Husband wants to take over my gym time- advice

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  • Judas_Queen
    Judas_Queen Posts: 251 Member
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    I think the suggestion of alternate mornings is a very very good one! you both get mornings, you can go twice a day if you feel you need to. If you are a stay at home mum, maybe you could get the cardo in by doing other things? like taking the kids for walks etc. Everything counts! The weight will still come off, and you will still be improving your health.

    Have you spoken in an open conversation with H about how you feel about all this? He might understand/realise he is upsetting you.

    But.. alternate days/mornings = very good compromise! You will still get all your workouts in whether he goes or not :)
  • xTenaciousJx
    xTenaciousJx Posts: 555
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    hubby and i don't go to the gym....so maybe one of you can do some cardio and weight at home?? just a suggestion. i do dvd's and i get up early before anyone is awake to do my jogging 3xs a week.... hubby isn't that active yet but when we move we'll both be going for jogs and have an in home gym (we already have weights and a weight bench) we'll be getting a treadmill too. just have to compromise BOTH of your health is important.
  • Elf_Princess1210
    Elf_Princess1210 Posts: 895 Member
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    Why not go together? Plenty of gyms offer daycare for kids.
  • callmeBAM
    callmeBAM Posts: 450 Member
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    How about... buy some workout equipment for the house.

    I bet yall spend a good $500 - $1500 a year on gym membership. Use that money to invest in some stuff for the home, then neither of you can complain.
  • vancil01
    vancil01 Posts: 70 Member
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    This is going to sound crass so please hang in there..

    Did you tell your husband to stop being so damn selfish and perhaps learn to COMPROMISE? Come up with something that you BOTH can do that doesnt impede on either one's workout time?

    Is there someone that can take the kids so you BOTH can go? I dont know how old they are, but are they old enough to be left alone for about an hour?

    Im sorry but hubby sounds like he needs to learn to give and take, the same way you have been giving and taking...

    How in the hell is HE being selfish, did you even read the story? She is the one hogging all the damn free time away from the kids..

    Here is your solution, find a gym that has a daycare, done.
  • PJ64
    PJ64 Posts: 866 Member
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    Can you work out at home? Even if you don't have weights, you can do a bodyweight workout. Then maybe you can trade off and do one week at home and the other at the gym.
  • shesapear
    shesapear Posts: 77 Member
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    I do believe in compromise but one that works for both people, not one at the expense of the other.


    ^^^ This..
  • ndwarren
    ndwarren Posts: 5
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    I have a husband and 3 kids at home. I understand kids can not be left another not even for an hour. So i understand how you feel. You are on a roll and your husband see you are losing weight and would like to join the team. However it dont sound like he is motivated to make the move as he says he do. So, I do agree with some ppl who says you shoudl alternate days. Talk to him and say look i will do Mon, Wed, and Friday mornings Tues and Thursday nights will be my weight nights, that way you are in the gym everyday. Because he is new to working out he dont need as many hours as you do. He has to get his groove up to part. When i first started working out i only worked out 30-45mins now i work out 2 hours. Just talk it thru and things will work out for you and your family. Keep up the good work honey!
  • thebigcb
    thebigcb Posts: 2,210 Member
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    Tell him to f off
  • sullykat
    sullykat Posts: 461 Member
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    Set your alarms for the same time. If he isn't up, he isn't going. It's all yours.
  • glennstoudt
    glennstoudt Posts: 403 Member
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    I have been working out in the mornings for since November and been pretty successful (lost 72 pounds!). I do weight training in the morning (go to the gym from 4:30-6), and sometimes go back at night for cardio. We have young children, so I go to the gym before my husband has to go to work. If I go at night, I go after the kids are in bed.

    Because I've been so successful, I've been posting motivational things on Facebook and everyone around me has been 'catching' the bug to get fit, including my husband. But my husband wants me to stop going to the gym so that he can go. He doesn't like to go at night b/c the gym is too "busy." I don't like to do my weight training at night for the same reason, so I understand that.

    I offered to get up earlier and hit the gym from 3-4:30 but he says an hour and a half is not enough time for him to do what he wants to do in the gym. He has been trying to get back into the gym, and every time hasn't stayed an hour. All last week I asked him if he was going to go the next day. Today I got up early and did the gym, then came home to find him in bed, and he hadn't even set his alarm!

    He was getting upset, because for a while I was going twice a day, everyday. Said that was keeping him from getting to go. I stopped going the second time everyday and he never started going b/c he hatted doing weights at night. I don't think it's fair that I'm on a roll with my weight loss and his starting will slow me down. Especially if he isn't going to follow through when I change my plans for him.

