sit down together and come up with a compromise that suits you both.

I prefer option 1 as he sounds like he's being a bit of a d**k. Not an easy situation but you need to get him to understand that he can't just push you about like that. You have done fantastically well so why should you give it up just because he decides so?! Good luck, i hope you sort it out. x

Oh oh, squeeze him until he submits.

secretlobster

Your husband in jealous. He is jealous, of your dedication and making the commitment to get healthy. Did he go to the gym before? The only thing keeping him from the gym is himself. He can’t get to the gym because you have the perfect time to go. You have adjusted your schedule and routine so that he could go. But he can’t seem to get the energy to go. Sorry, but that is another excuse for him to blame you why he can’t go. Maybe if you could find someone to watch the kids while you are at the gym. Is there a babysitting service at the gym that you could use? If so, I would look into it for at least a week. See if he takes the opportunity to go if not then I would continue with your time. Because it is your time.

Yeah, this is pretty much it.
He's going to knock down any compromise you come up with. I like the gym childcare idea because it solves all your problems. If he won't go for that, you know for sure he's just out to defeat you, not to work with you.

BmoreGinger

Okay... WOW. Like some previous posts, I am sorry if this sounds mean, but your husband IS being VERY selfish. Your husband is probably unaware of this, but he is inadvertently sabotaging your workout time. It is not your job to hold your husband's hand through his weight loss/healthy journey. He is a grown man! You have been doing very well on your own workout schedules (although I am concerned about that pound a day stat... put on the breaks or you'll be sorry in the long run) and it's not fair for him to make you feel guilty for doing so. Like you said in your post, he says he wants to workout, but has an excuse for why he cannot, or just doesn't do it at all (like not even setting the alarm to get up). He talks to talk, but doesn't walk the walk.


I am not saying not to compromise... but that would require BOTH of you to give a little. You can try to alter your schedule a bit to accommodate him, but I would explain to him (1) how important this it to you and that you still have to focus on your OWN health during workout times, (2) he HAS to follow through with the "new" schedule and (3) if he doesn't, you're going back to your own personal workout schedule.

If he's not willing to compromise, then your husband needs to find his OWN time in HIS schedule to fit in his workouts that doesn't hurt your time. There are 24 hours in a day. If he doesn't want to do weights at night, then there is a WHOLE day he can work with. Also, there is no rule that says you two need to workout together. If anything, my workouts are usually my "me" time. Look, if you can find the time to workout sometimes twice a day (you're a freaking machine) WITH children, he can find an appropriate time to do his workout without sabotaging your schedule.

There will always be a reason not to workout. It's too early. The gym is too crowded. It's raining. It's too cold. My iPod isn't charged. Etc, etc... And it sounds like your husband is kinda using YOU as an excuse for him not working out, which is WRONG. He is accountable for his own actions and exercising.

Sorry for being so winded, but I felt flames come out of my ears when I read this! Good luck with your workouts and I hope you two find a common ground where BOTH OF YOU are happy and healthy.

BmoreGinger

I also agree that there is some SERIOUS jealousy going on.

kdeaux1959

Losing a pound a day isn't healthy...

Why don't you just go to the gym at separate times?

When a person is 30lbs or more overweight,losing a pound a day can be done without major complications. As long as the person is not malnourished and does not have any underlying health issues.

agreed

While I agree that higher than average weight loss is acceptable with those who have extreme weight issues (Morbidly obese)... 30 lbs overweight is not really sufficient for a pound per day loss. In that case, muscle loss would be most likely. Even when I had an extremely unhealthy weight loss several years ago (1200 calories or less and 2 hours per day at a gym) I only lost 20 lbs per month and was at the time about 90 lbs over my midpoint of IBW.. A true loss of a pound per day requires a calorie deficit of 3500 calories per day. Unless somebody is 600 or so pounds, it is not likely that this would be healthy and certainly would not be sustainable.

For the issue at hand, however, Some type of compromise is in order. I agree something other than just wanting to go to the gym is likely at work here. Jealousy? Control? Fear? There are a lot of possible variables that we probably are not privy to. It may be nothing more than husband feeling that the gym is taking his place... None-the-less some type of compromise needs to be established but also, relationally, I think you may need to come to terms with whatever the real issue is. Is it the gym? Is it time together? Is it control? The details of compromise will differ depending upon whatever the underlying cause is. Best wishes on continued weight loss and making it work within the bigger picture of family.

cramernh

This is going to sound crass so please hang in there..

Did you tell your husband to stop being so damn selfish and perhaps learn to COMPROMISE? Come up with something that you BOTH can do that doesnt impede on either one's workout time?

Is there someone that can take the kids so you BOTH can go? I dont know how old they are, but are they old enough to be left alone for about an hour?

Im sorry but hubby sounds like he needs to learn to give and take, the same way you have been giving and taking...

How in the hell is HE being selfish, did you even read the story? She is the one hogging all the damn free time away from the kids..

Here is your solution, find a gym that has a daycare, done.

Thank goodness I know how to read. I do that every day, thank you. The OP is not hogging all of the time, she has shared that she has willingly made a compromise to work WITH her husband so he could go..... however, the parts where the OP has made a compromise to her own routine so her husband can go - the husband hasnt been going - thats the selfish part. That picture tells me he wants her home. If he truly wanted to do the workouts at the gym, he would have gone. Instead he has yanked his wife's chain and stayed home when she could have gone.... yes.... thats selfish. He isnt being truly honest with his wife....

diddyh

I agree with every other day. One week you go Mon,, Wed., Fri., in the AM. He goes (or has the option to go) Tue., Thurs. You go in the evenings on Tues. & Thurs. He goes in the evenings (or has the option to go) on Mon., Wed., Fri. The next week switch. This is a compromise and you both can go to the gym everyday if you choose. You can do something at home on your off mornings/evenings. Sometimes marriages are all about compromises even when you think/know they are being buttheads.

kristenlees122

yeah hubby is being selfish. no fair! you are doing great, btw. keep it up!

mtaylor33557

Could you guys invest in a weight system/gym equipment for home? That might solve a lot of the issues.

This is what I was thinking. You could buy something second hand for relatively inexpensive.. or just get some DVD's and dumbells, bands, etc if there is no room to but large equipment. If you did the latter, you could just trade out, on days you go to the gym, he could work out at home, and vice versa.

sehrler

I don't think trying to figure out the reason hubby is acting like this is possible so I won't address that. I would try the pp's alternate days idea, or get some weights or an elliptical or some form of cardio machine at home. I don't go to the gym, I have an elliptical, recumbent bike, weights/pilates resistance bar, balance ball etc at home and do it on my own. They aren't any more expensive than a gym membership and no hassle about crowds or scheduling!
We have a spare room but I like to work out in the living room, lighter, airy, and nicer tv and stereo, so my fiance doesn't complain that I have all that stuff in the living room right now. When I get to maintenance and don't have to put in an hour a day every day, I will move them back. Hopefully in a month or two!

sarad777

Do you have room in your house for some gym equipment? That's what we do. Put a TV in that room and have fun!

umachanxo

Work out at home. It's what I do and it's just as good as working out at the gym as long as you work as hard.