dating event bans fat people

bm99

I'm not offended by it, but I think it's stupid! Try and tell me that just because you're skinny, you're attractive! WRONG! There are tons of skinny people that are ugly, so good luck with that one! HAHAHA It's called getting to know someone! You could talk to someone that you might not find attractive at the first glance and once you get to know them they are attractive to you! Not everyone can date Brad Pitt! LOL :smooched:

I would not date a man who is severely overweight. Make excuses and be PC all you want, but if you are severely overweight (I am) that clearly shows a level of disrespect for yourself and your body, and that WILL overflow into other areas of your life. Unless, of course, you're the 1 in a million with a medical issue, but even then being severely fat is not excused.

People who look healthy are always going to be considered more attractive. It's evolution. Fat is not healthy.

amymeenieminymo

heck yeah I'd be offended.
1)it is very rude.
2)it is discrimination, look it up, the full legal definition!
3)sometimes, obesity is NOT a personal option. there are many people who are over weight because of a medical issue:Prader-Willi syndrome, Cushing's syndrome, polycystic ovary syndrome, and other diseases and conditions. that is not a life style choice.

Well discrimination isn't always wrong or illegal. Otherwise every women's group, boy scouts, girl scouts, etc. should all disband.

And do you think the reason somebody is obese has much bearing on how dateable they are going to be to others? I don't think when someone meets a potential date they are thinking, oh she eats too much or oh she has PCOS so its ok...

Excellent point, when talking pure physical attraction (NOT personality) if one is not attracted to bigger people, it is not going to make a difference WHY a person is overweight. An obese person that is overweight becuase they have PCOS or some other medical condition is not suddenly going to be attractive to someone who doesn't like bigger people, vs an obese person that is overweight because they eat too much.

EmCarroll1990

This is just stupid. No it's NOT offence. People/ Groups can choose to limit who goes to their events. Do you invite people you don't like to your house parties? Obviously not.

Stop taking things so personally, realize the world is not a nice place and no one is going to go around telling you you're perfect, and amazing and brilliant . It's reality. Get over it.

bm99

This is just stupid. No it's NOT offence. People/ Groups can choose to limit who goes to their events. Do you invite people you don't like to your house parties? Obviously not.

Stop taking things so personally, realize the world is not a nice place and no one is going to go around telling you you're perfect, and amazing and brilliant . It's reality. Get over it.

I am amazing and brilliant. My mom said so!

Now love me just for existing, please

grimm1974

I don't think it's offensive.

Being overweight is a choice.

I don't respect people aren't taking care of their bodies, this includes by doing drugs or staying overweight or anything that is destructive, and I certainly wouldn't want to date someone who is.

Being overweight is a choice? Give me a break. There are those that have medical reasons as to why they are overweight.

Being overweight is a choice to a point. Most people just have never really been taught how to avoid being overweight . In my circumstance, I was completely ignorant on how to control my weight. I took health in high school and college. I never learned anything that really taught me a healthy lifestyle. I graduated 2nd in my class and have a pretty high iq, so it wasn't due to my inability to grasp what they taught. I simply was not taught the basics for living healthy.

There is a lot of ignorance surrounding the obesity problem in this country. I see a lot of it on these forums. People seem to think that if you are obese it is because you are lazy, eat constantly, and don't care about yourself. Maybe some are, but I see far more people that are just lost and have no idea how to get back. I would suggest that people should not just make blanket judgements based on physical appearance. I tend to believe people are inherently deserving of respect until they prove otherwise.

HauteP1nk

What do they consider fat? What is the criteria? Are they going to get people to step on the scale at the door? Or are they going to just look at you at the door and say 'too fat'....?

This is just one example of the reasons why a lot of women have body issues...

Each of us has a different idea of what is considered overweight or too fat. But when it is pointed out people feel humiliated and disrespected.

They should just let anyone at the event decide who or what they are attracted to...it is a personal choice.

secretlobster

It's very offensive, how could it not be? It's rude and tacky.

What about BBW events that ONLY allow large women (and men who like them)?. I can't go to those..but I certainly don't find it "rude and tacky" that I am excluded. A guy who prefers a large woman wouldn't be attracted to me. So what? There are plenty of men out there who are just fine with how I look.

I asked that question on the last page, and someone's response was that it's somehow magically different because BBW is a "fetish".