    How do I make him understand that I want to support his getting fit, but don't want to compromise my successful pace? The week he asked me to stop going twice in a day I was loosing a pound a day. I gave up a pound a day trend so that he could NOT go to the gym.

    I'm also thinking a compromise might be to do my cardio in the morning. That has only been a 1/2 hour to 45 min routine and would give him more time in the morning. Then I could do my weights at night. I don't feel like changing my routine if he isn't going to really get up!

    Guess I'll have to see what you all say, and discuss with him at least one more time. Thanks!


    In short, a good problem to have.
    Suggest you separate needs and wants. Your kids need you- you want to go to the gym, you want to go twice a day, you don't need to. Different.
    Compromise is needed.
    I suggest you shorten fand/or reduce your sessions anyway. Burn out is coming.
    Alternate days seems fair. On the other hand, if he doesn't go, fine. One is not dependent on the other. You still go on your new schedule.
    Reading too much into this postulating your spouse's thoughts and motives is a waste of worry.
    It's a scheduling issue, and for you- might consider needs and wants and go from there. Good luck, stay with it.
  • perpetuallyfit
    perpetuallyfit Posts: 153 Member
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    Your husband sounds kind of jealous of the fact that you are so committed to your weight loss journey and are seeing such positive results. He wants to emulate you but just doesn't have the same drive and focus. So he wants to derail you. You have to be firm with him about what you want. He has to support you and you him. There has to be a compromise. Otherwise there would be a lot of resentment from both sides. All the best!:flowerforyou:
  • jboccio90
    jboccio90 Posts: 644 Member
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    I would get up in the morning and see if he gets up. Maybe remind him nicely about the gym and if he doesn't get up it's fair game!
  • lbigham1
    lbigham1 Posts: 132
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    I agree, a pound a day isn't healthy, so I'm glad you stopped that trend.

    Can you guys alternate days? Since you both hate to go in the evenings, but there's only so much morning to go around, perhaps you can alternate. You go in the mornings on MWF, and in the evenings on T/TH. He goes the opposite times. Then you both get to enjoy some mornings in the gym, but nobody's having to get up at 3 in the morning. And if he gets to the point that he's not getting up to go on his mornings, you can re-visit the situation and talk about getting your mornings back since he doesn't want to get up.

    This sounds like a very good idea to me. - I hope you can find something that works for you both.
  • perpetuallyfit
    perpetuallyfit Posts: 153 Member
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    Set your alarms for the same time. If he isn't up, he isn't going. It's all yours.
    Great advice!:laugh:
  • krclaytor
    krclaytor Posts: 16 Member
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    Losing a pound a day is not necessarily unhealthy if you are doing it the right way. Look at the people on the Biggest Loser. All those huge weekly weight drops are encouraged by and overseen by professional trainers and doctors. On the other hand, if you are doing something off the wall that is not medically accepted, that's another story.
  • divalivious
    divalivious Posts: 213 Member
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    Agree with alternating mornings/evening work outs (him does morning and you nite then vice versa the next day). There is also the thing if he doesn't take his evening work out for what ever reason you can bolt out the door and take in the extra work out.

    On the nights where your not hitting the gym find something else to do with the kids. Not sure how old they are but go for an after dinner walk to the park or what ever. That way your getting a little bit of something in at night and teaching the kids too.

    There is also alternating morning work outs and both of you enjoy evening work out sessions together getting some together time. Find a baby sitter/daycare/family member for the kids and away you go.

    Good luck.
  • dorothytd
    dorothytd Posts: 1,138 Member
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    Tough subject, and I went through the same sort of thing with my husband. I ended up doing what a lot of folks have suggested, being the one to compromise. I started doing DVDs for my cardio and aslo have some for the strength work. For the stuff I do outside the house, I try to schedule it for times that don't interfere with his or the kids' schedules. I still get some grumbling about the amount of time I spend working out, but I'm not going to stop. For me it boiled down to two things: FIRST - peace in my house. SECOND - I didn't want to be the "reason" my husband could use for not achieving his own fitness goals. There are lots of mornings he doesn't get up and go. But I don't worry about it any longer because I can do my stuff at home.

    Best of luck to you and prayers for a peaceful household.
  • Diana35bha
    Diana35bha Posts: 292 Member
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    sounds like he's jealous of your success! He's not making much effort to use the time you're freeing up for him!!!
  • LenaMena87
    LenaMena87 Posts: 469 Member
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    Going off of supposition with little knowledge of your home life... it sounds like he is jealous of your weight loss...

    THIS ^^^:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Put your foot down...sounds like he may be trying to bring you down or maybe insecure that you are beginning to look all sexy and maybe thinking you are going to see someone....IDK you never know about some men these days!

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