Welp, everyone can go home, mystery solved.

grimm1974

On the original topic of the post, I personally do not care. I however do find it curious how excluding one group of people can be acceptable but choosing another can be viewed as discriminatory. For instance, is it any different from the recent discussion of excluding women from Augusta?

secretlobster

"Is it offensive?" is a subjective question. You can choose to be offended by something or not. There are always going to be people who are offended by a subject that YOU find absolutely tame.

I don't have a problem with skinny dating events just like I don't have a problem with dating events for people over 50. Or women-only book clubs. I'm sorry you feel excluded, but there are always going to be events you are excluded from whether you think it's "rude" or "tacky". You can't fit into every group that has ever existed.

secretlobster

I would much prefer to date a heavy but intelligent man than an idiot. Being stupid is a choice. I don't respect people who aren't taking care of their minds. This includes those who are uneducated, think their opinion is fact for all, cannot form a proper sentence, or any other obvious lack of intellect. I certainly wouldn't want to date someone who cannot hold an intelligent conversation.

Okay, then maybe you can find your dates at an event that excludes people who can't hold an intelligent conversation.

LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo

I don't think it's offensive.

Being overweight is a choice.

I don't respect people aren't taking care of their bodies, this includes by doing drugs or staying overweight or anything that is destructive, and I certainly wouldn't want to date someone who is.

Being overweight is a choice? Give me a break. There are those that have medical reasons as to why they are overweight.

Can you tell me of a medical condition that would make anyone 100+ lbs. overweight even on a calorie deficit & exercising? Those medical conditions can only make a person burn fewer calories than those who don't have it BUT c'mon that alone won't make somebody suddenly 100+ lbs. overweight. Having those medical conditions isn't an excuse as to why you're overweight, it only means that the one who has it needs to exert a little more effort to burn off similar amount of calories & to create a similar deficit as to those who have normal conditions. Yes it may take a bit longer than usual to lose weight but it CAN still be done.

I was diagnosed with PCOS last 2009 & in fact it took me three long years just to lose those 50 lbs. If we do the typical 3,500 calories/week = 1 pound lost, that is supposed to take only one year given that we have 52 weeks in a year. Now given that condition, I would have just dreamed of being slim but NO, I still did all my best to get here where I am now.

saxmaniac

What do they consider fat? What is the criteria? Are they going to get people to step on the scale at the door? Or are they going to just look at you at the door and say 'too fat'....? This is just one example of the reasons why a lot of women have body issues...
Each of us has a different idea of what is considered overweight or too fat. But when it is pointed out people feel humiliated and disrespected.

So what about http://www.datetallmen.com/ ?

Does the existence of this site make me feel humiliated, disrespected and gives me body issues, because I'm 5'10"? Does it objectify men? Is it unfair and man-hating because they accept short women, but not short men? A sign of the oppressive matriarchy?!

No, because I have self-worth, and realize I'm not all things to all people.

TXBelle1174

I don't think it's offensive.

Being overweight is a choice.

I don't respect people aren't taking care of their bodies, this includes by doing drugs or staying overweight or anything that is destructive, and I certainly wouldn't want to date someone who is.

Really? It's a choice? Yeah, I dont think so. Not for everyone.

Bahet

I would much prefer to date a heavy but intelligent man than an idiot. Being stupid is a choice. I don't respect people who aren't taking care of their minds. This includes those who are uneducated, think their opinion is fact for all, cannot form a proper sentence, or any other obvious lack of intellect. I certainly wouldn't want to date someone who cannot hold an intelligent conversation.

Okay, then maybe you can find your dates at an event that excludes people who can't hold an intelligent conversation.

I don't have to. I've been married for 19 years to a wonderful, amazing, attractive, intelligent man. He's put on quite a bit of weight during that time. Fortunately, I'm not a superficial @sshole who only wants to be with what's on the outside. I'm intelligent enough to know that what's on the inside matters even more. So those ugly, stupid people who have some warped superiority complex because they are thin can go enjoy their idiocracy.

thankyou4thevenom

Who is to judge who is fat? Am I considered fat?

Especially since Jessica Ennis is apparently fat.

HEPTATHLETE Jessica Ennis, who has become the poster girl of the London 2012 Olympics, has been branded "fat" by UK Athletics chiefs according to her coach Tony Minichello, who has accused the sport's top brass of craeting distractions for his athlete in the run up to the games.

Read more: http://www.theweek.co.uk/olympics/london-2012/47108/athletics-chief-thinks-jessica-ennis-fat-claims-coach#ixzz1vtL5LyBV

Blacklance36

Who is to judge who is fat? Am I considered fat?

Not anymore !!

ScarletFyre

I agree that people are not wrong or jerks etc for having preferences on body type, but who sets the precident for an event? that doesn't sound like a guy saying to his buddy, "she's cute but i like slimmer girls"...this sounds like they are assuming that EVERYONE at the event prefer only "slim" women...and i also agree with the person who askes how is "fat" judged.

I feel like whoever made that judgement about the event has, in eccense, spoken for everyone who may or may not attend.

secretlobster

I don't have to. I've been married for 19 years to a wonderful, amazing, attractive, intelligent man. He's put on quite a bit of weight during that time. Fortunately, I'm not a superficial @sshole who only wants to be with what's on the outside. I'm intelligent enough to know that what's on the inside matters even more. So those ugly, stupid people who have some warped superiority complex because they are thin can go enjoy their idiocracy.

For someone who values intelligent conversation, you are not quite getting the point of the argument. Congratulations on already having a person who meets your expectations in a partner. Other people have different ideas about who they are attracted to. Being thin, and placing a high value on health, does not make someone an "idiot" or "stupid", and that "warped superiority complex" you're talking about seems to be pervading YOUR posts, Bahet.

TXBelle1174

I don't think it's offensive.

Being overweight is a choice.

I don't respect people aren't taking care of their bodies, this includes by doing drugs or staying overweight or anything that is destructive, and I certainly wouldn't want to date someone who is.

Being overweight is a choice? Give me a break. There are those that have medical reasons as to why they are overweight.

Can you tell me of a medical condition that would make anyone 100+ lbs. overweight even on a calorie deficit & exercising? Those medical conditions can only make a person burn fewer calories than those who don't have it BUT c'mon that alone won't make somebody suddenly 100+ lbs. overweight. Having those medical conditions isn't an excuse as to why you're overweight, it only means that the one who has it needs to exert a little more effort to burn off similar amount of calories & to create a similar deficit as to those who have normal conditions. Yes it may take a bit longer than usual to lose weight but it CAN still be done.

I was diagnosed with PCOS last 2009 & in fact it took me three long years just to lose those 50 lbs. If we do the typical 3,500 calories/week = 1 pound lost, that is supposed to take only one year given that we have 52 weeks in a year. Now given that condition, I would have just dreamed of being slim but NO, I still did all my best to get here where I am now.

I have PCOS, IR and Hypothyroidism topped off my a metabolic disorder - I was on a 1500 calorie diet, I exercised, drank tons of water, etc and I gaind 45lbs in one year. This was on top of the 30lbs that I had gained while just watching portion sizes and exercising a little bit. Was I on the wrong diet? Yes, absolutely. Did I do everything within my means to try to lose the weight? I thought I did. I am losing weight NOW on a different diet but I certainly didnt choose to gain that weight. I was careful about EVERYTHING that I ate and yet, every week, the scale went up.
Do some people "choose" to be overweight? Sure, of course they do but to say that all people are fat because they choose to be fat is ridiculous and stereotypical. Surely you cant speak for every fat person in the world with a medical condition.

Bahet

I don't have to. I've been married for 19 years to a wonderful, amazing, attractive, intelligent man. He's put on quite a bit of weight during that time. Fortunately, I'm not a superficial @sshole who only wants to be with what's on the outside. I'm intelligent enough to know that what's on the inside matters even more. So those ugly, stupid people who have some warped superiority complex because they are thin can go enjoy their idiocracy.

For someone who values intelligent conversation, you are not quite getting the point of the argument. Congratulations on already having a person who meets your expectations in a partner. Other people have different ideas about who they are attracted to. Being thin, and placing a high value on health, does not make someone an "idiot" or "stupid", and that "warped superiority complex" you're talking about seems to be pervading YOUR posts, Bahet.

So you think someone basing their entire dating life off what someone weighs isn't stupid?? Yea... Thin =/= healthy.

EmCarroll1990

I would much prefer to date a heavy but intelligent man than an idiot. Being stupid is a choice. I don't respect people who aren't taking care of their minds. This includes those who are uneducated, think their opinion is fact for all, cannot form a proper sentence, or any other obvious lack of intellect. I certainly wouldn't want to date someone who cannot hold an intelligent conversation.

Okay, then maybe you can find your dates at an event that excludes people who can't hold an intelligent conversation.

I don't have to. I've been married for 19 years to a wonderful, amazing, attractive, intelligent man. He's put on quite a bit of weight during that time. Fortunately, I'm not a superficial @sshole who only wants to be with what's on the outside. I'm intelligent enough to know that what's on the inside matters even more. So those ugly, stupid people who have some warped superiority complex because they are thin can go enjoy their idiocracy.

Someone's been drinking the haterade.

Just because people are attracted to certain types doesn't make them "stupid people who have some warped superiority complex."

amymeenieminymo

I would much prefer to date a heavy but intelligent man than an idiot. Being stupid is a choice. I don't respect people who aren't taking care of their minds. This includes those who are uneducated, think their opinion is fact for all, cannot form a proper sentence, or any other obvious lack of intellect. I certainly wouldn't want to date someone who cannot hold an intelligent conversation.

Okay, then maybe you can find your dates at an event that excludes people who can't hold an intelligent conversation.

I don't have to. I've been married for 19 years to a wonderful, amazing, attractive, intelligent man. He's put on quite a bit of weight during that time. Fortunately, I'm not a superficial @sshole who only wants to be with what's on the outside. I'm intelligent enough to know that what's on the inside matters even more. So those ugly, stupid people who have some warped superiority complex because they are thin can go enjoy their idiocracy.

So what type of man(physically) is your husband? What are you attracted to? Why do you think it is fair to call someone a superficial @sshole because they are not attracted to a certain body size? Surely your husband does not look like every single man on earth....so surely there must be physical attributes that you DON'T find attractive....body hair, facial hair, blonde guys, tall guys etc? Why does having a personal preference make someone an @sshole?

kristina509

I don't think it's offensive.

Being overweight is a choice.

I don't respect people aren't taking care of their bodies, this includes by doing drugs or staying overweight or anything that is destructive, and I certainly wouldn't want to date someone who is.

So you automatically look at people and BOOM..."you're fat/you smoke/etc etc so I have no respect for you and I won't even give you the time of day"...without even talking to them first? Wow....and I won't even get into the fact that being overweight is not always a choice. That's like looking at an overweight person and assuming that they sit at home stuffing their face with big macs and twinkies.

It IS offensive to some, not to others. And that is how it's always going to be. Everyone has their own personal preference on what is attractive to them, there is no standard for "attractive". I agree that attraction is important in a relationship, but it shouldn't be entirely based on that fact. I know some really beautiful people who are complete idiots. I have also come across lots of people who wouldn't give me the time of day to even say hello and I'm sure it's because of my size...but you know what? Their loss. You can lose out on knowing an incredibly awesome person just because you judge their weight or color of their skin.

amymeenieminymo

What do they consider fat? What is the criteria? Are they going to get people to step on the scale at the door? Or are they going to just look at you at the door and say 'too fat'....?

This is just one example of the reasons why a lot of women have body issues...

Each of us has a different idea of what is considered overweight or too fat. But when it is pointed out people feel humiliated and disrespected.

They should just let anyone at the event decide who or what they are attracted to...it is a personal choice.

Really? So if you were 20 years old and looking to meet someone also in their early 20s, you wouldn't mind going to an event where they let people of ALL ages in. Once there you discovered you are wasting your time and money because 90% of the people are in their late 40s. Wouldn't you prefer to go to an event where the majority of the people there are going to be in the same age range in which you feel comfortable dating?

That's not saying people in their 40s or older are bad people, they're just not the people you think you would have anything in common with. Restricting ONE (yes one, this article isn't saying ALL dating events all over the world are excluding fat people) dating event to slimmer people just makes it easier for people who want to date a slimmer person to find someone.

secretlobster

So you think someone basing their entire dating life off what someone weighs isn't stupid?? Yea... Thin =/= healthy.

I'm not the one making sweeping statements here. You are.
"Stupid" or "Smart" has nothing to do with what people find attractive. If someone is more attracted to a thin or athletic body than someone who is carrying extra pounds, that's their business and no one else's. I'm not about to call someone "stupid" for excluding body types they don't find attractive from their personal dating pool. Would I personally go to a skinny-only dating event? Hell no. But I'm not going to judge other people by what they find attractive. You are throwing around the words "stupid" and "idiot" but instead of making a reasonable argument, you're just showing off how angry and defensive you are.

melbaby925

Especially since Jessica Ennis is apparently fat.

I wanna be this fat!

Bahet

Someone's been drinking the haterade.

Just because people are attracted to certain types doesn't make them "stupid people who have some warped superiority complex."

:laugh: Not even a little bit honey. See, the difference is that while I may or may not think someone is physically attractive immediately upon seeing them, I never shunned someone just because they were a little bit heavy or a bit shorter than I prefer or didn't make enough money or any other superficial thing. If you are so superficial that you won't even consider having a 2 minute conversation with someone who weighs 20 lbs more than your "ideal" then yes, you are a stupid person with a warped superiority complex.

So what type of man(physically) is your husband? What are you attracted to? Why do you think it is fair to call someone a superficial @sshole because they are not attracted to a certain body size? Surely your husband does not look like every single man on earth....so surely there must be physical attributes that you DON'T find attractive....body hair, facial hair, blonde guys, tall guys etc? Why does having a personal preference make someone an @sshole?

Physically my husband is quite a bit different at almost 49 than he was at 25 when we met. When we met I was 19. I didn't find 48 yo men attractive. I didn't find men with grey hair attractive. I didn't find overweight men attractive. I didn't like hairy chests. I didn't like the idea of dating someone considerably taller than me. I wanted someone with a good career and a college education. I met my DH at a party in college. He was 6'4 (I'm 5'6"), was going to school very part time while working a blue collar job, was a bit larger than I was usually attracted to, and had a hairy chest. But I didn't try to get him banished from the party. I didn't refuse to talk to him. Obviously. We chatted and I discovered he was very intelligent. He had a laugh that was infectious. He had the most beautiful smile that just lit up his entire face. It didn't take much time at all before I realized I actually like his hairy chest, like a big tall guy, and preferred a bit of meat on his bones to being able to see his ribs sticking out. Because I wasn't superficial I was not only able to see past his "flaws" but those flaws actually became preferences.

I'm not saying someone is a superficial @sshole if they have a body size preference. I never said that. I'm saying if that person automatically dismisses anyone who doesn't fit into their ideal then yes, they are superficial. If they go on to just assume that no one could possible be attracted to someone who isn't within that ideal then, yes, they are a superficial @sshole.

That speed dating company was doing "label checks" on the women. No size 10 or higher was allowed in. Size 10. Seriously. That means not a single one of these women would have been allowed in, most aren't even close to being a size 10. I triple dog dare anyone to tell Chyna that she is fat and unhealthy. http://www.bbsize.com/50-plus-size-celebrities/

Natx83

Really? So if you were 20 years old and looking to meet someone also in their early 20s, you wouldn't mind going to an event where they let people of ALL ages in. Once there you discovered you are wasting your time and money because 90% of the people are in their late 40s. Wouldn't you prefer to go to an event where the majority of the people there are going to be in the same age range in which you feel comfortable dating?

This.

Makes sense to me. Very rational answer.

People need to think rationally more often than emotionally. It's not offensive, I'm sure there are dating sites and groups for people who are large/fat. You could get that there isn't an bunch of anorexic peeps banging on the window about discrimination toward their group or body type either.

Bahet

Especially since Jessica Ennis is apparently fat.

I wanna be this fat!

Yup, they would have turned her away at the door of that event too. Can't you see how fat and unhealthy she looks? Yea, me neither.

EmCarroll1990

Someone's been drinking the haterade.

Just because people are attracted to certain types doesn't make them "stupid people who have some warped superiority complex."

Not even a little bit honey. See, the difference is that while I may or may not think someone is physically attractive immediately upon seeing them, I never shunned someone just because they were a little bit heavy or a bit shorter than I prefer or didn't make enough money or any other superficial thing. If you are so superficial that you won't even consider having a 2 minute conversation with someone who weighs 20 lbs more than your "ideal" then yes, you are a stupid person with a warped superiority complex.

It's not about "shunning" someone. Let's say, for argument's sake, you're attracted to big muscular, body-builder types. Are you going to go up to someone that is overweight? No, you're not. It's not about being superficial. Looks, as much as people deny it, are very important - at least with first impressions. Had I not been attracted to my fiancé, I would never have spoken to him. It's simple as that.